Stop at Nothing, page 12
part #34 of Forever and Ever Series
My palm immediately cupped her cheek, and my thumb wiped away the moisture on her face.
“My parents are getting a divorce.”
Of all the things I expected her to say, that wasn’t it. Her parents were breaking up? When I went over there last month everything seemed fine. They didn’t fight or bicker in my presence. They didn’t actually look like they were in love, but it didn’t seem like they were on the verge of ending a marriage. “Oh…”
“I know it’s stupid…” She shook her head slightly. “I’m not a little kid anymore. I shouldn’t be so dramatic about it. But…I can’t help it. Everything seemed to be okay and then…they just fell out of love. They won’t explain what went wrong. They keep saying the same thing…that the love just died.” More tears escaped and cascaded down her cheeks.
“It’s not stupid and you aren’t being dramatic…”
Her eyes were glued to the floor like she was too embarrassed to look at me.
“If my parents ended their marriage I would be devastated.” I couldn’t imagine my parents being apart. Sometimes their affection disgusted me, but their love always comforted me. The love they had for each other extended to Trinity and I. We were a family. And if they didn’t want each other anymore…would we still be a family? “It’s not stupid at all.”
She sniffed loudly and calmed herself again. “It’s just…so unexpected. They hardly ever fight and it seems like they always get along. And now they’re so old. Why would they want to call it quits now? I just don’t understand it. Macy lives with them but she doesn’t understand it either.”
It was the first time she spoke of Macy without disdain in her voice. Perhaps this traumatic experience had united them. I sincerely hoped that was the case. I was tired of pushing Macy back like she was an insect and I held the bug spray. “This is hard for anyone, Lexie. It doesn’t matter how old you are. It changes the family dynamic. Of course, it’s upsetting.”
She moved her face to my chest. “I don’t want them to break up…”
I wrapped my arms around her and tried to protect her from her own pain. “Neither do I.”
“Jared and I couldn’t make our marriage work and now this…”
What did she mean by that? “The two incidences have absolutely nothing in common. Don’t compare them.”
She kept her face pressed to my chest.
“Baby, you’re going to be alright. We’ll get through it together.”
“So, my mom is just going to live alone…? And my dad is too? Do they expect to remarry? Do they expect to have stepchildren?”
“I can’t answer that, Lexie. Maybe they’ll change their minds the more they think about it.”
She shook her head. “No…they made it crystal clear nothing would change.”
Since I’d never been in this situation before, I had no idea how to handle it. How did I console her? How did I protect her? How did I fix this? I brushed her hair out of her face then kissed her forehead. “I love you.” It was the only thing I could say. It was all I had to offer her.
She took a deep breath as her hands rested against my stomach. “I love you too…”
“Why did you push me away, Lexie?” That still hadn’t been explained.
“I didn’t know what to do…if I said it out loud it would make everything true. I couldn’t just hide it from you. You can take one look at me and know something is wrong. I figured if I had enough time I would get over it.”
“I never want you to get over something. I want you to share it with me—so we can get through it together.”
She moved further into my chest like she wanted to crawl inside my body and rest there. She was practically standing on my feet to get closer to me.
My arms moved underneath her ass and I picked her up and held her to my chest. She was light like a pillow, and just as soft as one. Once she was in my arms, she rested her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around my neck. She was content there.
My hand moved up and down her back as I tried to calm her. Holding her like this was easy for me. My arms were the size of her head, and two of her legs put together still weren’t big enough to compare to just one of my thighs. She was a fairy and I was a beast.
I carried her to the bedroom then tucked her in. After I removed my clothes, I crawled in beside her. She immediately crawled on top of me the second my body hit the mattress. She clung to me like she needed me. If I were to let her go, she would spiral into a dark place.
My hand moved through her hair as I held her as close as possible. How did I repair the damage that’d been done to her heart? How could I say everything would be okay when I didn’t know if that was true? I was an excellent problem-solver and knew how to fix everything, but I was clueless how to fix this problem.
All I could do was comfort her. All I could do was hold her.
All I could do was love her.
Chapter Sixteen
Jared
“You seem like a really interesting guy.” The girl across the counter from me drank her beer and kept making eyes at me. She had long blonde hair that had a beach wave to it. All she needed was a surfboard and she’d be a beach bum.
I left the office and came to the register because I forgot to drop off last night’s cash in the safe. Just when I started counting it, this girl came over. “How so?” I kept my eyes glued to the money in my hands.
“Well, you’re cute.”
I looked up at her.
She bit her bottom lip in a cute way. “That’s about it….”
Any guy in this bar would tell me she was a perfect ten. Her halter-top showed her rounded shoulders and a nice rack. Her skin was slightly tan like she spent most of her time outdoors, probably on some rich guy’s yacht in the Bahamas.
But she didn’t do anything for me.
“I’ll give you that. But I’m pretty boring in every other department.”
“I don’t think so.” She took a drink of her beer but her eyes were on me.
I was used to girls coming onto me. It used to entice me, but now it just annoyed me. “You’d be surprised.”
“Show me just how boring you are.” She bit her lip again.
Girls didn’t play hard to get anymore? “Why are you so into me? Because you know I own this place?”
“No…” She glanced over her shoulder and spotted her friends at a table. Then she turned back to me. “Okay, here’s the deal…”
I knew there was a catch.
“My friends dared me to come talk to you…if I go back over there without your number I’m going to look like a loser.”
“Why me?”
“You’re the hottest guy in this place.”
I tried not to grin. “I’m the hottest guy in every place.”
“So…can I get your number?”
As stupid as it sounded, Beatrice’s face came into my mind. She and I weren’t anything more than friends but I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Every time she flipped her hair over one shoulder I wanted to fist it in my hand then bend her over my couch. Whenever her green eyes lit up in excitement, I hoped I was the reason for the reaction. Whenever she laughed, I felt warm inside.
She and I could never be together. There just wasn’t a single possibility. We were from two different worlds, and I didn’t deserve her.
I would never deserve her.
“I’m seeing someone.” Ugh, why did I say that? I’m not seeing anyone. I’m not seeing Beatrice. I needed to get back out in the world and start living my life. A serious relationship was something I wanted but I’d given up on it. I could never be faithful to a single woman. It just wasn’t in my DNA. But I should at least get laid. My cock was starting to get pissed off.
“Oh…” Her face fell in sadness. “But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Guys like you never stay single for long.”
And we never stay married for long.
“Sorry. I can write down the number to the bar if you want.”
She smiled. “That works…but I admit I’d rather have the real thing.”
I ignored her final words then scribbled the number down on a napkin. “There you go. Flaunt your victory.”
She gave me a smile before she walked away. “Thanks.”
When she turned around and headed back to the table she shared with her friends, I spotted the deep green eyes that always made me think of a warm, summer meadow. Her soft brown hair framed her face, making her pale skin stand out even more. I hadn’t noticed her there until now.
She had a look on her face I’d never seen before. Instead of being happy to see me like usual, she seemed…sad. Her eyes gave away her emotion, and something was clearly wrong.
When she realized I was staring at her, she quickly hid her unease. She forced a fake smile on her face. “Hey…I thought I would stop by.” She looked around the bar, paying attention to anything else but me. “It’s packed tonight.”
“It’s packed every night.” I shoved the money in the register and stopped bothering to count it. “Everything alright?”
“I’m fine.” Her voice came out high-pitched and shaky.
My eyes narrowed on her face. “What’s wrong, B?” I knew when she was lying.
“Uh…” She glanced over her shoulder. “It kind of stinks over there.”
“Over where?”
She nodded next to the dartboard. “Maybe someone threw up? Not sure.”
Was that all that was bothering her? Or I was missing something? I waved down one of my boys. “There’s a spill in the lobby near the dartboards. Check it out.”
“On it, boss.” He walked away.
I turned back to her. “What brings you here?”
“I was just sitting at home and wanted to see if you were doing the same thing.”
“I was playing solitaire in my office a few moments ago.”
She chuckled. “Such a hard worker.”
“Hey, I came up here to count the register.”
“And how’d that go?” She had a triumphant look on her face like she already knew my answer.
“I’ll do it later when we close.”
She coughed loudly. “Slacker.”
“What did you just say?” I tried to sound threatening but I couldn’t wipe off the smile from my face.
She coughed again. “Slacker.”
I glared at her. “You’re lucky you’re a girl otherwise I’d spray you with the beer tap.”
“At least I would taste good.”
“I’m sure you already taste good.” I hadn’t realized what I said until I already said it. It was such a stupid thing to say. I panicked for a moment before I forced myself to grin like an arrogant jerk.
Beatrice bought it. “Shut up.”
I filled two glasses with beer. “Want to come up to my office?”’
“I don’t know…is it creepy in there?”
“Depends…do you like dark rooms with knives?” I came around the counter and handed the beer to her. Then we headed up the stairs and to my office at the end of the hallway.
When she walked inside, she looked around. “It’s…nice.”
It was a mess. My desk was covered in paperwork that dated back to five years ago. The cot in the corner hadn’t been made since I bought the place. A few band posters were on the walls, and extra clothes and shoes littered the floor. “I keep my apartment clean so I don’t care if this place looks like a sty.”
“Apparently…” She looked around like she didn’t know where to sit.
“The cot is pretty comfortable.”
She eyed it with an upturned nose.
“I just washed the bedding a few days ago.”
That convinced her to sit down. She kept her legs tightly together then sipped her beer. Her eyes examined the various details of my office.
It struck me then and there that Beatrice was the first girl to come to my office and not screw. She was just a friend I was showing around. Normally, we hit the cot and it squeaked with every thrust I made. Did that make her special? Or did that make her meaningless?
Beatrice felt the frost of her glass with her fingertips. “So…are you going to call her?”
Her words brought me back to the conversation. “Call who?” Who was she talking about? Did I miss something?
“That blonde girl downstairs…she was really pretty.” Beatrice didn’t meet my gaze when she spoke. If I weren’t in the room, it would look like she was talking to her glass.
Now I understood what she meant. “No. She asked me out to look good in front of her friends.”
“But you gave her your number…” Her voice was full of accusation and pain.
Or did I just imagine her voice came out that way? Was I hearing things I secretly wanted to hear? Was my mind playing tricks on me? “I didn’t want her to feel stupid with her friends so I wrote down the number to the bar.” I wanted to make it clear that I hadn’t gone for her. I wasn’t sure why. It’s not like it mattered…
“Oh…” Beatrice’s eyes brightened slightly.
Or did they really?
“Why didn’t you want to go out with her…?” She asked the question like she didn’t want to know the answer.
I shrugged because I couldn’t think of something better to do. Obviously, I couldn’t tell her that she was the reason. “She wasn’t my type.”
She sipped her beer and watched me. “What is your type?”
You.
Man, I needed to get a grip. Every time I looked into those green eyes stupid shit went through my head. “Not sure…I haven’t been with anyone in so long that I’m not sure anymore.”
She watched me closely like she was searching for something. Then she lowered her gaze to her beer.
Sometimes I wondered if there was something more than friendship on her part. When she crashed at my place, she behaved oddly around me. She glanced at my naked chest then quickly looked away like the sight frightened her. She was edgy the entire morning, jerking left and right like she was walking across eggshells. Now she asked me about the girl who just hit on me.
Was it possible…that she felt the same way?
My eyes narrowed on her face and I analyzed her like a piece of art. Girls always expressed interest in me, but it was always in an obvious way. Beatrice never behaved like the others. She was calm and cool and waited for things to come to her, not the other way around.
The idea of her possibly feeling the same way made me float like a cloud. I imagined taking her to dinner and holding her hand on the table. I imagined waking up to her on Sunday morning before we made breakfast together. I pictured us fucking hard on my bed…what was wrong with me? I shouldn’t be thinking like this. It could never happen so I needed to forget about it.
“This beer is good.” She took another sip.
Her words brought me back to reality. “Yeah…” What did she say?
She set the glass on the small table next to the bed. Her hands were in her lap and she seemed uncomfortable.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” she said a little too quickly. “I’m fine.” I noticed she wouldn’t look at me when she spoke.
I left the computer chair then sat beside her on the bed. She didn’t flinch when I came near, not the way she used to. I set my beer down then rested my arms on my knees. Even in tense situations, being around Beatrice was always so easy. I could be myself around her and she never judged me for it. She was the only one I knew who actually thought I was a good person.
The distant bass from the bar could be heard even up here. People were having a good time, laughing and drinking their problems away. This office used to be a refuge. I came here to sneak around behind my wife’s back. After I realized what an idiot I was, it became a prison. Every time I was in there I was reminded of what I did to a beautiful person.
But when Beatrice was there…it didn’t feel that way.
Beatrice caught the unease in my eyes. “Something on your mind?”
A hundred different emotions spread through my body, but I realized it was the same emotion just in different waves of intensity. I couldn’t deny how important she was to me. I couldn’t pretend she was just a friend or a girl I was merely attracted to. There was so much more there.
And that terrified me.
***
Want to come over for dinner?
I read the message and felt my heart accelerate. My thumbs automatically wanted to hit the screen and tell her I’d be there in less than five minutes. But I slowed myself down. Depends. Whatcha making?
You wanna eat or not? Her attitude was heavy in the message.
You’re right. I’m not going to turn down free food.
And a home-cooked meal.
I don’t care where it’s cooked. You know me, I’ll eat anything.
Then I’ll see you soon.
I grabbed a bottle of wine on the way to her apartment. I wore dark jeans and tried to find something a little nicer than a typical t-shirt. I looked through my closet but didn’t see anything that would fit the bill. I didn’t even dress up for work so I didn’t own anything.
When I reached her apartment, I knocked lightly on the door. The bottle was in my hands and I glanced at the label. She was the wine aficionado, and I just hoped this wouldn’t taste like piss.
Beatrice opened the door wearing dark jeans and a cardigan that fit her hourglass shape perfectly. The pink color of the fabric brought out her bright green eyes. Pearls were around her neck. There was a small amount of color in her face, like she’d been busting around the kitchen or she was particularly flushed. Her eyes moved to the bottle in my hand. “You brought something…how nice.”
I handed it to her and felt awkward as I did it. “I figured I should bring something since you’re the one busting your ass in the kitchen.”
“Busting my ass?” She grabbed the bottle and raised an eyebrow. “I’m a natural cook. If anything, I glide in the kitchen.” She entered her apartment then opened the bottle in the kitchen. After she poured two glasses, she set the table.
“What are we eating?” I said as I sat down.
“Caesar salad, roasted chicken, mashed potatoes made from real potatoes and asparagus marinated in balsamic dressing.” She read off the menu like making all of it wasn’t a big deal.
