Shenanigans, page 4
He gave me a dazzling white smile. “I would be happy to escort three beautiful females to the benefit.”
Jana inquired dryly, “You do know he’s gay, right?”
“Frederick doesn’t know that,” I countered.
A wicked smile curled Jana’s mouth. “True.” She took Enrique’s left arm. “Shall we?”
“It would be my pleasure.”
“Champagne, caviar and doggie treats. What more could we want?” I took his right arm.
Tinkerbell barked her agreement.
My cellphone howled.
Throwing her head back, Tinkerbell howled too.
“Shush,” I commanded and handed her back to Enrique. I swiped my cellphone screen. “What’s up Dad?”
My father’s deep voice simmered with barely controlled exasperation, “That cop knows where you are.”
“What! How?”
“Your mother. The detective called, demanding to talk with you. Your mother told him you were attending a fancy charity benefit and to call back later.”
I groaned. Mom was such a blabbermouth. “Anything else?”
“Yes. She told him he should be ashamed of himself. You are only doing God’s work,” Dad replied.
“Oh, crap. That’s as good as a confession.”
“Once the detective meets your mother in person, he might not think so. You have about an hour before he tracks you down.”
“Thanks for the heads-up Dad.”
“Oh yeah, the detective wanted to know if you had a nun’s habit,” Dad added.
“What did Mom say?”
“You’re Baptist and why would you need a habit?”
I laughed. “Good point.”
“Watch your back and remember what I taught you.”
“I will.”
“Love you,” Dad said and hung up.
Jana frowned. “Give me the bad news.”
“Detective Callaghan knows where to find me.”
“Fuck.”
I smiled grimly. “Exactly.” I quickly checked my voicemail. Yeow. Dutch was using his scary cop’s voice and demanding I meet with him.
Enrique asked, “Can the cop prove anything?”
“Not yet.”
“Then you play the innocent.”
Jana grinned. “Just act like your mother.”
“A ditzy bimbo?”
“It’ll drive him nuts,” Jana responded.
I rubbed my hands. “Let the games begin.”
Chapter Six
The crowning jewel of Heritage Park was the Rosson House, a fully restored 1895 Queen Ann Victorian manor. The charity benefit had been set up in the gardens. Under colorful fairy lights dozens of tables covered with pristine white linens were lined up. A Latin band played on the balcony. Beneath them Enrique and Jana did a smokin’ hot cha- cha on a temporary dance floor. An enthusiastic crowd had gathered to watch them.
I spotted Frederick glad-handing all the important guests. I’ll never understand what Jana saw in the toad. Okay, I’d admit Frederick was attractive and when he put his mind to it, he could be charming. At heart, however, he was a narcissistic ass and he hated the fact Jana was more successful than him.
Buffy, his date, was wearing a hideous orange satin dress with a huge pink bow perched on her back like fairy wings. The monstrosity was so tight she was forced to take little mincing steps.
I watched Frederick getting angrier and angrier. He didn’t like all the attention Jana’s and Enrique’s dance routine was getting. If looks could kill, they would be toes up.
Tinkerbell let out a mournful howl.
“What?”
Arf. Arf. Arf.
“Okay. Okay. I’ll call your mom again.” I dialed Maria’s number for the twelfth time. Once more, the phone went straight to voicemail. I tried to ignore the little voice in my head that said she was dead.
“Sorry. She’s still not answering.”
Tinkerbell stared up at me with sad eyes and whimpered.
“I’m worried too.”
Arf. Arf. Arf.
“I promise. I will find her.”
A low growl rumbled in Tinkerbell’s chest.
“Dutch is here? That was quick.”
Arf. Arf. Arf. Arf. Arf.
“You’re right, it’s probably the first time a little old nun has kicked his butt.” Dutch stepped out of the shadows still wearing his biker garb. My stomach clenched. In the middle of all the tuxedoed males, the detective stood out like a predator among sheep.
Woof. Woof.
I laughed. “He does have a nice shiner and he’s limping pretty good too.”
Tinkerbell gave me a doggie grin. Arf. Arf. Arf. Arf.
“Nah, I don’t think he’s gonna turn into the walking dead.”
Dutch’s fierce gaze surveyed the guests. It skimmed over me. His body stiffened, and his head snapped back around. The expression on his face could only be described as gotcha.
My own parents wouldn’t recognize me, huh?
Enrique and Jana finished their dance with a flourish.
The crowd applauded loudly.
His mouth a grim line, Frederick pulled Buffy out on the dance floor, almost trampling my very best friend. “Leave.”
Jana gave him her best eat shit and die glare before leaving the dance floor with Enrique.
The band broke into a lively Tango.
This should be interesting.
Buffy twirled her arms around like a dysfunctional helicopter and jerked her head forward as if she was trying to puke.
Arf? Arf?
I cocked my head. “Dunno. Maybe she has a hairball.”
Ducking Buffy’s flailing arms, Frederick did a weird tap dance around her.
“I know you’re the Ninja Nun,” Dutch rumbled in my ear.
Doing my best clueless impression, I stared up at him. “Are you talking to me?”
“Yes.” The word was a snarl.
I tapped a finger against my face. “Do I know you?”
“You’re a real riot.”
“Oh, now I remember. You’re the cranky bastard that lives next door to me. Forget your tuxedo?”
“Cut the act, Sister. You know why I’m here.”
“No, I don’t, and my name is Kandi, not sister. Go away before I call security.”
Dutch leaned down until his nose touched mine. “I don’t know how you did it, but you sic’d those damn pigeons on me.”
“Are you off your meds?”
“You also assaulted me, and that, sweetheart, is a class 1 felony.”
I gave Dutch a disbelieving look. “When and where did this horrible assault occur?
“Today at the warehouse.”
“What warehouse?”
“I’m in no mood to play games,” Dutch snapped.
“Me either. I don’t know what you’re talking about and I’ve never laid a hand on you.”
“True,” Dutch nodded. “You kicked me in the stomach. Repeatedly.”
“Teensy-weensy me, beat you up? Please. You outweigh me by sixty pounds.”
Dutch pulled out a set of cuffs. “You’re under arrest.”
Tinkerbell growled viciously.
Dutch twitched and pulled his gun. “Bite me, you little rug rat, and I’ll shoot your ass.”
My temper flared to life. No one threatened my Tinkerbell. I stepped in front of the Yorkie and poked Dutch in the chest. “Back the hell off. Only a dickless pussy threatens an itty-bitty dog.”
Jana suddenly yelled, “Oh! My! God! He’s got a gun!”
Chaos erupted as people ran screaming in every direction.
Dutch held up his badge. “I’m a cop!”
Two security guards tackled Dutch, knocking him to the ground.
I watched as they wrestled. Damn, someone was having a really bad day.
“Get off me. I’m a cop,” Dutch bellowed.
Two more guards piled on top of Dutch. In the scuffle his badge was kicked away.
I picked it up, stuffed it in my clutch and said loudly, “He doesn’t look like a cop to me. Wasn’t he panhandling down on McDowell?”
“He was. The nasty man tried to get in my car,” Jana replied huffily and snagged his gun.
Enrique whispered, “The Chief of Police is headed this way.”
“Time for a tactical retreat,” I said.
Jana countered, “Only the guilty flee.”
“No one is going anywhere. The police have the exits blocked off,” Enrique added.
I was feeling a mite thirsty. “Champagne anyone?”
Woof. Woof.
“Caviar? You’re sure you want to eat fish eggs?”
Arf. Arf.
“Smells good, huh?”
Woof.
“Okay. I’ll get you some caviar.”
Tinkerbell did a happy dance.
Jana grinned at the Yorkie’s antics. “What did she ask for?”
“Caviar.”
“That dog has good taste,” Jana replied.
We trooped over to the buffet table.
Chapter Seven
“The asshole is heading our way,” Jana warned.
Tinkerbell growled.
I glanced over my shoulder. Dutch’s furious blue eyes were locked on me. “Think he knows I have his badge?”
“No, but I bet he wants his gun back,” Jana said, quickly dropping Dutch’s Ruger on the ground.
Tinkerbell peed on it and gave me a doggie grin.
“Aw. You read my mind. You’re such a good girl.” I pushed the pistol under the table with my foot.
A smitten look on his face, Enrique sighed, “I wouldn’t mind trying out his love muscle.”
“Dude, you gotta have higher standards,” I quipped.
Jana laughed. “The man is sex on two legs, but I think it’s best if we stay far, far away from him.”
The band broke into a hot Latin Salsa perfect for dancing the Tango.
I handed Tinkerbell’s leash to Jana and smiled at Enrique. “Shall we show Frederick how the Tango is supposed to be done?”
“It would be my pleasure.” Enrique walked out on the dance floor and crooked his finger at me.
I sauntered towards him, putting an extra swing in my hips.
Enrique quick stepped around me.
I heard a yelp and turned.
Enrique was sprawled face down on the grass.
Dutch stalked toward me.
Crap. I retreated.
The asshole followed.
“Go away.”
“No.” With a lightning fast move, Dutch grabbed my right hand, spun me around him and pulled me into a tight embrace.
I tried to break free. “I’m not dancing with you.”
“Yes. You are.” Dutch promenaded me across the dance floor.
“What do you want?”
“The truth.”
“About what?” I jerked away.
Dutch jerked me back. “What were you doing at the warehouse dressed like a nun?”
“Why in the world would I get dressed up like a nun?”
“That’s the million-dollar question. Maybe you like watching men and dogs fight to the death.”
“Listen, asshole, I’m a pet detective. I find lost critters for a living. I would never harm a living creature, but I might make an exception in your case.”
“Is Maria Torrez your client?” Dutch’s large hands skimmed down my back, grabbed my hips and up I went.
"Hey! Bad idea." Really bad idea. My skin heated wherever he touched me, and my girly parts were yelling yee-haw.
Dutch twirled me around his shoulders. “Is Maria your client?”
“Put me down!” I grabbed his bulging biceps for support as he slid me down his body. “Have you lost your mind?”
Dutch dipped me and lowered his head until our lips almost met. “Answer the question.”
“Is this a new interrogation technique?”
“I do whatever it takes to get the job done.”
One second his lips touched mine, the next Dutch slid me between his legs and slowly pulled me back up.
“Is that a banana in your pants or are you just really glad to see me?” I twisted and brought my knee up.
The jerk easily blocked my attempt to unman him. “Temper. Temper. That’s gonna cost you. Answer my questions or you will be spending time in the county jail eating three-day old bologna sandwiches.”
One look at the threat in Dutch’s eyes and I knew he wasn’t bluffing. “You have heard of client confidentiality? I don’t release information on my clients without their permission.”
“Even if they’re dead?” His voice was flat and deceptively casual.
“What? Dead? Maria’s dead? Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Dutch watched me closely.
“That bastard! I told her to stay away from Tomas.”
Dutch abruptly towed me off the dance floor. “What do you know about Tomas?”
“Just what Maria told me.” I pried at his fingers.
He pulled a chair out from a table. “Sit.”
I sat.
“What did Maria tell you?” Still gripping my hand, Dutch took the chair next to me.
“Tomas cheated on Maria and when she threw him out, he took her Yorkie as payback.”
Dutch’s thumb stroked my wrist. “That’s it?”
“She said he had done some prison time and might be back to fighting dogs again.”
“Did Maria tell you where he held his cage matches?”
“She didn’t know. I was going to talk to the sister,” I answered.
“The sister knows the location of the bouts?
I nodded. “Tomas took her to one of the fights.”
“You charged Maria five hundred dollars to retrieve her dog. Why?”
Crap. What else did he know? “There was an element of risk in the retrieval.” Was he trying to take my pulse? My dad had warned me some cops used this trick as a poor man’s lie detector.
“How did you know Maria’s dog was in the warehouse?”
Sneaky man. I countered with, “Is that where you found Maria’s body? Was her dog okay? How did she die?”
“I don’t discuss the details of my homicide investigation with a suspect.”
I gave a theatrical gasp of horror. “You think I killed her? Are you nuts? What about Maria’s slut of a sister or Tomas, the abusive ex-boyfriend? They both have motive, means and opportunity to carry out the crime.”
“True, but I want to know how your fingerprints got on Maria’s Impala. The Impala you stole from the crime scene,” Dutch responded.
I rolled my eyes. God he was such a liar. He didn’t have my prints or any evidence connecting me to the warehouse. My latex gloves were fool proof and Samson had taken care of the cameras.
“If you cooperate, I’ll talk the County Attorney into giving you a reduced sentence,” Dutch added.
“Since I spent the day getting a makeover, not stealing a car or impersonating a nun, I’ll pass.” I fluffed my hair. “Which pound is Maria’s Yorkie at? I’ll let her family know.”
A muscle twitched in Dutch’s jaw. “I checked you out. They say you can talk to the animals. That you’re a regular Doctor Doolittle.”
I cocked a skeptical eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you believe in all that woo-woo stuff?”
“It would explain a lot.”
Holy crap! Was he serious? I gave him pitying smile. “The next thing you’ll be accusing me of is talking to the dead.”
“Can you talk to the dead?” Dutch studied my face intently. “I can take you to the morgue and you can ask Maria who killed her.”
“Very funny,” I replied angrily.
“I will get the truth from you, one way or another.”
I jumped to my feet. “Is that a threat?”
“It’s a promise.” Dutch rose to his full height and pointed at Tinkerbell. “Is that Maria’s dog?”
“No. Tink is my dog.” There was no way in hell I’d let him take her.
“Strange. Maria’s dog looks just like her and I’ve never seen a Yorkie at your house.”
“I just got her from North Phoenix Animal Rescue. I can show you the paperwork.” After I made a quick call to Harry.
“Good. Bring it to the station tomorrow and we’ll continue our conversation. I’ll expect you at eight sharp.” Dutch walked off.
“Hey! I have a client at eight.”
“Reschedule them,” Dutch called over his shoulder.
“And if I don’t?”
“I’ll arrest you.”
I drew a quick, angry breath. “For what, princess?”
Dutch stopped and turned to face me. “Interfering with my investigation and assaulting a police officer.”
“What evidence do you have I’m involved in any of this?”
“My gut.”
I laughed. “Your gut? Maybe you’re just gassy.”
“My gut is never wrong.”
“The only thing that will stand up in court is cold, hard evidence and you don’t have any,” I responded with cutting pleasantness.
“Sweetheart, I always clear my cases. Always. It’s only a matter of time before I slap the cuffs on.”
I made a rude noise. “Princess, you couldn’t find your own butt with both hands.”
“Keep pushing me and you aren’t going to like the consequences.” Dutch’s voice was a low growl.
“Time to go.” Jana grabbed my arm and dragged me away. “Piss him off enough and he’ll make it his mission in life to investigate every aspect of your business. Do you really want that?”
“No. God no.”
“And what if he finds out about your involvement with Tom, Dick, and Harry?”
I shuddered. “That would be bad. Very bad.”
“Exactly.”
Tinkerbell trotted up to me. Her little body shook badly. Arf? Arf? Arf?
Crap. She had heard Dutch say Maria was dead. I picked up Tinkerbell and cuddled her. “I’m so sorry, honey, but it’s true.”
The little Yorkie threw her head back and howled. An eerie, sorrowful sound that raised the hair on the-back-of-my neck.
Jana gasped. “Holy Jesus! That’s just plain awful. What’s wrong with her?”
“She knows Maria is dead.”
“Your client is dead? How?”
“I think she was murdered.”
Tinkerbell howled again.
I noticed Dutch watching us. “Let’s get out of here before the asshole decides to question me again.”
