Perfectly Accidental (Accidentally Perfect Book 2), page 3
“I say you’re in a funk,” I replied.
“And you’re an authority now?”
I laughed, thinking she had no idea how high my authority went on funks. If funks had a hierarchy, I would be sitting pretty on a fucking throne.
“I’m not in a funk,” she said, as though the mere act of telling me made it true.
“Prove it. Give me one of those infamous Piper Barlow smiles.”
She glared at me instead.
I shook my head. “Hmm…close, but no.”
“You could be home by now.”
“Come on, Barlow,” I begged. “Give me a smile.”
“I’m fine. Thanks,” she said.
And fuck me if that wasn’t so close to sassing me… I wanted – no, needed – so much more of it. An unhinged, unstoppable desire rose up in me and its effect on me can only be called madness. It was the only explanation for what happened next.
I skated ahead of her, started up a kick flip, then ‘failed’, and landed on my arse in a puddle. Water was seeping into my boxers, but it was worth it to see the humour dancing in her eyes. She bit her lip and I’d be damned if she wasn’t the sexiest thing on the planet. Finally, she couldn’t fight it any longer and a full-blown smile crossed her face.
“There it is!” I cried triumphantly.
She tried to play it cool and failed. “You fell off your board. Of course I was going to laugh at you.”
She took a step towards me and held her hands out like she didn’t even think about it. I took them both in one hand, grabbed my board with the other and we both pulled me to standing. There was an odd feeling in my fingers as they let go of hers. Something kind of tingly. I ignored it.
“Fell off. Sat in a puddle. Much of a muchness.” I flicked wet hair out of my eye and looked down at her. “The result was as expected.”
She ducked her face and kept walking. “Roman Lombardi isn’t the kind of guy to fall off his skateboard to make someone else smile…”
I kept up with her easily. “Isn’t he?”
“No,” she scoffed.
I nodded. “Then, it must have been an accident.”
“Must have,” she said softly.
We walked on in silence for a while. I didn’t know what she was thinking about, probably much the same as me, though maybe for different reasons.
I didn’t know what was up with me.
It was bad enough that I had this unnatural draw to her, but that hadn’t been the first time in the last few weeks I’d done something to make her smile. There was something very wrong with me. And yet…
Why the fuck was I humming ‘Waking Up in Vegas’?
I saw her looking at me, and saw she liked it. So, what did I do? I got to the chorus and broke out in song. Of course I did. Because that made any fucking sense. Next time I hit the chorus, I added in a hip wiggle and a strut. Because I was well known for my dancing skills. Next thing, it was a full-on performance.
But she was laughing.
She was fucking laughing, and it made me never want to stop.
All things must come to an end, though, even Katy Perry songs.
“Speaking from experience?” she asked.
“Definitely. The hangover was real. He was a perfect gentleman, though. The annulment was quick and easy. We still exchange Christmas cards.”
She laughed again and I couldn’t help but be chuffed that I’d brought it out in her.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Barlow,” I told her when we drew level with my driveway.
She actually waved. “Sure. Perhaps you can regale me with another Katy Perry classic on the way to school?”
“You take that to your grave, Barlow!” I said, acting severe, but feeling like laughing myself.
As she walked backwards towards her house, she crossed her heart. “Of course.”
I shook my head, feeling a smile trying to worm its way onto my face. I took one last look at her, standing there in all her utter perfection, and couldn’t help biting my lip. Who knew what kind of bullshit would try jumping out if I didn’t.
She was enthralling. Everything about her, like it was designed as my own personal torment. But the torment was sweet. I could look but, just because I could never touch, it didn’t mean I had to go completely without.
Chapter Three
Pronunciation Fails and Detention Bails.
Having Maddy move in had been an adjustment for everyone, but no more so than first thing in the fucking morning when she ran up and down the hallway for no fucking reason, giggling like...well, like a five-year-old first thing in the morning.
I clamped my pillow over my head, but it was no use. It was like my ears were attuned to the pitch of her squeals and they permeated my flimsy barrier.
I flung everything off me and lay spread-eagled on my bed for a moment as I got up the energy to get up. My head rolled to see what the time was.
“Six fucking fifty-three?” I muttered to myself, disbelieving.
I hadn’t been awake that early since I was in junior school. Even since I’d decided to get the bus, I’d only had to roll out of bed by seven forty-five and I’d be fine.
Determined not to let the tiny terrorist win, I closed my eyes and told myself I was going back to sleep. Except, I wasn’t.
I was awake for the day.
“Well, if I’m up anyway…” I murmured to myself.
I grabbed my headphones and my phone, and set about sorting out my morning wood.
I found a video that looked good and reached into my boxers. I wasn’t usually a boxers in bed kind of guy but, when there’s a five-year-old without any sense of personal space or boundaries in the house, a guy has to take some extra precautions.
Taking my shaft in my hand, I stroked long and slow. Timing it to the moaning of the chick in the video.
Usually, I liked to take my time in the morning. Who liked to rush pleasure? Especially when I had plenty of time to take. With nearly an hour before I had to be rolling out of bed, I had all the time in the…
“ROMAN!” I heard mum cry in high-pitched surprise.
I looked up quickly and dropped my phone screen down on the bed. “A little privacy, woman?”
She frowned at me, but I could see she was torn between embarrassment and trying to pretend it was all perfectly normal. Because let’s be honest, it was. While I didn’t make a habit of thinking of my mum like that, if she told me she never did it, I would have been surprised.
“Don’t ‘woman’ me, Roman. I birthed you. I raised you. I should have knocked first.”
She was trying. Always. She only ever tried to do the right thing. By me. By her. By us. I couldn’t begrudge her that.
I nodded and aimed for less abrupt than I felt. “Did you want something? I’ve kinda got my hands full…so to speak.”
For a moment, humour lit her eyes, then she was the mum again. “Right. No. Sorry. Just came in to grab your washing. Didn’t think you’d be…up…” she finished slowly, realising the connotations of that sentence. She pulled her eyes off my face and turned to my washing basket. “Can’t say anything anymore,” she muttered. “Everything’s sexual. So weird. Don’t like it.” She didn’t look at me as she went to the door. “Uh, if you want it, coffee’s in the kitchen. When you’re up– Out of bed! I’m going to shower.”
She hurried out and pulled the door closed behind her.
“Is Uncie Roman awake?” I heard Maddy say.
“Uh,” Mum coughed. “No.”
“But you were just talking to him.”
Mum coughed again. “Yeah. I do that. You should hear the things I say to you when you’re asleep. Come on!” she said loudly, and I heard their footsteps recede.
“Well, that ruined it,” I said to myself, my dick now limp as fuck in my hand.
The inspiration was lacking heavily that morning, so I hauled arse out of bed and got dressed. It was only forty minutes earlier than usual. Plenty of time to mainline some strong caffeine.
Before I went to the kitchen, I sat in my window and had a smoke.
Bad idea.
Piper was in her room getting ready for the day. With her curtains billowing, I didn’t see as much I could have – or wanted – but it was enough that I was regretting not staying in bed a little longer.
“Uncie Roman!” I heard at my door and snubbed the smoke quickly.
I sprayed some heavily scented shit around me and the room before answering, “Yeah?”
“Can you come and read to me while I eat?” Maddy whined.
“Fucking fuck fuckity fucknuts,” I muttered, trying to get it all out of my system so I didn't explode in front of the small, impressionable child.
When I opened the door, Maddy bolted upright like she’d been lying on it.
“Morning,” I said to her.
She grinned up at me. “You sound like a monster in the morning.”
“Beg pardon?” I asked.
“Your voice is all scratchy and growly.”
I nodded. “Sure. Some women will appreciate that,” I said as I pushed past her and headed for the kitchen.
“Why?” Maddy asked.
“Because they like it.”
“They like you sounding like a monster?”
I nodded again as Mum smiled at me. “Bread’s in the toaster,” she said as she ran out of the room to her en suite.
“I don’t like monsters,” Maddy continued.
“I’ll bet you don’t,” I told her as I looked for the coffee.
“Will I when I grow up?”
“Why would you think that?”
“Because you said some women do.”
I nodded. “Right. It’s not liking monsters, Mads. It’s…” Why the fuck did I start this conversation. “It’s called morning voice and some people like it.”
“Why do they like it?”
Because it’s sexy. “Because people like lots of different things for lots of different reasons.”
“Why?”
“That’s a good question, Mads. I don’t know.”
“What do you like?”
Fucking, drinking, smoking and not being awake in the morning. “I like skateboarding.”
“Why?”
Because it was the only thing appropriate to tell her. “Because I’m good at it.”
“I’m good at skipping.”
“So you like it?”
“Yes!” she giggled.
I nodded as I passed her the toast. “There you go then.”
She frowned at me. “There I go when?”
I rolled my eyes as inconspicuously as possible. “You’re good at skipping and you like it. It’s cause and effect.”
“What’s course and–”
“Roman, can you take Maddy to school this morning?” Mum called from her room.
I looked at Maddy and didn’t know why I was expecting her to be on my side. But she was beaming from ear to ear.
“I can’t,” I replied, but Maddy’s face didn’t fall.
“Roman, I’m just asking you this once!” Mum.
“Except, it’s not going to be just this once, is it?” I called back.
“Fine. No! But can you just do one thing without arguing?”
“Okay, but this is it. For the year,” I told her. “After this, it’s like, all arguments, all the time.”
“Oh, so like usual, then?” she replied, but I heard the smile in her voice.
I looked down at Maddy and sighed.
I didn’t want to say that I’d been practising Katy Perry songs overnight, but I may have accidentally listened to ‘Firework’ a couple of times the night before. For absolutely no reason whatsoever.
“Fine!” I called, then looked back at Maddy. “You ready?” I asked.
She gave me a big, serious nod. “Ready.”
I happened to look down and saw she had her shoes on the wrong feet.
“Uh...” I started, having absolutely no idea how to manage this. So, I just pointed.
She looked down, then up at me with a wide smile. “I did it myself.”
I nodded. “I can tell. Park your butt.”
She dropped to the floor, and I knelt in front of her. I didn’t know what I was doing, it was just instinct. Given my instinct wasn’t to hit her or tell her she was useless or stupid, I figured it was safe to follow it. I was a great many things, and I was known for inflicting pain on others without thinking about it, but generally that didn’t extend to tiny humans. It would never extend to tiny humans.
“It’s a-cos they’re melcro,” she said proudly.
I raised my eyebrow sceptically at her. “Melcro?”
She nodded. “It sticks. Mrs Nakmanura...” She frowned. “Naknarura...” She huffed. “The Year Three teacher said melcro has hoops and loops, and it sticks.”
“Velcro,” I told her. “You mean velcro.”
“Oh. Do I?”
I nodded as I swapped her shoes over. “And it’s hooks and loops. Like this.” I showed her with my fingers. “It’s lots of little ones and makes it strong. Because to pull it apart, you’ve got to unhook so many.”
“When did you learn so much about velcro?” Mum asked, appearing behind me.
I huffed as I stood up and held my hand out to Maddy to help her up. “When I thought Home Ec would be a fuc–” I looked at Maddy and coughed awkwardly. “A breeze,” I amended.
Mum’s eyes widened as a smile tugged at her lips, and I frowned at her.
“Is Uncie Roman taking me to school?” Maddy asked.
Mum nodded. “That okay, Mads?”
She nodded and whipped a gorgeous smile on me. “Yeah. I like driving with him. He plays loud music.”
Now Mum frowned at me. “Appropriate, I hope?”
“No,” I told her. “It’s all death metal and alt punk. I set it to explicit only. Besides, she’s only been in my car once.”
“You’ve still got the car seat?”
“Fuck!” I sighed, then looked quickly at Maddy, feeling the guilt heavy on my face.
She only smiled and shook her head. “Now, you have to pay the fine. Miss Buckley and Mr Parrish say they have jars, and it can be for spending on anything! I think I want roller skates. And ice cream!”
Mum and I exchanged a look. Her face was worryingly mischievous. I shook my head, an open plea on my face. She grinned.
“Don’t you...” I muttered.
Mum’s grin widened. “That’s a great idea, Mads,” she said gleefully. “Why don’t we set it up tonight, and Roman can owe a dollar to it.”
I growled. “You can’t be serious?”
Mum’s joy would not be quashed. “I’m so serious.”
“Yay!” Maddy cried as she started skipping out of the house.
I glared at Mum as she bustled me out as well.
“She’s going to be good for you,” she chortled.
“She’s going to be…hell on my bank account.”
“That’s ‘nother dollar, Uncie Roman!” Maddy said, hovering at my car door.
“What?” I asked, looking to Mum for help.
She was trying not to laugh, bless her, but only just. “You have a good day, love,” she said to me.
I growled again. “Can I just buy her the roller skates?”
Mum shook her head. “That’s not how it works.”
h
“Roman, I expect to see you in Room Six in fifteen minutes,” Mr Dunbridge said as I walked by his office.
I paused and shrugged dramatically at the vice principal. “Wouldn’t we all, sir. I’m afraid I have other plans.”
“It’s not a negotiation, Roman.”
“True. Otherwise, you’d be offering me something other than three hours of boredom on a Friday afternoon.”
“Would you rather a Saturday morning?”
I gave him a cocky smirk. “I wouldn’t ask you to come in on a Saturday, sir. That would just be rude.”
“Of course. And you’d never be rude to an authority figure.”
I lay my hand over my heart. “I’m a good boy, sir. Honest.”
“I’d be willing to bet you’ve never been good a day in your life.”
My father would happily pay that bet.
I nodded as my jaw tightened. “Agree to disagree.”
“Just do your detention,” he fair begged.
“Sorry, sir. I’m busy. Plus, it’s the last day of term. You deserve a break. What say I owe you two, first week back?”
He sighed heavily. “If we start you on a credit system, there won’t be enough days left in the year.”
I grinned at him sarcastically. “Super. I’ll see you next term.”
“Roman!” he called, but he didn’t follow me, and his tone had a very strong hint of resignation to the end of it.
As I headed for the bus, I told myself I always bailed on detention. That was who I was. It wasn’t any different now than it had been three or four weeks ago. My sole purpose in bailing on detention wasn’t just to see Piper. I told myself this, and I managed to mostly believe it.
Not that I cared anymore when I heard Hadley say my name. “Shame we’re not better friends with Roman. He could drive you.”
Oh, I’d drive her. I was pretty sure I’d survive staying sober at a school party if Piper asked me to be her ride.
Piper snorted. “If we were better friends with Roman you’d have ruined it because you’d have screwed him senseless, broken his heart and moved onto someone else. So, we wouldn’t be friends anymore and I’d still not have a ride to the party.”
Look, I didn’t hate the mental picture. If Hadley was half as kinky as her reputation suggested, then it could be a fucking good time. But I wasn’t interested, and Rio probably would have broken my face, quite literally.
Hadley huffed a laugh. “Yeah? Who’s to say I’d be the one who did the breaking? Roman Lombardi is more likely to break my heart than I am his.”
Probably. I did have a reputation to uphold, after all.
“I guess. But, still my lack of ride is still not solved unless I drive myself.”
“Did I hear my name?” I stepped forward and asked. Hadley turned a wicked grin on Piper like I was the answer to all their prayers. Fuck, if only.
