Wolf: To Your Bones (Wolf series Book 2), page 18
“You idiot!” I sobbed. There was so much I wanted to say, especially about how much I loved him. Those were things we had discussed ten, if not a hundred times, but not being able to tell him again threatened to tear me apart. I thought of our night in the tent, of his silent visit at the last full moon, and his sad eyes in the Toyota. I couldn’t bear it. Here and today, I couldn’t take it anymore. The images of the bleeding hybrid overwhelmed me. Not a minute went by in which I didn’t dread for Josh’s life. Not a second passed without me imagining what was probably being done to him at that moment.
Either for medicine or for the military.
Liam’s words haunted me and put a face to my fears. It would take days for the pack to finally set out and maybe weeks more until they actually found Josh. The idea of being left behind alone in uncertainty was awful. The full moon was costing us time that Josh might not have had.
“Josh,” I whispered. The silence of his home had become unbearable for me. In the loneliness of the evening, I grabbed my phone to dial a number from my contacts.
I needed to talk to someone.
Chapter 15
The phone rang only once until Audrey picked up. When she heard my voice, she gasped. “Ruby, what’s wrong?”
Her question was enough to cause torrents of tears to run down my cheeks. I had stopped fighting them. It was no use.
Audrey knew how rarely I cried and waited silently.
“Are you off already?” It was difficult for me to speak a coherent sentence. “Can we talk?”
Quick steps sounded on the other side of the line, closely followed by the closing of a door.
“Yes,” she replied. “Tell me what happened.”
I hadn’t made up my mind what I was going to say. It had been an impulse to call my best friend— one last bastion to find support. Even if I couldn’t tell her the truth, her voice was balm for my soul. She was the only one I could be halfway honest with. My parents thought everything was fine and that I was staying at Josh’s house to spend time with him. Mr. Harrison had just agreed to forget my tearful outburst last week. I couldn’t admit to anyone that I was lying.
Audrey was different. She let me talk until I had no more oxygen, and she endured my sobs without any hurry.
“What do you mean by Josh isn’t here anymore?” she asked eventually. I could picture her frowning. “Is he with his adoptive parents in Calgary?”
There was nothing that came close to the truth that I could say, so I nodded, then remembered she couldn’t see me. “Yeah. I don’t know if he’ll ever come back.”
She sighed. “Ruby, it’s really hard to help you unless you tell me everything. Why did Josh leave? Did you two have a fight?”
Her question made the pain in my chest unbearable.
“No!” I cried and covered my mouth. I simply didn’t know how to describe this situation. I thought about it for an eternity and still found nothing that was remotely appropriate.
“He’s in trouble,” I finally admitted.
“And he doesn’t want you involved?” she said. She suspected what Josh would have done in reality—protect me. She had no idea how close she was to the truth.
I had fallen onto the pillows and thrown the blanket around my shoulders like a shield. Here I felt safe, because the soft fabric still smelled like Josh.
Audrey seemed to be concentrating. When she had finished thinking, I heard her shift on what was probably the sofa.
“Then go and get him back.” Her tone was so natural that I blinked. “If you show up in Calgary, it will be hard for Josh to resist coming back with you.”
“But . . .” That wouldn’t work. Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell her that without giving too much away. “Josh’s problems . . .”
“Now listen,” Audrey interrupted in a demanding voice. “If Josh has problems, you’ll help him through them.”
She spoke with conviction.
“If there’s any couple in the world that can do this, it’s you. Ruby, I beg you! If you guys break up, I’ll never be able to believe in relationships again.”
She took a short breath.
“You can’t just tell me Josh is leaving you because he has some issues. You need each other like you need the air to breathe. You guys are really corny,” she muttered.
It was the first time in the last week that something had made me laugh. With that, the deep sadness in my head faded, and even the darkness in Josh’s apartment was no longer so oppressive. In that second, I felt not only supported but also stronger. The way she said it, it all sounded so simple. I just had to want it, and then Josh would be back here soon.
“If you care about him, bring him home.” She tried to encourage me. “You have a nice boss. He will forgive you.”
I imagined her shrugging.
“And if not, you’ll find a new one.”
I rolled my eyes. That was very Audrey. When she had set her mind on something, she rarely looked left and right. It was a quality that somehow reminded me of Keith.
There was a strange comfort in her words, and they gave me back my vigor. Audrey was right. Josh and I belonged together. Together, we had survived everything so far, no matter how hopeless the situation had been. I seemed to have forgotten all about that until just now. How could I even think of leaving this important task to the pack alone? Josh needed me, just like I needed him. If I had been abducted in his place, he would’ve dropped everything to save me. I no longer cared if I was human or werewolf, whether the trip would be life-threatening, and that I would get in big trouble with my parents and my boss. What did it all matter in exchange for Josh’s life? I’d already managed to save Josh back at the barn. I’d succeed this time too.
“Audrey,” I whispered. “Thank you.”
If there had ever been a duty for me to repay Josh for all his protection and love, that time had come. I would get him out of there.
“I have to vanish for a few days,” I said. “Can you keep this to yourself?”
Audrey didn’t even hesitate. “I’ll be as silent as the grave.”
It wasn’t long before things finally got moving.
First of all, the full moon had to pass. As long as its light was controlling the werewolves, I couldn’t contact Liam. I spent that time trying to put Josh’s house back in the state he’d left it in. I cleaned his kitchen, watered the orchid that my mother had given him once, and disposed of my bloody clothes in the garbage can. They had been lying next to the shower until that day, because I had simply not been able to touch them. Today was different. My decision had given me new courage. It saved me from every low and every tear, filled me with momentum, and hardly let me sit still.
My plan was set. I would accompany the pack, however much Keith might object, and help save Josh. There was no doubt about it—I just wouldn’t allow them to stop me.
Basically, we had nothing but a hunch from Liam. A factory building that was perfect for researching werewolves. It was just a guess for which there was no real proof. Only my longing made it real. I knew Josh was there. I had a feeling, or maybe I just imagined it. But I was willing to bet everything on this one card, including my savings, my job, and the trust of my parents.
Josh would’ve done the same for me.
When Liam’s number finally appeared on the display, my heart beat like a jackhammer.
“This is Liam.” His voice sounded like a machine. “Why should I call you? Did something happen?”
“I have a proposition for you,” I said. I had to make an effort to speak clearly, because I was terribly excited. “I’ll pay for the food, the gas, and the whole trip. In return, you’ll take me with you.”
I didn’t need the savings for college or a driver’s license. Not if it helped save Josh’s life.
“Ruby,” murmured Liam. “We’ve already been through this.”
I shook my head vigorously. “No. I want to come. I’m not letting you all do this alone.”
I could hear Liam rubbing his eyes. His voice sounded as if he had just been asleep. I suspected that this time the full moon had held him for a full three days. Unlike him, though, I felt fine. It had been the second full moon that had passed without me transforming.
“Please.” I had been nervously pacing, but now I sat on my bed and tried to put more peace in my words. “I promise I’ll do everything you tell me. If I have to, I’ll stay in some motel when you guys go into the factory. Everything will be fine.”
I raised my shoulders. A gesture of truce that Liam unfortunately couldn’t see.
“Please let me come with you.”
Liam sighed. “Keith will be thrilled.”
It was obvious that the problem was not with him, but with his alpha.
“I can talk to him,” I replied, even though the very thought made me uneasy. Everything about that werewolf was intimidating. He was hot tempered, spiteful, and not particularly generous, all traits that he showed openly. I hated to repeat my fight with him, but I would do it for Josh. Keith wouldn’t stop me from getting my way this time.
“No,” was Liam’s determined answer, “I’ll talk with him.”
He sounded like he was trying to figure out how to prevent a catastrophe.
“I’ll try to convince him. I’ll text you if there’s any news.”
“Okay.”
He hung up and left me alone. His conversation with Keith probably lasted for hours, because his eagerly awaited text didn’t arrive until the next morning.
All right. Come to Hunter’s on Saturday morning. We start at eight.
It was only three short sentences, but they made my heart pound with excitement. I had found the beam of light I had been looking for all along. The text gave a limit to my longing. Everything would be okay again.
As slim as our chances of success may be, I firmly believed that I would see Josh again next Sunday at the latest.
The days before the departure whooshed past me. My work at Harrison Sports rarely felt particularly arduous, especially because I had a very nice boss, but it was also as if I could never get tired. Every assignment suited me, keeping me busy enough not to think too much.
Despite the hope of saving Josh soon, I was worried. I was afraid about kind of shape I would find Josh in. Would he even be able to recognize me? I also had to fight down the terrible fear that he might not be alive at all. I hadn’t forgotten his bullet wound. We also didn’t know whether Josh would even be transportable. That thought plagued me. I didn’t think Josh would be sick, though, because werewolves were immune to almost any pathogen. They didn’t get the flu, and they had a hard time even getting upset stomachs. In the time of our relationship, I had never seen Josh miserable or weakened by any disease. The idea of seeing him lying on a stretcher, pale and dead, haunted me. On the one hand, I would wish for nothing more than to finally take him in my arms. On the other hand, I would be frightened of that very moment, because it would show me how Josh had really been in the past two weeks, and I didn’t know if I would be strong enough for that truth.
“What are you thinking about?”
It was Friday night when Mom ripped me out of my thoughts. The clock had already struck nine and the sky above the farm was bathed in a deep blue in which a few stars were visible. It was one of the last truly enjoyable summer nights. September had heralded a quick, cool autumn, and soon I would no longer be able to spend lots of time outside in the evenings.
I had put on my fleece jacket and was sitting down on the small bench in front of the house. It was on our covered porch right under the kitchen window. From there, I heard the low hum of the television, which underscored the crickets’ chirping with the indistinct murmur of a football game. Apart from those sounds, it was completely silent. It had been a long time since I had relaxed on the porch bench. In the evenings of the last few months, I had always been busy talking to Josh on the phone.
I missed his voice. His words, his chuckle. The vibration of his diaphragm while my ear was on his collarbone. Every day since he left, I discovered details about him that I loved endlessly.
“Ruby?”
I raised my head, realizing Mom had spoken twice. She was standing next to me, two cups of hot cocoa and a woolen blanket in her hands. She seemed to be wanting to keep me company, but I hadn’t noticed her out until now.
“Oh.” I took the cups from her and moved to the side so that she could accompany me. Before she did, she shook out the blanket and let it glide over our legs like a parachute. The soft material made me realize how cold the night actually was. The hot cocoa painted little clouds in the air. I was so engrossed in watching them that Mom smiled and nudged me with her shoulder. We had often sat there like this, mostly in the summer while Dad watched some boring documentary. Just the two of us, shoulder to shoulder, with a cocoa in our hands and all the time in the world.
“This is where I used to sit when I was pregnant with you,” Mom said. “Did I ever tell you that?”
“No.” I looked up from my cocoa and watched her.
“Well.” She chuckled. “When I was pregnant, I was always sick. Especially in the evenings.”
She scratched her head. Her blonde hair was braided into a knot, from which individual strands were now falling out. It made her look like a model, I thought. My hair was thicker and less stringy than hers. I must’ve inherited it from Dad.
“The fresh air did me good,” Mom added. “That’s why I love sitting here with you now. It always feels like a time capsule.”
While she was talking, I laid my head on the bend of her neck. It was much daintier than Josh’s, but it exuded its own welcoming warmth that made me drowsy and calm. I gazed into the dark forest, which began directly beyond the paddock. That was where I had first met Josh—over six years ago—and without him, the forest seemed ghostly empty. I would’ve done anything to hear the hybrid howling somewhere out there. A single sign of life would’ve sufficed.
“Josh isn’t in Shatterlake, is he?”
I had been trying hard lately to make everything seem as normal as possible, but Mom knew me too well. It wasn’t normal for Josh and me not to meet up, not to call each other, and not to exchange messages. I didn’t have the strength to sit in his empty house every day to keep up the spectacle. My parents would’ve seen right through me anyway. Over the last few days, I almost didn’t care if they found out or not, because I lacked the energy to take care of it all on my own anymore. Even now, one day before my departure, I felt exhausted and heavy.
“No,” I quietly admitted. “He’s in Calgary.”
I couldn’t lie to her, so I told her the closest thing to the truth. It confirmed her suspicion, because I saw her nodding. She probably thought Josh was with his adoptive parents. Audrey had given me the idea to run with that story. It was a good excuse and didn’t take much imagination to keep it up.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Mom asked softly. “You’ve been carrying something around with you for quite a while.”
I had to convince her that she had nothing to worry about. That Josh had only been away for a short time to visit Annemarie and Ben and would be back soon. It was just a single sentence with a little bit of persuasion, but I failed today. I was sick of it all—the lies, the pain, the powerlessness.
Instead of answering, I closed my eyes and began to cry. Mom felt my tears on her skin, so she lifted her arm and put it gently around my shoulders. I had struggled for almost two weeks to not let this moment happen, and she must have known it from the beginning. I sobbed like a child in her arms, hiding my face in her shirt and trying to shut out the world with all its problems, at least for tonight.
Her gentle comfort also made me strangely calm. It made me think more evenly what was coming. No one could guarantee we would find Josh. Nobody was sure if he was even still alive. It was the first time I’d thought about what would happen without him in my life, and it hurt terrible.
“Oh, Ruby.” She held me tightly while her hand smoothed my hair. She must’ve felt me trembling. “Don’t worry. He’ll be back.”
I wanted to shake my head and tell her she didn’t understand, but I nipped that urge in the bud. I couldn’t tell her the truth. As much as I wanted to, it would only put her in danger.
I felt a smile twitch the corner of her mouth, which was pressed against my head.
“Josh really loves you,” she murmured without letting go of me. “He would never leave you.” She remained silent for a second to give her words more impact.
“Have some faith in him. He’ll come back to you.”
It was the same thing that Audrey had said. Neither of them knew the truth, but they seemed so sure that Josh would return that I believed them. Mom was right. Josh was a survivor. No one had such a strong will as he did. He knew I would save him, and he would hold on until I got there. I had to believe in that.
I just had to.
“Yeah,” I whispered. “You’re right.”
Strengthened her confidence, I let go of my mother and took a sip of my cocoa that had grown cold. I had to stay strong. If Liam’s suspicions were right, we were Josh’s only hope. Keith, Hunter, Liam, and me.
I would keep going until I found him.
“Thanks, Mom.”
After a sleepless night, the day of departure had finally arrived.
I had everything ready. Under my bed rested a bulging travel bag, which I only had to grab. It contained clothes for me and Josh and some provisions that I had collected in stages after work. Snacks, drinks, and some canned food—everything that could be placed under my bed as unnoticeably as possible. My wallet was waiting, ready for use, in my jeans. In the last few months, I had saved a sum in the four-figure range, which would probably get us by. I would postpone explaining the loss of the money to my parents.
I felt like a felon, sneaking down the stairs so early in the morning. The dogs would be my greatest enemy. They slept at my parents’ room and usually barked when the floorboards creaked, but today my luck seemed to be holding. They were probably still too tired to notice my secret escape.
