The Outing, page 19
I fancy a drink. A strong one. No you don’t. You’ll turn into your mother. “Sounds great. Thanks.”
Playing with the kids coaxed him out of his melancholy. His mum had a problem. He’d talk to his dad. He would lose those words. But he was grateful for them in a way. They’d made him see where he was heading. It wasn’t where he wanted to go.
When squeals and laughter turned into teary and tired, Robert started packing up.
“They can have their nap here. Call Lauren to come over. I’m enjoying the company.”
“So you weren’t serious about peace and quiet then,” Robert joked. “You call her. She doesn’t say no to you as easily as she does to me.”
Duncan was back in moments, “Not happening,” he said. “Harry just phoned your place, and Lauren said you'd call in.”
“It'll be something about the inquest. He’s been attending for Marnie and Jack.”
“I know. Go now. I'll take them home. Help Lauren with her homework eh?” Duncan continued chattering.
Robert was only half listening.
“Good thing I’m used to talking to myself,” said Duncan.
“Sorry. I wonder what he couldn’t tell me by phone. Yeah. That would be great Duncan. I’ll round up their things.”
Chapter 37
Harry’s face was used to giving nothing away and Robert's gaze shifted to the glass in Harry’s hand. A wave of irritation flashed across his own face.
Harry recognized it, “It's not mine. Here. Do you want it neat or …”
“What? I thought-”
“You thought wrong. Come on in. Sit down,” Harry sat leaning forward.
After Robert settled uncomfortably into an armchair, Harry continued, “I don’t want you to get defensive,” he said, “but I know. I’ve known for a while. I just didn’t see the point in bringing it up.”
What started as a sip turned into a gulp and the burn held Robert's attention while it lasted.
“I mean it. I don’t want you to feel bad. So you can lose that trapped in headlights look.”
Robert lifted the glass again. It didn’t burn as much this time.
“I understand you're shocked, but at least as far as I’m concerned you can be honest. You owe me that. Drink up. I’ll get you another one, and,” he said getting up, “you can tell me what exactly happened and then I’ll fill you in on where I think this might be heading. What the police are up to. And we'll figure out what to do. You with me?”
Harry's intermittent nodding stopped when Robert's words did, “I can see better now what they're up to. To me, the picture emerging from the inquest has you painted into a corner.”
“Me?” Robert frowned. “But…”
“Based on the notion that they didn't really see you, and even if they did they wouldn't know you from Adam. And my guess is, they'd still be pinning it on Mr Peters if they hadn't somehow lost him.” Harry turned his glass absently, “At the hotel, when you called the ambulance, who knows you were there?”
“A couple of people I don't know were outside on the verandah, finishing their drinks. It was after closing. Tank and Blue. Jimbo-”
“Peter?” the glass stopped turning.
“Pete? Pete and Jimbo.” Robert told Harry how they'd met and added, “How do you know Pete?”
“The police presented a statement to the coroner.”
“How do you know it was from him?”
“I don't. I'm assuming. The coroner said ‘and what relationship does this person have with the deceased?’ The officer was nervy and started blurting the name but stopped himself. He said he wasn't aware of any relationship but new information had come to light as part of their ongoing inquiries.”
“You don’t know what’s in it?”
“No. Not yet. But what worries me, and should be worrying you more so, is that someone called Pete helps you that night, and before you know it, they're offering up new evidence from Peter somebody. You could bet your bottom dollar it's not something beneficial for you. For a start, you hardly know him.”
“I hardly know any of them.”
“What about the bar manager? Blue. The bar always knows what’s going on.”
“But if he knew something was up, why wouldn’t he have told me?”
Harry tried not to roll his eyes, “You’re not exactly lifelong friends.”
“He did say once, that Pete had some business or other with Nichols and Andrews. Said he had suspicions. I talked to him, Pete- said that Johnny didn't jump that I was sure it was those bastards. He said 'it wouldn't help Johnny, but it might help him',” Robert sighed into his empty glass.
“You're driving.”
“Some ginger ale then? Why would he…”
“Alan John Peters is still our priority,” Harry handed him the soft refill. “He's got to be somewhere. Get hold of this Pete and see what he'll tell you. And Blue. And,” he added, “you've been keeping the gay thing quiet for a long time now. I think you're going to have to keep it that way.”
“Honestly, at this point, I hadn't planned to change anything.”
“It's not… I don't know,” said Harry. “Just keep it all under your hat. I need some time to think it through. And talk to Simon,” his lip turned down. “He knows you’re gay, so warn him not to say a word. Now who else knows?”
“Besides Marnie, Tank and Blue, Ernie, from Johnny's shelter but he wouldn't say anything. Pete and Jimbo? Maybe, nah, I'd say probably. And,” Robert sighed heavily, “Mum, I think.”
Harry’s face twitch was barely perceptible.
Robert repeated the conversation he’d been determined only hours ago to forget, and Harry shook his head in his elephant way, “Big day then?” He didn't wait for an answer, “Go and apologise for upsetting her, and tell her you understand, but don't elaborate. People get defensive. Buy flowers,” Harry half-breathed a chuckle and selected an unopened bottle of Scotch from the drinks trolley. “Better still, give her this.”
Robert half-smiled back, “How long do you think I've got? Before they'll come looking for me.”
“I’d have thought, if they had some knowledge, they’d be wanting you at the inquest. So you could expect that sometime soon. But that’s an if. It’s hard to say with them, the police I mean. They’re not exactly interested in justice or truth are they? But it will have to be wrapped up first. Then any investigations will proceed. We've got time up our sleeves. We'll find Mr Peters. Try not to worry.”
“I wish,” Robert stopped, and all the wishes in his head jostled each other trying to get to the top of the pile. His broken watch was pressing into his thigh. “Johnny’s niece,” he said eventually, “Nikki. After it happened…”
Harry looked up expectantly.
“She said Johnny had been to visit with Grandma that night. At first, I was over the moon. I remember this surge of relief. Huge. And,” Harry's face was blurring, “then Nikki said they were going home together, to her place. To Grandma’s. And then I remembered there was no ‘her place’. She said,” he sniffed, “Nikki said, that he’d watched it happen from the swing. And that he was sorry. I should have told you before. I’m sorry Harry. I’m so so sorry.”
Harry’s elephant nod was as slow as the trail of silver tear streaks forming lines on his face.
Chapter 38
Feeling calm was not what Robert expected. There was a sense of satisfaction arising from applying mental ticks to his must-get-done list, and a sense of something he couldn't point at, but could point towards. And when he looked up into the corner of the room, any room, he felt at peace.
His mum was mollified and if she had doubts, she was keeping them and her whisky under wraps.
By the end of the week, he'd sorted his office, and was heading to see Anna in hers.
“Dropped by to say thank you.”
“For?”
“Pretty much that. For not even knowing.”
A frown creased her forehead.
“I'll explain. Try to,” his smiled to help her relax. “You just, do things, Anna, to help people. Your mum especially, but me too, everyone really. I've used your generosity to cover all sorts of weakness on my part. And you've rearranged, fixed things.”
She looked only slightly less uncomfortable.
“I thought I was organising the promotion because I wanted to make things better, but as much as I told myself it was for you, it was because your situation made me feel uncomfortable. Do you see?”
She shook her head.
“It stopped me from looking at my own…” he stopped. “Maybe that's why I do this job… I'm blathering,” he half-smiled again. “Stay with me on this.”
“No. Stop,” she said. “I can see you've been busy. But I've seen some change in you this week. You're calmer. You're not bumping into things.”
“Hahaha. I hadn't noticed that bit. But you're right.”
“So?”
“So, I have three things to ask you to do. Four. Actually five.”
“You sure you don't want to add on a few more?” The sarcasm was delicately applied.
“Maybe. We'll see.” Robert turned serious. “Firstly if an Alan John Peters turns up or calls, don't let him out of your sight, chain him to your desk. Whatever it takes.”
“The pro-bono?”
“It's pretty important, Anna. I wouldn't trust anyone else… And make sure everyone knows to put him through to you if he phones and asks for me.”
She nodded.
“Second. I've put detailed notes on all my files. Clients won't have to repeat themselves. I want them to stay happy with Eldridge's. But if you'd help,” his head shifted sideways.
“Helen.”
“Yes. I had that.”
“Of course you did.”
“Help Helen, and then help find her another position. She was a good choice, thank you.”
Anna's head tilted under the weight of her questions.
“That's three. Four, Lauren. Can you check up on her. Make sure she's OK. I know Duncan will, but someone else she's familiar with and can talk to about me. Stuff she wouldn't maybe ask her father. She'll probably have questions.”
“Like I do,” Anna said. “What's going on?”
“Well, that brings me to number five. Come and have a drink with me and I'll fill you in. I can only tell you what I know so far. You said 'you can trust me', and I do. As far as anyone else goes, I'm on leave.”
Chapter 39
Robert looked at the occupied corner of the suitcase. It didn't look like much. Packing his clothes was easy. Packing for Lauren was a different story. She always took too much, so he was careful to do the same, smiling as he put in an extra pair of capri pants and then smiling even more because he remembered what they were called.
Kids' was even easier.
He looked at the bedside clock and pressed the pocket of his chinos. He didn't have much time.
In the kitchen he put snacks, juice boxes, fruit, staples and treats into a used supermarket shopping bag and made vegemite sandwiches cut into triangles.
He pulled the front door shut as his family pulled into the driveway.
“Come on,” he opened the doors to his car, “we'll be late if we don't leave straight away.”
He evaded the where are we going questions with, 'it wouldn't be a surprise if I told you,' and 'you'll know when we get there.'
When he looked over at Lauren's face he was pleased to see the skin wasn't tight and resisting, and her forehead was smooth. Looking back at the road ahead of him through the windscreen, he hoped she would remember this feeling.
*
Living an hour from the premier beach-holiday destination in Australia, meant they arrived in time to enjoy some sand and water before the sun's beach access was blocked by the high-rises lined up along the Gold Coast and their long shadows made the sand cold.
“Lovely surprise,” Lauren rubbed sunscreen on the kids. “Totally unexpected.”
“That,” said Robert, “was the plan.”
He turned away, not wanting to encourage the questions he recognised formulating behind her eyes, “You Ok if I go out a bit further?”
She stood up following him into the water and was knee deep in moments, “We'll be OK.”
He turned periodically, watching the playfight splashes and then Lauren kneeling and Emma and Thomas standing, the three heads disappearing and reappearing as they ducked under the shore waves.
In the swell beyond the breakers, he faced the horizon while the current carried him sideways and further out. As he bobbed semi-weightless, he thought about letting it take him wherever it wanted, and wondered where he'd end up? He floated looking skywards and closed his eyes. How hard would it be to let go? He remembered Nikki telling him about Johnny watching what happened. Sadness mingled with peace, and water from his eyes merged with its ancient family. And then he was spluttering upright, feet not touching the ocean floor and kicking towards the shore.
*
On the balcony, Robert waited while Lauren put the kids to bed, listening to the consistent swoosh of the waves. Every so often he caught glimpses of their foam edges when the moonlight broke through the clouds.
When she joined him he waited for the questions which didn't come. Perhaps she didn't want this timid happiness to wash away, “How do you like uni?”
“I felt like a fish out of water to start,” she said.
“Not possible.”
“You'd be surprised. I think I lost some confidence along the way, being mostly at home in the suburbs. But it's good.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean, why?”
“Why is it good? Is it the subjects, the people, because it's interesting?”
The wine helped the conversation meander.
“You relax, and finish up,” he said and putting down his empty glass, “I'll check on the kids.”
He did, but not until after he'd arranged his secretly stowed scented candles.
When he came into the bedroom Lauren was already in bed, “I couldn't find my PJs,” she said.
Looking down at her long lean form beneath the sheet, unmediated by a nightie or pyjamas, was strangely erotic. He let the feeling swirl around his abdomen and pulse lightly in his groin.
“I must have accidentally forgotten them,” he stayed there standing over the bed. “What a shame.”
He peeled back the sheet, slowly dragging it over her skin, watching as her naked body goose-bumped and his eyes moved to the silver threads on her abdomen and a surge of assured masculinity aroused him further. He sensed her vulnerability competing with her desire, listening while her breath became quicker and shallower. She shifted, tensing, and slightly arching her back, her eyes watching him watching her.
He took off his shirt and sat with his back to her on the edge of the bed, trailing his fingers from inside her knee, up her thigh, and whenever she moaned, he lifted his hand away. He could feel his erection stretching against his underwear. His face was hot. He leaned around so he could kiss her and when she tried to kiss him back, he lifted his face away, bringing it down on her neck, licking under her ear, teasing, then kissing her hard on the mouth.
She moved to roll towards him. He could feel her desperation and arousal. He took her hand tracing one finger exquisitely slowly down her body to the top of her legs and let it slice through the damp. She arched again. He held her hand there and pressed against it with his own, rubbing slightly. As she shuddered, he lifted her hand away.
“Slow down,” he whispered, and turned her over, “you have plenty of time.”
Her bare white skinned bottom and splayed legs made him gasp. He knelt between her legs pressing his fully clothed penis against her. The feel of it straining for release was intoxicating. Finally he let it out, playing, prodding, dipping, before lowering his body onto her back and clenching before turning her over.
After her fingers had scraped him free of his clothes, he thrust, and stopped, his weight pressing down on her, feeling her skin hot and dewy against his. He took her wrists, one in each hand and placing them behind her head then pushed hard and deep and stopped. He could feel her hips circling. He did it again and again, until they were both moving together, gasping while the rhythm escalated and released them.
“Shhh,” he said when Lauren went to speak. “Shh. Close your eyes.”
He pulled the sheet up over her and waited as her breathing lengthened and the dwindling candle-light extinguished itself. Then lay with his hands holding each other on his chest and stared into the dark, feeling the tears edge out of the corners of his eyes. He concentrated on the feel of them trickling towards the pillow and thought about his first time with Johnny. He hoped that's how Lauren felt tonight. His chest tightened.
Easing out of bed, he went to check on the kids. At the door he looked back at Lauren asleep, and then up into the corner of the room. He could feel Johnny smiling. I miss you.
***
Emma and Thomas were splashing in the hotel kiddy pool. They'd have to leave soon.
“I don't want to spoil this, but I have to tell you something,” said Robert.
Lauren's face turned but her eyes were on the children.
“You know Harry's been going to the inquest.”
She nodded.
“He said my name's come up.”
“Not surprisingly.”
Robert shook his head but she wasn't watching him, “No.”
She glanced his way and back at the children, “Sorry, I can't have a serious conversation while I'm watching them.”
“It's probably nothing.”
She shrugged, “You'll probably have to make a statement or something. Wouldn't be much to say. You’re friends, you’re his lawyer, you met up for drinks.”
“Just thought I'd mention it. I don't like having secrets.” Fuck. Seriously? “I don't expect- It’s probably nothing,” he repeated, adjusting the wince into a smile.
