Dad knuckled down and saw out his apprenticeship hoisting chilli bean paste around, and twenty years or more had trickled by. But today was the first time he had heard this fantastic version of events from Uncle’s own mouth.

  Uncle drank half a glass of beer too. ‘Shengqiang,’ he went on, ‘You’re really telling me that Mother hasn’t looked after you? You’re the one she looks after the most! Just think ... at home, in the factory, you’ve got it all! What have I got, or Sis? Nothing! How can you say Mother doesn’t look after you?’

  Dad was flabbergasted. He could not get a word out. He, Xue Shengqiang, had spent his life keeping watch over the piddling little Mayflower Chilli Bean Paste Factory in piddling little Pingle Town, having the odd drink and screwing the odd girl now and then. Just how had he got the better deal? And how had Zhiming lost out?

  He watched Uncle glugging back the rest of the beer, and finally thought of his objection: ‘The factory belongs to the family, it’s not mine. If you and Sis want to run it, you come home and run it!’

  ‘You reckon?’ Uncle picked up another beer to pour himself more, but it was empty. He took the bottle in front of Dad and filled his glass, then went on: ‘When Qin got pregnant back then, I got on my knees to Mother and begged her to let me off university, I’d work in the factory and earn money. I wanted to marry Qin, and have our baby. You know what Mother said?’

  Dad had never heard this before. He stared at Uncle, and saw his eyes redden. He also saw the fine web of wrinkles around them.

  One thing was certain, Gran would have spoken softly, she always said shouting did not make you right. It was never easy, bringing up her children, one stubborn, another hopelessly romantic, the third too quick with his fists, and she had to be fair to each of them. She had said to Uncle that day: ‘Zhiming, you’re not even twenty yet, right? You want to get married and raise a family? Work in the factory? I’m going to be honest with you: in your situation, you can’t go thinking about things like that.’ She pointed to Uncle’s left hand. ‘You should understand things by now. Ever since you were a little boy, we’ve been the laughing stock of the town. You still want to work in the factory? It’ll be Shengqiang who takes that job on. Your future lies in studying. You’ve got to leave and go to the city, it’s the only way for you not to have people laughing at you, for our whole family to earn people’s respect.’ Gran had paused and looked at Uncle: ‘You and Qin are too young,’ she said with a sigh. ‘You don’t know what a hole you’re digging yourself into. I’ve been there, I’ve made the same mistake, all young people do. Well, what’s done is done and I’m not going to tell you off any more, it doesn’t take a sledgehammer to crack a nut, but I don’t want to hear another word about this. Let this be a lesson to you. I’ll sort it out for you, just this once, but don’t let it happen again. You keep your mind on your books and get good grades. If you don’t get into university this year, then you can try again next year. If you don’t get in next year, then you try the year after. That’s the only way for you, do you understand me? There’s no other way.’

  Dad was certain about one thing at least: his brother was a good student. This all happened years ago, but Uncle wouldn’t have forgotten a single word Gran said. To be honest, Dad couldn’t remember exactly how it happened but he seemed to have got the blame for Qin’s pregnancy himself, he remembered getting beatings from Gran, Granddad and Qin’s father, he remembered cursing and swearing and spitting with rage… but what the hell. What happened to Uncle, and what he did, had completely faded from his memory. He had the impression that Uncle had shut himself away in his room, reading, doing practice exam papers, revising for his university entrance exams.

  It was never the same for Zhiming, he thought sadly. He got into fights and played the field with girls, but he still revised for his exams, and came out tops.

  Dad sat on his chair listening to Uncle talking. Damn it to hell, he was in such an acute state of anxiety, he was gasping for a smoke. The burner under the fish-head hotpot had long since gone out, and the oil on the stew had floated to the top, sealing the half-eaten fish head and the chilli peppers underneath. Dad was desperate. He got out a cigarette, lit up and took a deep drag. Then he puffed out the smoke and it hung pale in the air of the room. Through the haze, he could see Uncle and his reddened eyes. His mouth was opening and shutting and he was saying things, about himself, about Gran, about his hand, about his old flame Qin, saying they were still close, saying how lonely and hard-up he had been all these years.

  ‘I really envy you,’ Uncle was saying, ‘I always have done. You were the closest to Father, and Mother always protected you. This is a substantial family business, and it all belongs to you. The factory is yours and, as for the inheritance, you’re sure to get the lion’s share. I’m not talking about money, it’s more a matter of feelings, isn’t it? Just look at me, I always felt got at. Every time Mother had a go at Father, she said my withered hand was his fault.’ He waved his hand in the air. ‘All that was really directed at me. She was doing it so I could hear. She wanted me to understand that I was deformed. I could never be like you, Shengqiang, I could never do what I wanted. I always had to be the sensible, obedient one, get good marks at schools, and make them happy, otherwise I had nothing. Look at you, you got bad marks in school but Mother said nothing, you get into trouble now and Mother fixes it for you. You have a fancy life-style and you can spend all you like, right? You get a mistress and Mother persuades Anqin not to make a fuss, while I’ve been an impoverished teacher all my working life and have only myself to rely on. And I still can’t sort out my love life. Don’t you think I want to? Qin, to me, was…’ His eyes were bright red and he sniffed. ‘I’ve felt guilty for what happened to her ever since then. I wouldn’t have the face to go and marry anyone else. Can’t you see that Mother was to blame? If it wasn’t for her…. And what attitude does she take now? She acts angry with me for not marrying, as if it was the worst crime in the world! Shengqiang, I know I went a bit too far with Yandan this evening, and I know you and Zhong had good intentions,’ Uncle lifted his right hand to rub his eyes, then picked up his glass and had another swig. ‘But I’m not letting anyone arrange a marriage for me. Qin and I ...’ He could not go on, just put the glass down and wiped his eyes.

  Dad did not know if he was alarmed or shocked. Uncle’s words reached his ears like prayers intoned on the mountain of the Immortals. He missed a lot of the detail but was determined to grasp the one key point. So this was what it was about. All his brother’s grievances and oddities down the years were down to this one thing!

  All of a sudden, anxieties gnawed away at him like thousands of ants. Uncle’s eyes had gone as flaming red as chilli oil. He picked up a paper serviette from the table and handed it to him.

  Dad was overwhelmed with bitter regrets, though not about Zhong and Yandan. That was just tough tittie. He did not care two hoots about them. What a plonker I’ve been, he cursed himself.

  Of all the things he regretted, buying the two bags of Sichuan peppers for Uncle, and handing them over, like a ticking time bomb, in the foyer of the Golden Leaves Hotel, came top of the list.

  He wanted to say: Zhiming, I’m so sorry, I should never have bought you the Sichuan peppers. What happened with Qin is all in the past. She’s fine now, you’ve no need to feel guilty. And he wanted to say: How could you have kept the lid on all of this, all these years, and never talked to anyone? You’re angry with Mother—well, talk to me about it. Tell me what you want. I’m in charge now, I’ll support you. Don’t be angry any more, it’s over and done with. You should be living a good life now. After all, you’re a top professor, you’ve really made it! He also wanted to say: I was a fool, I should never have involved you in today’s meal, it was my mistake. And: Don’t be angry with Mother. She may have said those things, but she was really protecting you. She’s so proud of you now. She never stops telling me. Every time she talks about you, she’s all smiles.

  But Dad said nothing at all, just sat there wreathed in smoke and listened to Uncle talk. Dad smoked one cigarette after another until he nearly set the room’s smoke alarms off. Finally, Uncle ran out of steam and stopped.

  ‘Have something to drink, Zhiming,’ said Dad and got another bottle of beer out of the pack at his feet. He opened it and filled Uncle’s glass to the brim, then filled his own.

  Uncle had talked himself dry, and drank thirstily. Dad emptied his own glass, and then re-filled both.

  9

  Dad had come a long way since he was a kid. At the start, when his cucumber was beginning to grow a stem, whenever he met the South Street youths who were always honing their fighting skills, it would shake him up a bit and he would think how cool they were. But in just a few years, he’d got that out of his system and bumped into the North Street businessmen from out of town, at the noodle shop. They were smartly dressed, and could afford two dollops of meat sauce on their noodles. They’ve got money! He said to himself. Then when he started work, and had money for meat sauce, and for smokes, and even for girls, he started to admire the sons and daughters of the East Street officials: he watched the black Red Flag limousines as they drove in and out of the county government buildings, the county hospital, the retirement home for cadres and the County Party Committee residential compounds. ‘They’ve all got telephones, you know!’ Zhong told him. Soon afterwards, he and Mum became an item and he was going in and out himself, to the home of his future father-in-law, Chen Xiuxiao. So that was how the official class lived.

  Dad came to know all the nooks and crannies of Pingle Town, and all the local tittle-tattle, like the back of his hand. And this was the situation in 1995, the year in which Dad turned thirty: he was assistant to the director of the chilli bean paste factory, in actual fact, second-in-command. The acting director, Zhu Shengquan would be retiring in a few years. By that time, Dad had acquired enough connections to get things done, directly or the back door. He had friends—captains of industry to a man—in high places, and when they spoke, they were listened to. Around town, Dad cut an impressive figure: he was tall, good-looking, with no trace of a pot-belly yet, and known as a generous friend. All the girls were after him. At home, his daughter was at primary school, that was one milestone achieved, and he had a slender, fair-skinned wife who impressed both with her easy conversation and her culinary skills. The solid backing of her official father was a bonus. Every one of his friends envied him. That Xue Shengqiang certainly knows how to pick a woman, they said.

  Then there was one springtime in Pingle Town, when the city was covered in a mass of flaming red azalea blossom, and love was in the air and Dad, walking down the street, felt a breeze brushing his face and lust stirring in his loins.

  The fact that something was up came out bit by bit. First, Zhong asked him over drinks: ‘Are things still good with Anqin?’ ‘Fine!’ said Dad, then added: ‘It’s like this, if she has time on her hands, she takes herself to the beauty salon, for a hair-do and a facial, she likes that.’ Then there were a few times when he was eating with his bros in a restaurant, and someone would say something like: ‘You better watch out, Shengqiang!’ ‘Watch out for what?’ Dad asked. There was no answer and Dad forgot all about it. But after a bit, even he began to feel something was not quite right, though he could not put a finger on it. It was just a vague feeling he had, that when Mum talked to him, or they ate together, even when they were having sex, there was something a bit odd going on. Son-of-a-bitch, maybe she’s discovered I’ve been screwing some girl! But I was only messing around! Dad scratched his head and wondered. He decided to wait and keep an eye on things. Best not to show his hand too soon, and put his foot in it. A couple of weeks passed and Gran called him over to her place: ‘Shengqiang, have you and Anqin been having problems lately?’

  Dad’s heart dropped into his boots. Anqin! That woman’s a menace! She never said a word to me and she’s gone straight to Mother and denounced me!

  Dad was going to deny everything to his last breath, but to his surprise, Gran, a woman of the world after all, came out with something quite different. Sitting bolt upright in her armchair opposite Dad, she said quietly: ‘People are saying that Chen Anqing is having an affair.’ She was watching him carefully as she spoke.

  ‘Mother! What rubbish! Anqin would never have the balls to do that!’

  ‘Well, that’s what I’ve heard,’ said Gran. ‘And the person who said it has told me exactly who it is too. Otherwise I wouldn’t have dared say anything to you. If you don’t believe me, you go home and ask her.’

  This is rock-solid proof that the unpleasantness between Mum and Gran started then. ‘Your Gran is a spiteful woman,’ Mum told me. ‘She’s always got something nasty up her sleeve. That business was between me and your father. Why did she have to go sticking her nose in? But she was determined I wasn’t going to be let off the hook this time!’

  But there was something Mum had forgotten. Amongst the people who put in a good word for her—Zhong was one, Aunt Coral was another—there was Gran. Dad’s eyes were blood-shot and he had yelled himself hoarse, but in the end it was they who pulled him back from the brink. Gran, secretly distressed at the state her son was in, began patiently to work on him: ‘Shengqiang, you’re going to learn from this sad mess. You see, I was right all along, when I said you’ll never understand what people feel in their heart of hearts. So you should be careful not to put noses out of joint by acting cocky and smug. Pride comes before a fall and when people see you’re about to take a fall, they give a silent cheer. So just you keep a low profile in all things, that’s the proper way for a man to behave.’

  So Dad learnt his lesson. After that, if someone started saying: ‘Xue Shengqiang, your factory’s doing so well!’ he would exclaim: ‘Ai-ya! I’m a factory worker, just a high-up one. I spend my time escorting the clients here there and everywhere, I’m exhausted, there’s no money in it!’ When people said: ‘How grown-up your daughter’s getting, Shengqiang!’ he would answer: ‘Ai-ya! She’s still a silly kid at heart, just grown a bit taller! Her school results are terrible!’ When the neighbours saw Mum coming home laden with shopping bags, and called to him: ‘You get good dinners, Mr Xue!’ he would respond: ‘Dinner? Oh, we just eat bits of this and that, left-overs, you know!’ When he was out drinking with his bros and they got rowdy and said things like: ‘Such a virtuous wife you’ve got, and such a pretty mistress! You certainly know how to pick them! You’ve got the best of both worlds!’ Dad would heave a sigh and say: ‘Oh, I just got dragged into it. What could I do? I’m tired of it all!’

  No one was taken in, but it was only Zhong who confronted him: ‘Listen, bro, when did you learn to act so hypocritical? Cut it out, at least with me!’

  Of course, Zhong was his very closest, long-time friend, Dad wasn’t in any doubt about that. Zhong hadn’t even been particularly angry with him about the dinner fiasco. The very next morning Dad got on the phone to him. Zhong picked up and said a cheerful ‘Good morning!’ then started turning the air blue with ‘son-of-a-bitch’ and ‘arsehole’ and much more besides. Well, what could Dad do but offer a string of grovelling apologies? But Zhong said: ‘Why are you saying sorry to me? It’s your brother who should apologize. It was he who behaved so badly and put Ms Wang in such a fury. Then when I got home last night, I got it in the neck from my mother. What was I supposed to say?’

  ‘Ai-ya! Zhong!’ Somehow Dad was relieved that Zhong wasn’t blaming him. He tried to appease his friend: ‘You know what my brother’s like, he’s done so much studying, it’s addled his brain! Don’t let it get to you! He’s not a bad man, he’s just an old stick-in-the-mud!’

  ‘Old stick-in-the-mud?’ Zhong sounded even more disgruntled. ‘He was a slick operator when he took that kickback off Gao Tao. Let me tell you, Shengqiang, you don’t need to put in a good word for him, or apologize on his behalf. This business has nothing to do with you, stop worrying about it. It’s him I’m angry with, and as for me and you, forget it, it’s nothing to do with us!’

  It would be fair to say that Zhong’s words made Dad choke on ash. He was appalled at this piece of information: That Duan Zhiming!

  But he couldn’t put the boot in, because Zhong was an outsider. So he made excuses: ‘Ai-ya! He’s so busy and works so hard. Taking a kickback, helping someone make money, and making a bit for himself, none of that’s easy. I know he behaved badly but he’s my big brother, what can I do about it? And you said it: my brother is your brother too, we’re all one family. Don’t be angry with him. I’ll drop by your mother’s and give her a nice present by way of an apology. Satisfaction guaranteed!’

  Zhong laughed despite himself. Dad heard a ‘tsk’, at the other end of the line: ‘Shengqiang! You really can talk the hind legs off a donkey! Well, we’ll see. We’ll see!’

  ‘Hey, I’ll come any time. You let me know when, and I’ll be right there!’ Dad was determined to settle things.

  Well, that was that. Dad cut the call, went to clean his teeth, and joined Mum for breakfast. ‘Shengqiang, do you remember how drunk you got last night? Your brother had to bring you home, aren’t you ashamed of yourself?’ she said to him.

  But Dad was not upset. He picked up a fried dough stick, took a bite and said: ‘Ai-ya! Can’t I get drunk once in a while?’

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27