Out in Nowhere, page 13
Hallie looked at Mia. It seemed as if there was a switch inside her. ‘Yes. Saturday. My parents won’t be here by then. Doesn’t matter, though.’
Maggie put a glass of water in front of Hallie. Tom and Kaylah leaned into each other. Everyone at the table had the shell-shocked look that Mia had seen before when tragedy hit. Knowing they had to continue on, but not sure how that was going to be possible since their world had slipped off its axis.
‘Yeah, I think Saturday,’ Hallie repeated. Her smile at Mia barely reached her lips, though, and her eyes were full of grief. ‘That will give the people who need to travel time enough to get here.’
‘Okay.’
‘Rod and Nicole want the funeral out here. To bury him in the family plot. There’s so much history and heritage on this station. Did you know it’s been in Alex’s family for five generations?’
Dave nodded. ‘Like a lot of this country, it takes a special type of person to be able to work this kind of land. Easy to farm when it rains, not so much when it’s a low rainfall season.’
Danny nodded. ‘Alex loved it out here. I know, Hallie, you’d rather have the funeral in Barker and, yeah, it would be nicer and probably a whole lot less work, but I’ve got to back Rod here. This is where Alex would want to be buried. This land was his life.’
‘I’m not arguing that point, Danny,’ Hallie said, twisting the glass of water in her hands. ‘Although, I’m not sure Tirranah was completely his life. There were things that annoyed him about being here. It’s just … it’s just I don’t want to bury him at all. I want him alive and this’—she waved her arms around, indicating the boxes and the empty hook on the wall, where Alex’s hat used to sit—‘this is shit.’
Maggie put her arms around Hallie’s neck and gave her a gentle hug. ‘You’re not wrong. Really, Nicole and Rod shouldn’t have asked you to move on quite so quickly.’
‘Certainly a bit rich,’ Danny said with a frown.
‘That’s life,’ Hallie said.
‘I don’t know,’ Mick said. ‘As forward thinking as they are, it seems unusual for Rod and Nicole to want everything wrapped up so quickly and so neatly.’
‘Unusual? How so?’ Dave pulled out a chair and sat down.
‘Hallie, what do you think?’ Mick turned to her. ‘Did you feel the tension I did between Alex and his folks recently? I haven’t seen them together for a while, but when I spoke with Alex he mentioned that he was really annoyed with them.’
‘There was always some kind of antsiness between them. They were close, but then they’d get upset with each other … often,’ Hallie said.
‘Same as with any father and son relationship,’ Tom put in. ‘Nothing more than normal, though, was there? Geez, I used to argue with my father all the bloody time until I got out from under his feet and went and did my own thing.’
Mick tipped one shoulder. ‘I thought there might have been.’
Hallie shook her head. ‘No. Not recently. They had a bit of a problem a few months ago, but that all settled down.’
‘What was that over?’ Mia asked.
Hallie clasped her hands together on the table. ‘His parents asked me to sign a binding financial agreement before we married. I’m not one hundred per cent sure what was in it, because I was so shocked when I realised what it was, I didn’t take it in, but Alex was pretty annoyed when he found out.’
‘Did you sign it?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Happens a bit out here,’ Maggie said as if she saw the look of horror that had crossed Mia’s face.
‘Why?’
‘Because,’ Danny said, ‘these places have been in families for generations. If a partner comes in and then divorces the son, they could claim part of the land in the divorce.’
‘In turn,’ Mick picked up the thread, ‘no one wants to lose a station or even have to front up with a payout to an outsider. There’s not enough profit out here.’
‘Outsider?’ Mia said.
‘In-laws will always be outsiders here. No matter how much they’re loved or part of the family.’
To Mia, the inside workings of family businesses, like this one, were hard to comprehend.
‘Since I have you all here,’ Dave said, gently changing the subject, ‘would you mind telling me a bit about Alex? How you all knew him, what he was like, that sort of thing?’
There was a collective intake of breath around the table.
Tom leaned forward, his fists holding his chin up. He looked uncertain, then started to speak. ‘When someone dies unexpectedly, it seems to me everyone wants to make out they were perfect.’
Mia brought her eyes up to meet Tom’s. He had a few days’ worth of stubble on his chin and large bags under his bloodshot eyes. He was either tired or hungover, Mia wasn’t sure which, but thanks to his grief, he looked older than his friends at the table.
‘I’m not going to do that with Alex. He was a top-shelf fella, but like the rest of us, he had his faults.’ He gave Hallie a lopsided smile as he said, ‘I’m sure you can attest to that. Always used to drive too fast, didn’t he?’
Mick let out a soft laugh. ‘Yeah, remember that time he bought that Mini for a song and decided we were going to go bush? We packed that little car up with as much beer and food as we could, sat on our swags—’ He turned to Dave. ‘Sorry, everything about this story is illegal.’
Dave raised his hands. ‘No problem here.’
‘That’s right,’ Danny said. ‘We went out to Woolly camp, where it’s all pretty flat, and put the Mini through its paces. Ended up rolling it. Alex was driving.’
Tom laughed. ‘Yeah, and all we did was rock it until we could turn it back over onto its wheels.’
‘What about you, Maggie, Kaylah? What are your memories?’
Kaylah looked uncomfortable. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said in an accent Mia couldn’t place. ‘I didn’t get to meet him. Tom and I only met twelve months ago in Singapore and we eloped, so no one came to our wedding. I didn’t want a fuss. This is my first visit to Australia. First time meeting everyone Tom has talked so fondly about.’
Maggie reached out her hand to Kaylah. ‘And we’re glad to have you here,’ she said.
‘Yeah, that’s right,’ Hallie said. She looked at everyone sitting at the table. ‘You guys have always been so welcoming to whomever you’ve brought into the fold. Doesn’t matter who we are, what our jobs were. Obviously, I’ve never had anything to do with agriculture before now, yet you were all so accepting of me. Even if I do ask stupid questions at times.’
‘Why wouldn’t we be?’ Danny asked, looking perplexed. ‘We’re all the best of mates. If we didn’t get along with our mates’ better halves, then we wouldn’t have the opportunity to see each other. Bit like in-laws. Gotta love them, because the alternative isn’t that good.’
‘Great outlook,’ Dave said. ‘There’re probably a few people who could learn from you fellas.’
‘What I remember most about Alex is his ability to work hard and play hard. He’s a bit of a larrikin, isn’t he?’ Maggie said with a smile. ‘Both Dan and Alex are.’
‘Was,’ Mick said softly.
There was another collective breath.
‘He was. Loved a drink, was pretty keen on the footy. We always argued about which code we followed because here in SA it’s AFL, yet Tom’s from Queensland, so for him it was rugby league.’
‘Charlie was from New South Wales,’ Tom said. ‘And he and I agreed on what footy was. It was the rest of you who didn’t.’
A hush fell around the table and Mia searched each face. Tom, Danny and Mick shared a glance, then looked at the table.
‘And Charlie is?’ Dave asked.
Mick cleared his throat. ‘Charlie was our other blood brother at agricultural college. There were five of us, but he ended up in gaol just as we were finishing. We haven’t had anything to do with him since then.’
‘Oh.’ Kaylah looked at Tom. ‘I thought you said he wanted to come to Alex’s funeral …’ Her voice trailed off as her cheeks flamed red. Tom wriggled in his seat.
‘Yeah, I thought I’d seen that, too,’ Hallie said.
‘Well, yeah. But that’s only been in the last few days. We’ve had nothing to do with him before then,’ Danny said.
Maggie glanced at her husband with a frown. ‘You never told me that.’
‘Nothing to tell,’ he answered. ‘Just because he got in contact doesn’t mean he’s going to do what he says. Charlie’s always walked to the beat of his own drum.’
CHAPTER 15
Hallie fell into bed after everyone left, glad that Maggie had offered to take Ruby for the night. She needed one whole night’s worth of sleep. Would that make her feel normal again? Probably not, but it had to help. At least she hoped it would.
Of the friends who had been there, Danny had left first. He had to catch up with someone, he’d said, then Mick’s phone hadn’t stopped beeping and he’d excused himself to get back into better range so he could deal with whatever was going on in his office.
A little while later, Tom had said he was going to see Nicole and Rod, organising for Kaylah to hitch a ride back to Barker with Mick.
Maggie had stayed to help her pack the spare room.
There wasn’t much in there, only a few books in the shelves and linen in the cupboard that Hallie hadn’t had room to store anywhere else.
Some special trinkets, which her grandmother had given her, had been arranged next to the bed, and as Maggie had gone to pull the doona back from the bed, a mouse had run out from underneath and they’d both screamed and leaped onto the bed.
After a few seconds they had looked at each other and laughed, before a few tears had arrived.
After hitting the pillow to try to puff it up, she leaned back, staring at the ceiling, then at the empty boxes Maggie had dumped into her bedroom so Hallie could start unpacking the drawers. This would be the first night she’d ever spent at Tirranah Station by herself. Alex had hardly ever stayed away overnight and if he did, she’d always been with him.
The knot in her stomach wasn’t fear, though. Holding Alex’s shirt to her face, she closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, pretending he was lying next to her for one last time. She rolled over to hug the shirt between herself and Alex’s pillow.
Her husband’s body had been solid and toned. Years of hard work meant there wasn’t an ounce of fat anywhere on him, and she’d loved to run her hands up and down his arms as he pulled her to him at night. They’d lie together, talking about their day. Sometimes, if she was facing him her head resting on his breast, chest hair tickling her nose, she’d sneeze.
Outside was silent and the whole house and landscape were engulfed in darkness. She assumed the dingo they’d been hearing over the last week or so would turn up again. The dog had become braver and braver as he came in closer to the buildings. Hallie half expected to find him inside the house yard one morning.
The first time Hallie had ever heard a dingo howl, she’d just about shit herself. It was a low moan that went higher and higher and reached a crescendo of moaning, sighing and keening. ‘OoooOOOOHHHH!’
‘What the hell is that?’ she’d asked Alex, sitting upright in bed, pulling the covers to her chest.
He’d continued to snore gently alongside her without moving.
‘Alex!’ She reached out and shook his shoulder. ‘What the hell was that?’
‘What?’ he’d asked sleepily.
‘That noise, what is it?’
As if on cue the howling started again. Hallie shook him again.
‘Hear that?’
‘Oh, yeah. Mmm.’ Alex pulled her to him, tucking her body in around his. ‘It’s a dingo. That’s all. Go back to sleep.’
‘A dingo? Are you sure it’s not a banshee or some type of spirit? It sounds like it should be in a Halloween movie.’
‘Mmm. It’s a dingo. Settle down.’
He’d gone back to sleep within seconds, and Hallie had lain awake all night, waiting, listening, to see if it came back. But just as wild dogs did, it slipped away into the inky night to hunt somewhere else.
A muffled ding from Alex’s side of the bed made Hallie jump. She’d wanted to turn the phone off, but instead, she’d put it on charge that morning. After everyone had left that afternoon, she had scrolled through the photos in his album, looking at the pictures he’d taken over their time together. Every second one was of a piece of machinery or a part that he needed for fencing or a windmill, or the solar pump he’d put on the new bore. Vin and chassis numbers of utes. Batch numbers and expiry dates of drenches, chemicals and sprays. What farmers did before the invention of the phone in their pocket, Hallie wasn’t sure. Perhaps they used the little stock agent book that was always in their top shirt pocket.
There had been a photo of Nicole and Rod on their fortieth wedding anniversary. That day had been special.
Well, the day had been special for the Donaldson family, Hallie supposed. If you were an in-law of the Donaldsons it was a normal day. ‘I hope you and Alex last as long as we have,’ Nicole had said to her. ‘There’s something wonderful about being able to give your all to your husband.’
The implication that Hallie was not doing that was clear.
A rush of anger towards Nicole and Rod made Hallie throw off the top sheet and get out of bed. She yanked open the top drawer of the tallboy and started to throw her knickers, bras and socks into the open box. What had Nicole meant when she’d said earlier, ‘Alex didn’t know what was good for him?’
‘I don’t know how you can sleep at night,’ she hissed through her teeth.
But as quickly as the anger appeared, her body lost the adrenalin and all Hallie felt was exhausted. Why are you doing this?
Back in bed, tucking the sheet around her, she put a pillow on her knees and hung Alex’s shirt on her shoulders. Propping up his phone on the pillow. What was she going to do when she couldn’t smell him anymore?
The phone lit up with her movement and she picked it up again. Photos Alex had taken of Ruby were next in the camera roll. Ruby lying on Hallie’s chest as a small baby. Both asleep. Hallie had asked Alex to send her the one he’d snapped in the shearing shed: Ruby sound asleep, curled up in a fleece. That one now graced the wall in their sitting room.
Alex and Hallie in many different poses; her favourite was from the day they had walked to the top of Mount Clayden and had a picnic. They’d eaten cheese, dips and biscuits and drunk wine and beer, sitting on the granite and overlooking the land as the sun set. They had been able to see for miles up there: a large hill on the horizon in one direction and flat station land in the other. The drive to get there had been a bit of a slog. The track was overgrown and they’d walked the last thirty metres or so up a steep incline. When they made it to the top, they’d explored first, looking for wildflowers and finding old tyres and rubbish instead. Even the remnants of an early phone tower.
Just before the sunlight had completely disappeared, they’d made love on the blanket Hallie had brought.
Alex had the longest of arms to take selfies. Not that he’d ever wanted to, thought they were ridiculous things, but Hallie had always asked, and he’d always complied. Now that photo of them, curled together on the blanket, sat on the windowsill in the bedroom, for their eyes only.
Her next favourite photo was in her natural habitat, the city. They had been dining at a restaurant on the River Torrens, the deck hanging over the water, with swans and ducks swimming underneath. She’d worn an aqua, abstract-print Sacha Drake dress, and Alex had worn chinos and a shirt the same shade of blue as her dress. They looked as if they could have walked down a red carpet together.
A powerhouse couple, Jenna had called them.
Alex didn’t mind the city and he made sure they went back often.
‘I don’t want you hating the station because you can’t visit where you love,’ he’d told her one night as they walked down a street, looking for an out-of-the-way bar. His face had been lit by a streetlight and she’d stopped him and looked up into his face. Placing her hand on his cheek, she’d kissed him.
‘Thank you for being so thoughtful,’ she’d told him.
Another beep from the phone.
The Blood Brothers had forgotten to remove Alex from their group chat—or maybe they didn’t want to. She touched the WhatsApp icon. They’d probably realise that she was reading Alex’s messages over time.
Tom: Anyone heard from Charlie again?
Mick: Not me. No.
Tom: Do we need to be worried?
There were three little dots as someone was typing.
Mick: Why would we need to worry?
Tom: What if he makes a scene?
Mick: Unlikely.
Hallie put the phone down, wondering why they would be worried about Charlie causing a scene. Maybe because they hadn’t seen each other for so long.
She rolled over and opened the top drawer of Alex’s bedside table, looking for something of his she might be able to hang off her necklace and have with her all the time. The wedding ring she’d given him, which he very rarely wore.
‘It’s too dangerous to wear a ring around machinery and out on the station. I might catch it on a piece of wire or something and bugger my finger up completely,’ he’d told her not long after their honeymoon as he’d put the ring back in the box and stored it in his drawer.
If she could find his ring, she’d put it on her necklace and then it would always be close to her heart.
Pushing aside the name badges, random pieces of paper and band-aids Alex kept there, she looked for the ring box.
She couldn’t find it.
Going through the drawer again, this time more slowly, Hallie made sure she looked under every piece of paper and shifted even the tiny portable radio he had. Alex was an ABC listener when he couldn’t sleep at night and often Hallie would wake to Philip Clark or Pav asking quiz questions or talking to special midnight and early morning guests.
Hallie had never gone through Alex’s drawers, because there’d never been a reason to. His jocks and socks were kept in the tallboy and she’d hardly seen him open any of the other drawers.
