The Little Lies We Hide, page 23
“Emily was close to her mother,” Kate said. “Must be difficult for her.”
“It is,” Cassandra said. “They were best friends, really, and business partners with the bakery.”
“Bradley told me.” Kate looked down at her hands. “I shouldn’t have said that, earlier.”
Cassandra was surprised to see Kate a little nervous. Then again, this wasn’t her playground. “I admit, I’m a bit curious.”
“I’ve known Brad three years now and we started to see each other outside of work a couple years ago, or thereabout. Two adults—”
“Having a little fun.”
“Are you sure you want to hear this?”
Cassandra nodded.
Kate fiddled with the ring she wore on her right thumb. She also had a ring on the index finger of each hand. She then tucked her hair behind her left ear and Cassandra was surprised to see a row of earrings running up her ear. She counted seven. Not typical of a woman Kate’s age, but maybe she’d had them since she was young.
She was the last person to judge another after what she had done. They were just earrings, but Cassandra felt they added to Kate’s attractiveness. She looked at her own clothes and realized she’d been wearing these blue jeans and this t-shirt for the past ten years. Her hairstyle dated back to the turn of the century.
That’s what happened when you tucked yourself away in the misery of your existence and stopped living.
“Yeah, two adults having fun,” Kate said and pulled Cassandra from her thoughts. “At my age, you’ve given up the idea of settling down. I moved around a lot. I go wherever a station needs to be turned around. It’s not always a glamourous job, especially when I have to let people go. I hate that part. It’s heartbreaking. So anyway, that’s how I met Brad and I saw potential in him not as a DJ, but as a Program Director. And he’s aced it.”
“And?”
“And for once I didn’t want to leave again,” she said. “So, I changed position when I got the chance, and sort of settled.”
Cassandra took a moment to take it all in. Earlier, after Bradley had kissed her and ignited something in her that had long been extinguished, she had started to believe that maybe, just maybe, something might be there for them. But she could see how much Kate cared for him, loved him, and Cassandra knew that nothing about her and Bradley would ever be right. And there was something else about Kate that Cassandra couldn’t quite figure out.
“Is there a powder room I can use?”
“Across the hall, first door on the right.”
“Thank you.”
While Kate was gone, Cassandra sat with her left leg crossed over her right, visualizing Kate sitting across from her, a glow in her eyes as she spoke about Bradley. Cassandra didn’t think she had that same sort of glow. Only a woman completely—
Suddenly, it hit her.
Kate returned from the powder room and took the same seat. Cassandra watched her for a minute, and then remembered her mother. It was rude to stare and not say anything.
“How long?” she said.
“How long what?” Kate said.
Cassandra gave her a knowing smile.
“I guess a mother would know,” Kate said and stood up. She paced in front of the fireplace. “Ten weeks.”
“Brad doesn’t know.”
Kate shook her head. “I was trying to tell him yesterday morning, before Emily called with the . . . news. We never got around to it.”
“Guess it wasn’t planned.”
“No,” Kate said. “It wasn’t something we ever talked about. At my age, the pill doesn’t always work.”
“At any age,” Cassandra said. “You want it?”
Kate appeared to be chewing the inside of her cheek. “I really do. I’m forty. I’m not going to get many more opportunities. And . . . and I really love Brad. I’ve always been all about my career until I met him. He’s made me realize that I was missing something.”
“But you’re not sure he loves you as much . . .”
“As you,” Kate finished.
“Which is what you meant by me being the ghost.”
“I’m sorry,” Kate said. “It just came out. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“You didn’t,” Cassandra said.
“It isn’t because he spoke of you often,” she said. “He never mentioned you at all to me. But I’ve always felt that there was something holding him back.”
“Like a ghost.”
Kate nodded. “When I saw you, I figured you must be the one he let get away and still wanted. I said what I said almost out of relief knowing it wasn’t just my imagination, that you actually existed.”
“It’s so much more complicated than that,” Cassandra said with a long sigh. “In fact, I’m his sister-in-law.”
Kate’s eyes shifted to the mantel. “That’s you in the picture.”
“I married Brad’s brother David.”
“And Bradley’s been pining for you since?”
“Oh,” Cassandra said. “You’ve stepped into a theatre and the movie is nearing the end. You have no idea what’s going on.”
Kate sat down again.
“Sorry,” Cassandra said. “It’s a very long story and actually we just learned how it started right before you arrived.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know,” Cassandra said. “I was once Brad’s best friend, until I married his brother.”
Kate played with the ring on her thumb.
“Which is why he moved to Vancouver,” Cassandra said. “I never quite realized that Brad was in love with me until he’d moved away. Like I said, we were best friends.”
“Oh,” Kate said and rubbed her hands on her thighs. “He loved you but you saw him as just a friend.”
“Until it was too late.”
Kate stood again. “But he still loves you.” She faced Cassandra. “And do you love him? Is that why he didn’t want me to come? Maybe coming here was a mistake after all. I should leave.”
Cassandra got to her feet. “Stay.”
“I don’t want to be the fool here.”
“The only fool here is me,” Cassandra said. “I passed him up long ago. You have a baby coming.”
“I’m quite capable of raising my baby alone,” Kate said with an air of assertiveness. “I didn’t get to where I am by being incompetent.”
“I have no doubt that you could,” Cassandra said. “But a child is better off with two loving parents.”
“But that’s the problem,” Kate said. “Brad is still in love with you and he didn’t want me to come with him because he wanted to see if there was still something between the two of you. Although if you’re married to his brother, I don’t see why he’d expect that.”
“That’s the part of the story you’ve missed,” Cassandra said. “My husband and I are getting a divorce.”
Kate’s features hardened. “And you say I have nothing to worry about?”
“You have a baby coming,” Cassandra said. “I couldn’t live with myself if you and Brad didn’t raise that baby together.”
* * *
Angel was beginning to wonder what her mom was doing, so she took a bite of pizza and went looking for her. She thought she could hear voices and wondered if David had come back.
“Mom?” Angel said making her way to the sitting room. “Who are you talking t—”
Angel’s eyes spotted the unknown woman, who seemed a bit distressed, sitting on her grandmother’s couch. The woman was absolutely beautiful and she offered Angel a non-threatening soft smile that looked sort of sad. Angel returned her own quick smile and then gave her mom the look, the one that said who is that?
“Angel, this is Uncle Brad’s girlfriend Kate.”
“You mean—”
“From Vancouver, yes,” Cassandra said, giving Angel her own look that seemed to say play along.
“Oh, right, Uncle Bradley’s girlfriend,” Angel said and turned to Kate. “My grandmother did mention you but I guess I’m surprised to see you. And things have been crazy here so I’m just a little scatterbrained today.”
“You don’t have to explain,” Kate said, regaining her composure. “You’re all going through a lot, which is why I thought I should be here with Brad. I know he didn’t want me to meet you all under these trying circumstances, and I’m sorry if I’m intruding.”
“No, no,” Cassandra said. “It’s fine.”
“I’m sure he’ll be surprised to see you,” Angel said and saw her mom glower at her. “I mean, glad to see you.”
Kate pulled her lips into a tight line. The conversation had trailed off and the three women avoided looking at each other. The room was getting dark and Cassandra turned on one of the lights.
“Well, the pizza is getting cold, so I’m going to go back,” Angel said. “You want me to tell—?”
“Not yet,” Cassandra said.
Angel returned to the kitchen and loaded a slice of pizza on a plate.
“Is that for your mom?”
“It’s for Lilly,” Angel said.
“She’s still out front?”
Angel nodded. “Would you want to be in here if you were her?”
“Guess not.”
“She’s waiting for her mom to come and get her,” Angel said. “Since it looks like we’re going to be here a while and there’s no point in her waiting for me and mom to drive her back.”
“Tell her we apologize,” Bradley said.
“I have,” Angel said. “More times than I can count.”
“Is your mom coming?” Bradley said. “What is she doing?”
“Give her a minute.”
Bradley cocked an ear. “What’s going on? Is David out there?”
“No, no,” Angel said. “He’s not. It’s nothing.”
Bradley got off his stool and marched out of the kitchen before Angel could stop him. “Dad, stay here.”
“Who’s out there?” Emily said.
Angel looked worried. “Uncle Bradley’s girlfriend, Kate.”
“Uncle Bradley?”
“Better than saying my dad’s girlfriend is having a conversation with my mom.,” she said. “I’m going out front to be with Lilly until her mom comes.”
“What a mess.”
“That’s an understatement, Aunt Emily,” Angel said and left.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Bradley stopped just before he reached the sitting room because one of the voices he was hearing sounded familiar. And it wasn’t his brother’s voice. The last thing he’d expected was to find Kate in his childhood home. Then again, it didn’t surprise him that she was here.
He should have known that she would come.
It made him smile.
And broke his heart.
Bradley took a breath and stepped into view. The two women he loved were sitting side by side on the couch, Cassandra holding Kate’s hands. He could see that Kate had been crying, which wasn’t something she did.
He’d seen her shed tears maybe once, and that had been after having to let go five people at the station when he’d first met her. Everyone had heard that the ice woman was coming to clean house, and he’d been surprised when she had called him into her office—he’d expected to be let go as well and was so nervous—and had told him she was going to make him Program Director. When he’d asked about Paul Brennan, the current Program Director, that’s when her eyes had gotten moist.
So, to see her here sitting side by side with Cassandra, teary-eyed . . . he didn’t know what to think.
“Guess who’s here?” Cassandra said, turning to him. “Bet you weren’t expecting this nice surprise.”
Bradley shifted from foot to foot, trying to figure out what would be appropriate to say. Nothing came to mind—a big void of nothingness.
“It’s okay, Brad,” Kate said. “I know who Cassandra is.”
He wasn’t sure whether that was good or bad.
“I had to come,” Kate said. “I didn’t like the way things hung in the air when you left, and I thought I should be with you, help you get through this.”
“I . . . I just needed some time.”
“You needed to find out if you and Cassandra still had a chance.”
“It’s not that,” he said.
“Please don’t lie,” she said. “Like I said, I know who she is to you.”
Bradley rubbed his goatee.
“I really just needed to come home, bury Mom, try to fix my relationship with my brother. I didn’t really know how I would react to seeing David and Cassandra together after so many years. I had no idea their marriage had turned the way it had.”
“It’s been bad for a long time,” Cassandra said. “We should have divorced long ago.”
“I’m sorry,” Kate said to Cassandra.
“Thank you,” Cassandra said. “I should leave you two together.”
She stood and started to walk away, and as she passed by Bradley, their past slammed into him. She was the girl he’d fallen in love with probably as far back as that first day of school when she’d taken the empty seat beside him. Together, they had done homework in his room, her lying on her stomach on his bed and him sitting on the floor with his back against the wall under his window. They’d heard David come home and slam his bedroom door, and heard him cursing at whatever evil inhabited his room. They had ridden their bikes up Main Street to Tony’s chip wagon after school to share a large bag of Tony’s yummy greasy home fries. He had eaten dinner at her place—her mom had made a delicious beef macaroni dish that his mom had never done—as often as she’d eaten dinner at his house.
When they’d started high school, they had both been bummed out to find out that the only class they had together was boring history, but in grade ten they’d been lucky enough to share six of eight classes.
And in grade eleven, they had gone to see a movie—something they had done so often—and when he’d taken her home, they had sat in the car chatting, but something had changed; he’d become nervous, and he’d seen her wring her hands together. The evening had started as two best friends going to the movies, and by the end a weirdness had settled between them.
So he’d walked her to the front door, said goodnight, and driven home knowing that their friendship would never be the same again.
Looking back, maybe that weirdness had pushed her into David’s arms.
“She’s nice,” Kate said and made her way toward him. “I can see why you still have feelings for her.”
Pain walked across his face. “I didn’t so much move away to pursue a dream, I ran away to escape.”
“And now that you’re back?”
He turned his head to look out the front window. The last of the day was being chased away quickly. It had seemed easier earlier to believe in staying and seeing if anything came between him and Cassandra. He’d told himself he wanted to stay for Angel, and that was true. But now . . . he felt like a cheating bastard. He had kissed Cassandra the way he’d wanted to kiss her that night after the movie, oblivious that his action was actually wrong. He was in a relationship, married or not, and it was wrong to have kissed Cassandra.
Kate didn’t need that.
“I kissed her earlier,” he said.
The words stood between them like a referee before he blows his whistle to signal the fight has begun. Kate crossed her arms while Bradley looked down in shame.
“I see.”
Two words that said more than an outright tirade ever could; two words that broke his heart because he knew how much he had hurt Kate; two words that felt like the end of the best thing that had ever happened to him.
Bradley swore under his breath and stepped out onto the front porch. He saw Angel and Lilly sitting on the steps.
“Hey,” Angel said.
“Hey,” he said and filled his lungs with warm muggy late-summer air. He walked to the far left of the porch where the swing waited in a sad state of disrepair. Time hadn’t been kind to it and it looked old and rusty. He couldn’t believe Lilly had been sitting on it earlier. His two hundred pounds would probably make it scream if he were to sit in it. Instead, he stood with his hands on the railing, which needed a new coat of paint and probably should be replaced entirely as most of the spindles were rotted. It saddened him to see the house in such need of repair.
“Does Kate know about me?”
“I’m not sure.”
“What are you going to do?”
He shook his head. “No idea.”
Kate came outside and he felt her approaching cautiously. She was taller than Cassandra, but the top of her head still didn’t reach much higher than halfway up his neck. They stood in silence while Angel and Lilly walked away toward the road.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
Kate didn’t say anything. A couple more minutes went by. Traffic on Main Street was light now. A young couple walked by, the man pushing a stroller while the woman held a little girl’s hand.
“Did I make the trip for nothing?”
Bradley couldn’t look at her. His eyes followed the couple as they made their way south, toward the Jock River Bridge. Then he spotted Angel and Lilly over by the hedges that had given them privacy from the neighbour on the right for as long as he could remember.
His daughter.
How was he going to tell Kate?
Did it matter if they were going to break up anyway?
Had she made the trip for nothing?
He couldn’t answer that.
Didn’t want to.
He was making a mess of a good thing.
A blind man would see that.
The breeze caressed his face with Kate’s perfume. He’d always loved the way she smelled, like some sort of spring rose with a hint of mango. He was probably way off, but that’s how she smelled to him, and standing right here beside her now, he didn’t know how he was going to be able to give her up.
That day in the office when Kate had told him she was promoting him, he’d thought she was crazy. He’d been a DJ since graduating from college and had never cared much for Paul’s job. He’d liked being on the air, spinning tunes and talking to no one and everyone. He’d especially loved the overnight shift because that’s when the really interesting listeners phoned in. They talked about everything, from broken relationships to some feeling guilty about shoplifting but also loving the thrill, to did he know where they could buy drugs, to what should they do about being pregnant and too afraid to tell their parents. The night owls had been a very eclectic bunch.
