All Work, Let's Play, page 25
I nod solemnly. “Bridgett told me.” Right then, his secretary knocks on the door. She steps in when he calls for her to enter and gives him an envelope. On it, I see Gage’s handwriting and know this is his resignation letter.
He’s gone. Because of me.
One Month Later
Caleb
This past month has been hell. After spending practically every day with Gage and Max, I feel empty. I haven’t heard from Gage since the last text he sent to me. I have no idea where he is. Max hasn’t heard anything either and he’s doing about as bad as I am. I understand the situation he was put in, but I can’t help but be pissed at Max. He had to know how much it would hurt Gage when he walked out. He had to.
I wish I hadn’t let him go so easily. I knew he needed space, but I should have gone with him. So he would have known that he wasn’t alone. In my own way, I failed him too.
I don’t fault Gage for leaving. How can I? All he wanted was for people to be there for him, to take care of him. To love him. I didn’t take care of him like I should have. I should have protected him from the hurt. I should have stayed with him, making sure he was okay, just as he did after my father passed.
He did so much for me. He smoothed the rough edges I didn’t even know I had, making me softer and more tolerable to everyone. Even I can admit I was a bit of a tyrant, wanting everything my way. Gage never let me get away with that, making sure I treated him with the respect he deserved.
He got me out of the weird slump I didn’t even know I was in. My life was just work and home, work and home. No fun, no adventure, nothing. He came into my life, allowing me to live, to do all the fun things I only imagined.
Gage let me know it was possible to love. I don’t think I’ve ever really loved someone like I love him and Max. He made me open my heart and he took up residence there, carving out a piece for himself that he would own forever.
And I failed to protect him.
My life is so dim without him around. Without hearing his voice. Without feeling his warmth as we sleep. Without feeling his arms around me. Without going on one of his many adventures. I’m just…hollow.
The first week was tolerable. The second week, bearable, but just so. The third week was a struggle, but this fourth week? It’s painful. I feel like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest. It hurts. I keep rubbing my hand over my sternum, hoping to relieve the ache, but nothing works. Nothing will work until I see Gage and get him back.
Max has been coming over, trying to come up with a plan to find Gage. We don’t know where he could possibly be. We called and went to see Candice, but she hasn’t seen him since. She could be lying, but I don’t think she is. She looks as worried as we do.
We stake out the house he purchased, but there are only boxes inside. Nothing has been unpacked and the lights are always off. We would have kept going back, but we were afraid one of the neighbors would call the cops because we kept driving through and sitting in the driveway.
I was starting to give up hope. Starting to believe that we would never see Gage again and wouldn’t have the chance to make it right. Out of habit, I walked past the paralegals’ office, glancing inside but knowing I’m not going to see Gage at his desk. I expect his desk to be empty and it is. What I don’t expect is to hear Bridgett and Dustin talking about Gage.
Walking back to the door, I stand still and listen. Bridgett is typing away at her computer and Dustin is perched on the desk beside her, his back to me. “And I told him he doesn’t have to work right now. He’s been asking to go back to his house and I told him Shin and I would go with him, but I don’t think he’s up for it. Gage hasn’t left since—”
“Where is he?” I ask calmly, but my tone is stern. Dustin jumps and hops off the desk and Bridgett snaps her head over to look at me. She looks nervous, but I can tell by the set in her jaw that she won’t tell me anything.
“Why?” Her voice is frosty, even though it comes out shaky. It’s a shitty situation we’re all in, but how she’s standing up to me lets me know that Gage has real friends in these two. Or three, Shin included.
I sigh and rub my hand over my curls, tousling them a bit. I try to smooth them back into place, a nervous habit, but it’s a lost cause and I drop my hand. “I miss him, Bridgett. So fucking much. I know I fucked up by not going after him, but I thought I was doing the right thing, giving him some space.”
She isn’t outright glaring at me, but she’s still not looking as friendly as she was before Gage left us. As I thought, she kicks her chin up, but doesn’t say anything.
Knowing I’m not going to win this one, I decide to drop it. “Can you…if you talk to him, can you tell him I miss him? And I love him? Please?” I hear my voice break on the last word, but I don’t stick around long enough to see their reaction. I hustle out of the office and make my way back to mine. I’m at least able to hold the tears at bay until my office door is closed.
Chapter Thirty-One
Gage
I spent a month holed up in Bridgett and Shin’s guest room. I went through the motions, showering, cooking, cleaning and speaking when they were home, but I couldn’t do more than that. I didn’t leave the house. I barely answered my phone. If I did, it was to tell Candice I was okay so she could stop worrying. I didn’t tell her where I was though. I didn’t want to run the risk of her telling Caleb. They’d gotten close and I know she would have tried to help by telling him where I was. I knew Bridgett would never tell either, so I came here.
Deciding to lean on someone after Max basically ripped my heart out was difficult. I thought Bridgett would get tired of me sulking around her house or Shin would get sick of seeing me look like a train wreck and tell me I had to leave. But they didn’t. The opposite, in fact. They both checked on me and talked to me. They let me know they were there for me, regardless of whether I wanted to talk about what happened or not. That means more to me than anything else in the world right now.
After a month of hiding out, I think it’s time for me to get back out in the world. I worked too hard on myself to tuck myself away again. I don’t know if that means I’m ready to move into the house I just bought or go to my sister’s. I decide to take baby steps and call Candice and ask her to lunch tomorrow. I can’t think about doing anything else long-term.
I’m cooking us dinner when Bridgett comes home. I call to her, letting her know I was in the kitchen and she walks in, setting her purse on the counter. She leans back against it and looks at me, opens her mouth, but closes it before she can say anything. She makes a move like she wants to leave the kitchen, but again she turns to me, opens her mouth but closes it before she can say anything. I have a feeling I know what it’s about.
“You have a message from one of them, huh?”
She gives me a sympathetic look and nods. “I didn’t want to say anything, but I’ve been thinking about it all day. Caleb came to us. Gage, he looks terrible. They both do. I’m not excusing what happened with Max, but did Caleb do anything? Is there something you’re not telling me? He said he fucked up, but you didn’t tell us he did anything.”
I turn the burner off and slide over to stand beside her. I take a deep breath and let it out. “No, Caleb didn’t do anything. I cut it off with him because I can’t be with one without the other. It would hurt too much.”
She nods and leans her head on my arm. “Well, he told me he misses you and he loves you. And he sounded really broken up. I think he cried.”
Hearing that is like a punch to the gut. I hate knowing I hurt him so much. Especially so soon after his father died. Caleb didn’t do anything to deserve the cold shoulder and I know I’m a dick for putting him through it. I should reach out to him. To explain better why I had to leave him. But I don’t know if he’ll tell Max where I am or that he spoke to me. It’s a risk I’m not willing to take right now.
Or maybe I am. I do miss Caleb and Max. And it seems I miss them more with each passing day instead of less. When I was with them, I got stronger. I’m not the same man I was when I met them. I know that sometimes, people leave. That not every relationship is meant to last until the end of time. Sometimes, shit happens and people grow apart.
I think with Joyce popping up and with how he handled that threw me for a loop. I think had he handled it better, told me he needed some time to think, I would have been okay. How abruptly he left is what fucked me up. When I was sitting around, wallowing for this month, I thought about how childish he was for not talking to me about what was going on. Then I had to look at myself and realize I was doing the exact same thing.
Telling them how I felt a week or so after everything unfolded could have cleared the air a lot and we wouldn’t all feel so broken. This is reminiscent of what happened after Joyce left me and I thought I grew from that. Guess I was wrong.
Looking over at Bridgett, I see that she really does feel bad for Caleb. She’s been worrying her lip since she told me and can’t stop glancing over at me while I mull over my next steps.
“I should call him, huh?”
Bridgett shrugs and bumps my shoulder. “That’s up to you. What are you thinking?"
Sighing, I go back over to finish cooking our dinner. “I think I should sit down with both of them. I think I was a bit hasty in locking myself away for a month.”
“Don’t let Max off the hook like that. He fucked up. You have the right to be pissed at him.”
I nod, then remove the food from the stove. “Yes and no. I’m pissed by how he handled the situation, but I can understand it. He wasn’t thinking straight, being caught by his sister like that. He definitely should have done more after he kept telling me it wasn’t a big deal. But, if I’m honest, I could have been a bit more understanding.”
“I can’t tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel. If you’re content and know how you want to handle it, I support you one hundred percent. But make sure he knows that he fucked up. Because you deserve everything good, Gage.”
I smile at her and give her a tight hug. We hear the door close and see Shin walk around the corner. “Oh shit, group hug!” he exclaims as he shuffles over and hugs us both, making us laugh. “Now why are we hugging?”
We fill him in on our thoughts and Shin nods. “I saw how they looked at you, Gage. They really do love you. I’m not saying what Max did was right, but I can get the impulse to run when faced with something like that. I don’t think I would have run out like that, but it’s not my situation, so I can’t really weigh in. I just hope they do what it takes so you know they’re for real with you.”
Bridgett agrees, tucking herself into Shin. I don’t think I would have come to this conclusion if it were me by myself. If I didn’t feel I had someone that I could lean on. Not just someone, I have Candice, Dustin, Shin and Bridgett. Four people that will have my back when I go through something rough like this.
Max should have stayed. He should have explained to me what he was feeling and why he didn’t think it was a good idea for us to be together anymore. He bolted and left me. But I’ve been thinking too much about it only being about me. I haven’t looked at it from his perspective. How Joyce popping up would have fucked his head up a little bit. Especially with her being as crazy as she was, still calling me her fiancé. I could have answered his calls and texts when he tried to explain. I could have gotten out of my own head for a minute, been an adult and had the conversation. Just because he didn’t, didn’t mean I couldn’t have.
There’s no time like the present to get things out there. I pull my phone out and pull up our group chat. Something I wasn’t able to delete, no matter how upset I was with Max.
Me: Can we get together on Friday? So we can talk?
The messages come in immediately. I’m surprised they didn’t call, since this is the first time I reached out. But I think they won’t because they don’t think I would answer the phone.
Caleb: Yes, please. When and where? I miss you so much. Are you okay?
Max: Wherever you want. I’m so sorry, babe. Are you okay?
I can’t help it. I smile at their messages. I love that, even though we haven’t spoken in a month, they’re still checking on me.
Me: I’m fine. Meet me at the bar you guys picked me up from? Seven o’clock?
Caleb: I’ll be there.
Max: Me too. Can’t wait to see you.
I look back at Bridgett and Shin and they’re looking wary, but expectant. “I’m going to meet them on Friday.”
“Want me to come with you?” Shin asks, surprising me. While I like Shin, I didn’t think he’d step up to have my back.
“No but thank you. They won’t hurt me. I’ll be safe with them.
“Okay,” Bridgett says, “but call us if you need us, and we'll be there."
I bring them in for another group hug, with Shin rocking us back and forth like a kid. I love these two.
Chapter Thirty-Two
I’m nervous. Granted, this isn’t the first time we’ve had dinner together or sat in a bar, but it’s after our first fight. And it was a big one. One that has the power to tear us apart if we can’t make it work. Even though I stopped communicating, I do want to make it work. I want to at least get it out there to see if we can get past it. I don’t know how we will, but I’m willing to try. I owe it to myself.
I had finally started therapy, and even after skipping it this last month, I’m able to work through what happened and realize that even though the situation wasn’t my fault, I could have allowed Max to explain what happened and why he reacted the way he did. We could have worked out how we would go forward. Even if I took some time to myself to get over the hurt, I could have opened myself up sooner than a month.
But I’m here now to make it right. Although Max owes me an explanation, I owe them one as well. The worst part about this situation is it could have been an easy fix. Had Max or I done any one thing differently, we wouldn’t have had Caleb caught in the crossfire. No matter how hurt I was, and am, Caleb didn’t deserve it. So I’m not as innocent as I thought I was a month ago.
And I had the nerve to say goodbye to him via text message. God, what was I thinking? That’s worse than Joyce leaving me a letter when she left me. A text is so impersonal. So cold. I’ll be lucky if he even accepts my apology.
I get to the bar before they do and I sit in a booth in the back, facing the door. I want to see when they come in, so they know I’m here and didn’t stand them up. If I know them, they’ll be coming together.
It’s nice to know that not that much has changed in a month. I see Caleb walk in, then Max right on his heels. They stop at the door and look around the bar. I raise my hand tentatively, waving them over. From the looks of it, it’s taking everything in them not to rush over to me. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. I wasted so much time not sorting out my feelings. If I’ve learned anything from therapy, it’s that I should have worked through what happened and tried to get the answers I needed. Max was willing to give me those answers, but I was stuck in my past and refused to hear him out. I owe him an apology for that.
Max slides into the booth across from me first, then Caleb follows. They both stare at me, their eyes roaming my face. I tuck my hands into my lap, knowing if I don’t, I’ll want to reach out and touch them.
Caleb takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly. “Gage. I’m glad you texted. We’re glad you texted. How are you? You okay?”
I smile softly at him and nod. “I’m fine. I had to take some time for myself to figure some stuff out. Although I shouldn’t have disappeared for a month like that. I owe you both an apology for that.”
“No,” Max says, his hand spasming like he wants to reach out to me but thinks better of it. “You had every right.”
“I didn’t, Max. Regardless of what happened, I should have been better with my communication. We agreed to communicate and I didn’t hold up my end of the agreement.”
Max rubs a hand down his face. “Fuck, Gage. I know I fucked up. I fucked up bad. If I can, I’d like to explain what happened.”
“Yes, I’d like that,” I tell him.
Max takes a deep breath and Caleb grabs his hand and squeezes. He looks at him and nods, then faces me. “I don’t know if you realized or if she told you, but Joyce and I aren’t as close as we should be, as brother and sister. I love her and I’ll always be there for her. That’s why I was pissed at you after the wedding. She’s my sister and I didn’t want some man to hurt her. But she’s always had it so easy with our parents while I’ve had to struggle for any acknowledgement from them. Over the years, I kind of distanced myself from them, only showing up for dinners when they guilt tripped me into it. That’s why I told you it wouldn’t matter if she found out.
“But I underestimated how much I still want my parents’ approval and how her telling them we were together would affect that. So I froze. It wasn’t my finest moment and not something I should have done at all, and I apologize for that. I should have told you what happened before I ran out on you. You’ve told us repeatedly how people always leave you and I never wanted to be that person. And I was. I’m so sorry.”
I reach out and grab his hand, squeezing it. “I get it. I’m not happy about it, but I understand. I should have given you a chance to explain. And you,” I grab Caleb’s hand, “I’m so sorry for sending you that text. I could have told you what I was feeling and that I needed a break. I was unfair to you. I’m sorry.”
Caleb brings my hand to his mouth and kisses it. “Baby, it’s okay. I was just worried about you. It’s been hell, wondering if you were getting through everything okay. You were there for me when I needed it and I should have found a way to be there for you.”
“Nothing is on you,” Max tells Caleb. “It’s all on me. You tried. I should have done better.”
