Milkbottle H, page 10
I promise.
Really.
Yes.
She jabs her hands up and forward and spreads them on the table. Lee laughs uproariously
You promised you wouldnt I
But Im not, not at you, Rena
Then at
But you just bite your fingernails, nothing more, I dont see what you were so
But theyre not just bitten, theyre dirty.
He holds them. She trembles seriously at him. He straightens out the fingers, touches them over with a thumb. She gives a faint start, as if to pull them away, but he tightens over them. She shakes her head, once, violently. Im so ashamed of
You musnt be. I dont want you to be ashamed. At any time. Of anything.
You mean every word, dont you?
Every word. A moment, a breathing, count their slow whirls about each other, losing count but continuing, the whiteblue Lee and the mochaorange Rena, and then their hands glide away from each other
You better eat something, Rena
Oh I will I wont waste it
You dont have to eat it if you dont want to
But Im going to. Im just very slow about eating, Lee.
Are you? I eat very fast. I take after my father.
My father used to eat very fast too Lee but he stopped when he got his ulcers, and now he eats very
You can take all the time
I guess I get my nervous stomach from my father. My mother too perhaps. Youll meet her.
I want to. Very much.
I told you where I live, my father has a delicatessen
Yes
We live behind and over the store. It isnt very special. You wont mind, will you? Because you live on the Boulevard. Lots of my familys friends have moved to the Boulevard, but pop never made that much money
I wont mind. I dont care where you live, Rena, youve got to understand that. And theres nothing so special about the Boulevard
Its green, there are trees. But you know we have a very funny little tree in the backyard, it grew out of the cement. And we always have a lot of food from the store, anything you want But I used to study classical music with Constantine Zinov at the Philadelphia Conservatory do you know him
No I guess the only important musician I know is Danny Naro-yan youll like him hes a dynamo and awfully funny he studies composition at Curtis one of my closest friends is it getting late for you Rena?
I dont want to go All right girls dump the bags Ill count the bills the five girls in the rear booth disgustedly scoop out all the cash from their pocketbooks the coin tinkles on the table christ Jenny youll have to do a lot better than what hell dya think Im settin those guys for
but I guess I better.
Ill take you
Oh no you dont have to Lee its perfectly all right all I have to do is grab a trolley on Walnut and it takes me to 3rd and then I get the Number 5 going north and it lets me off practically at my door
Not on a night like this
But youll get home awfully awfully late Lee
Its all right. I want to take you home.
Thank you, Lee.
Dont be so formal.
Okay. Her voice smudges off, a contralto, wisps of baritone and soprano curling through.
ICE NEVER FAILS
MILKBOTTLE H Ive got some very bad habits Lee shouts through the swizzing eyecracking slingshots of the snow lifting his arm to help the girl down the gray wooden steps of the Number 5 trolley for the moment halted opposite the ISIS THEATER on Frankford
Avenue, her smile plasticrinkling through the snowchattering raincoat, the bublitchki flaring back from the brighteyed hair Youll have to jump the snowdrifts the pale salmoncolored cirquelight from the front of the trolley humped and floundering among the drifts of the black and white up and down and askew on the street All right here I come landing solid and warmcold girl against him, the face of the girl quickly and incontrovertibly serious This is where I live what are your bad habits Lee. The trolley tugs itself into motion CAPILUNGOS BUTTER & EGGS SCHILLERS BAKERY ISIS THEATER, its black rod scaring ground sparks from the overhead wire against the swizzing black&white gray overhead night and the girl and the boy take jerky WHITMANS SAMPLER high goosesteps over the snowdrifts and the transitory clearing between the cartracks GOLDSTEINS DELICATESSEN Thats our store Yes I her right arm building up the drifts of her whole body into it, the drifts of the girl wedged into the side of the boy till the little alcove This is the door to the store and this is the door to our bedrooms upstairs I hope I can find my key she wipes the streaming cold from her face. Lee flaps his trenchcoat, swiping the white snowpellets with red knuckles from the coat Rena lunging her fingers into her pocketbook Yes here it, I thought for a minute Id have to ring the bell and wake up. Facing him. Rena is a whole open space facing Lee, a white clearing peering up at him. Her keys tingle in the tight cold alcove air Well one of my bad habits is that I eat so quickly and so much Rena that about right around the middle of the meal I suddenly have to stop short and belch and sometimes it takes me very nearly five minutes to bring up the wad of air stuck in my stomach and I have to do that before I can go on eating because I feel so very full I got to get rid I dont know why Im talking about eating and belching, Rena. His shoulders lower. She puts the tingling keys in the lock and turns to him again. I have to say goodnight Lee its very late.
Yes, I know. He grinds his teeth, takes her hands, I knew there was something I wanted to ask you
You can ask me
her fingers in his hands, holding, he puts them in his hands again and again and again. Rena is worriedly patient
because I really dont want to be talking about eating, you understand. Im not hungry.
Im not either. Thank you for taking me to
Oh, please, it was
No, no, I enj
Rena.
Yes?
Well what I want to ask you is, the teeth snagging the voice. I mean are you in love with. I mean with, oh. You know. Somebody, are you in
Quite gravely she regards him
I mean is there somebody youre attached. I. I believe its referred to as something steady
No, Im not going steady, Lee. Im not in love with anybody. Her fingers are lavishly cold
I cant seem to warm your
Dont worry about them
the two in the alcove, the girl bulky, the boy thin, the air tight with cold, the wind snowfizzing down the avenue he glances away Thats Schillers Bakery she says across the street. Theyre German. Next doors Capilungos Butter & Eggs but theyre a front for a bookie joint and I know a good story about their son hes going to be a cripple for life because he beat up the guy that made his sister pregnant so the guy ran over his legs with his car and next door to them is the Isis Theater and Marcus Kronthal owns it hes very dashing even though hes fiftyfive with a ruddy face and curly black hair and smiles all the time and comes into the store to see my mother and my father doesnt like it at all youre not in love Lee are you? Marcus Kronthals wife is a very sick and bedridden all the time so she doesnt
No Im not Rena. His hands are very cold, as cold as Renas, his nose spreads and his mouth spreads and his eyes narrow and his forehead clenches. and unclenches and clenches and his ears are racked up and back
and youre not going with anybody
no im not this is sort of sudden Rena but I want to ask you I.
Theres something would you. Id like to see you, you see, all of the time, I mean I rather you wouldnt go out with, except, I know its an awful lot to ask, request, because I dont have the right, you see, it was just last night that we her nose humps hes got blackheads he looks a little like Lincoln a little bit like some movie star yes almost a double for hes awfully skinny but her hair, her hair, like the color of, and her skin, the flesh, her one profile is awfully bad I know I must be awfully young yet because hes something Ive
you can see me as many times as you like Lee
to kiss you taking then, letgo the hands, he puts up his hands to her head, holding her head as her hands, with tight looseness lays his mouth upon her icewarm lips
You are
unkissing, they heap themselves upon each other, skulls ramming side by side, bonedrifts, her neck back for axes, their teeth grind together, he sucks apart from her
darling, she has. Her head lowers, hands on his arms
Youd better go in, Lee says, transcendental imperious, limits locked momentarily, they must, to resume, in the great vacuum of the commitment of the two, like a globe each adhering to, between them, hard icerocked vacuum they are curved to
Yes Ive got school tomo
Ill call you before supper
Yes Ill be
Rena Rena Rena come here, come here, come
They cant keep, her hand falls from the keys, swerving round to the boy she. Lee, swe
your mouth. your. He wrenches her hair
oh not so
you. You. Lee, my
Get in, now. All right, I, shes on the two wheels of a three-quarter face at him. Humble
Ill phone
yes
goodnight
I wont sleep
I wont either. But youve got to, theres school
oh who cares about
Youve got to care
Well if you
Ill phone.
Yes. She races up the stairs, sinkgloomed in the. Goodn
Goodnight, night, night, night
War will not be declared.
Theres one thing, Rena. She twists round on the bench at the upright piano in the Goldstein livingroom, the new wallpaper of vertical magenta stripe against a cream background, a narrow horizontal mirror crested by ornamental silver, Lee standing a little hunched in the late night in front of the overstuffed unbalanced easychair.
Theres nothing wrong with the way I do the song, is there?
It has nothing to do with that
What? Tell me. She twirls round on the bench, crossing arms over bosom.
You dont have to hide your breasts, Rena.
The girl momentarily drops her head, shrugs, her face stumbling, color lowering her, she takes her arms to stiffen them against the bench, shakes her head, Is that
No, its just that I think I have another name for you. Rena doesnt suit you altogether.
She tickles her face up at him. Oh. She stands, swings, her skirt swinging toward him, her hair swinging over her eye, Lee lightly clasping his arms around her waist as she leans lightly back from him, in the peeling of pressure, as their bodies lightly begin to come off from each other and there is an effervescence within the tip of and down through the center of his penis, the volatile powders of her beginning to fizz in the boy’s blood, as if she has dusted his genitals lightly, her loins lisping against his softly, lending them a lisp she pats him with her hip, then with the other hip, then the light joust of loin against loin his penis stumbling through the left side of his trousers at the folds of her skirt
What do you think suits me, she looks up at him with delicate gluttony. They stand quite still against each other. There is simply the stem hardness of his genitals against her
Red, he says. But thats not enough. I think if I called you Saint Red that that would properly
I like that, I like that
Saint, Saint Red. That suits you, that he grabs her head, his mouth stamping out the color from her face, forcing the crimson back from her lips, dunning her breath, raking her lungs with his tongue till the girl is out of bellow, is a full volume of flesh hanging from him, airless, his skull enclosed by her airlessness he desperately pushes her back till she loses her balance against the sofa under the mirror, the vertical magenta stripes running into the girl, the creamy mocha of her neck, heaving her shoulders back and lifting her legs till she is a supine length, her skirt pleating above her knees Lee falls upon her, his leg ratcheting her thighs and a shovel of his hand upon her right breast and she rattles her skull and clenches his hand No I dont want you to hold it there, Lee, no I dont want you to, please, Ill let you know when you can, but not yet, please, Lee, my brothers used to catch at them when I ran around upstairs everybody has made fun of them because theyre so large even when I went to Hebrew school the teacher used to squeeze them and I couldnt do anything about it when I told my father he slapped my face he refused to believe me and neither did my mother, please, Lee, you can touch me anywhere else you like but please dont now on them, just give me some time and youll be able to
All right
Anywhere el
All right Saint, and she lifts her skirt up further
Anywhere el
Yes
But not with your hand down there, not yet, Ive got to get used to, you can use your leg. Yes. Like that, like. I dont mind how hard
Is that
Yes, oh. Lee, Lee. All of you. Get on top of me, because your leg hurts, its rough, thats
Like that
Yes. Thats better, that much. Only slower, slow
Like
Thats perfect, thats, only youre so heavy, could you rest on your All right?
Yes. There, right. Now, wait. She pulls her skirt up to her chest and upflexes her legs, the spade of her groinhair flattened under her cream panties, now you can. Thats, yes. She crosses her ankles above his waist, Thats much. Gripping him, she chunks her loins against him, hurls her loins against him as he blunts himself against her, again, and again Im getting awfully wet Lee do you think Ill stain your
Its all right
No dont take it out, please, not yet, Ill let you know, no it wont be long Lee, I promise you, Ive got to get used to, please keep him in, please, just give me more time
Its been weeks and weeks and
Just be a little more patient just oh Lee Im
Saint, Saint. Grinding, the tip of the blunt against steelwool, his teeth curdling against hers, the pain of the unbared teeth of her thrusting through the pantied meat against the bunchedup penis
Darling Im, her loins cluster to him, a whole series of bunchedup groins of her to him, Lee, Lee her hips tumble down distances, her legs slide down from him, her thighs slab against the cushion Darling did you
No in just a, just keep your legs up a little while
All right is that Im sorry I
Its all right dont wo. He slumps, biting on his crowded tumescence, biting, the musclejaws of buttocks, hips, belly clamping down on his genitals
Lee, darling, I l
What?
Nothing, darling, I
What were you going to
Its just that I adore you I adore you I
But what were you going to, you had something
No, no
Rena, my darling, my
Yes, say it.
I cant, I
Dont worry, Lee. You musnt frown so. Oh, wait. Id better get my skirt down, you never know about my mother, shes liable to have heard and she creeps down the stairs and tries to did you hear anything
I dont think I
will make up for every penny as God is my judge, Lee. I dont know how just yet. But the breaks have got to come. It cant always be like this Mrs Shermans cigarette is falling asleep the book falls to the floor the cigarette tip is a merry orange spurt against the white sheet the bedlamp bolds brightly through the bedroom shadows, a tiny black iron ring with jagged edges makes way before the merry orange of the cigarette tip its got to change, my luck will certainly change and then Ill be in a position to help you as well Lee I guess mom and pop are pretty angry with me I havent heard a word. Well let me tell you its been pretty tough all the way around, dear brother. Its sure no fun being way up here in Alaska, this running an automobile agency just isnt a cinch but Im managing to save a few pennies here and there but I guess army life isnt such a cinch either is it brother? You can tell mom and pop when you write them that Ill make it up to them someday so pop can retire and take it easy like he should, he works like a dog and he shouldnt and of course I realize Im somewhat responsible. But Lee youve got to understand I certainly didnt do anything deliberately, it was just an unfortunate series of circumstances and I swear Ill make up for it so maybe mom and pop can find it in their hearts to forgive me. Theres got to be something in the works for me. I just cant help feeling that someday Ill certainly strike it rich and then we can all be on easy street. Ive been working awfully hard for that day to come, let me tell you as God is my judge, nobody knows this better than I do, Sue has given me two wonderful children you should see them, theyre very bright. I guess mom cant find it in her heart to forgive me, even more now because I married a shiksa, but let me tell you Sue is as good as any Jewish girl and these children after all are mom’s grandchildren whether she likes it or not, so she could send them something if she really wanted to. Of course there are doctors bills that make it hard to save anything. Martin the oldest son hes got something a little wrong with his eyes and needs glasses badly and Gregg the youngest, well, I hate to tell you this and dont let mom know, but he was born with a clubfoot. I dont know, maybe its God punishing me, and I guess Hes right if He wants to. But two more wonderful kids a man couldnt have, theyre very intelligent and they get a lot of that from their mother, shes got some Indian blood in her, way back, of course, it goes to the Cherokee. Her great great grandfather was a Chief of a tribe so she’s got some royal blood in her veins. Shes got quite a temper sometimes but it just isnt easy up here as you can well imagine. It sometimes gets to be fifty below and you have to go around bundled up all the time. But life cant continue being this hard. I think what Ill do eventually is get back down to California, Ive had some offers from the Pacific Coast League to umpire, you know the same thing I was doing with the Texas League. Do you ever see Betty and the kids? Ill bet Fay and Richard are nearly grown up. Gee but Id love to get to see them, especially Fay she must be almost a woman now. But I dont know when Ill ever get back to Philadelphia if I ever do, thats the farthest from my mind even though I do want to see mom and pop its close to seven years since I saw them. Seven long years. I wish I could tell you everything thats happened but it would take too long. Suffice it to say its been very rough, dear brother. I sure wish I could make it up to everybody but at the moment I dont know how. But surely as God is my judge theres got to be a silver lining to the dark clouds and a rainbow after the storm. They say theres a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and I know thats just nonsense but you know what I mean, Lee. Im bound to get mine, and when I do well then everybody will benefit. You know Im not stingy. Ill take care of mom and pop and you and Fay and Richard. Id like to see Richard too. If you saw them when you were on your furlough will you sit down and write me the way they look? From what you tell me about Richard he looks a lot like Betty so he must be a pretty handsome boy. Betty was awfully pretty, theres no denying that, and its just too bad we couldnt hit it off finally. But thats the way things are. Its better we got divorced all the way around, Betty wanted it as much as I did. Theres no denying she was a very good wife, Lee, but we just couldnt seem to hit it off. How is your wife, dear brother? I certainly do remember her from that time you brought her to see the game at the Broadwood, those were the days all right. I was a pretty good basketball referee if I do say so myself. But whats done is done, whats past is past, isnt that right? I sure wish mom and pop could see it that way, but I guess they wont and theres no use crying over spilt milk is there? If you do go east again I wish you would tell mom and pop that I think about them all the time and Im awful sorry about what happened and wish they could find it in their hearts to forgive me. In the meantime, brother of mine, you take care of yourself you hear? and remember me to Rena, shes a pretty handsome girl if I recall correctly, and give my love to mom and pop, Your loving brother, Clancy
