Coming into Focus, page 3
“Of course,” I said. I even meant it. Concerts weren’t my thing, but I liked the idea of seeing him again. I put my number in his phone.
After he left, I locked Hope’s house and drove to my next job with a lighter heart than usual. The time with Jimmy had been a good night’s work. I could add to my portfolio, thanks to Hope.
I made it through my shift at the coffee shop with no major disasters. All I wanted when I got home was a shower, my bed, and six to eight hours of unconsciousness. I opened the door, dropped my keys into the chipped pottery bowl on the table by the entry, and started down the hall before I noticed Toby on the saggy plaid couch, evidently waiting for me. The always-present knot of worry in my stomach got a little tighter. It didn’t take long for me to realize he was all right. His body language was tense and stiff, which meant he was nervous, not in pain. If he was hurting, he’d be pale and focused on acting normal.
I ruffled his brown wavy hair, surreptitiously checking for a fever, but he wasn’t warm. “How was your day? You want me to fix you something to eat?”
“I made dinner. There’s some soup in the kitchen for you if you’re hungry.”
My breath caught in my throat. “What’s wrong?”
His smile wasn’t reflected in his dark eyes. “I can’t make you dinner without… Have a seat. We need to talk.”
I dropped onto the recliner across from him. “What’s wrong? Does something hurt? Do we need to—”
He shook his head. “No. Listen to me for a minute.”
I folded my hands in my lap and waited.
“I want to go to college.”
I let myself digest it for a minute before I transitioned into planning mode. “All right. I can probably pick up a few more shifts at the coffee shop. I’ll have to find a way to get you there in the morning, and it would depend on your class schedule—”
“I’m not done, Willa. Please listen to me.”
“Sorry. I’m listening. You want to go to school. The community college?”
He frowned. “Why do you assume that? You assume I couldn’t get in anywhere better?”
“Wow. Thanks. It’s where I went, if you recall.”
“You didn’t start there,” he reminded me as if I’d forgotten. He crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. This was a sore point. “You went away to Carson-Newman on a scholarship, then quit and came back home because of Cancer, Part Two.”
Not entirely false, but not the whole truth, either. “I came home because I love you and wanted to be here in case you needed me.”
“You came home because Dad couldn’t cook and never took notes at the doctor visits.”
He wasn’t completely wrong. Dad had done the best he could, but he missed a lot.
I didn’t blame him; I just thought it would be best if there were two of us handling things and if one of them was me. It was a good thing it worked out that way, because when Dad suffered a heart attack two years later, I was already home. Toby had been only seventeen, but I’d been able to keep him with me as long as we had regular visits from a social worker.
“Everything is fine, Toby. I love being here. We’re good.”
His jaw was clenched. He flexed his hands and shook his head. “Is it fine, Willa? What are your plans for next year? The year after? I can’t sit here playing video games forever. I have to do something.”
I didn’t have an answer for him. All I needed him to do was stay well. “If CC is such bullshit, where are you going?”
“I’m starting at CC, like you. I’ll get my first classes there and maybe transfer to a university later.”
“How are we going to pay for it?” I was proud of how calm and rational I was being.
He lifted his chin and said, “Mom is going to pay for it.”
It was like he’d dumped ice water over me. “Who?”
“Mom.” He waited for my reaction.
“You talked to her?”
His gaze slid away from mine.
I got to my feet. “Toby? Answer me.”
“Yes, I called her, okay? I called our mom.”
“You asked her to pay for you to go to school.”
“She owes us, right?”
A semi-hysterical laugh escaped me. “Uh, yeah. You could say that.” I needed to get away. I didn’t want to have this conversation. I wasn’t sure what would come out of my mouth.
“Listen to me,” Toby pleaded. “Don’t be like this. She’s our mom.”
I flinched when he said it. “No. Maybe she’s your mom if you’re okay with what she’s done. She’s nothing to me.”
“This is a big deal, Will. Can’t you be happy for me?”
There was no chance of that, but maybe I owed it to him to fake it. “When were you going to tell me you’d registered?”
He picked at a hole in the leg of his jeans. “Not until I was sure. I knew you weren’t going to like it.”
“Of course I like it.” I lied. “I’m proud of you. I’m strategizing about how we’re going to make it work. Even if tuition is covered, we’ll need a way for me to get you there every day.”
He wouldn’t meet my eye. “I bought a car. I used the rest of my share of Dad’s insurance money.”
I blinked at him. “You can’t drive,” I said stupidly.
Belatedly, I remembered there was a strange car parked in front. I’d assumed Toby had a friend over, then I’d forgotten about it in the upheaval of everything that followed.
Evidently, it was his car.
“I took classes. I got my license. I wanted to surprise you.”
Mission accomplished. I was surprised.
“Willa?”
I went to the kitchen for a glass of water. After I drank it, I stared unseeingly at our small, untended backyard, my hands gripping the edge of the counter.
When Toby came in behind me, I cleared my throat and said, “Well, you’ve been busy. Reestablishing your relationship with the absentee mom. You registered for school, bought a car, learned how to drive. I guess you have lots of time to be doing things like this, what with me being at work. Or at my other work. Or at my other work. Or doing our shopping or running our errands. I’m glad you’ve made such good use of free time I don’t have.”
I needed something to do with my hands. I turned the faucet back on and filled the sink with hot soapy water.
He stood next to me. “Willa. I don’t ask you—”
“That’s the point,” I said, sliding dirty dishes into the sink with unsteady hands. Hot water sloshed over the edge and onto the floor. I ignored it. “You don’t have to ask me. I’m your sister. We’re family. This is what I do. I take care of things.” I blinked away tears. “You’ve been sneaking around and keeping things from me.”
“Of course I’ve been keeping things from you,” he said, sounding angry again. “Look at how you’re reacting!”
“Like I’m surprised? I am surprised! I had no idea any of this was going on!” I tossed the dishrag in the sink, splashing more suds. I dried my hands jerkily.
We were off track, but I didn’t know how to walk it back. I wanted to start over. I wanted it to have never happened. I wanted to go back to yesterday.
“Willa, I told you I wanted to go to school. I told you I wanted to get a job. All you ever say is you’ll handle things.”
“I will handle things! You don’t need to do this!”
“I don’t want you to handle things!” he yelled. “I’m eighteen years old! I don’t need to be taken care of!”
His words hit me like a slap.
There was more.
“I don’t need you to be my mom. Can’t you be my sister? Can’t you let me make decisions for myself?”
I left the kitchen and went toward my room, my only objective to get away.
“Oh, don’t do this,” he said, sounding disgusted now. “Please don’t be a martyr, Willa.”
“I’m not a martyr.”
“Then don’t—”
I spun to face him. “And you don’t have to tell me I’m not our mom. Obviously I’m not because I’m here. I have always been here. She’s showing up with her checkbook now? Where was she when you were in the hospital? Oh, right, with her boyfriend. Where was she when Dad died? With her new family. I’m the one who’s here.”
His bravado wavered. “I’m just going to school. Like every other eighteen-year-old.”
I shook my head, and it was out of my mouth before I could stop it. “You aren’t like every other eighteen-year-old.”
I meant…you’re my eighteen-year-old. You’re my baby brother. You’re the reason I do what I do. It’s not what I said, though, and there wasn’t a chance to fix it.
He got up and snatched the keys for his new car on his way out the door. I listened to the sound of him driving away from me.
~ * ~
I was in bed later when my phone rang, but I ignored it until it stopped. I didn’t want to wake up anyway. Toby must have come home at some point because music was coming from his room. I started to get up to check on him before I stopped myself.
He didn’t need me.
I turned over and yanked the blankets over my head.
My phone rang again.
I ignored it again until it stopped.
After a moment, it started ringing again.
I grabbed it. “What?”
“Oh, thank God you’re there. Thank God! Willa! I need help!”
I recognized the accent and the voice because of course I did, but it didn’t make sense. This was officially the first time a famous musician had called me at—I glanced at the clock—one in the morning, on what had been an extremely difficult day.
To be fair, it was the first time a famous musician had called me at any time, on any kind of day.
“Are you there? Oh God, say something, and make it something I can understand. I am surrounded by Americans speaking gibberish, and I can’t take it. I’m locked in my room. Josette has left for good, and I can’t get hold of her even if I wanted to, which I don’t, and I am alone. There’s no food. I can’t remember my email password, and I don’t want to call Hawk because—”
“Who’s Hawk?”
“My manager, obviously. Once he finds out Josette is gone—”
“Who’s Josette?”
“My assistant!”
“Where is she?”
“Please keep up, darling,” Jimmy said. “I had an assistant called Josette. She quit and left me because she is very French and very over me. Does she care that she’s left me stranded and afraid? No, she does not. Eric and Oliver are on the other side of the fucking world, so they’re no use to me. I am alone on foreign ground. You’re my only hope.”
I ran a hand over my face, struggling to wake up enough to keep pace with him. “Where are you?”
“Kentucky. I know you’re not going to leave me stranded because we have a connection, you and me. I said to myself, I met a lovely girl who likes taking care of people and has nice freckles, and she’s Willa. You must come.”
I was silent for a beat, and he practically screeched my name. “Willa! Why do you keep not talking while my world is falling apart?” He must have shifted the phone because his voice was muffled as he muttered. “She’s probably hung up on me. Someone will find me here, months later. Headlines like World’s prettiest legend of a rock star found abandoned and dead in a hotel room in the American South.”
“Take a deep breath, Jimmy. I don’t understand how I can help. Can I call someone for you?”
“I’m going to say it again, darling, but do pay attention. I need you to come be my assistant. Please.” He added, “Starting immediately.”
“You hadn’t said that, actually.”
“Is it possible you missed the implication? That’s a discouraging sign. Well, you’re new. I’m sure you’ll be a better assistant soon.”
“I have no idea how to be an assistant, but I can help you find someone qualified.” I regretted saying it immediately. How would I find him an assistant? I’d call Hope and go from there, I guessed.
“It’s an incredibly vital but simple job. You’ll love it. You’ll make my day sheets. Do the shopping. Coordinate with Tucker.” He paused. “You should also do my makeup because fucking hell. Hope emailed me proofs of those pictures we did, and I look good. Even for me. This is a thing now. I’m entering a makeup phase. It was inevitable, I suppose. I sent a picture to Eric, and he said he wants makeup too when he gets here. Oliver says he’s fine, but he always says he’s fine. Tucker’s would be fine, only she has no idea where to take me tomorrow because we don’t have day sheets, and I can’t get into my email.”
“Who’s Tucker?”
“Tucker is my driver. Did you imagine I was driving myself around this massive country?”
“Who’s Eric?”
“Who’s—Willa, I told you! He’s my guitar player. You’re going to need to start taking notes.”
The music in Toby’s room went silent, replaced by the rumble of his voice. He was probably on the phone with a friend, telling them about how excited he was to be starting his new life and finally getting out from under the thumb of his oppressive big sister.
Big man who didn’t need his sister anymore.
Jimmy was being ridiculous. It was definitely a ludicrous idea. At the same time…
The wheels slowly started turning. “You’d have to pay me,” I said to Jimmy.
“Oh, is that how it works when you hire someone to do a job? Yes, Willa. I would pay you. I will pay you whatever I was paying her if you can help me find out what it was. We’ll get it sorted.”
Toby’s door opened. “Willa?” he called from the hall. “You all right?”
I ignored him. Obviously, I wasn’t. Would I seriously be considering this move if I was all right? “How long would I be gone?” I asked Jimmy.
“Ideally for the whole tour, but it’s a stretch, considering my track record. Until you get sick of me and leave me stranded in the middle of nowhere, I guess.”
Ludicrous or not, I dove in. “You’d have to pay me more than you were paying the other one because I’ll be much better at it. I want to work on my photography portfolio while I’m there. I can build my body of work, maybe sell some freelance stuff.” Uncle Ken wouldn’t have to hire me as a charity case. He’d hire me because my photography would speak for itself.
In the meantime, I’d let Jimmy pay me to babysit him. It was crazy, but maybe crazy was good. The universe was obviously driving me into making a change.
“Yes. Photos, portfolio, whatever you need. If you get in a car right now. How far are you from where I am?”
“Where are you?”
His sigh came across the line loud and clear. “This is the kind of thing you’re going to have to learn to be better at, darling. You should always know where I am. That’s, like, Being an Assistant 101.”
“Maybe I can take some online courses on how to take care of a pop starlet. I’ll Google it.”
“You mispronounced Rock God.” He was starting to sound calmer. “Are you in the car yet?”
I got out of bed and flipped on the light. I started a mental inventory of what I’d bring with me. “It’ll be morning. I have to pack, quit my other jobs, make arrangements—”
I dug an old duffle bag from the bottom of my closet. I couldn’t believe I was actually going to do it. But after all, why the hell not? One job would be easier than three.
I wasn’t needed at home, anyway.
I gave the limited clean clothes hanging in my closet a skeptical glance. They were serviceable for coffee shops and other part-time jobs, but maybe not right for being a personal assistant.
Jimmy sweetened the pot. “I won’t be able to sleep until you get here. I’ll buy you new everything if you hurry. Only don’t tell Eric because he says I’m impulsive, and I don’t want to bolster that particular opinion. Don’t tell my next assistant either because I probably won’t want to do it for them, but I’m more desperate than usual, and shopping is fun. If you ever stop talking, you can hang up and call a ride, Willa, honestly.”
“There’ll be a notepad or a folio or something in your room with the hotel’s address on it. Take a picture and send it to me. I’ll call a car and text you with an ETA when I’m on my way.”
I could sense his smile across the line. “It was clever of me to call you. Bring smelling salts. I’ll have fainted from hunger before you get here.”
Chapter Four
I threw a few things together, despite Jimmy’s promise to buy me “new everything.” I was double-checking my old canvas photo bag when Toby walked in.
“What are you doing up?” I asked him.
“I couldn’t sleep after our fight. Wondering what I could do to make it all right.”
I didn’t want to discuss it. “I accepted a new job,” I announced abruptly. I zipped my camera bag closed and set it by the door.
“What? Just now?”
I shoved a few more things into my bag, trying to keep my hands busy. “Just now. I’m going to work for a guy named Jimmy. Hope introduced me to him. I’m going to be his assistant. I’ll work on my photography portfolio at the same time, make a real go of it. You’ve inspired me to start something new.” I sounded sarcastic and shitty, but I couldn’t make myself stop. “We’ll be on the road, I guess. I’m not sure when I’ll be back.”
He shook his head, confused. “Whoa. Slow down.”
My smile felt brittle. “No time. I have to go.”
“You can’t leave like this, Willa.”
“I absolutely can. You’ve got everything here handled, as you said. You’re on it.”
Toby groaned. “Don’t do this. Let’s talk in the morning, okay? Get some sleep, and we’ll talk again when we’re both calm.”
I shrugged and finally let myself look at him. “I’m gonna go, Toby.” I was determined not to cry. “Maybe it’s time for you to spread your wings a bit. Maybe it’ll be good for us both. You can call me if you need to. Call Uncle Ken if you need anyone closer.” I couldn’t help adding, “Or call your mom.”
