Coming into Focus, page 11
“See, I’m glad I asked you instead of searching for it! Now I know you guys are together because you love each other, not for the money and easy sex. I also learned what an enormous mushball you are.”
“I’m not a mushball,” he protested.
“You definitely are. It’s adorable.” I patted my pocket for my phone. “I should probably text Jimmy to check if he needs anything.”
There were seventeen messages from him. Most were versions of Willa, are you okay? or Where are you and when are you coming back?
They ended with YOU ARE AN IMPOSSIBLE GIRL. I SAID GIRL INSTEAD OF WOMAN ON PURPOSE BECAUSE YOU’RE BEING EXTREMELY IMMATURE TO IGNORE MY MESSAGES. I’M TEXTING OLIVER.
Oliver was texting Jimmy back by the time I finished scrolling through them. “I told him we’re fine,” he said, “but we better get you back.”
“Why is Jimmy so weird about being left? Eric’s there with him. It’s not like he’s been abandoned.”
Oliver hesitated, then shook his head. “Not my story to tell. He just… doesn’t like it.
We took our time on the way back. I had the sense he wasn’t in any more of a hurry to bring our time together to an end than I was.
I waved him in when we got back and grabbed a few minutes of privacy to call Toby.
To my surprise, he answered. “Toby!”
He laughed. “Were you expecting someone else to answer?”
“I wasn’t expecting anyone to answer. How are you?”
“Buried under homework. How are you? How’s the new job? How’s your rock star boy toy?”
“How are you feeling?”
“It took under three seconds.” His exasperation was clear. “Can we please talk about something that won’t turn into a welfare check?”
“Um, okay… How’s school?”
He laughed. “All right, good enough. We can talk about school. It’s better than health. Actually, school is harder than I expected. It’s kicking my ass, but I like the challenge. I haven’t had to use my brain like this for a while. What about you? Do you like your job?”
“I do, actually.” I was probably even more surprised to admit it than Toby was to hear it. “We have to get this photo thing straightened out, but I love what I’m doing.”
“I listened to their new album. It’s not my thing, but I have to admit they’re talented. My school friends are awed when I tell them my big sister is touring with them.”
It was strange to imagine him talking about me to his friends. Evidently, he hadn’t totally forgotten me.
We chatted for a few more minutes, but Jimmy was staring at me from the bus window. “I gotta get back to work. Say hey to Uncle Ken for me. Take care of yourself.”
“Yeah, yeah. Love you, Willa.”
I disconnected, smiling. That was different than me checking on Toby. It had been Toby and me checking on each other.
Jimmy was sullen when I got on the bus. “Oh, here you are. If it’s not inconvenient, maybe you and I could get some work done today?”
“What’s the matter?” I asked. “What did I miss? We don’t have any interviews, and you don’t have to be at soundcheck for hours.”
“Right, but… well, there’s loads to do. I’m not paying you to strut around whatever this town is. I’m starving, for one thing,” he said. “You probably do not realize it, but I haven’t even eaten breakfast.”
I made him some food and then sat next to him while they made their setlist for the night, and eventually, his bad mood evaporated.
When I glanced up, Oliver’s eyes were on me. My cheeks got warm. It might have been a terrible idea to spend time alone with him.
It was also exactly what I’d needed.
Chapter Twelve
I smoothed Jimmy’s hair and checked his makeup. “You’re good. You have your phone? Gum, wallet, condoms? Call Tucker half an hour before you need her in case traffic is bad. Or you know what? She should stay. Ask her to stay, okay? Then if you need to leave in a hurry, she’s right there. Don’t be out late. Wake me up when you get in and tell me you’re here. You have early soundcheck tomorrow—don’t forget.”
Somehow I’d convinced him he could do without me for the night since he’d have Eric. I was about to settle into a hard-earned night in. I assumed Oliver was going to join them, but he passed.
“You boys have fun,” he’d said. “I’m going to stay in and watch a movie.”
Jimmy kissed me on the cheek. “‘Night, Willa!”
I turned my attention to Eric. “All set?”
“How do I look?”
“Delicious. Keep an eye on Jimmy, okay?”
“Do I need more eyeliner?”
“No, you’re perfect as always. Have a good time. Make good choices.”
Peace settled over the bus when they left. I took my book and a blanket off my bunk, poured myself a glass of wine, and curled up on the couch.
Book, blanket, wine for relaxation, Oliver for eye candy. Perfect night.
“What are you reading?” he asked.
I showed him the book.
“Did you not just read it?”
“It was a couple books ago. I want it again.”
“How much Jane Eyre do you need?”
“More,” I said. “Always more.”
He stretched out next to me with his laptop on his stomach. After a few minutes, he scooted closer and propped himself against my legs. “All right?”
“All right,” I confirmed.
I savored his warmth against me until he shut his laptop. “You don’t do that with me,” he said. “Why not?” I tried to focus on his words, not the sensation of his voice rumbling through me.
“I don’t do what with you?”
“The thing you do with Jimmy. The way you take baby him.”
“Do you need it?” I was surprised. “I can do it for you. What do you need? You want me to rub your head? You want me to make you something to eat? You need a facial, Oliver?”
He shook his head. “This is enough for now.”
He was quiet for a bit, but it wasn’t exactly a companionable silence. More like a loaded one. I knew there would be more, and there was. “You’re different with Eric than you are with Jimmy.”
“Well, Eric doesn’t need to be babied, does he?”
“No, Eric worries he disappears next to Jimmy, so you flirt with him.” He sat up and faced me. “You don’t flirt with me.”
I closed my book. “Do you want me to flirt with you?”
“Maybe sometimes.”
“It’d be different if I flirted with you, though.” We probably should have had this conversation before I was most of the way through my wine because maybe I was being a bit too honest.
“Is that why you don’t?”
“Yes. Jimmy needs to be babied, so I baby him. Eric likes to flirt, and it’s harmless.”
“Why would it be different if you flirted with me?”
He must have already known the answer. I said it anyway. “I’d mean it differently.”
He smiled. “Good.”
“Is it?”
“Yes. I’ve noticed you’re… adaptable.”
“What do you mean?”
“There are lots of Willas. Mommy Willa, Flirtatious Willa, Efficient Willa, Bossy Willa. Sleepy Willa is a cute one. The Willa you are when we’re being interviewed, and you don’t like the questions? Authoritative Willa is impressive.”
It wasn’t something I did consciously, but he was right. I did vary based on what was called for. “Are you saying I’m fake?”
“Not fake. Strategic. You read people, and you give them what they need. You’re like Jimmy but more subtle. He is always angling for whatever will benefit him at the moment. You’re usually trying to get something for him, or for us, or Toby.”
“What do I try to give you?” I asked him.
“I don’t think you do it with me, do you?”
“No.”
“Why not, Willa?”
“Maybe I’m not trying to get anything from you?”
“Or maybe you can tell I like Just Willa better than any other Willa. Maybe you’re giving me exactly what I want.”
“You like Just Willa the best?”
“I do. Authoritative Willa is hot, but Just Willa is my favorite. Willa with a book and a blanket, and no objective. She’s the one I like the most.”
I smiled. “It might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“Ah, surely not. Jimmy said only this morning you’re his favorite person in the world.” Oliver showed me his dimples, and his sunny smile made what was already an excellent night even better.
“He did, yeah. He also said I’m the meanest and worst personal assistant he’s ever heard of, so those cancel each other out.”
He turned away from me again and settled in. “As you were, so I can use you as my pillow. Maybe rub my head. Let’s test drive it.”
I held my book with one hand and stroked his hair away from his forehead. He sighed. “S’nice.”
I never let myself touch him like this. The only time I made contact with him was when I was getting him ready for a show or a photo shoot. Never casually, and never just because I wanted to. I put my book down. His movie was playing again, but he wasn’t paying attention to it. His lashes lowered as his eyes drifted closed.
Eventually, he said my name.
“Hm?”
“I don’t want you to stop.” His voice was deep and quiet.
“All right.”
“So you better stop.”
“Don’t wanna.” I continued to play with his hair.
He let me go for a few more minutes before he said, “Yeah, the thing is, if you don’t stop, something else could happen. Which would be bad, right?”
“Depends on what it is,” I said. My voice was as hushed as his. I didn’t want to break the spell.
“I want to kiss you. It’s getting worse and worse.”
“Oh,” I said.
“I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to stop there, either. Because this isn’t a harmless experiment anymore. Now I know.”
“Know what?”
“Touching you more isn’t going to help me build an immunity.”
“Immunity to what?” I asked.
“To how I feel about you.”
“Oh no,” I said. “I have a certain kind of feeling for you too. This is a problem.”
“Is it?” He captured my hand and kissed my palm. It tingled all the way through me.
“Of course it is.” It sounded more breathless than I intended it to.
Oliver brought my hand back to his mouth and kissed my knuckles. He bit my middle finger, just the pad of my fingertip, then soothed it with his tongue.
“Oh no,” I said.
He didn’t turn to face me. “What’s the matter?”
It was like we were attempting to navigate on a tightrope, but I’d already fallen off.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” I said.
“Let’s pretend I didn’t, then,” he said.
“All right. While we’re pretending, let’s imagine I didn’t do this either.” I tilted his head up and leaned over and kissed him. It wasn’t ideal, as first kisses go. We were upside down from each other, and I was bent awkwardly. He was surprised, and we were both aware we were going over a line we couldn’t un-cross.
It wasn’t ideal… but it was perfect.
Our lips brushed together. It was nice, so we did it again. When I moved my tongue against his, the jolt of heat shocked me. I jumped back.
His gaze was on mine, intense. “Oh, fuck.”
“Yeah,” I breathed. “Fuck. Now look at what you did.”
He smiled at me. “I didn’t do it.”
“You opened your mouth. I wouldn’t have gone in if you hadn’t.”
“You’re really going with ‘he was asking for it’?”
“You were,” I said. “You were definitely asking for it.”
“Gagging for it,” he admitted. “Oh, Willa.” He let out a deep breath and then turned to face me, serious now. He took both my hands in his. “You have to—we have to—it can’t happen again. Not unless you mean it for real.”
“I can’t mean it for real right now. Because job. Jimmy. Tour bus. You’re Oliver. He’s Jimmy, and I’m me. Still. Wow.”
He laughed. “You’re you, and I’m me, and he’s Jimmy. All true. Still. Wow. It would probably have been better to wonder instead of know, but now we know.”
“Right,” I agreed. “What do we know, exactly?”
“There’s a heat.”
“There is. There’s a heat.” An inconvenient heat, but I wasn’t even going to pretend to myself I didn’t want more.
I definitely wanted more.
Oliver was attempting a stern expression. It was adorable. “Let’s not do that again unless there comes a time when we really mean it. If there’s a next time, it’ll be for real. We won’t be just checking.”
It made good sense. “I’m with you one hundred percent, but can I check one more time first? Because maybe it was a fluke.”
His gaze found my mouth. “You make a good point. It might have been a fluke. Because it was basically an upside-down Spider-man kiss, which would obviously be hot. Maybe if we kiss when we’re both right-side-up, it might not be a big deal.”
“Then we wouldn’t have to worry.” I agreed. “We wouldn’t have to waste our energy imagining there’s this big issue.”
He put a hand on the back of my neck and pulled me to him. He kissed me. It was not gentle, and it sure as hell was not without heat.
I got on my knees to get closer to him and buried my hands in his hair again. He shoved his laptop off the couch onto the floor and then laid back, gathering me closer to him.
When his hands slid under my shirt and touched the skin of my back, I knew I was going to lose the ability to stop myself in about another two seconds. I made myself stand and take one big step back.
His eyes were dark, and his breath came faster. I made myself take another step back rather than letting myself do what we both wanted. “Shit. Fuck. God damn it,” I muttered.
“Willa.”
“Don’t say my name. Oh my God.”
“Come back here,” he said, inviting me in his sex voice. “Please.”
I swayed toward him, but the fans who were outside the bus got louder, a signal that they’d spotted Jimmy and Eric.
It was like being caught by your dad making out, but worse. I backed out of the lounge, scrambled into my bunk, and yanked the curtains closed. I fumbled for my phone and texted Oliver: Pretend it never happened!
He answered me immediately: Not possible.
Don’t tell Jimmy!
I waited for his reply, but he didn’t answer me before Jimmy and Eric came on.
“Hey, where’s Willa?” Jimmy asked.
“Sleeping,” Oliver said easily. Nobody would guess he’d turned my insides into lava mere moments ago.
“You’re flushed,” Eric said. “You feeling okay?”
I mentally high-fived myself. Go Willa. He was flushed.
“I’m fine,” Oliver said. “It’s warm in here.”
“Crack a window open,” Jimmy said. “Tucker, we’re ready!” he called to the front of the bus. “Now,” he said to the boys, “I’ve been keeping a lot of things in because Willa is a delicate flower, and I don’t want to offend her with sex talk. Now we have an opportunity, let me tell you—”
I scrambled for my earbuds and crammed them into my ears.
When Oliver got into bed a couple hours later, the movement jarred me awake. My phone buzzed when he answered my text from earlier: I’m not going to tell Jimmy. Obviously.
I sent him three thumbs-up emojis.
Another text bubble popped up: I won’t tell him about it the next time, either.
I didn’t have a response, so I sent him a gif of a kitten sleeping.
He laughed softly, and a giddy warmth spread through me. It was a long time before I fell asleep.
Chapter Thirteen
The first US “mob scene” happened when we were leaving a restaurant and going back to the venue for soundcheck. We were close to the car before the group of girls spotted them, but once they did, everything happened at once. We were surrounded, and they were screaming and reaching for Jimmy with grabby hands.
He tucked his head down and covered his face, but there were so many of them. I put my body between him and the girls. I felt something hit me, but the pain didn’t register. Oliver closed the back, and Eric broke a path to the car. It was over in moments, but it unfolded in slow motion.
As soon as we were in the car, Tucker drove away.
Oliver said, “All right, Willa?”
Jimmy made an indignant noise. “Did you mean to ask if I’m all right? They were rushing me, not Willa.”
Oliver sounded angry. “The reason you’re fine is because Willa protected you with her body, and when she was doing it, she got hit in the face. Which is why I’m asking about her.”
Jimmy blanched. “Willa! Shit! I’m sorry. Are you hurt?”
“I’m fine. Everything is fine.”
“You’re shaking!” He leaned forward to inspect me and gasped. “Your lip!”
“It hurts a little,” I admitted. “Is there a mark?”
“Look away, Eric,” Oliver said sharply.
He was a second too late. Eric was already making gagging sounds. “Oh my God. Oh, God. Willa. Blood.”
“Put your head between your knees,” Oliver said.
“Me?” I asked.
“No, Eric. You have a scrape, and Eric faints if he sees blood,” he said.
“Willa! You’re bleeding!” Jimmy went full Jimmy Standish. He ripped his shirt over his head and dabbed carefully at my lip with it. “Oh, Willa. Poor baby.” He held me close to him. “We should take you to a hospital. Tucker, we need to take my Willa to a hospital! She’s gushing blood!”
Eric gagged with more energy.
I tried to sit up, but Jimmy’s arm was locked around me. “I’m fine—”
