Milkbottle H, page 56
of arthritis but I dont trust him your Doctor Newman he likes to talk too much why dont you see him more often hes somebody you can really converse with Lee he told me you should come in any time of course Im proud my son out of five hundred patients he picks Lee and doctors are always saying they got no time no
a man who loves Tolstoi stuck away on Wyoming Avenue a textile mill and cartracks Tolstoi in Feltonville well Dr Newman says in Russia its not so different so instead of twostorey houses and cartracks its Chekhov helping with the plague;
here I got a black plague of twostorey houses. Black. Black cartracks, Lee, shining black cartracks, its a dread disease, believe me, ask Nina
he said I should ask you about your sinusitis and your sneezing its a little better since he nearly kills me with those allergy tests thats what I mean Lee he didnt notice what he was doing so he had to make you sick yet but its your fault too why didnt you tell him how you were feeling I dont know where my sons brains are sometimes
on Levis hornrimmed spectacles the Philadelphia streetlamps gakwoosh gashwool. He depresses the brake in his Buick for a red light. 2nd and Lehigh, freightyards, Pennsylvania, Reading, an infinite series of hooknosed houses and the hornrimmed spectacles rest on top of the five coal silos LEVI COAL COMPANY anthracite dying out as a fuel Dr Silver uses gas, I use oil sulfa cant help Christine Novak, amber Christine, yellow, green pneumonia the traffic goes. But she tarries at the yellow, her flesh, no resistance her skin so yellow I recognize you Levi greenly she smiles yellowly:
they havent killed this Polack yet, her teeth green trafficlights who wants to drive in such traffic Rachel irritatedly objects. Besides, I got a touch of arthritis what do you expect I got such pleasure from my life Victor its something I should be proud of where he is I only hope you never hear those iron doors of a prison Lee better youre not born
for Rena Goldstein
but then I got to remember the first Lee he looks just like Levi.
A real question if the second Lee should be born so I should forget Levi, Rena laying beside the first Lee you make me remember Levi, I distrust you, Rena
naked. Sy Tarassoff. Na
BECAUSE THE GHOST OF THE FIRST LEE MAKES ME THINK OF THE GHOST OF LEVI. Rena frightens me, Rachel thinks. This is the payment I get, losing a tenyearold boy, a girl comes along and prefers the ghost of my tenyearold made into the living Lee, to remind me of the first Lee virgins should be excommunicated: theyre not really Jews. Underneath, Rena must be a Christian, because Jewish women, no matter what everybody says, by the very act of being born, arent virgins any more; in the womb theyre virgins. Its the mother who takes the daughters virginity, just by giving birth—because, whats a girl? Girls arent even supposed to be born; so they should have some kind of ridiculous virtue? So, Rena acts against her mother, through me, and accidentally grabs my first Lee whos coming home for lunch, I have a sandwich ready for the boy, hes such a blond, and if moths could be graygreen, those are his eyes, graygreen moths deepset, but how would camphor feel in my womb? his hair parted in
the center just like Levis
you love a little boy, him, the first Lee, its like youre shattered into a smoothness, and the shatter is smooth thats the love through my whole body that shatters a smoothness around the boy but all of a sudden not so smooth like Joshua Nathanson is phoning. Yes, a grandfather of a boy calls for his son, the second Lee knows this just like Im phoned about Joshua is very sick
a little boy leaping up in bed at 236 East Roosevelt Boulevard is a little boy leaping into the air in the park the second Lee tries to catch the white ball, Rena, hes trying to stop it from going in the direction of the boy hes named after because Joshua his grandfather is dead and he knows the white ball next is going toward, and after all hes got to stop it because theres a little boy coming out of you, Rena, you, too, you, and you grab his hand, you see, so I understand your feeling that the second Lee shouldnt be born, youre already protecting yourself against another birth, the birth from the semen of the notborn in you THAT WILL RESULT IN THE NOTBORN OF THE NOTBORN
from the hospital, hes hit on the head by a baseball and Levi not once kills me with his fancy fucking hes never
fancy. Baseball, I say.
But thats Dave, Dave plays baseball, Lees not so interested but they tell me thats what the boy says his name is, and Lees smart, I can believe him, and I should come over and I call Levi and tell him and he says in his Lithuanian accent thick, thick Youre sure its Yes. Yes I say, a hospital should lie. And sure enough we can get Dave out of school, Daves in school sure enough Mrs Goldstein why dont you slam down the phone on my hand thats where it belongs I dont want to call anybody a phone isnt even invented because there isnt time for such an invention rushing to the hospital and sure enough theres my baby a
mother no matter how old her child is hes always the baby the graygreen eyemoths and his hair parted in the middle, Levi.
A big bed for a baby.
Well, hes ten years old Mrs Emanuel.
Camphor. Pregnant women should use camphor, first. Because the world is winter clothes does it hurt I ask him Im worried because moths like the dark and thats the way they got the hospital room.
Just a little dizzy he says hes good with figures and his hands and in school and with Hebrew, he looks a little like Russell Zion but stronger, bigger why did you have to cross the park I scold him you know the kids play baseball Dave why didnt you tell him youre his big brother you got to warn a child
Mom how could
Im sorry mom, Lee says.
You got to watch out for the moths, they cat through everything, isnt that right, Gertrude.
Thats right Mrs Emanuel
And moths have eyes, graygreen all right its past, its forgotten, the main thing is you should get better thats right Levi says thick, thick, his accent is worse than ever I thought it was improving but all of a sudden its like hes an immigrant right off the boat I run around myself making friends with everybody, the passengers Lee standing against the fence looking into ladies’ pocketbooks hes not afraid of anything but the doctors are telling me I should be prepared for the worst what is the worst that can happen to a person is that her baby
ALL RIGHT
ALL RIGHT SO HE ISNT A BABY BUT THATS THE WAY A MOTHER THINKS
IM
NOT
A
SCULPTOR
IN
CAMPHOR
Rena, is that her baby should die, you should know that, so maybe its right the second Lee shouldnt be born but how can you be sure yes in return for not being born he says I love you but dont you see he says I love you like its a thanks, and
what am I to do without him, there should be a baby a mother can scold, a boy with Levi graygreen eyes make all the holes you want in winter clothes the main thing you should get better. All right he says, but he says it like hes doing me a favor, like its a thanks.
A favor.
What can I do.
I sit.
Dave I tell he should go out, youll see Dave later.
Lee he says you get better Ill teach you how you should play ball and youll hit somebody else
Is that a way to talk I scold my firstborn. Wait in the Buick.
Every day he comes home for lunch Levi says you can hardly understand him the accent is so thick, as if its my fault he comes home for lunch he gets better food home I say, its healthier.
Healthier Levi says, healthier. His big muscles my husband’s he dont hit anybody with them, its from his work, he can build, at the business.
How do you feel now I ask my tenyearold.
Still a little dizzy everything on him in the dark room is white like Bella Zion hes laying in Bella’s whiteness Im frightened Rena Im my skin is so rosy Im a rosy afraid how can fear be so
rosy I dont like his Bella whiteness maybe if I could get him out of the bed and get some color in his cheeks a little Levi like I tell the physiotherapist when Levi is sick and dying it would do Lee good but no the doctors say. Call a specialist, but they did concussion, a fractured skull so if I get rose in his cheeks hell be afraid I dont even want to ask my baby if hes afraid god of my fathers please Im praying to you that much give him. That much. He shouldnt be afraid.
I cant even tell him Lee you shouldnt be afraid. He shouldnt even have an idea
god must be punishing me, Aaron Emanuel. Aaron has his ear to a cloud, and I have my ear to a moth.
God is in a moth.
God eats through everything, God eats
through:
all:
our:
winter:
clothes
MAKE MY WOMB INTO MOTHBALLS OH LORD GOD JEHOVAH
OR ILL STUFF CAMPHOR INTO YOU OH LORD AND THROW YOU LIKE A WHITE MOTHBALL INTO THE HEAVENS TELL MY LITTLE SON ABOUT YOURSELF OH LORD INTRODUCE YOURSELF TELL MY SON ITS LEVI’S BROTHER AARON YOURE AFTER BECAUSE LISTENS TO THE GUNS GO BOOMBOOMBOOM AND A GOOD JEW SHOULDNT LISTEN TO GUNS INTRODUCE YOURSELF OH LORD TO MY LITTLE BABY
DONT BE SHY WITH THEM
PLEASE OH LORD I DIDNT HAVE TIME TO CAMPHOR MY LITTLE BABY IN MOTHBALLS and already hes got bandages around his head so tight I cant stick in the mothballs I want to see his hair
HIS HAIR HIS HAIR I GOT TO SEE HIS HAIR
Mrs Emanuel.
Rena, let him go, its no use, ghosts are no good, the second Lee not born so I can see the first Lee again, how cruel and kind Rena is to me, a daughterinlaw I fill the whole medicine cabinet but there isnt any medicine for the first Lee how do you feel now but he dont answer hes unconscious the nurse says his nose has a thick accent its your nose Levi BLOW YOUR NOSE YOUR square-chinned Harry Ring says he cant do anything either because Lee isnt babbling Harry goes away I got to smash the chin of somebody whos spouting nonsense LEVI WHERE ARE YOU WHERE DID YOU GO I GOT TO SEE HIS BLOND HAIR GRAYGREEN MOTHEYES theyre
shut. Nurse. Hes unconsc
Where is unconscious, I ask her. What part of unconscious is he. What. Maybe hes with Dave waiting in the Buick Levi start the car already lets go home the second Lee must be home waiting, hungry, grungry, waiting, darkeyed what shall I do with the notborn? HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW, HES UNCONSCIOUS WHATS YOUR
NAME UNCONSCIOUS HOW DOES YOUR
UNCONSCIOUS FEEL ANSWER
ALREADY I GOT TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR RIGHT NOW HOLD THE MIRROR CLOSE TO ME ITS SO QUIET NOT A BREATH CAN YOU HEAR NOT A BREATH CAN YOU SEE
mom you cant see a breath you can only hear it the second Lee says
thanks for telling your mother so she wont sound foolish. I can see myself without a breath thats what mothers are for: seeing themselves breathless, its me whos holding my breath, not my little baby no no what should he be in suspense about /
excited about to hold his breath
after all wheres he going
whats he going to see
its me whos holding my first Lees breath IM HOLDING HIS LUNGS IM HOLDING HIS CHEST IN THE MIRROR THATS WHERE A WOMAN A MOTHER SHOULD ALWAYS LOOK FIRST
MY SON WHY ARENT YOU HOLDING THE MIRROR SO I CAN HOLD YOU?
Hes
SIX MILLION AND ONE)
Rena dont let him be notborn as much as I hate him that much you shouldnt love him TAKE BACK YOUR VAGINA ILL GIVE HIM A BATH it
hurts, too. much. to. have. him. back
Levi
Yes
Ask him
Who
Lee
What should I
How hes feeling
Hes uncon
No hes not. Ask
Rachel he cant
Ask him how
Its not time Lee isnt home yet hes not hungry
We got
Ask
Rachel for gods
Gods. In the synagogue. Ask the Golem to get the camphor Rachel
The Dybbuk is mothballed for the summer. The Dybbuk wears winter clothes. Tell Dr Silver hes got to get the Golem to take off the clothes from the Dybbuk. Only a woman knows how powerless is a naked Dybbuk. A Dybbuks got to wear winter clothes, and all the Jews take him down to South Street to get him a new g. g. g. suit, we got such mercy on devils who possess us, we got to keep them warm, we cant let GOD EAT THROUGH THE DEVIL YOU GOT TO KNOW THAT LEVI YOU SEE THE DEVIL FLASHING FROM THE SPIRES OF THE CHURCH IN N’MUXT BECAUSE GOD KEEPS THE WHITE CAMPHOR SKY AROUND HIM AND YOURE AFRAID AND YOU PUT YOUR OWN SON ON THE HORSE TO RIDE BAREBACK AND HE DOESNT KNOW ANY BETTER SO HES RUSHING TOWARD THE DYBBUK ON THE CHURCHSPIRE YET YOU GOT TO COME TO AMERICA LEVI ITS THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN SAVE YOUR SON………
……… yes…. save your little semens…..yes… put
away one little semen a day…. yes…. a copper semen…. in a little testicle bank…. yes…….the little semens will
grow…. yes…. assets:
SIX MILLION SEMENS IN THE BANK liabilities:
SIX MILLION SEMENS
… yes…. save…
… save… the little semens…..
…. yes… i will thank you….
…. yes… i will take out a little son….
…. yes… and i will put him back….
…. yes…. when youre bankrupt….
…. yes… dont you worry…. when youre short of cash…. …. yes…. little lee…. wake him up… you have money levi …. wake him up…. we dont have to put the little semens back…
Do we?
Rachel.
Wake him up.
We cant.
Yes. I will. Ill get him out of bed you prick, you sonofabitch Levi, you nonfancy fucking bastard, wait and see, Ill get him out of bed, just like you when YOURE DYING SO if you dont want to get out of bed yourself you goddamn well better get my little boy out of
Mrs Emanuel, you cant
I can lift him. Im young, I dont need a penis to lift anybody, whats a woman need with such a thing, I can lift my boy in my arms
Mrs
Rachel
He has passed away, Mrs Emanuel. Im sorry.
He didnt answer me. Hes a good boy. A good boy answers his mother. Lee
He
Lee my baby boy, you tell your mother how you feel, your own mother, she has a right to know, dont you dare keep your mouth
shut, Im talking to you, a mother talks to her son he should answer, because all of a sudden you cant be a bad boy
Hes
A bad boy, such a bad boy, all of a sudden. What did I do to deserve such a bad boy in a coffin yet. Thats what he gets for being a bad boy who didnt answer his mother: so I got to give birth, Rena, I pity you and your I love you because its a Leeghost the first and how can a ghost get along in me all those years, what kind of pleasure can a ghost have, yes? second Lee?
Im sorry for you, Rena, that a ghost should take responsibility for the loss of your virginity. But, I guess thats the way young girls the world over are:
87 empty tables, 348 empty chairs. Lesbian and fairy mannikins in the Chestnut Street clothing store windows.
Gakwoosh, gashwool. Ice, never.
Milkbottle, h.
Chirp, chirp. Morning.
A dying man’s leaking pissbottle can throw SIX MILLION AND ONE into Achille Volpe’s milkeyed panic.
Chirp, chirp. Morning. And Terry Shannon, leaning against the doorway, remarks to Lee, You see, your love, your Rena, your Saint Red—shes taken me over completely, hasnt she? Posing in the nude, Rena is Terry Shannon’s American Winged Victory. Shes put a head on my headless nakedness, hasnt she? Well, now, do you think her immortality can be cured by your breaking off her head?
Instead of answering after the fuck he has had with Rena, Lee sneezes. Presumably, that is an evasion. Pressed, however, he replies that only ghosts sneeze.
Yeh Gertrude Forsten says Im tellinya Mrs Emanuel my husband suffers from hayfever somethin awful, rose fever I think they call it around this time of year her narrow freckled brow a series of skinny skeletons reclining in angularly contorted positions waiting for black highheeled phonecalls, her orange hair in pincurls, orange tubercles being cultured in a cloudless blue medium Lee remembers the bronzehaired deepbreasted girl of a few doors away being drawn on a sled by a St Bernard along the snow-tufted Roosevelt Boulevard strip separating the highways. Not Gertrude, and not in June
so hot for this time of year Rachel Emanuel complains, the querugirltone in the mockfrown, the cheek satinrouged, the flowered apron that sneaky Hertzogs got the Buick the next time Levi wakes believe me I wont wait a minute Im not afraid Ill tell him all about the Buick, all about
Mrs Emanuel Gertrude gently chides you shouldnt be out hangin wash
What? What? Rachel childshrills, snapping, one wrinkled nylon on a bonying leg, the other leg perfectly smooth by virtue of a rubber fleshcolored stocking the doctor says I should wear it for the arthritis you know I aint got such pleasure from my life its washday Gertrude. What day its washday, Gertrude Im getting so, her apologetic giggles, Im forgetting what day
But at least you could get the nurse. Shes a practical nurse aint she Mrs Emanuel?
Sure sure shes practical but shes a nigger and what can you expect you know she had the nerve, Rachels voice croaks down to a simulated whisper wavering, wash dishes she had the nerve to tell me thats the most shell do can you imagine Im tellin you Gertrude theyre all alike dont believe a word from them
Yeah thats right. Gee, yeh thats right Gertrude squeezefrowns her truncated gothicwindow forehead, her cormorantbeaked nose woodpeckering her upperlip, her orange freckles bleating against the flushed flesh, the scrawneck ditch tunnelling into the green apron snag cramped around the tall bonewillowed figure transelbowfixed on the ironblack fence, rustrazzed, scalloptopped, narrowshoulder hunched the metaltops even as Gertrudes and it is the evening and the morning of the sixth day, dim white vaporsigns of Constellation jets approaching Philadelphia oh them apples aint no good Lee Gertrude tells the boy, theyre always little green apples and sour but my husband he enjoys the shade dont he Mrs Emanuel
Im telling you you got a good man grampop Nathansons farm in Lansdale you can get sicklepears Mrs Forsten theyre little all right but theyre awful sweet
sveet
its a w, pop. Sweet.
