Hidden Truths, page 16
I’m not telling you this to excuse what I did, just to explain. That’s what Dr. Raheim said I should do. I’m really sorry.
Your friend (hopefully),
Meadow
After I read the letter, I think about the not-great stuff I did to Eric and call Meadow. “I got your letter.”
“I’m sorry for everything,” she says.
“I know.” I exhale.
“Do you forgive me?”
“No more lying,” I say, staring at my newly freed leg.
“I promise.” She’s silent for a minute. Then she says, “Are we, you know, like, still friends?”
“Why do you even care? I mean, you have tons of friends.”
“You’re different. It matters to me. So, are we, you know, friends?”
“We’re not not friends,” I say.
“Got it. You won’t regret this. I promise.”
After we hang up, I call Eric and try to return his lucky coin. He tells me to hold on to it. Something about him having his own superpower now. I don’t ask what he’s talking about. I’m just happy to have the coin a bit longer.
I twirl it in my palm. I’m in Gigi’s room. Mom said we’re going to start going through it together soon. Casey joins me on the honey-colored bedspread, smelling like wet dog mixed with cucumber. Mom just gave her a bath. She looks up at me, and that’s when it happens again: I see her. Or feel her.
Chills race up my spine. “Gigi, um, hey.”
Casey licks my face.
“So this is weird. But if it’s you, I want you to know I miss you.”
Casey shakes her wet body.
I pause and she looks at me.
“I love you. And I know that I’m more than baseball.” A tear falls onto my blanket.
I hug my dog.
My Gigi.
My dog.
Then I tell her that she doesn’t have to worry. That I’m working hard with Waylan at physical therapy. That I’m getting stronger and drinking iced tea with a speck of honey and lemon—just like we used to do together.
Casey curls into a ball next to me and falls asleep.
I look at my leg. I feel like I’m closer to being back to me. Closer to baseball. Even my shoulder and hand are stronger. I’m better at using a fork, buttoning my pants, writing, and typing on the computer.
Today I text Eric and ask him to meet me at PT after school.
When he gets here, I’m sitting across the room in front of the parallel bars. I wave.
“What’s going on?” Eric asks, making my mom’s worry face. “You okay?”
I nod. “Watch this,” I tell him.
“Ready?” Waylan asks me.
“Ready,” I say, taking a deep breath.
I stand up. I wobble at first, then find my balance. I haven’t walked all the way across the parallel bars since the accident. But today is the day, and I want Eric to be here with me.
I hold my breath, grip the bars, and squeeze the muscles in my stomach like Waylan said, to steady me.
“Slowly now. One step at a time. You can do it.” Waylan’s voice is strong. “Whenever you’re ready, let’s dance.” He taps his phone and his best of the 80s playlist sounds in the background.
I take one step and then another and another. My steps are small. I inch forward slowly. Then lean awkwardly to one side. Eric moves to help me, but Waylan motions him to sit back down. I steady myself, and then I slowly walk across the parallel bars. Then sit in a chair that Waylan has placed at the end. Waylan and Eric clap wildly.
“Awesome!” Eric says.
“Thanks.”
He gives me a high five. “Congrats. I mean it.”
Eric spends the rest of the session helping with my exercises while Waylan coaches us both. I learn how to use the forearm crutches. We laugh and I feel happy. Like hot-dogs-with-relish happy.
45
No One Will Notice
“The Cobras are playing the Grizzlies at school soon. It’s the final home game of the season. Want to go?” I’m sitting at Dani’s kitchen table and ante up three green M&M’s. I’m down two games in Gin Rummy, but think I can pull out a win with this hand.
“Not really,” Dani says, taking the face-up card in the middle and sliding it into the card holder I made for her out of an empty tinfoil box.
Dani hasn’t gone back to the baseball field since she bailed on hanging with the team over six weeks ago. Not to watch a game. Not to visit the team. And now it’s my job to convince her to go.
Last week Coach Levi pulled me aside during lunch. He said the baseball team had planned a surprise tribute to Dani and they needed me to get her to the game. Dani’s mom would be at the field, but everyone agreed it’d be less obvious if I got her there.
“You have to return sometime,” I say, eating the next M&M.
“I know.”
“So why not this game? No one will even notice you’re there.” I hold my breath, praying that doesn’t sound like I’m part of some master plan. “What do you say?”
“I say you can be a giant pain.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” I smile.
She smiles back.
We leave after I win the next hand. And when we get to the baseball field, the bleachers are packed and there’s a huge banner hanging across the scoreboard: This Game Is in Honor of Our Friend Dani Meyer.
“No way,” Dani says.
Coach Levi steps up to the microphone that’s set up on the pitching mound. Alice is next to him. “This game is dedicated to a friend of ours who has recently fought and conquered quite an uphill climb. Dani Meyer never gave up. She’s a fighter, a friend, and our teammate. We’re so proud of her.”
The crowd of kids and parents stands and breaks into thunderous cheers. I see Zoe, Aunt Josie, and my parents clapping.
Dani turns to me.
“You knew?” she asks as Casey runs over to her.
I nod.
She smiles, crutches her way over to her mom and hugs her, then slowly turns to Coach Levi.
The crowd chants, “Dani, Dani, Dani, Dani!”
Coach wraps his large arm around Dani’s shoulder and says something in her ear. Dani nods and moves toward the microphone. Casey follows and the place fills with silence.
Dani pans the field slowly. It takes her a minute, but then she says, “I’m so happy to be here. I could never have fought so hard without the help and support of my family and friends.” She looks my way. “Thanks for being part of my team.”
The bleachers roar with applause.
Dani and Casey join her mom, Coach Levi, my parents, Zoe, Aunt Josie, and me as we move off the field.
After the game, the baseball team swarms around Dani. I lean in and tell her I’ll meet her outside. I want her to have this moment. I grab popcorn from the concession stand and see Leo walking toward me. I never said anything to anyone about that morning I saw his brother screaming at him. I just felt bad for him in a way I never thought I would.
As he gets closer I don’t reroute, and I don’t look away.
No worries, God.
I’ve got this.
His shoulder grazes mine. He glances at me. I glance back. He says nothing. No obnoxious not-funny joke. No outright mean thing. He just keeps walking.
I smile.
I may still have skinny arms, but I’ve changed.
And the world knows it.
46
Back to Me
Six months have passed since the tribute, and a lot has happened. I’m stronger and much of the time walking without crutches. I’ve even graduated to the hardest PT band for my hand.
The podcast got tons of media attention. Jade Zhang came over one morning in April and told us she learned that the CPSC had fined RCarz and issued a recall of the defective remote-control car. That meant that RCarz had to stop making the cars and notify all the people who bought them and all the stores that were selling them to return them because they were dangerous.
We did it!
All I want now is to move on.
Not back to the mound but back to baseball. I’m announcing the team’s spring games.
And last week Mom and I started going through Gigi’s things. There were laughs and tears and lots of cookies. It was hard, but we were doing it together. I even found a charm in Gigi’s wooden jewelry box. Mom’s eyes lit up when she saw it. I added it to my bracelet. It’s a gold heart, to remind me to always follow mine.
* * *
When I walk into the kitchen, Eric’s waiting for me with a Boston cream donut. “You okay?” he asks.
I nod.
Today is two years since I said my forever good-bye to Gigi.
Eric opens his hand and in it are two tickets to the Red Sox game and coupons for hot dogs.
I twirl our lucky coin and know that I’ve found my way.
Back to us.
Back to me.
Acknowledgments
Hidden Truths is a story about forever people in our lives. Loving them. Forgiving them. Fighting for them.
This book took twenty-two years to write! Lots of grit, perseverance, commitment, reimagining…and heaps of heart! It was a story that I loved then and that I love now. Of all the books I’ve written, this one required the most research, kindness, and gracious input from many. It truly took a village. I am beyond grateful for the people who shared their time, knowledge, and belief in me.
Topping this list is my forever people—my family. Always.
To my husband, James: You are the love of my life, my best friend, my always and forever person! Thank you for believing in me and my stories even when—or especially when—there were cracks in my armor. And thank you for the input on the legal aspects of this story. You have dedicated much of your legal career to protecting children. You inspire me every day. I love you infinity.
Joshua, when I started this story you were in fourth grade and we sat at lunch sharing our hopes and dreams. You confided that you wanted to kiss a girl before your Bar Mitzvah, and I shared that I wanted to get this book published. Only one of those things happened before you turned thirteen. This year we celebrated your thirtieth birthday, and this story has finally found its way into the world. So much love to you and Sophie. I love you both with all my heart. And I am most grateful to you and Sophie for helping me with all things radio and podcast.
Gregory, you were in kindergarten when the idea for this story sprang to life, and now, as it finds its readers, you’re twenty-seven! Thank you for cheering me on and believing in me. Thank you for sharing your heart and your truth. Thank you for your input on Eric and his ADHD, and for always being you. So much love to you and Shannon!
Joan, you are not just my sister, but also my BFF and an amazing writing partner. Happy to retreat with you always. To you and Larry, hugs and love and a million thanks.
To Dad and Sandy, and Gia, the parent pack: I love you with all my heart. Thank you for being my biggest supporters and for never hesitating to walk into a bookstore and tell them all about your daughter and the books they should be carrying. Love you!
To Scott and Rena, Daniel and Faith: East Coast/West Coast, no matter where we are, I’m grateful for you all. I love being your sister. Love being together always.
Andrew, Matthew, Emily, Ben, Jess, Sam, Maddy, Gabe, Gen, Eli, Ari, Asher: I clearly have the best nieces and nephews in the world. Heaps of love to all of you!
Writing friends and forever friends Sarah Aronson and Victoria J. Coe, your input and guidance—and did I say input in making this story come to life—were cherished and invaluable. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
To my girlfriends, forever and always, love you huge. Thank you for the walks, the wine, and the love.
To Andrea Cascardi, a million thanks for being my champion, my agent, and my friend. Your thoughtful feedback is matched only by your support of and belief in me, and of my ability to tell a great story. I’m beyond grateful that we are on this journey together.
Wendy Loggia, editor extraordinaire, how lucky I am to be working with you. You have the most wonderful ability to bring out the best in me. My book whisperer! I love working together. Boundless thanks to you, Ali Romig, and Hannah Hill, Jen Bricking and Jade Rector for the gorgeous cover art, Joey Ho for being my rock star publicist, and the incredible team at Delacorte Press and Random House Children’s Books, for your support and cheers and love for this story.
A huge thank-you to Dr. Catherine Bergineau, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist, who read and reread the story to ensure that the manifestation of Eric’s ADHD was authentic. Dr. Birgeneau earned a bachelor’s degree in psychology at Yale University and a master’s and doctoral degree in clinical psychology at the University of Massachusetts, Boston. She completed her clinical internship at Harvard University and went on to complete post-doctoral training in neuropsychological testing at a private practice in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Since the completion of her education and training in 2000, Dr. Birgeneau has been working in the Boston area, providing neuropsychological testing, educational consulting, and ongoing therapeutic treatment to adults and adolescents.
Dani’s physical and occupational therapy was a big part of her journey. Mountains of gratitude to Dr. Clare Safran-Norton, PT, PhD, MS, OCS, Clinical Supervisor Physical, and Occupational Therapy Ambulatory Service, Brigham and Women’s Hospital, Boston, for her input and guidance with Dani’s recovery.
Dr. Lance Willsey, family friend and doctor, a million thanks for diving into this story with me and helping understand and navigate Dani’s medical situation.
Joe Mohorovic, former commissioner of the Consumer Product Safety Commission, senior managing consultant at ESi, and knower of all things CPSC, I am most grateful for your kindness and your knowledge of the workings of the CPSC and for your dedication to safety and the protection of others.
Nancy Cowles, safety advocate, founder and executive director of Kids in Danger and knower of all things FOIA, thank you for your dedication to the protection of children and your assistance with the information regarding the Freedom of Information Act.
Boyd W. DeMello, Fire Prevention Inspector, Falmouth Fire Rescue Department, a million thanks for sharing your fire and rescue expertise with me, and for all you do to keep so many safe.
Andrew Siff, thanks for not only being my wonderful nephew, but for sharing your experience navigating a brachial plexus injury while recovering from knee surgery and the work-arounds that come with your amazing determination and creativity. Your positivity is truly inspirational.
Jake Willsey, former college and professional baseball player, I am most grateful for helping me with all things baseball. Go, Red Sox!
Laurie Brownstein, my friend, my family, and the one who kept me company on my research trips to the RV park, RV campground, and Falmouth Fire and Rescue station. Thank you for being there! Much love.
To the teachers and librarians who help kids like Dani find their dreams and themselves, and help kids like Eric find their superpowers, a million thanks. The difference you make leaves a forever imprint on the lives you impact and the hearts you touch. I am most grateful.
And to my readers, you inspire me with your heart, bravery, honesty, and strength. Thank you for reading my stories. Know that your superpowers are within you, tucked right beside your dreams. And sometimes obfuscated by doubt. But trust me, they are there. Waiting for you.
With boundless gratitude,
Elly
About the Author
ELLY SWARTZ grew up in Yardley, Pennsylvania. She studied psychology at Boston University and received her law degree from Georgetown University Law Center. Elly lives in Massachusetts and is happily married with two grown sons, a beagle named Lucy, and a pup named Baxter Bean. She is the author of Finding Perfect, Smart Cookie, Give and Take, and Dear Student, all for middle-grade readers.
ellyswartz.com
Can Autumn give fair advice to everyone while keeping her identity a secret?
What’s next on
your reading list?
Discover your next
great read!
Get personalized book picks and up-to-date news about this author.
Sign up now.
_145301140_
Elly Swartz, Hidden Truths
