The Light of the World, page 17
“I suppose this isn’t really the place.” She tried to sound casual.
Eva jammed her hand into her back pocket and turning to see that Al was lurking at the entrance. She wondered if Liv had backed off because Al was there and she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Eva had awkwardly played the third wheel enough not to wish that role on Al.
Liv gave a grunt of affirmation and strolled over to Al. Eva followed half a step behind and soon the three of them were standing by in the crack in the wall where they’d come in. Al indicated two other ways into the cavern. “I want to try going through one of them and see where it comes out. That one slopes up, so maybe it comes out somewhere nearby.”
Nervously, Eva shook her head. “Not until we definitely know where they go. You could end up in the river, or at some dead end and no one would ever find your body,” she said, grinning at the last bit. They would come back, she knew, and they would explore this place further. But first, they had to go back to the surface, back to the real world and out of Wren’s underground sanctuary. It didn’t feel like a sanctuary. It was a dangerous place. They needed another look at Theo’s maps to try to get a sense of where these tunnels went.
“As much as I would love to explore,” Liv said, shaking out her coat and shrugging it over her shoulders, “I am inclined to agree with Eva. We have no idea what’s down here.”
Al scowled but it didn’t translate into the rest of his body language. Eva figured that if he had really been a Boy Scout, then he knew better than any of them to be prepared. They needed a better game plan if they were going to go exploring. There was still the added challenge of getting out and Eva was trying not to think too hard about that.
“Aw,” Al said, fiddling with his camera bag strap. “You guys are no fun.”
“There could be huge rats, Al,” Eva said. “I don’t want to mess with them unless I’m mentally prepared, and probably armed.”
“We should get out of here,” Liv said, glancing around. The same roaring sound that they’d been hearing ever since they’d arrived echoed louder and she instinctively stepped closer to Eva. “We can tell Theo what we found tomorrow, after we finish with the plaster at Eva’s. Maybe he’ll have some insight about what we should do next.”
Eva nodded and Al made an affirmative noise, but there was so much that was left unsaid between the three of them. Obviously someone else knew about the underground cavern. Someone else could be searching for the light of the world, whatever it was. After seeing this place, Eva was feeling more and more inclined to believe that it was not an expression of either physical desire or a single person. It couldn’t be. It was a shrine to the light, no matter what that was. They’d trespassed in its sanctuary, the one place where Wren had said she would always feel safe.
Part Two
The Unsent Letter
Chapter 15
Al & Eva
July 25, 1925
I had a dream last night about the room under the city. Wren was there, standing before the great wall of light, her hands raised up in supplication. It wasn’t right. Everything was all wrong. She was screaming at the wall, begging it to stay closed. It wasn’t time, she said over and over again, it was too soon.
The wall erupted then, and blackness oozed from its center. It engulfed Wren and consumed her. Her screams—oh, her screams were terrible. I was rooted to the spot, I could not move, I could not breathe. Wren was dying before me and I couldn’t do anything at all.
I woke up screaming. Judith was banging on my door and I barely had time to put on a robe before she and Mrs. Talbot burst into the room. They were frantic. I’d been screaming, crying and sobbing for what felt like hours. I’d awoken Judith and she’d run for Mrs. Talbot.
I could not keep my composure, even though Judith makes me so angry sometimes. I did not want to show the weakness of being scared of a nightmare to her, not when she already thought so little of me. She gathered me up in her arms, though, without saying a word, and held me while Mrs. Talbot checked the room over and made sure that the window was closed and locked. The room was so hot and stuffy.
Judith held me like a mother would her child while I cried myself to sleep.
Unable to wrench herself away from the diaries until close to ten o’clock, Eva ended up spending most of the remainder of Monday morning scrubbing mud from her poor shoes. It took her almost an hour to make them look clean again. Then she placed them in the sunny front window of her apartment so that they’d dry faster.
She hoped they would be dry by tomorrow when she had to go back to work. Her mother constantly harped on her about proper arch support, but Eva was fairly flat-footed and the shoes were comfortable. The old ladies who came into the store, Eva thought, got something of a kick out of them. She was a young, fresh face to them, and they were endlessly curious about her. So much so that she was grateful for the day off. She was sick of having every aspect of herself picked at by people who had no business even noticing such things. Even if it was only for few hours, the reprieve was worth it.
The jeans that she’d been wearing the night before had gotten off relatively easy compared to her poor shoes. Eva hung them up in the bathroom after she’d washed them out in the kitchen sink. She would take them down the street to the laundromat with her work clothes after they finished the plaster in the hallway and save herself a trip.
Al came over with two sealed containers of soup that afternoon. Theo had made it the day before. He’d been cooking while they had their misadventure under the city. Al held out the bag as if it were his ticket to get into the apartment. “I come bearing gifts,” he announced. “My dad was worried that you weren’t eating.”
“That’s, um, nice of him,” Eva answered. She stepped away from the door.
In the bag with the soup was a thick loaf of brown bread. “That smells divine.” Eva poked it curiously.
Al toed off his shoes. “My dad made the bread this morning. It’s something of a secret family recipe.” He followed Eva back into the kitchen. “You should eat some of it now. It’s better when it’s fresh.”
“Well, I haven’t eaten dinner yet. You ready to eat now?”
“Sure.”
Eva took down two bowls and a sauce pan. She poured some of the soup into the pan and dug in a drawer for a bread knife.
“The recipe is an old one of my mom’s. From home,” Al said. Eva clicked the stove on and turned to face him.
“Where was home for her, exactly?” She had been looking for a way to ask Al about his absent mother since Theo had first mentioned her. Judging by Al’s dark complexion, she obviously wasn’t white. Eva didn’t know how to ask about it, though. It didn’t seem right to be nosy about the subject because Al and Theo didn’t talk about it that much. That only made Eva even more curious about her, and where she’d come from.
“Her family was from Ethiopia,” Al explained. He leaned around Eva and put the cover back on the container of soup. “They first tried to go to Israel but it wasn’t really for them, you know? So they came here and two generations of mixed marriages later, here I am.”
“Why didn’t they like Israel?” Eva rummaged in a drawer for the limited number of spoons and bowls that remained in the apartment after her mother had swept through the previous weekend with yet another box for donation. She’d promised to get Eva some newer cutlery, but she hadn’t been back to the City since. Eva was stuck with six mis-matched spoons, all but one of which were dirty. She moved over to the sink to wash a second one.
Al shrugged, his hair sticking out like a porcupine’s quills. He was wearing it down today, and it played about his ears. “Politics, maybe? I’m not really sure, my grandmother never talked about it. Sort of like yours really, all tight-lipped an’ shit about the past.” He shook his head. “I think it was probably because they weren’t up to the standard. They couldn’t speak Hebrew or read much. Apparently that’s important for finding work over there.”
“That sucks.” Eva shut off the tap and shook the excess water from the spoon.
“Yeah. The community here’s really small, but it was a lot more willing to accept my family when they came. It means I’m here, right? No mandatory military service for me!” He pumped his fist in the air. “And I get to decide if I want to keep kosher or not. Bacon is way too delicious to have to give up.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“I keep it at Passover, though.”
“Al, everyone keeps kosher for Passover, it’s part of the holiday.” Eva raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, but not everyone gives up stuff for Lent, so, like, I’m sure some people don’t.” He rubbed at his chin. “My friends party for Mardi Gras and then promptly ignore the actual purpose of the holiday.”
Eva shook her head and turned her attention back to the stove. Her family was never particularly religious; she’d never given up anything for a holiday before.
“So this is one of your mom’s recipes?” She’d never asked what had happened to Al’s mother and wasn’t sure that she could without upsetting Al to some extent. It seemed like a recent wound for Theo, which probably meant that it was just as raw for Al. Liv had mentioned something in passing about very aggressive breast cancer, but Eva didn’t have any of the details. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose her mother, even if they didn’t get along. Al never talked about his mother, and Theo barely mentioned her. They talked about death all the time as they tried to sort through Eva’s grandmother’s diaries, but Al never once mentioned the loss of his own mother. The hurt that it took to keep that loss bottled up inside must have been unbearable.
Al nodded, leaning over and inhaling the fragrant steam that rose from the saucepan. “My grandmother was ostracized for marrying an Ashkenazi Jew from Flushing, but she tried to keep the culture alive and taught my mom, and I guess by extension me, everything she could remember about the Beta culture.” He sighed, rubbing his hand over his forehead. “My family’s really just a hot mess.”
“At least you didn’t have a grandmother who somehow had a falling out with her lesbian BFF and then was all emo about it until she died.” Eva pulled the saucepan off the burner and flicked off the heat. She poured the soup into both the bowls. It smelled amazing, like cinnamon and curry mixed with a nutty undertone. “What’s making it smell like nutmeg?”
“It ain’t nutmeg,” Al leaned forward, sniffing. “It’s fenugreek.” He nudged Eva with his shoulder. “Although, I gotta say she isn’t the only one entering that market.”
They ate in relative silence.
“Thanks for this,” Eva said. “I know your dad worries, but I’m really okay.”
“I think he just knows how it can be,” Al replied. “He’s a lot like you, Eva.”
Eva didn’t think she was anything like Theo. She nodded anyway, not wanting to offend Al. “I’m going to have to get this recipe from you sometime.”
“Can’t. Family secret.” Al winked at her.
“Uh-huh.”
“I mean it. If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”
“You’re unbelievable. It’s freakishly delicious. I want to eat it all the time.” Eva laughed.
“I’ll tell my dad.” Al got up and took both their bowls to the sink. While he was washing the dishes, Eva wandered into the living room and began to set up for their plastering adventure. Yesterday they’d done all the prep work, so now all they had to do was apply the plaster in small patches, step by step, along the walls. She was just about ready, her sleeves rolled up and the plastering float in her hand, when Al emerged from the kitchen, drying off his hands. “We ready?”
“Yeah.” Eva held out a second float to Al.
As they worked, they talked about what they’d discovered the day before and if it would be worth it to tell Theo what they’d done. They both decided that if Liv hadn’t told him already, then they weren’t going to mention it, either. He was sure to blow a gasket. Theo was protective of his son, and of Liv as well. Eva was a stranger, but his impulse to feed her indicated that he must care. She didn’t want to alienate one of the few people who’d been willing to help her try to decipher the hidden meanings in her grandmother’s journals.
After they’d finished, Eva ducked into the shower. Afterwards, a towel wrapped around her head, she dug the June diary from her bag and carefully removed it from the Ziploc bag she kept it in. It was getting colder now, and she didn’t want to be walking over to the bookshop with wet hair. She’d pushed a very plaster-covered Al toward the bathroom with a spare towel and a promise that she didn’t care that he showered and used her stuff. She’d loaned him a shirt of her dad’s that she sometimes slept in. Al had stared at it before shrugging and taking it into the bathroom with him.
Eva didn’t mind this easy friendship, and she didn’t mind Al in general. He was cute in a way that made her look twice, but she didn’t feel with him the way that she did when Liv leaned in close or held her hand. Eva knew that she had it bad for Liv, but she didn’t know how to talk to her about it. There had been moments, such as the teasing proposal from last night for instance. Okay, so it had been bad timing, but there was potential there. Eva wanted more from Liv, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on just how she was supposed to behave when surrounded by two criminally attractive, flirtatious people.
She still wasn’t quite sure if Al liked girls. Eva had a bit of a history of crushing on gay guys in high school, so she liked to think that she was pretty good at figuring out if a guy was gay or not. Al was a complete mystery; he didn’t ping at all. He was just there, a good guy who was content to smile and flirt without ever trying to make it go further. Eva appreciated that.
Al would be easy. She could ask and he’d probably say yes. But that wasn’t what she wanted. What she wanted was to have that moment Liv proposed. She wanted to taste the lips that had come so tantalizingly close to her own. It just felt natural. Their personalities fit too perfectly. There had to be something there.
Eva pulled the towel from her head and threw it over the back of her grandmother’s favorite armchair. She’d hang it up when Al was done showering. She had to talk to Liv about what had almost happened down there. She’d started so many texts only to slowly delete the words one by one. There was no way to approach it that didn’t make her feel that she was woefully out of her depth. She didn’t know how to even begin the conversation. What the hell am I going to do?
The June journal rested against her knees and Eva opened it to the next entry after the one that had started them down this rabbit hole in the first place.
16 June 1925
Had court today, went into the city with Mr. P. and sat in the back taking notes for him. The case is exceptionally dull compared to some of the others he is only just now starting to tell me about, the ones that have him locked up for hours with the state’s attorney. He’s giving evidence against rum runners. It’s all terribly exciting.
Unlike his current case, which is dull, dull, DULL. I found my mind drifting as I sat there. The chairs in the back of the courtrooms are uncomfortable, and by the end of the morning session, my legs ached to move around.
He let me go for lunch (thank goodness) and I found myself alone in the city, with a newspaper and the wedge of cheese and bread that Mrs. Talbot had told me to take with me when I told her that I would probably not be back home in time for the usual curfew. I’m so happy that Mrs. T understands the nature of the work that I do and allows me freedoms she restricts with some of the other girls.
Judith has been exceptionally nasty about this, accusing me of all sorts of untoward things when I come back late. She thinks I’m sleeping with Mr. P and that he’s taking me out to gin joints after work for dancing. If she didn’t fancy herself a vamp from the movies, I’d say she was jealous. She’s after a man. Any man will do. I think she’s just annoyed that I told her that I don’t think anyone who frequents such an establishment would be the marrying type. She’s just wasting her time.
I spent my lunch reading the paper (mostly for the baseball scores, I confess) and sitting on the courthouse steps thinking about the future. It’s been weighing on my mind a lot these days, wondering what the future might hold.
Judith says that I should settle down, become a soldier’s wife. My mother agrees with her and I hate it so. I don’t want that. In my perfect world, I would die an old maid surrounded by books, and maybe Wren would be there too. I do not need a man to care for me or ensure my happiness. I can make my own destiny—
“Um, Eva?”
Eva started, and her eyes flew up from the diary to see Al with what she assumed to be his plaster-covered shirt under one arm and his towel in the other. She’d completely lost track of the time while reading. It looked as though Al had been standing there for more than a few minutes. She held up the diary. “Sorry, I was distracted.”
“It’s cool,” Al replied. “Where do you want me to put this?” He held up the towel.
“Just hang it up in the bathroom,” She glanced to her own towel. “Can you do mine too?”
“Sure.” Al grabbed it and disappeared off into the bathroom. He reappeared pulling at his locks to make sure they were dry. “Why do you use men’s body wash?”
“Because it smells good,” Eva replied without missing a beat.
“Okay.” They stared at each other for a minute before they both burst out laughing, and Al gestured to the diary. “Is there anything more in there about that cavern?”
Eva shook her head. “I went back before then, actually. Last night after you guys left, I found an entry talking about a bad dream. Right now she’s on a rant about how she doesn’t need a man.”
“Yeah, ’cause she’s a lesbian.” That set them laughing again. Her Gran was so enamored with Wren that it wasn’t even funny. Eva shook her head and closed the diary. It really wasn’t funny, and yet it was.
“Did they even have those back then?” Al mused.
