Holiday Terminal, page 13
In spite of the way I feel right now, a little laugh bubbles up. “Yeah, I'm a dad. It's crazy.”
Beyond crazy.
Today has been, without a doubt, the most emotionally exhausting day of my life.
But there’s one amazing thing that has come from all the pain and turmoil.
“He's amazing, Athena. I can't wait for you to meet him.”
Whenever that is.
And therein lies the problem. I have no idea when I’ll see Max again or under what circumstances. With the contentious way things just went down with Penelope, for the first time today, I’m starting to question whether she’ll try to keep him from me.
Athena yawns. It’s barely dawn, and I woke her up after a late night of drinking to deal with the pretentious lot at the party. “He’s part of you. I’m sure he’s amazing. But did you call just to tell me about Max? Couldn’t that have waited until…I don’t know…the sun comes up?”
“Shit. I’m sorry, Athena. But…his mom,” I rub the back of my neck, “I just can't seem to say the right things, do the right things where she's concerned. And it’s affecting what’s going to happen with Max.”
Maybe she wasn't wrong to keep him hidden from me. I damn sure don't seem to know what to do to fix any of this. Despite my best intentions, I'm failing them in an epic way.
I’ve let this situation bring out the worst in me. After the argument we just had, I actually considered Archimedes’ suggestion to strip Penelope of custody. I actually considered trying to dig up dirt on her.
As if there is any.
Penelope is a wonderful person. She doesn’t deserve any of this, no matter how badly she wounded me by keeping Max a secret.
“Athena,” I stare out at the white, glittery wonderland outside. A few stray flakes continue to fall, but the brunt of the storm has dissipated, creating a sparkling landscape that would be damn stunning if I were in any mindset to appreciate it. “I didn't mean for her to think for one moment I would take Max away. I would never do that. I could never do that to her.”
To him.
“I know, Art. You don't have that in you. It's not me you need to convince of that fact. At some point, you're going to have to talk to her. You have to make her understand where you're coming from. You left things up in the air the last time you saw this woman, and look at how that turned out—with a kid you never knew existed.”
A tractor pulls out onto the tarmac and starts pushing through the snow, creating massive piles along the side of the runway. I have to fix this. We’ll be able to leave soon. Pen and Max and I will fly off in different directions, and I can't leave things the way they are.
“You're right. I know you're right. I'm just not sure she'll even speak to me now.”
I glance over to where Penelope sits, talking on her phone. Even with her head dropped down, the stress on her face, the worry, and fear there might as well be stamped out in words. I can't blame her for going all “Momma bear” on me. Max has been her world for five years. This is a lot for her to deal with in one day. A lot for anyone to deal with.
“Shit. How do I fix this mess?”
“You tell her the truth, Artie. You keep telling her the truth until she listens. Even as a kid, I could see how much you loved her, how much she meant to you. And I assume some of those feelings are still there.”
All of those feelings are still there, and then some. I will never love anyone the way I love Penelope Barnes. Period.
“Thanks, sis. When did you become the most logical of the Warrens?”
Her laugh shoots through the line, and I can't help but smile. Though she may march to her own beat, Athena will always be the most levelheaded of us. It’s probably why she’s such a black sheep. Mom and Dad don’t want anyone analyzing anything with logic. They like the kind of sheep who blindly follow to the slaughter.
“Someone has to be. All the rest of you are a big fucking mess.”
No shit.
“Thank you for listening, Athena. And thanks for the advice.”
“Anytime, Art. Now, go fix things with your baby momma. I love you.”
The line goes dead. I return my phone to my pocket.
How can I implement what Athena said? How can I get Pen to listen to me when every time we try to speak, things get twisted and misunderstood?
I need to formulate a plan. Then, I can talk to Penelope. But it looks like I won't have time to do that. Penelope is heading straight toward me.
Shit.
Her long, toned legs bring her closer, and despite our current predicament, I can't help but recall how fantastic it was to have them wrapped around me back in that hallway.
Before everything turned to shit.
I shake the vision from my mind. I need to stop thinking about that, or I won’t have a clear head while having this conversation. As enjoyable as reliving every moment of being with her is, this isn’t the time or the place.
She straightens her shoulders and sucks in a deep breath. “Artie, can I talk to you?” One of her hands shoots up to stop me from responding. “Talk. Not argue. Just talk?”
That would be a refreshing change.
And a much-needed one.
“Of course, Penelope.” I motion toward her with my hand, signaling her to start the conversation we so desperately need to have.
She obviously has something she needs to say.
I do, too, but after what happened last time we spoke, I think it’s best if I keep my mouth shut long enough to hear her out first.
She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes like she’s trying to center herself and find some elusive calm. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry for going off on you like I did. Fear was overriding my senses. You have every right to explore every avenue where your son is concerned. “
Wait…what?
She's sorry?
It’s the last thing I thought she’d say.
I clear my throat, nerves choking my words. Fear steals my ability to speak. If I say the wrong thing, it could send us back down that angry, shitty path we traveled earlier. “I never meant for you to think I would take Max away from you. I wouldn't do that. I could never do that to you or to him. I will always do what's best for him…” This part is going to sting because I never thought I’d say these words. “And if that means leaving New York and moving to be near you and Max, that's what I'll do. I don't want to disrupt his life. I just want to be a part of it.”
Her eyes widen, and then, she closes them again and shakes her head before reopening them. “I'd like to say I believe you, but I'm sorry. I can't. Too much of our history proves to me that's not true. You can’t leave your family. Your life. You won’t.”
That hurt.
She doesn’t think me capable of taking a selfless action like that. Everything that’s gone down has blinded her to who I really am—still just that boy she fell in love with on that beach.
“Penelope, what if I told you I was on my way to New York City, to the family holiday party, where I intended to announce I was leaving Warren Enterprises?”
Her mouth falls open, but no sound comes out. It’s exactly the reaction I had expected at the party.
“Those were my plans yesterday, before this storm brought me to you and to Max. I wanted to make the announcement somewhere public. Somewhere Father and Grandfather couldn’t cause a scene. I’ve wanted out for a while, but now, I have even more incentive to leave. I will walk away, Penelope. I will. This,” I motion between us, “gives me even more reason to do so.”
I can't work for Father anymore. I can’t keep destroying lives just to bulk up the family coffers. It felt shitty and wrong before. Even more so now that I have a son I need to set an example for. Father and Grandfather have let greed—for money and power—cloud their judgment and direct their actions for far too long. I will be better than them.
It may have taken me a long time to break free from the Warren chains, but I’m doing it.
I take the few steps separating us and pull her arms in my hands. “I love you, Pen. I have always loved you. For me, you're it. And I already love Max. You’ve done such an amazing job with him, and I will do anything, anything to keep you in my life. Because Penelope, you and Max are my family.”
Her green eyes shimmer before a tear trickles down her cheek. A war rages inside her—between believing what I just said and returning to her mistrust. “Seeing is believing, Artemis. And I haven’t seen anything that suggests you’re any different than your family. I’m sorry, but I just can't believe that. Your promises may be enough for Max, and of course, he would love if you moved to Nashville to be close to him, but they aren't for me. I can't give you my heart again. I'm sorry. I just can't.”
And there it is.
No matter what I say or what I do, it seems I will never be able to reconcile my past and my present as far as Penelope is concerned.
She’s been hurt too badly, by me, by misunderstandings, by life. The uncertainty she carries just can’t be overcome, and that breaks my heart all over again.
Chapter 18
ARTEMIS
A massive plow moves past the row of windows. The runway is almost clear.
Finally, I can get out of this little slice of Hell on Earth. I don't think my heart can bear much more.
This has been the furthest thing from a Merry Christmas, besides learning about the existence of my son. It's been a twenty-four-hour rollercoaster. I'm beaten and battered from the emotional turmoil.
Nothing I say can convince Penelope of the truth. All she sees is a Warren. That’s all she will ever see.
I don't want to give up. I did that once, and look where it got us. But the last several hours have put me through the wringer, and I’m just fucking tired. Tired of arguing, tired of trying to convince her of my feelings for her, just plain tired of my feelings, because no matter what I do, I still love Penelope Barnes.
Probably always will.
Knowing things will just never work out between us is the ultimate blow to my heart. She doesn't trust me. She doesn't trust my family or their motives. And the worst part is, I can't blame her.
She spent years protecting herself and Max from being hurt, and in less than twenty-four hours, I've practically destroyed her.
Unintentionally, but it’s true just the same.
Why do things have to end this way?
I'm not a bad man. In fact, I'm a good enough man to see that my actions are causing the woman I love harm, and I'm man enough to recognize I need to walk away.
No matter how much it hurts. No matter how much everything in my being is screaming at me to fight, I just can't let my love for Penelope destroy her anymore. So, I’ll let her go. However, I will not walk away from my son.
I want to get to know Max. I want to be his dad. And for that, I will fight if I need to. But I'm hoping some time and space might give Penelope the room she needs to breathe and see things in a different light.
This back and forth isn't good for her or Max.
They are my priority now. I need to think about their well-being. And if walking away from the one woman I have ever loved, even if it breaks my heart, makes things even a little bit better, then that's what I'll do.
I turn back toward the terminal. Penelope and Jolynn help Max get all his little toys back into his bag.
Seeing that origami heart clutched in his tiny little hand breaks something inside me. I slap at the tears before they can fall. It’s time to resign myself to the fact that Max’s mother and father just can't be together, no matter how much I may want that.
After one last look at the family that could have been, I grab my things and approach Max to tell him goodbye. It won’t be for long, though. Very soon, we’re going to have a conversation about who I am, and a court will make a custody order. I won’t play dirty, but I will ensure I get to see Max as much as possible.
“We're going to Grandpa’s now?” Max's excited tone as he talks to Pen eases just a little bit of the pain I’m feeling.
He’ll get to have a Christmas after all. Even if I can't be a part of it.
This year…
Because I damn sure don't intend to miss any other important days of Max's life.
Penelope’s back is to me.
“I just wanted to say goodbye to Max.”
Her body stiffens at the sound of my voice, and she turns to face me. I have to fight the urge to grab her, hug her, and shake some sense into her. Beg her to please, please just listen to what I have to say for once.
But I won’t do that.
My heart just can't take much more rejection from Penelope Barnes.
“Go ahead, Artie.” She motions between Max and me.
His sparkling blue eyes and adorable little smile bring one to my lips even though I feel like I’m shattering into a million pieces.
He has no idea his little life is about to change, hopefully for the better. He also has no idea his parents are brokenhearted.
I squat down in front of him so I'm on his level. “Hey, buddy. I'm really glad I got to meet you. And I have a feeling, I'll be seeing you again real soon. Okay?”
His little hand comes out to shake mine. “Okay, Mister Artie. I can't wait. You can come to my house. I have more games we can play.”
My soul wrenches a little more. I have to walk off and leave the most important people in this world to me standing here, with no definitive plans of when I see them again.
“I'd love to, buddy. That sounds great.”
Max's arms wrap around my neck, and he squeezes. I hug him back.
Shit. I never want to let him go again.
A sniffle draws my attention up. Penelope swipes a stray tear from her eye.
“You take good care of your mom for me, Max, okay?”
“I will, Mister Artie.”
I pull back from Max and hold him at arm’s length, taking one more look before I have to leave him. “I'll see you soon, buddy.”
“Bye-bye, Mister Artie.”
Jolynn takes Max's hand and walks him a few feet away to give Penelope and me a final moment together.
I won’t leave without saying this. “I know you won't believe me, Pen, but I was going to that party so I could announce publicly, in front of my family, their fake friends, and their business associates that I was leaving the family business.”
“It doesn't really matter now, does it? It didn't happen.”
She doesn’t believe me.
Why would she?
“Here.” She slips a piece of paper into my hand. “It's all my contact information. Call me. We can work out something, some way for you to spend time with Max, that we both can agree on. Take care, Artie.”
So cold. So formal. No opening to make things right.
I nod my agreement and wave to Jolynn. “Take care, ladies. Bye, Max.”
It's the hardest thing I've ever done, walking away and leaving them…
Again.
I don't look back.
I can't.
If I do, I'll only fall at Penelope's feet and beg her to let me love her. I've pretty much done that, and it got me nowhere.
I push open the terminal doors. A blast of cold air shocks my system. It’s welcome. I need something to keep me from turning back. But it can’t keep me from taking one last look at Max and Penelope.
PENELOPE
Tears slip down my cheeks as the man I love walks away from me again.
God. I want so badly to believe him.
If he really had planned to fly to New York and leave Warren Enterprises, break away from the hold the Warrens have on him and be his own man, it would change everything.
But I just can't let myself believe that. He said it before, made similar promises, and look where we wound up. In less than twenty-four hours, Artemis has managed to break my heart all over again.
At least this time, something good will come of the pain. We've managed to make things better for Max. Having his father in his life will change everything for him.
Artemis reaches the door, and he looks back at Max and me before he walks out into the snow and out of my heart again. Forever, this time.
I slump down into the nearest chair and drop my head into my hands—my body too weak, too beaten down by all the emotions, for me to trust my ability to stand on my own two feet anymore.
“Honey, what the hell are you doing?”
Mom’s question makes me drag my face from my hands. “Um, trying not to cry.”
She stands in front of me, hands on her hips, and a scowl turning her lips down. “That's not what I'm talking about. Why are you letting the only man you've ever loved walk away? You've been down this road before, Penelope. You know what a life without Artemis in it looks like. Do you love him? Really? Do you really love him?”
Mom's tone catches me off guard. There’s anger there mixed with the concern.
Why is she mad?
“Of course, I love him. I have been in love with him since the first moment I saw him. I just can't trust him. I can't trust his intentions. He makes promises he doesn’t intend to keep.”
“He has good tensions, Momma.”
I jerk at Max’s voice and look to where he’s standing. I hadn’t even realized he came over. I never meant to word vomit with him standing there. I just have no control over myself these last twenty-four hours, it seems. Seeing Artemis has turned everything upside down.
“What's that, baby?” I reach a hand toward Max.
He climbs up onto my lap. “Mister Artie said he only wants you to have more happiness than you can stand.”
“Oh, how sweet.” Mom smiles and swipes away an errant tear. “I've never cried more at an airport in my life.”
Me, either.
And what Max just said has thrown me. “What do you mean, Max? He told you that?”
“I asked him, Momma. I asked him what his tensions are. Mister Artie says his tensions are good. Real good.”
His intentions are good?
