NEFARIOUS: B723 SERIES BOOK THREE, page 52
I miss Mills when I don’t want to, but he never promised me he would never not touch my family. Maybe he believed that since he was the blood donor for Dad, it’d give him a free pass.
Maybe he was innocent in all of this, and I overreacted with the news of B723’s involvement. Nonetheless, Mills being with them comes with a bond so strong that they’ll wreck and destroy everything and anyone that comes within their path if they don’t want it around.
Even me.
My internship was ruined prior to obtaining it back and, even then, how did that happen? I was expelled from school on a bogus accusation then given everything back.
They could and have controlled my life.
I can’t have that sort of superpower lingering over me. I won’t be regulated like a pawn while they play God.
And if I won’t play with their dealings, I can’t be with Mills either.
And one day, I’ll have to be okay with that. Nonetheless, I haven’t fully accepted it, either. My heart slowly beats without him. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel betrayed by my brother to not include me in his decision.
Because he knew what you’d say.
They all did.
Today, Dad flew in from D.C, so we could be together and plan everything out. Solange, meanwhile, is nowhere to be found, which makes me nervous.
I don’t trust her, and in that, I should know that I never could trust Odette either.
This is for the best, you know it is, my brother said earlier. They were never going to let you go. They were never going to allow you to be with someone that made you happy. You deserve that, Amirah. He didn’t want them. He wanted you.
With my brother’s words still lingering in my head, I’ve tossed and turned throughout the night in my old bedroom. On instinct, I’ve locked the door and prayed for sleep to find me because I can’t think about anything anymore.
Not Mills.
Not Mom and Odette.
Not the fact that Dad looks so beyond devastated at the news that I could barely hold it together myself.
Not the imagery of a plane being blown to bits over the ocean, murdering the two people that were supposed to be sleeping in this house right now.
Half in and out of slumber, I give up and sit up in bed. Rubbing my eyes, the mesh curtains in my room stream in the brightness of the moon, not promising me a thing but another day.
Another one where I have to help my father pick out songs for the funeral along with the caskets, flower arrangements, and the loads of calls that need to be made. Not that it’d need to be many because the news coverage on this has been huge.
Slamming my head back against my pillows, I clench my eyes closed. The only person in this house that’s going to sleep soundly tonight is my brother.
And how the hell could I blame him with Odette and his past and the things I never knew until as of late. How would I feel if my rapist died if I had one?
Probably somewhat of the same way.
But a sibling?
If Laurent touched me when I was a child and he was deprived of existing, would I be okay with that?
I can’t imagine it because he’s too important and dear to my heart but not now and won’t be for a long while. I know I’d not be the person I am today if those types of traumatic things happened to me, thanks to my brother’s protection. I guess I’m just disappointed.
Laurent is kind and successful. His life could’ve gone another, darker way, but it didn’t because he loved life too much, and I’m sure he thought of me in the process as he’s always done.
Well, he did until he put the seal of approval on Mom and Odette’s death sentence.
And the only tears I’ve naturally shed were the ones where I saw the misery in Dad’s eyes today.
And the ones from yesterday when I left California without Mills at my side.
Sighing, I plan out how I can take most of the funeral planning off Dad’s plate. How I’m going to have this house managed without Mom because Solange doesn’t know how to do anything but be in Odette’s shadow and shoe shop.
It’s not until a warm hand slides over my mouth that my eyes fly open, and I attempt to lunge out of bed.
I fail, a heavy body dipping into the side of my mattress as I clasp onto the large hand that blocks my hopeless scream.
“Baby, I’d still never hurt you,” Mills croons quietly above me, brushing the side of my cheek with his thumb. His touch immediately soothes my body in a blanket of contentment and tenderness. It sings at my soul that the man I love is within my grasp.
But it squeezes the fuck out of my heart too tightly that, as two different human beings, will never be anything but lust and love within turmoil.
“If you scream, I’m going to barricade the door,” he tells me as his scent of mint and cedarwood wrap around me. “And I’ll kick anyone’s ass who tries to take you from me. Got it?”
I give him a curt nod, and the hand covering my mouth releases me. Before I’m even able to slide away from him, he tucks his arm underneath me and pulls me forward. My chest meets the angled position of his body, and his mouth is only mere inches away from mine.
“I’m not responsible for what happened,” he conveys softly. “But I am sorry that it did. I was never going to off them, Rus, I swear to God. I love you too much. I’d never want to cause you this. Your brother—“ I pull away from him but don’t get far. Being this close to him makes me want to forget, and I can’t. I need a level head around me right now.
“I know what Laurent did,” I mutter. “I know the plan behind my back.”
“It was behind mine too.”
“Mills, I—“
“Don’t keep me out,” he pleads with misery wrapped in his words. “Please let me in. I’ll do anything you want.”
“I can’t deal with—“
“I know.” He bobs his head up and down like he’s thought of this a million times. “I know my life is complicated. I know it caused you all this. I never thought this would happen, or I would’ve stopped it.”
“I need space,” I blurt out harsher than I mean to. I’m not sure whether to believe him or call bullshit, but the latter doesn’t fit right with him. After speaking with Laurent, I believe B723 went behind his back to keep him safe.
“Okay,” he finally says after a beat. “I can do that.”
My heart cracks as the tribulation in his tone, but he’d do it for me if he cared enough.
Pressing a tender kiss to my forehead, my eyes close as I print this to memory. Not that we’re here and the reason why, but that he’s touching me. That he told me he loved me. That he’d do anything to keep me from pain.
And what did I do—I’m shoving him away.
Mills releases me without another word and rounds my bed. I watch him disappear out the window, and he doesn’t come back.
I’m not even sure if he should.
Our way of meeting brought us together, but it still would’ve broken us apart. First this, and Solange is still out there, plotting revenge on me, I’m sure.
And retribution for what?
Odette and Solange took what Mom did a step further and raped Mills. They hurt him, and he still came to me with an open heart. And I just shipped him out the window with a neon stop sign that I needed to think about things.
I do.
I’m not sure what to do.
Solange will always be sure to keep Mills and I separate. So why keep her hanging around when I could have a peaceful life with the man I love?
And while I’m sure I could send a private message to Mills with just my facial expression that I want it done, I’ll still hold that responsibility.
How do you serve justice when someone is out to hurt you?
I wish Google knew because I’m fresh out of ideas and energy to even fathom it.
Dad decided on a two-day viewing, then obviously a closed casket funeral with splays of photos. He picked the most expensive caskets and flowers, the prettiest view in the cemetery that Mom and Odette will be laid down to rest. It sits on top of a small hill that overlooks the grounds, always in the sun.
On a pedestal like he’s always put them on.
Over the years, I’m not sure if it’s because Dad didn’t know how to deal with their sort of petty or that he could never fully connect with most of the women in our family. However, he made sure no expense was left out.
I was greeted by people I didn’t know well and offered condolences. I made sure to keep an eye on Dad. That he was eating and that he sat a few times. Laurent played the perfect grieving brother, and I guess my lack of conversation made it seem like I was beside myself.
And I am.
Just not for the reasons I should be.
I’m also relieved, and I feel as if I’m the most heartless daughter in the world right now. I can’t help but feel as though what they did to people is how they ended up. Scattered in the ocean into pieces like the shards of my life Odette tried to tear apart, and the evils Mom brought to the man I’m in love with.
How can you love-hate, and cruelty when they really didn’t care for me much? Honestly, neither deserve my mourning. Regardless, I can’t help but feel a small bit for my blood that wasn’t your normal mother-daughter, sister-sister relationship.
I’ve been nothing but bullied, harassed, disregarded, and cast aside between the two of them. I have a brother who tried to do the right thing, made a hard decision to bring a better result in life for the both of us. I just don’t want him to suffer the consequences if this all backfires down the road.
Always protecting me.
Always with my best interest at heart.
The room shifts then suddenly, and I can feel the velocity of it. The off-centered feeling that something powerful has come into the room. My breathing hitches as I slowly turn, latching onto Mills in a fitted black suit and taking a seat on a couch in the back of the room.
Our eyes meet, and he looks as if he hasn’t slept in days. He’s respected my need for space when, really, he should’ve been here the whole time. Dad has been asking about him. I lied and said he was sick. I wish to go back before this all happened. I want what we had days ago.
I wish I were someone else that he loved.
He offers me a weak grin and sits alone while my head and heart cry among themselves to go sit next to him. Nothing is holding us back anymore except the cold fact that B723 might do something else that I don’t want to have occur.
I have a sister still breathing in this world, and she’s the one that did the most to him.
And she’s yet to show herself.
She’s the worst.
The cruelest.
She tried to have you raped.
“Why don’t you take off,” Laurent mutters behind me, tucking his arm underneath mine. “It’s been a long day. I think you’ve smelt enough expensive colognes and perfumes to last you a few months.“
“We don’t have too much longer to go.” I peer up at him, and he matches Mills—exhausted.
I must’ve been wrong that he’d be the only person to sleep in the house.
“I want to reiterate my actions,” my brother says. “I want to make sure you’re pointing the blame in the right place.”
I shake my head, already knowing where he’s about to go. “You don’t have—“
“I made the call. I mentioned the deal. They told me they’d make the decision based on what I said and went behind his back. The man is upset, and you’re pissed off at something I did. Not him. It wasn’t Mills that pulled or pushed anything. You’re lucky where some of us haven’t been.”
Because he was molested and raped. No one was there to safeguard him at night.
“What of Solange?” I press. Laurent scoffs at the mention of her name and shakes his head.
Rounding my frame, he blocks my view of Mills. He looks angry now, brows clashed together as his nose twists in disgust. “Yeah, we wouldn’t want you to avenge the woman who raped your man. We wouldn’t want to make her pay for almost having you raped by not one man but two. We might not be God, Amirah, but we sure as hell have people to help us. And no one is going to make her pay unless we do. You never took into consideration how Mills feels afterward. How a man would feel about being violated by a woman. Call it sexist, sister, but it fucks with you. It fucks with you really bad.”
“I don’t want any more sins on your plate,” I retort. “This isn’t us. We’re different than them. Always have—“
“Well, maybe it was time to stop being so fucking nice, Amirah.” He steps away from me, his expression appalled that I’d never dared to do what has to be done. “You have no idea what it’s like. Thanks to me. Thanks to my always looking out for you. Do you know that when you were thirteen, Solange was going to have her boyfriend force you to have a threesome with her? Did you know that I barely caught them?”
Of course, I didn’t.
“Sex is all they want to torture people with. Because while it could feel good as fuck, it can also make you feel the smallest you’ve ever been. It can break you apart to the point where you can’t be touched for years. I couldn’t bear the way you hugged me every day before school because I felt her.”
My nostrils flare at his admission and pain because I never noticed. I lived my own little life, in my own space, without a care in the world. “You never told me. Why—“
“Get raped and tell me if you want to broadcast it.” He pivots abruptly away from me as his dark words slap me in the face. I know he doesn’t mean them. He took what he said was the higher road for the both of us because he didn’t see a way out.
Laurent took away my ever needing to ask Mills to take care of the situation because it became or was becoming too much.
Instead, I offered them life when they wanted to fuck with mine. Ours—Mills and I, while my brother suffered silently as the years passed.
Laurent leaves behind an unbearable sense of shame that is finally finding its way out. And I’m not supporting him. I’m not understanding; I’m just thinking about myself.
Inhaling a deep and halfway steady breath, I walk towards the direction of Mills, feeling his eyes trail down every inch of my body attired in a black dress.
When I’m at his knees, he stands, brushing my body with his but not losing the space. I don’t move away either.
His being here extends a calmness that I’m not so sure I’m deserving of. Yet, he’s here anyway, for me, and I feel as if he’s given too much already.
With his hands at his sides, I can feel the tension rolling off his muscular frame covered in his expensive Armani suit. That this is the third time I’ve bitched at him and decided not to listen to anything he had to say.
That’s not how relationships work.
It’s me; I know it is. I just can’t handle my family being linked up with him in any sort of way.
“Hey, baby,” he greets softly, his grayish-blues rimmed in red from lack of sleep and the brutal fact that I put it there.
I did all of this, not him.
I just let Odette and Solange flaunt around without consequences because I didn’t want to serve out justice for Mills or my brother. After everything my sisters have done and were planning, I let them slide.
If anything, B723 did me a favor.
“How are you holding up?” he asks me. “Can I do something?”
I meet his gaze and shake my head, shoving back the words that need to be said because this isn’t the place. “How are you? You look like you could use a nap.”
“I’ll sleep when you’re back in my arms again.” He shrugs his shoulder as if his lack of Z’s are nothing, but his being here for me is.
“Mills, I think we need to reevaluate some things.”
He stares at me with conviction in his features because he’s not stupid, and I’m starting to realize I’m transparent as hell. Probably why my sisters knew how and where to hit the hardest. “Okay.”
“I don’t think—.” His hand hastily comes out between us before I can even explain why.
“Stop right there,” he carps out through grounded-out words. “I didn’t come here for you to break up with me again because you’re not. And even if you say the words, I’m not leaving. I’m pulling out my full-fledged, unhealthy-ass obsession over you, and that’s it. Plain and simple.”
“This is the second time I didn’t listen to you. I left—“
“Because you were upset. I don’t like how you did it, but I can’t change that now.”
“Why would you need to change anything?” I quip back through furrowed brows. “I’m the one who fucked up. I can’t swallow who you are as a whole. I like your family, your mom, and grandma. I just don’t think I can deal with…them now. I—I’m not making you choose.”
“So you’ll choose for me?” His brows clash together, and I see a thick vein tick at his temple. “I’m a big boy, Rus. I can make decisions all on my own, but thanks anyway.”
“I don’t want to fight.”
“Then don’t,” he retorts back. “Tell me that we’ll work at this.”
“Why would you want to? I made you deal with this. I put you in a position where you couldn’t get justice.”
“I’m confused. Did you think this would be easy? Nothing that’s worth it seems to come that way in life. I want this. I want you. So stop being so fucking morale and let me be with you.”
“Let’s just…” Take this slow? Be selfish and tell him to just wait until I can wrap my small mind around this really big situation?
“I dare you to tell me that you want space,” he practically growls, and within a split second, we’re chest to chest and not appropriately positioned for an event like this.
And we’re definitely not going to fight at my mother and sister’s viewing with my dad in the room.
“Can I just get through this funeral? It’s been tough. Dad isn’t eating. Laurent is pissed at me. You deserve all my attention, and I mean that.”
“Fair enough. Just don’t use the days to talk yourself out of some bullshit that I can’t defend. Give me that.”
I nod. “Of course.”
“Have you eaten?”
