Broken: A Bad Boy Romance, page 23
Knowing that I've meant the same to him makes the crashing waves of love in my heart feel even more intense. A hard lump bubbles up to the back of my throat.
"So why do I scare you?" He still hasn't answered the question.
"Because everyone I love dies, Sophia. They always leave."
His confession breaks my heart but also fills me with light.
Love.
Theo loves me.
He doesn't want to lose me, just like I don't want to lose him.
After Hunter, I never wanted to love another person like that, because like Theo, the idea of losing someone who means so much is terrifying. But Theo snuck through all my defenses. And there's no point in denying that I don't love him. And Theo's right, all of that is scary as fuck.
"I don't want to leave," I whisper.
Which is the truth. I don't want to leave Theo. Not now. Not ever.
It's the best I can promise. Both of us know that stuff happens. People get consumed by darkness, or accidents happen. But what I said is true. I don't want to leave him, and for both of us, maybe that's enough.
Theo looks deeply into my eyes, and I can tell we're both thinking the same things. We're scared of the love we both feel for each other. We don't want to say it out loud because both of us know everything can be taken away instantly. Neither of us wants to be hurt again; we've been through enough hurt for a lifetime.
But, we're in too deep.
There's no way we can back out of this now, and really, we were always meant to be something more than just friends.
We're terrified, and we're in love.
Darkness and light.
Hope and despair.
The world doesn't give a damn if they're opposites. It still makes it possible for both to exist in the same conditions. Clearly, Theo and I are evidence.
An unspoken understanding develops between us. Before I have time to react, Theo leans forward and captures my lips with his own.
He kisses me urgently, and I can feel all of the things he's afraid to express on my lips. I kiss him with all of my own silent words. Our lips battle and fall together, and when my mouth falls open first, Theo shoves his tongue in. I breathe him in and taste every inch of him, and I can tell that Theo is doing the same. We're both trying to commit each other to memory because who knows when this will end? Things always do.
Theo's hands get rougher on my waist, and he squeezes me hard. Making sure I'm real. I get it because that's why my fingers have been tangled in his hair.
Love is a scary thing. We've both lost. Tomorrow, something might happen to one of us. But we're both right here right now, and we're both grabbing onto that with everything we've got.
"I need you, Sophia," Theo groans, his voice deep with lust.
My core feels hot. I need Theo the same way.
"I'm here," I affirm.
We both rush to get our clothes off. I trail my fingers over Theo's naked chest as he pulls me off his lap so he can get his pants down. I admire how his black boxers look against his tattooed thighs. I never did get a good look at all of him in the closet.
Gently, Theo pulls my shirt off over my head. I try to help him by doing my pants, but he brushes my fingers away.
"Let me. We're taking our time."
Slowly, he pulls my pants down. Goosebumps raise on my thighs as he trails his fingers down my pale skin. His tattooed hands look so good against my unmarked flesh, and I can tell that Theo thinks the same because I feel his erection twitch against my leg as he kneads my thighs harder.
After Theo pulls my underwear off, he snatches the plush, black blanket from the other end of the couch. Everything smells like Theo as he drapes it over my shoulders and pulls me against his front again. Our chests feel amazing pressing together, and I love how we look against each other: me mostly plain and him swirling with ink.
I can feel his hard dick gliding against my wet folds as I sink onto the side of him. Theo grips my hips and pulls me forward and back, grinding us together. Near the back, his tip rubs just perfectly over my clit, and it makes me even wetter with how good it feels.
"Theo," I whimper.
I want more.
I need more.
More of him.
Always.
"Put me in, baby," Theo rasps. He reaches into the side table next to him and pulls out a foil package.
Knowing Theo had that stocked there feels like a bucket of cold water has been poured over me, and it snaps me a little bit out of the moment. Theo must be used to having women over and doing them just like this. Theo reads the hurt look on my face.
"After the closet, I put condoms everywhere. I've been dreaming about taking you all over this apartment, Sophia."
By the look in his eyes, I can tell Theo's telling the truth. The admittance is hot, and my pussy clenches as I rip open the condom and slide it over his length.
This time is much more intimate and closer than in the closet, I realize. I lean off Theo's lap and sink onto him, making each of us groan loudly into each other's mouths.
"Come here, baby," Theo murmurs.
I lean onto his chest, and he does most of the work as he pumps into me softly. He doesn't pull out all of the way like the first time. Instead, he stays mostly buried inside me as he gently thrusts. With the angle, he's rubbing perfectly on my g-spot, and his pubic bone grinds on my clit.
"You're like heaven, Sophia," Theo growls in my ear. It makes my entire body break out in goosebumps.
We don't break eye contact as we make love. I watch every expression Theo makes as he enjoys me, and I can tell that he is watching me the same way. Our eyes and our bodies share more than we ever could with words.
After a couple minutes, I can feel my orgasm building. However, I know that the slow, sensual pace isn't going to get me all of the way there.
"I need more," I whimper.
I need to feel Theo taking more of me. I need to feel how much he needs me. I need to feel that I'm not the only one going crazy with how much I need and want him.
Theo can tell what I need, and he puts his hands around my hips so that he can pull me rougher up and down his cock. It hits just perfectly, and I hiss as he douses the fire that I've needed him to put out all night.
We moan together, and Theo's moans are what brings me closer to the edge. When Theo licks his thumb, reaches between us, and rubs my clit, I see stars.
"I'm coming," I gasp.
"That's it, Sunshine. Give it all to me," Theo grunts.
He angles his hips in just the right way, and I come all over his cock, screaming his name as I get my release. I feel Theo's cock throb, and he shouts my name as he empties himself into the condom inside of me.
When I can tell that he's all done, I press my face into Theo's neck so that he can't see the tears in my eyes. Even if he did, I would just blame it on how intense my orgasm was. Which is partially true.
But I know the real reason for the tears.
I love Theo. I love him so fucking much.
And it's fucking terrifying.
44
THEO
Throughout the night, Sophia and I make love five more times. Which is weird. I've never called it that before. To me, sex was always fucking. But what Sophia and I did all night is definitely not that. Yes, some of our times were rough and hard, but none of them were with the indifference I used to associate with sex. I showed her that I really wasn't joking when I said I put condoms fucking everywhere around my apartment.
Each time I entered her, it was like the first. I can't imagine being with her could ever feel anything other than perfect, new, and exactly what I need.
After the fifth time, we fell asleep, tangled in each other's arms in my bed. Sophia held onto me like she needed me more than air, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the same way. After my confession on the couch, my need and love for Sophia feel damn near overwhelming.
It's like all of the walls I'd built have come crashing down. The only thing left is how much I want Sophia.
For forever.
I never want her to leave me like she promised she didn't want to. It's fucking terrifying. Sophia has the power to ruin me.
Before, if I knew anything had the power to do that, I would fucking destroy it. But I don't want to destroy Sophia. She can have that power over me. If there's anyone I'd want to sell my soul to, it's her. I want her to have whatever remnants there are of it and my heart because it being hers feels a hell of a lot better than it being mine.
Today we're going to be spending time with Mom. The rest of the group said that they would come over, and I know that James will be occupied with something for the city, which means Gunther and Crow will be gone too.
I feel excited for today, which is still weird as fuck, even though it's been happening more since Sophia has been in my life. Instead of wanting to spend every day drunk and high, I've actually been looking forward to being present.
I look over at the clock. Seven. We've been sleeping for four hours. I wish that we could stay in bed all day, and I could eat Sophia for breakfast, but we can't. And I know Sophia understands.
Time with Mom is running out, and Sophia knows how important time is. Another reason I'm grateful I saw her at that stupid fucking library.
"Come on, Sunshine, it's time to get up," I murmur, kissing her above the ear.
I never thought I'd do soft shit like that with a woman, but it's the only thing I want to do with Sophia. I want to make her happy; I want to make her smile. Call me whipped. I don't care. If it brings a smile to Sunshine's face, I'll do it again, gladly.
Sophia grumbles but turns onto her side to look at me. Her grumpy, sleepy expression disappears when she sees that it's me. That makes me smirk.
We've got an hour to get ready and meet everyone at Mom's. We're all going to be spending the entire day together. I know it will mean the world to Mom to have everyone together, and it'll be the same for me. All of my favorite people in one room? Life doesn't get better than that.
Sophia rushes around the apartment getting ready, and I lay back and watch her. I love her being here with me.
I got this apartment out of necessity because there was no way I wouldn't rip James' head off if I had to spend any more time living under the same roof. And being in that house was too crushing, after Eddie. I wanted to get an apartment with Mom, but she said that being in that house made her feel closer to Eddie, and there was no way I was going to deny her that.
This place used to just be where I would dump my shit, fuck a couple chicks, and write a couple songs if the mood struck. Sometimes the boys would come over, and we would all chill and drink a couple beers. But it's never felt like home. Not that I ever had an intention to make it feel like one.
But with Sophia here, she's started to make it into that. The past couple of weeks, she's started keeping more of her stuff here, and honestly, it feels weird to be here without her. In general, it feels weird to go anywhere without her these days. We've been glued at the hip, and I'm definitely not fucking complaining about that.
"Okay, I'm ready," Sophia smiles, flouncing up her hair once more.
I like seeing her like this. Happy. Excited. Not anxious and barely scraping by like she was when I first met her.
She's wearing a pretty little sundress, and her hair is down. Her curls practically scream at me to run my fingers through them, but I've learned that Sophia gets snippy if I destroy her "perfectly finger coiled goodness." So I leave them alone.
For now.
* * *
When I pull up to Mom's, Wesley and Clarabella are already there in their BMW. I know Ethan must be with them because they said they would give him a ride. They all must already be inside because I don't see them on the driveway.
Issac pulls in after me in his matte black Jeep Wrangler. Thankfully, I don't see James' BMW or Gunther and Crows Mercedes, which means they kept their promise and are leaving us the fuck alone today.
Issac, Sophia, and I make our way inside the house. The first thing I hear is Mom's laughter, which puts me over the moon.
"Wesley, you haven't changed one bit," Mom giggles. I can hear Clarabella laughing with her too.
Wesley scoffs. "You better take that back, Amelia. Because I am much cuter than I used to be back then."
Mom giggles again as Sophia, Issac, and I make our way into her back room. The second we walk in, her face lights up even more. On the one hand, I love seeing her happy like that. But on the other, I can notice it so easily because she's getting thinner by the day.
Rosalyn is sitting in the corner, and she smiles warmly at all of us as we sit on a couple of chairs gathered around Mom's inflatable armchair.
Today, Mom is dressed in a floral dress with tights and a thick long sleeve black shirt underneath. Even though the heat is blasting and it's nearly eighty degrees outside, she still looks like she is freezing cold. I'm glad that all of my friends and Sunshine took the advice to dress as if it were a sauna.
"Sophia! Issac! I'm so happy to see you two!"
Damn near all of Issac's frostiness melts. He leans down to kiss Mom on the cheek and hug her. They whisper something to each other, and Issac starts laughing against Mom's shoulder. For a second, I can see some of the old Issac. He wasn't always such a miserable, ruthless bastard, and he's always been close with Mom. More so than he is with his actual parents, so I know that being here today is good for Issac too.
Sophia leans down to hug Mom next. Mom kisses her cheek and pats her warmly on the back. Ever since the first day I brought Sophia here, Sophia and I have come here damn near every day. Seeing Sophia and Mom together always makes me feel lucky that James insisted I go to Group. The only good thing that bastard ever did.
Sophia slides into the chair two seats down from Mom, and then Mom turns towards me. I try to read everything new about her as I lean down and wrap her in as tight of a hug that I can give her without breaking her.
"It's so good to see you, my darling boy," Mom murmurs. She kisses my forehead before releasing me.
I sit next to her, and then all eight of us spend the day enjoying each other's company. It feels just like it did when I was younger and had all of the bros over. Mom laughs so hard that tears run down her face reminiscing on the good days. Sophia's face lights up more with each story she hears, and even Rosalyn shares some funny moments she and Mom have had.
Everything feels perfect.
Mom looks the happiest I've seen her in a long time. Love and happiness feel palpable in the room instead of the usual sadness and grief.
As I wrap my arm around Sophia and pull her closer to me and look around the room at all my friends and Mom, I realize I haven't felt this content in life…ever. I never could have imagined feeling this good again after Eddie died.
An overwhelming sense of gratitude takes over me. I commit every single second of today to memory. For the first time in forever, I try to enjoy the day instead of thinking of when the next shoe will drop.
I know it will happen. Every day Mom looks thinner, and I can tell that things take more out of her.
But right now, I just let today be another page in the book of days that have been perfect this summer. And I look up at the ceiling, knowing damn well that Eddie is the manufacturer behind all of this.
* * *
"Okay, smile!" Clarabella giggles, holding up the camera at Sophia, Mom, and me. In the last ten minutes, phones have been passed around, and we've all been capturing today.
Mom is still laughing her ass off. I feel on top of the world. Seeing Mom, Sophia, and everyone else I love happy fills me with an indescribable joy. I've felt giddy the entire day.
If someone told me I would feel this way a couple of months ago, I would have punched them in the face for being a fucking liar. But being here with everyone, it's filled me with a sense of family and love that I didn't know I lacked for such a long time.
As Clarabella moves on to capture Issac, Ethan, and Wesley on the couch, I pause for a moment and just take in how much I could never have seen my life turning out this way. But I'm damn sure more than grateful that it has.
I lean down and press my lips against Sophia's ear. She tries to pull away from me, so I only kiss her more obnoxiously. Mom turns towards us, but instead of being embarrassed by her son's public displays of affection, she looks happy. Like she's looking at two cute puppies on display.
"You okay, Sunshine?" I ask.
She turns to look at me. "I'm perfect," she smiles.
I search her eyes to see if she's honest, she's been quiet the last hour, but I can tell she's telling the truth.
Good.
This is the happiest I've been in a long time, and I want Sophia to feel the same way.
The past couple of months, I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for things to get impossibly hard again, and go back to my baseline. However, every day, it's been a steady incline since Sophia. And today is the perfect peak.
Wesley cracks another joke, and Mom laughs so hard that she snorts. Clarabella quickly captures the shot of her head thrown back in laughter. My chest warms watching Mom, and I look down and see that Sophia has the same reaction. Just when I am about to join in on the laughter with everyone else, Mom jerks. Her mouth falls open, and she lets out a gaspy scream. Seconds later, her eyes roll partially back into her head, and she clutches her chest like she's just been shot.
I go cold.
"Mom?"
I watch as all the color drains from her face, and she slumps back in her chair, limp.
"Mom?" I shout again.
I jump up and catch her before she can fall out of her chair. Rosalyn's there in a second. She looks terrified, which is how I know this isn't good. Not like I didn't already know that, though. I've seen Mom go through a lot in my life, but she's never been like this before.
"Theo, call 911," Rosalyn commands.
She holds Mom up while Mom gasps for air. She's muttering incoherently under her breath, and she's staring blankly off into the distance.
