A Familiar Magic, page 21
So that was his angle. He wanted me to quit. He wanted to stomp out the potential embarrassment before it got out of control, and he tried to sugar coat it in a way he thought would interest me.
I scoffed. Like he knew my interests.
At my obvious rejection, his smile dropped and was replaced with a concerned frown. “You don’t have to put yourself through this, child. The objective set out before you isn’t fair, or reasonably achievable. You could have a comfortable life here, with a mate and your own family.”
I couldn’t keep my face from scrunching at the suggestion and his fatherly frown turned into a full-on glare. He set the brandy down with a solid clunk and steepled his fingers beneath his chin, waiting. He’d made the first move, it was my turn to counterstrike. Only, I was in no mood to play games tonight.
“You’re worried I’ll embarrass you.” I went straight to the point. “How will it look to the rest of the Council—to the king— if your daughter epically fails at being a familiar. They’ll look at you and think you weak. That if your progeny is such a disappointment, it must be a reflection on your abilities to lead our people.”
I smirked, enjoying how his hand tightened around his glass with every verbal knife I threw home. The grandfather clock chimed the eleventh hour and each peal echoed through the silence of the room. Neither one of us moved. We stared, searching for a weakness that wouldn’t be revealed easily. And then my father smiled.
“You’ve embarrassed me enough for two lifetimes, so why would any of that bother me now?”
My brow creased in confusion. His image was everything to him but he acted like I already ruined it. He laughed the longer I tried to connect the incomplete scraps he threw at me, and I grew more apprehensive as his smile grew into a sneer.
“How did you think it made me look when my teenaged daughter ran away from the death of her would be future charge? She acted cowardly. And instead of coming back and facing what she’d done, she forced the prince to hunt her down and then offer to train her to save face.”
Barbs. His word were hot barbs that hooked in my skin and pulled with the weight of their truth. The pain was everywhere within me, and it took everything I had to keep it from showing on my face. But somehow, my father knew he’d struck true. My hands shook so I shoved them in my lap. My stomach rolled and I swallowed to keep my dinner down. Roaring overtook my senses, blinding me from his sneer and drowning out the sound of my racing heart. Every word. Every. word. How did he know how I felt about that night? He wasn’t accusing me of being at fault for Asher’s death, but he was right about everything else. I was a coward. I ran as my best friend hung by his neck from the pincers of a demon. He was tasted and nibbled on while I tucked tail and hid from my sins. My thoughts spiraled, I needed to say something. Anything before my father pounced again.
“That’s not why Auden offered to train me.” My words were quiet, but solid. I knew this to be true as well.
My father shook his head with another cruel laugh. “He spent all that time searching for you only to nearly die bringing you back. He had to say you were worth saving, if only so he didn’t waste his time. If only so the king and his brother didn’t resent him for ignoring his duties for so long.”
“That’s not true,” I whispered, tears now clouding my sight. “He believes in me.”
But a small voice in my spiraling mind whispered back little doubts. He wasn’t happy about bringing you back in the first place. I remembered the glares and silent resentment as I made him travel across multiple states to catch me. And then he had to feed you like a pet just to keep you from passing out. You’re the reason they pulled over at the rest stop to begin with. He lost his team to a demon they could have avoided if you held your bladder. If you’d never ran away in the first place. If you’d died with Asher.
“If you insist on this futile endeavor as some misguided attempt to spite me, do yourself a favor and at least keep your mouth shut.” My father stood casually, tugging at the bottom of his dress shirt to straighten the wrinkles. “You lost the right to voice opinions when you abandoned your people. Tonight should have shown you where you stand with them.”
Tears openly streamed down my face until the sleeves of my hoodie were soaked with them. My father left the room, content to let me wallow in my pain. The knowledge that I let him lure me into that verbal ambush—and worse, that he won— only made it hurt more. I ran from that house and didn’t stop until the door to my dorm locked behind my back. I spent the rest of the night crying until my head swelled with the tears and my tortured thoughts pulled me under.
The bells told me I missed breakfast, but the endless chatter outside my door made me want to hide deeper in my blankets like the immature child my father claimed I was. At one point, Bast knocked on my door, but I didn’t answer, and he eventually went away. Conversations up and down the hall, the slamming of doors, and the small sliver of sunlight moving across my floor told me the day was passing by like any other. Moving on just fine without me. Once more, there were footsteps outside my door, their shadow visible through the crack, but they too went away. I spent the day and most of last night replaying the brutal conversation with my father, so pissed that I let him get to me. I felt like a thirteen-year-old all over again, only this time I didn’t have Asher to run to. I was alone.
I deserved to be, I knew, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. Maybe what my father said was true. I was an inconvenience. I forced everyone to make room for me. Just like I always forced Asher to do what I wanted. Or when I forced Asher over the wall. I was selfish. My eyes stung with another round of tears when there was a knock at my door. I glanced at the bedside clock and the red numbers flashed past midnight.
“Go away,” I called out, my voice muffled by my childhood comforter that now covered my bed.
To make matters worse, my father had my things delivered this morning, all of it still in boxes around my room. On the outside, it appeared a thoughtful gesture from a doting father. But I saw it for the calculated move it was. A sucker punch of sorts. A brash reminder that I’d run out of the house without the things I’d gone for. That was how my father knew he’d won that round. Not like my tears at the dinner table hadn’t already told him. But he wouldn’t be the man I knew if he didn’t rub it in. The door to my room creaked open and the shadows from the hall lamps outlined a tall figure with broad shoulders.
“You missed dinner.” Auden’s voice pierced the room, and I stifled a groan. “Also, lunch and breakfast. But missing training, now that’s personal.”
He set a small plate on my nightstand with the vague shape of a sandwich on it. My stomach grumbled but I curled deeper into my blankets.
“Go away, Auden,” I sniffed, and he crouched beside me.
“Hey,” he whispered. “What’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?”
No, I wasn’t. My head pounded from a day and night’s worth of tears. My stomach was going to claw its way out of my throat in rebellion, but more importantly, my heart hurt and having him here made it worse. My father’s words echoed back to me. He’s only here because he has to be.
“I said, go away, Your Highness.” I managed to keep the emotion out of my voice, hardening it.
It didn’t work. Auden tugged on my covers. Hard. Most of it slipped from my hands but I kept my head buried.
“Talk to me,” he demanded.
One more tug and my shelter was gone. I sat up, fury rising, and I gripped it with all I had left.
“Another order, my prince?” My glare was directed at his neck. For all my bravado, I couldn’t even look him in the eye. I wanted him out of my room before I lost it again. This simmering anger only did so much to hold the rest of the storm at bay. “Forgive me if I don’t bow, but I wouldn’t want to inflate an already massive royal ego.”
Auden stood, towering over me once more. “Despite our previous spat, you know I’m nothing like that, Kaya, and this lashing out isn’t going to make you feel better.” He tilted his chin, trying to catch my gaze, but I refused to look at him. “I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.”
“Maybe I don’t want your help!” I shouted, flinging my arms in the air. “I’m perfectly fine on my own without your egotistical, know-it-all, listen-to-me-I’m-a-prince, ass—”
A sharp tug on my chin stopped my rant. Auden was close, so close I couldn’t avoid the concern etched in every feature of his frown. From the wrinkle in his brow, to the firm set of his lips, to the glow lighting his gaze. He held my chin gently between his thumb and forefinger, keeping me from looking anywhere else but right back at him. My face felt splotchy, my eyes puffy and red from crying, but he took it all in.
“Tell me the truth,” his voice was a deep rumble. “And check the attitude.”
Tears welled in my eyes again and I jerked my head to the side, but he didn’t let me go. The silence in the room was deafening. My breath hitched and carried on in an uneven tempo as I tried to keep myself together. Auden’s grip gentled until his hand cupped my cheek. He opened his mouth, but I beat him to the punch and uttered the first thing on my mind.
“Do you think I’m selfish?”
He drew back, visibly caught off guard by my question, but shook his head. “You’re the least selfish person I’ve ever met.” He sounded confident, but I couldn’t help but scoff. He swallowed and slowly settled on the bed beside me, our shoulders brushing. “You’ve thrown yourself in the direct path of danger twice now for the sake of someone else. Why in the world would you think you’re selfish?”
Because I killed your brother and then ran away.
“My father…”
Auden jerked away with a curse. “Figures.”
“What?”
“I’m guessing his demeanor hasn’t changed since your return?” His jaw ticked as he waited for me to answer.
“You…you know about my father?” I’d never told him what my life was like at home, not even before. There was nothing he could have done, and I always tried to appear more grown up in front of him. Nothing screamed danger more to a boy than a girl with daddy issues.
“Asher mentioned a few things,” he said, confirming my suspicions. No one else was privy to the truth. “I just never thought he’d still be like that. Especially after finally having you home.”
My laugh was brittle, the laugh of a broken girl who knew better than to hope for what could never be. “If anything, I’m a bigger inconvenience than before.”
“What did he tell you?” I felt Auden watching me again and my cheeks burned.
“That you only offered to train me because of all the time you spent looking for me. That I’d made you look bad, and it would be even worse if I failed.” That I’m a coward who should’ve died the night Asher did.
“That’s such bullshit,” he sneered in disbelief. “I saw your face when my brother mentioned repopulation. And honestly, I knew how you would feel about it before it was even mentioned.” His shoulder brushed mine again as he turned to face me fully. “You had such promise when we were younger and the grit you showed evading me only proved it was still there. You deserve to graduate, Kaya.”
I didn’t know how much I needed to hear his words until the heavy pressure on my chest eased, like I was no longer being strangled. The worry didn’t disappear, though. A part of me recognized that while Auden’s reasons were different from my father’s, that didn’t make my father completely wrong.
“So, why are we training in secret then?” I asked before I lost my nerve. At his raised brow I added, “the attic?”
Auden threw his head back and laughed. A true one. Eyes closed, shoulders shaking, and infectious enough for a small smile to tug at my lips.
“It’s not a secret,” he admitted, still chuckling. “Your schedule will change too much to keep trying to use the gym between your classes. The attic is private, consistent, and you can take your time without others staring.”
I sat there, mouth open, replaying his words. He really was looking out for me. And because he wanted to, not because he had to. Even with the truth staring me right in the face and coming from the source himself, it was hard to believe. My father’s voice still rang in my head, mixing with my own self-doubts.
At my silence, Auden stood. “I can go tell everyone right now, if you want.” He moved toward the door.
I smiled again, a small one. “Auden, its fine.”
“No. No. I can see you don’t believe me.” He inched closer.
“Everyone’s sleeping.”
He shrugged. “If that’s what it takes to earn your trust.”
His hand was on the doorknob when I was moved. I launched myself at his back, clinging to him like a monkey to keep him in the room.
“I trust you,” I panted, using all my weight to hold him back.
“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you?”
I hit him on the shoulder. He heard me. “I said, I trust you.”
He reached back and grabbed my thigh, his hand meeting bare skin. Before I could register the shock, he swung me around and threw me on the bed, his smile positively wicked.
“Asshole,” I muttered, but I was only joking. My somber mood rapidly faded the longer Auden kept smiling at me like that.
I pushed up from the rumpled blankets and winced as my stitches dug deeper into my skin.
“What was that?” Auden asked, eyeing my shoulder like he could see beneath my sleep shirt.
“Nothing.” Dammit. I winced, again.
“Kaya…” he growled in reprimand. “I told you to get those checked this weekend.”
“Yeah, well it’s been a busy past couple days, okay?” I batted his hands away, but he was quick at pulling down the collar of my shirt.
“They’re scabbing over!” He scolded and I jerked away when he touched them. “I have half a mind to take you to get them out right now.”
“I have an appointment tomorrow,” I lied, pulling my shirt from his grasp.
He nodded. “Good. Don’t dawdle. You need all the time you can get in your regular classes to get caught up.”
“Yes, sir.” I saluted and he flicked my nose.
He stood in the doorway, his indulgent smile making my heart skip and pulled me further from my once dark thoughts.
“Get some sleep,” he gestured at my rumpled blankets. “With those stitches out, we can really pick up training.”
It took hours before I did what I was told; days spent wallowing meant I wasn’t as tired now. I had no plans to get my stitches out tomorrow and that posed a new obstacle. Without them, I’d be cleared to shift, and I couldn’t begin to list the number of problems that would cause. I knew they couldn’t stay in forever, but I needed a few more days to work out another plan. There had to be a way around this. What if I figured it out on my own? If I could manage a full shift, it wouldn’t be such a big deal to return to my regular classes. It’s not like I expected to graduate without ever shifting again. But struggling in front of others while I figured out how to do it was out of the question. Who’s to say that wouldn’t be reason enough to pull me off of probation? All my father needed was one excuse and I’d be trapped here with a kid on the way as soon as I came of age. Fuck that. My future was my own and I refused to allow it to be taken from me.
chapter twenty
The whole morning was a lesson in restraint. I woke up late and tripped getting out of bed. My stitches were itching like crazy and only added to my guilt about lying to Auden, and to top it off, there were hex bags on our table at breakfast. Small ones. But they pissed me off, nonetheless. I tossed them over my shoulder and couldn’t stop grinning when they landed where I hoped they would. Snarls and chair scrapes drew the attention of those still lingering this close to the bell and anticipation built up inside me. My self-affirmations last night went a long way in giving me hope and I practically bounced with the energy coursing through me as I prepared to take my future by the horns and make it my bitch.
“Did you have to do that?” Bast ducked his head in a cower and I growled.
“You stood up to an F-ing Shade, but Lincoln still intimidates you?”
He didn’t have a chance to respond. The douche canoe himself stood behind me, close enough that if I turned around, our chests would touch. Fuck that. I pushed my chair back, hard, until I heard a satisfying “oompf”. There was plenty of space between us now and I stood to lean a hip against the table. A picture of unaffected. This new energy needed an outlet and a little scuffle sounded like the perfect opportunity.
“I’m surprised you showed your face today, little traitor.” Lincoln rubbed the spot on his stomach where my chair hit him, and I smirked.
“Aw, did you miss me?”
His lip curled in a sneer, revealing a sharp canine. “I missed seeing you make a fool of yourself.”
I scowled as his buddies laughed behind him. Why did bullies feel the need to travel in packs? It was like keeping your own audience on payroll. Pathetic.
“The way you carried on at the Choosing?” Another round of laughter. “Was seeing your future too much to handle?”
My brows knitted as I remembered that poor girl crying in the middle of the arena. It looked like Asiel and my father weren’t the only ones who thought my future lie in repopulation. I looked forward to fucking up those odds. The bell rang and the cafeteria once more filled with the sound of chatter and clanking trays. But Lincoln didn’t move and neither did I.
“Kaya…” Bast called.
Lincoln’s glare shot post my shoulder. “Be gone, vermin. The little traitor and I have things to discuss.”
I felt Bast behind me, softly shaking with nerves, but a subtle tang in the air told me his wolf was pissed. Finally. I knew he had a backbone. This wasn’t his fight this time, though, and there was no reason for the both of us to be in trouble. I could handle Lincoln. Before Bast could go full wolf, I waved a hand.
“I’ll be okay.” I risked a glance and smiled. “I’ll be right behind you.”
