Shenanigans, page 5
“Good idea,” Jana agreed.
I handed Dutch’s badge to the cop guarding the exit. “I found this on the ground.”
“Thank you, ma’am.”
Arf? Arf?
“You bet your ass I’ll find out who killed your mom.” I hurried across the parking lot.
Tinkerbell let out a series of worried yaps.
“No, you’re not going to the pound. I’m taking you home with me. You’re my dog now. Unless you want to live with your grandmother?”
Woof.
“That was a definite no.”
Arf. Arf. Arf.
I glanced over my shoulder. Dutch was trailing us. “I’ll start my search tomorrow.”
Arf?
“Because Dutch is a persistent bugger and I’m sure he’s already put a tracker on Jana’s limo.”
Tinkerbell whimpered.
“I know honey. Losing someone you love hurts a lot.”
Enrique opened the limo door for me.
“Gracias.” I climbed inside.
Jana slid in beside me. “My friend at the medical examiner’s office will get us into the county morgue tomorrow. Let’s hope Maria knows who killed her.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Tinkerbell woofed in agreement.
Chapter Eight
A boisterous chorus of cock-a-doodle-doos vied with the buzzing snores of what had to be a grizzly bear. I cracked an eye open. Huh? Tinkerbell snored.
The cock-a-doodle-doos got louder.
What the hell? Memory flooded back, and I groaned. The roosters had found my orange grove. I rolled over and looked at the clock. Four frickin’ o’clock? Ugh.
The roosters crowed again and again and again and again.
I winced as pain shot through my temples. God, did I have a headache.
Arf? Arf?
I glanced over at Tinkerbell who was giving me the doggie version of the evil eye. “Don’t worry, I’ll find them a new home.”
Woof?
“As soon as possible.”
More clangorous cock-a-doodle-doos filled the morning air.
The neighbor’s dogs started barking. Pretty soon every dog in the neighborhood was joining in.
Tinkerbell howled.
I put a pillow over my head. God, just kill me now.
Bang! Bang! Bang! My front door shuddered under the blows. “Shut those fucking roosters up,” Dutch bellowed.
If I stopped them, he’d know for sure I could control critters, but would anyone believe him?
The roosters’ crowing got louder and louder.
My headache got worse and worse. I only had four glasses of champagne and I shouldn’t be this hung over.
Dutch shouted, “Shut them up or I’m going to write you a ticket for disturbing the peace.”
“Arrrgh!” I climbed out of bed, opened the bedroom window and leaned out. “Go ahead. It’ll get laughed out of court.” My eyes widened in surprise. Shadows wrapped around Dutch’s abdomen, but left his bare chest and legs exposed. I suddenly had the urge to run my hands all over those yummy muscles. Was he naked? And if he was, how did I get him to move into the light?
I smacked my forehead. What in the hell was wrong with me? Why was I drooling over the asshole? I had seen a nude man before and his little pecker kinda reminded me of a one-eyed snake. “How about I call 9-1-1 and report a naked prowler.”
Dutch stepped into view. “I’m not naked.”
My girly parts danced in delight. Whoa, he was hung like a stallion. His jockey shorts displayed every inch of his impressive morning woody.
Dutch crossed his arms and smirked. “Like what you see?”
“I’ve seen bigger.”
“Really?” The bastard laughed and shook his head. “You’re lying.”
“Am not.” God, that sounded juvenile.
“I have it on good authority that you’re a virgin.”
“What?” It came out as a squawk of horror. “Who told you that?”
“Your mother.”
I was going to kill her.
More cock-a-doodle-doos rang out.
“Make them stop and I’ll drop the assault charge,” Dutch promised.
I snorted. “Right.”
“You have my word.”
I pulled my eyes off his crotch. “And why should I believe you?”
“I was a Boy Scout.”
Like I believed that, but the crowing was making my head throb. “Fine.” I reached out psychically. “Stop crowing.”
The chickens fell silent.
Dutch rubbed the back of his neck. “And the dogs, please.”
I sent out another psychic command. The dogs stopped barking. “Better?”
“Yes. Thank you.” Dutch started back to his house and paused at the end of the walkway. “The next time you have pigeons shit on my truck, you’re cleaning it off.”
“Stop being a dickhead and it won’t be a problem.”
“My office. Eight o’clock sharp.” He disappeared into the darkness.
“Jerk.” I closed the window.
Arf. Arf.
I burst out laughing. “Putting a skunk in his truck is an excellent idea, but since he knows what I can do, we’d have to make a run for the border.”
Chapter Nine
Dutch’s office was a chaotic mess. My gaze roved over the piles of paper covering his desk to the fast food containers spilling from the trash can to the wanted posters and bloody crime scene photos plastered all over the walls. Did he have hoarder tendencies or was he just a slob? I eyed the ketchup splattered computer screen. Slob. “Charming décor.”
Dutch rumbled from behind me. “It’s the maid’s day off.”
I glanced over my shoulder and my jaw dropped. Whoa! Dutch was wearing a sharp, black business suit and his beard was gone.
“I have court today.” He explained as he ushered me into his office.
“Oh.” I studied Dutch’s colorfully bruised face. “Did the security guards give you that shiner?”
Dutch removed a gym bag and ballistic vest from the chair beside his desk. “Cut the innocent act. You know damn well how I got these bruises.”
“Right. The mysterious Ninja Nun kicked your butt,” I responded.
“You’re a real riot.” Dutch pointed at the chair and ordered, “Sit.”
“I’m not a dog. I don’t fetch, heel or roll over on command.”
“Do you do everything the hard way?”
I countered, “Are you always an ass?”
“Please, sit,” Dutch said, his teeth bared in the semblance of a smile.
I sat. “See? Being polite works so much better.”
“Uh huh.” Dutch’s hand closed around an empty soda can, crushing it into an itty-bitty ball.
For a moment the feral glint in his eyes had me worried. A sigh of relief escaped me when Dutch dropped the crumpled can in the overflowing trash.
A trace of satisfaction flashed across Dutch’s face. “Where are the ownership documents for Tinkerbell?”
I handed them to him. “Her name is Tink.”
“Did you know the North Phoenix Animal Rescue has ties to radical animal rights activists?”
“Really? I find that surprising. The Maricopa County Sheriff’s office referred me to them.”
Dutch gave me a narrowed-eyed glare. “These animal activists are responsible for several deaths.”
If he was trying to get a reaction out of me, it wouldn’t work. Other than bee stings, no one had died or been hurt in our rescues. “How awful! I hope you lock them up and throw away the key.”
“Someone with your abilities would be an asset.” There was a note of censure in Dutch’s voice.
I gasped in outrage. “Do you really think I would work with someone who killed people?”
He stared at me for a long moment. “No, you’re not a killer.”
Hallefrickinlujah! He believed me. Now all I needed to do was get Dutch to focus on the murder not the activists or the Ninja Nun. “How did Maria die?”
“Gunshot wounds to the chest.”
“God, I hope she didn’t shoot herself.”
Dutch frowned. “Why would you say that?”
“Maria bought a .380 Ruger from a pawnshop. That idiot should never have sold a novice a gun with a hair trigger.”
“You saw the gun?”
I shuddered dramatically. “I sure did, right before she blew a hole in my floor. Missed my foot by an inch.”
“The bullet is still there?”
“No. I dug it out.”
Dutch let out a long-suffering sigh. “Please tell me you didn’t throw it away.”
“Of course not, I am a detective,” I huffed.
“Who finds lost animals and has no actual training in police work.”
“I’m working on my BA in criminal justice.” I reached into my purse and pulled out a clear plastic envelope with a smashed piece of lead inside. “Here. Happy now?”
Dutch took it. “Why are you helping me?”
“I want Maria’s killer found too.”
“When was the last time you saw or talked with Maria?”
“The day she hired me.”
“Is this your receipt?” Dutch held up an evidence bag with my blood-stained receipt in it.
Nausea rolled through me. “Yes.”
“What makes you think Maria’s sister might be involved in her death?”
“She’s a skank.” I watched the tiny tic in Dutch’s jaw intently. Was he grinding his teeth? I bet he was.
“Anything else?”
“What?”
“Do you have any cold, hard evidence that the skank is involved in Maria’s death?”
Did he want me to do his job for him? “Here’s a thought. Why don’t you interrogate her?”
“She’s missing,” Dutch shot back.
“Oh. Not good.”
His voice was taut with anger, Dutch snapped, “No, it’s not.”
“You think she’s dead too?”
Dutch’s tapped his computer keyboard and turned the screen toward me. An amputated finger with sparkly neon green polish was displayed in graphic color. “What do you think?”
“Are you sure that’s her finger?”
“We’re waiting for the DNA tests to come back.” Dutch ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “But that could take weeks.”
“The skank could still be alive,” I stated.
“The medical examiner says the finger was severed postmortem.”
That would explain the blood-soaked sand in the warehouse. “You think Tomas is responsible for killing them?”
Dutch assumed his stoic cop face. “He is a person of interest.”
“And am I? A person of interest?”
He laughed. “You could say that.”
Awesome. I gave him a bright smile. “Well, this has been fun, but I have a client to meet.” My cellphone buzzed loudly as I stood up. Jana was waiting for me in the morgue.
“Don’t leave town and stay away from Tomas,” Dutch warned.
I saluted him. “Yes, sir.”
“If I see the Ninja Nun again, I will arrest her.”
“If you can catch her,” I taunted.
“Is that a challenge?”
“What do you think?”
A predatory gleam filled Dutch’s eyes. “Challenge accepted.”
Chapter Ten
Stepping into the elevator, I hit the button for the sub-basement and I gave myself a mental head smack. What the hell had I been thinking? Daring the best homicide detective in the western United States to catch me was beyond stupid. My dad would have a cow. I had put our entire family at risk.
The problem was, I wanted to have hot monkey sex with Dutch. Which was bad on so many levels. Dutch had made it very clear he didn’t find me attractive. I wasn’t exactly a law-abiding citizen. With my dad’s history, I needed to stay far, far away from the very capable detective.
The minute the elevator doors opened, the stench hit me. Ugh. It was a combination of rotting meat and bleach. I hurried down the hallway, trying not to gag as the smell got into my throat. How did Jana deal with it every day?
The mortuary doors swooshed open and Jana stepped out. “There you are.”
I waved a hand in front of my face. “Is the smell always this bad?”
“Quit being a wuss. Teri, the Medical Examiner, is waiting,” Jana said, practically dragging me past shelves of bagged bodies.
“Shouldn’t they be in a refrigerator of some type? It would cut down on the smell.”
“The Sheriff’s burial detail will be here shortly to lay them to rest,” Jana replied.
“Oh. That’s right. The Medical Examiner’s office uses the Sheriff’s chain gang to plant them in our version of Potter’s field.”
Jana sighed. “They’re laid to rest not planted.”
“I didn’t mean to disrespect the dearly departed, but this place kinda freaks me out,” I said quickly. Jana took her mortician duties seriously.
“The dead cannot hurt you.”
A plastic shrouded body shot upright, banged its head on the shelf and moaned.
I jumped about a foot. “What the hell? It’s alive! It’s alive! Call the paramedics!”
“The paramedics can’t resuscitate a two-day old corpse. I’ve told you repeatedly that sometimes the dead move,” Jana responded patiently as I peeked around her shoulder.
The quivering corpse farted loudly and fell back.
Another body moved.
I pulled a cross out from under my Hawaiian print shirt and held it out to ward off the evil spirits and other creepy crawlies. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.”
“Oh, for God’s sake, grow a pair. It’s residual gases and left-over nerve impulses.”
“Uh huh.” I cast a nervous glance around the gloomy morgue, looking for more of the farting dead.
Jana inquired, “Why is it you can get shot at and have half of the Phoenix Police Department’s cops chasing you and not turn into a girly girl?”
“Maybe it was having a bunch of dead bodies fall on me when I was visiting your father’s mortuary.”
“That was over fifteen years ago,” Jana cried.
“They didn’t have heads!” A shudder of revulsion shook me. “And they leaked on me. Gross. I can still feel the slimy goop oozing down the front of my blouse.” I raised the cross. “Evil beware! This has been blessed by the Holy Father himself.”
Jana rolled her eyes in disgust. “You’re not even Catholic and you bought that cheap knock-off on eBay. If you’re going to be talking to the dead, you’d better learn to suck it up.”
“I hate it when you’re right.” My fist closed around the cross as the gruesome image of eight severed heads flashed across my mind. And Jana wondered why I didn’t want to work at her mortuary.
A voice called, “Jana?”
“Coming Teri,” Jana answered and pulled me down the aisle with more bodies stacked on each side.
I gagged at the stench. “Gak. I’m burning these clothes and taking an hour-long bubble bath when I get home.”
“Be nice and no smart-ass comments. Teri’s risking her job for us,” Jana whispered.
I whispered back, “I’m always nice.”
Jana gave me the stink eye.
Teri was a heavy set Hispanic lady in her forties. She wore red scrubs and a surgical mask hung from her neck. Behind her was a sheet draped gurney.
“Thanks again for agreeing to meet with us. This is the friend I told you about. We desperately need to find out if Maria was murdered,” Jana stated.
“Hi, I’m Kandi.” I held my hand out until I noticed her bloody latex gloves. I jerked my hand back. “I’m really grateful you could arrange this for us, and hopefully, we can discover how Maria died.”
Teri shrugged. “My abuela could talk to the dead and I owed Jana a favor.”
“Oh, how awesome.” I looked at the sheet draped body on the gurney. “Is that Maria?”
Jana shot me a worried frown. “You can’t sense her?”
“I locked down my psychic senses.”
“Why on Earth would you want to do that?” To say Jana was not happy would be an understatement.
“It’s a new talent. I have no control over it yet. Would you want to walk into a room filled with talking dead people unprepared?”
“Probably not. Do your thing,” Jana instructed.
“Yes, ma’am.” I dropped my mental shields and tried to tune into the spirit world. I couldn’t sense a damn thing. Not a single ghost appeared. No eerie wailing. No glowing portals. No voice of God. Even better, no demons or hellfire.
Jana kept asking, “Is she here yet? Is she here yet? Is she here yet?”
“No. She’s not here yet,” I snapped.
“Why not? Emma Dutton just popped right in.”
I rubbed my aching forehead. “I didn’t summon Emma. She came to me on her own.”
“It takes a lot of juice to summon the dead. Maybe you’re not strong enough,” Teri commented.
“You might be right. I’ve never done this before and I don’t have a friggin’ clue on how to summon spirits.”
Teri shot me a surprised look. “You didn’t bring a crystal to help you focus?”
“No. I didn’t know I needed one.”
“Good thing I brought one with me,” Teri said. She plucked a crystal ball off the gurney and held it out.
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No.” She handed me the ball. “Just try it.”
Doing my best to ignore the bloody fingerprints Teri had left on the crystal, I held it out and concentrated. To my amazement a light flickered to life in the center of the ball.
“Form an image of Maria in your mind and focus on summoning her,” Teri advised.
Following her instructions, I poured my psychic power into the crystal ball. The light grew brighter and brighter and brighter.
Teri added urgently, “Whatever happens do not touch the doorway when it forms.”
“And if I do?”
“You die.”
“Gotcha. No touching the pretty light.”
“Now, command Maria to appear,” Teri directed.
