We Dream of Gods, page 8
Secretary Aurus shook his head. “No, that won’t work because you took your revenge in Mei’lian. We are, in effect, equal now.”
“That’s not true and you know it, but if you must we could look at it another way. Granting us land in return for me standing with you as the will of God will mean your hieromonk won’t leave your shores. If I had a home for my people here, I would stay and continue to be of use to you. If not, as soon as my people here are free, I will leave, taking Chiltaen religious authority with me. How would you appoint a new hieromonk? I imagine it might get… chaotic, especially if Leo takes over.”
Again he just watched me for some time, eyes bright as his mind turned. “You have an idea of what lands, I assume?” he said at last.
“Lands that we autonomously control,” I said. “We won’t be kept soldiers forced to live under your rules. They must be on the Eye Sea so we can travel easily to the plains, and be large enough to build or to roam. Space to be free.”
It was a big ask, a big risk, and guilt gnawed at me. Kisia was no longer a faceless place, rather the home of Sichi and Edo, where Nuru was sure to stay, but I told myself that my presence at the head of a Chiltaen army would not change the outcome. If the Chiltaens intended to consolidate their hold on northern Kisia, they would do it whether I stood beside them in a white robe and mask or not.
Secretary Aurus eyed me over the top of steepled fingers while I tried not to let the yearning in my heart overrun my good sense. I wanted this, and the more I dwelt on it the more I wanted it, just as I’d wanted so desperately for Gideon to succeed.
“Well?” I prompted when I could wait no longer.
“You would not be allowed to mass an army,” he said, once again choosing his words carefully. “Or build warships.”
“Beyond protecting ourselves we would have no need of either.”
He nodded slowly. “Then, yes, I think so long as your intention is to build a peaceful home for those Levanti who do not wish to return to the plains then you may find that within our borders, protected by the might of Chiltae.”
We needed no protection, and yet the promise of it, of not having to live with the constant threat of attack, with the insidious incursions of the city states into our land and our herds, made my breath catch. We could just… be. But could I trust him? Or the people—the nation—he represented? Chiltae had forced us to fight, had tortured and abused us, had let us die without care. Could we really trust any of them?
“And what assurance can you give that you wouldn’t attack us the moment you felt like it and take the land back?” I asked. “I know better than to just trust your word.”
“Why? Because I’m Chiltaen? I could say the same of you after the Levanti slaughtered our army, but I have chosen to understand that choice was made under specific circumstances and by particular Levanti. It isn’t wise to judge a whole people by one man or one moment in their history. As you have pointed out, we would not wish our hieromonk to leave our shores, and you’re right—however unlikely a candidate you were, you are and, for the length of your life, always will be our hieromonk. Even Leo Villius would struggle to have you set aside, and no one else could. You hold a lot of power. How can I, a mere secretary, betray Dishiva e’Jaroven when she holds the hieromonk of the One True God hostage?”
I stared at him, his meaning sinking slowly into my skin. Leo had given me a powerful position, but since he intended to kill me as soon as his moment came, he’d given little thought to the consequences of his choice should I live. I was both the Chiltaens’ greatest weapon and the Levantis’ strongest defence.
“That’s why he wants me to name him defender,” I said.
“Does he? That makes sense. It would give him an unassailable position within the church hierarchy, something he currently lacks, his leadership entirely a matter of…” Aurus waved his hand, looking for the right word. “Momentum. Habit, even.”
“I think he is currently working through me,” I said. “I’m not entirely sure, but he doesn’t want me attending the meetings, and I think it’s because he’s claiming to be my… spokesperson.”
“Interesting, but also not surprising and not difficult to counteract now I’m here.”
“He will try to keep me under his thumb.”
Secretary Aurus smothered a yawn. “Of course he will,” he said, swallowing the last of it with a blink of watering eyes. “That doesn’t mean it will work.”
“He has more soldiers than you do,” I said.
“Yes, many of whom would refuse to attack God’s chosen. Leo is merely holding them by force of personality. You just need to make them want to follow you more.”
I tapped a rhythm on my knees. The path to defeating Leo and gaining the lands I’d demanded lay not only through trusting this man, this Chiltaen, but in having to shed as much of my Levanti self as I could to play my part. To lead them. Inspire them. A heavy price, but what were a few more cuts? A few more slivers skimmed from my soul? I’d already given so much, risked so much, that to baulk now would make every other sacrifice meaningless.
While I thought, the secretary reclined once more with a little groan, as though sitting up had been hard work. He pulled a bowl of nuts toward himself across the patterned brocade and lifted questioning brows. “Something more you wish to say before we agree on this?”
Wish was a strong word, yet need was fast overpowering my disinclination to speak. “Are any of the commanders here men…” I drew and released a shaking breath. “… men who took part in the subjugation of my people?”
His hand froze part way to the bowl again, his jaw slowing its crunch of the last offering. “I cannot say for sure, not having been present. Legate Andrus is dead, as I’m sure you know, and I doubt any commander who went all the way to Mei’lian with you is still alive, but a good number of those who went with the hieromonk to Koi survived. Many are here with Leo Villius now, having been stringent believers in the church and the myth of Veld. Is there… anyone in particular you are concerned to meet?”
I wished he had not understood my question, or that I had the courage to answer it. Instead, Commander Legus’s name went around and around in my head and did not make it to my tongue. If he had survived, I might at least get the joy of jamming a blade between his ribs myself.
“No,” I said, an old kernel of anger reopening inside me. I swallowed the urge to let it define my choices. This man was not Legus. My past was not a promise of my future. “Very well,” I said. “Lands in return for the exercising of my power as hieromonk on your behalf. I will, however, not be able to work freely while Leo holds my people hostage. He has threatened to kill them should I not name him defender.”
“It’s time you start giving the orders then, don’t you think?”
“But will they listen to me over him? I cannot speak your language.”
“No, but I can. So long as you are prepared to fight him for what you want, he can be bested.”
I rose from the couch, my hands clenching to fists. “I want nothing more than to fight him. He owes me—owes us—and I will make sure he pays with his blood.”
A smile crept across the secretary’s features, crinkling the skin around his eyes. “Then I think we have a deal, Dom Jaroven. I look forward to the bloody fruits of our alliance.”
5. RAH
Derkka had wasted no time. As soon as Ezma left, whispers started spreading through the camp. Our trackers may have left in search of Leo, but even if we found him, going home could be dangerous. Unless of course we gave Gideon to the Chiltaens in return for safe passage.
By the time I sat down with the Hand that afternoon, everyone was talking about it.
“Well,” Lashak said, digging a stick into the ground. “Ezma sure made an impression, no doubt exactly what she wanted to do.”
“Saviour of the Levanti.” Amun spat. “I would not trust her to piss on me.”
Loklan shrugged one shoulder, not looking at any of us. “At least she came to warn us. And told us where to find Dom Villius.”
“There is that,” Lashak agreed, and dropped her stick with a sigh. “You know what? I don’t think I’m alone in saying I’m just… tired of all this.”
I knew that feeling in my bones. Tired of fighting. Of worrying. Of existing in temporary spaces, never safe, never comfortable, always waiting for the next trouble to come our way. We all needed to go home.
After a short silence, I sighed. “Is there any other news? Any word from the tracking parties yet?”
“No,” Amun said. “And no report from Jass yet either, though I don’t imagine the Chiltaen army has suddenly decided to move.”
“Speaking of reports from Jass.” Diha nodded over his shoulder. “You seem to have summoned one.”
A figure emerged from the trees near the farthest hut, trailing greetings as Swords called out in welcome. Tor carried his usual frown, all long-legged irritation, his hair caught back in a tight leather band. Having approached, he didn’t await an invitation to join us, though Lashak stood to extend one, the tracker always tense when awaiting news of Dishiva.
“Lashak,” the young man said, nodding to her. No salute, no title. His gaze slid to me, and he added, “Rah.”
“Tor,” I returned. “Sit with us.”
“Thank you, but I would rather stand.” Standing to meet wasn’t our way, but neither was folding one’s arms and glaring at your leaders. Every time I saw him, Tor seemed to have shed another aspect of Levanti life, starting with respect and ending gods only knew where.
“You have news?” I said, refusing to be drawn on his disrespect, though Amun and Diha shared an exasperated look.
Usually Tor repeated his messages from Jass with great boredom and moved on, but today he stood taut like a bowstring, making me uneasy. “No sign of Dishiva yet,” he said first, glancing down at Lashak. “But more Chiltaens have arrived.”
“Soldiers?”
“Most seem to be, yes. Jass thinks it’s the Chiltaen diplomat who met with Gideon, except he seems to have a bigger army now.”
“Oh, him,” Diha said. “Or… Orum? Orvus? Whatever it was, more Chiltaen soldiers is never good.”
“It’s a bit more complicated than that,” Tor said, managing to look old and weary despite his long hair and hunched, protective stance. “From what I understand from Jass, Leo and this secretary aren’t allies, though whether each other or Kisia or you are the greater enemy I can’t say.”
You. Not us. I understood why he felt that way, but the reminder of how completely we had failed him always stung.
“And there’s something else.” Tor looked at me. “If you would give me a moment alone, Rah.”
I bristled more at the intensity of his stare than his lack of respect, but a nod of dismissal sent the others away, grumbling and brushing the dirt from the seats of their breeches. Even with them gone, Tor still didn’t sit. “Well,” I said. “What is it?”
“It’s Empress Miko,” Tor said at last, making my heart thud hollowly. “She’s marrying Dom Villius.”
The words seemed not to fit into my head, and I stared at him for a long time. He just stared back, waiting. “But… but she knows about him, doesn’t she?” I said at last. “About what he did to Gideon? What he’s capable of?”
“She knows.”
“Then why?”
Tor scowled at me like it was my fault. “Because we—because you abandoned her and left her with no choice but to seek peace on any terms.”
I was standing in Mei’lian again, the city burning around me.
Gideon has many close supporters, I had shouted at Sett. People who have been here far longer than I, yet always it is me you spit and shout at, me you expect the world of, my shoulders upon which you drop the weight of responsibility.
Because he loves you!
That’s not how love works! I had shouted back, only to end up fighting for Gideon because that was exactly how love worked.
Tor’s scowl somehow managed to darken without searing his face off. “Well?” he said. “Your play, great Rah e’Torin. What are you going to do about it?”
“Me?”
“You can’t tell me you have no stake in this.” He jabbed his finger in my face. “That none of this is your responsibility.”
He wasn’t wrong, yet he wasn’t right either. I had no stake, I’d just wanted one. Wanted to be two people. I clenched my fists and gave him back look for look. “No, I care what happens to her, that is true, but her choices are no more my responsibility than my choices are hers.”
“You walked away!”
“That’s unfair and you know it. You can’t take your guilt out on me, Tor. You may have walked out on her, but I gave her a choice. She chose to put her faith in Ezma, not me.”
He seemed to shrink as his first outrage bled out. “Damn it, Rah, why are you always so stubborn and righteous?”
“I could say the same of you. Who shouted at me once for trying to help her? Merely following my cock, I think you said on more than one occasion.”
At that he finally looked away, a mocking laugh huffing between his lips. “Just let me hate you.”
“Also something you’ve said on more than one occasion. And I’m still not stopping you.”
Deflating, he heaved a sigh and finally sat down. “You know if this results in an alliance between Chiltae and Kisia you’re going to find it more dangerous here.”
I tilted my head. “And you won’t? You’re still Levanti, however separate you might feel.”
His laugh held no humour. “I stopped being Levanti a long time ago. Sharing a skin colour and a language isn’t enough when the rest is nothing but scars.”
“What are you now then? Kisian?”
“I… I don’t really know.” Tor looked down into the cold coals between us, his lip caught between his teeth. “I guess I’m not anything, not really. Caught between two worlds but part of neither. No, I don’t want your pity,” he added when I drew breath to speak. “It’s just how it is. I fought so hard to stay Levanti, to be accepted when differences were forced on me, but I was denied every milestone and ignored because my existence was a constant reminder of everyone else’s pain. So here I am, untethered, having to find my own place in the world. For now, I am just Tor. I belong nowhere, but at least that means I can go anywhere and be whoever I want, beholden to no one. There’s joy in that sort of freedom.”
There was nothing I could say, likely nothing he wanted me to say, so for a time we sat in silence, together but not truly in solidarity. We might have remained there a long time, had not a bustle of activity grown at the edge of the camp. Swords were gathering, voices rising, and Shenyah e’Jaroven broke away from the group, sprinting toward us across the grass.
“Captain! Zuph e’Bedjuti and her tracking party are back, and they have Dom Villius!”
Leaping to my feet, I followed her back to where the gathered Swords were growing agitated. “Calm yourselves!” I said, pushing through them to where Zuph and Lok e’Bedjuti stood in the centre of a widening circle. Between them stood Leo, but not the Leo I remembered. Not the Leo, from all I had heard, that I’d expected. He cowered, curling in upon himself, and stared at the ground.
Yet when he looked up, he gave a jolt of recognition. “Rah.”
Angry heat coursed through my body, and my skin buzzed. This man had used me. Had used my Swords. Had used Gideon. And now he had the gall to stand in my camp and speak my name.
Clenching both teeth and hands, I turned to the second man they had with them. “And who is this?”
“His name seems to be Yakono, Captain,” Zuph said. “We found him protecting Dom Villius, though if you ask me, he doesn’t like him any more than we do.”
I looked from Zuph to the shrunken Leo to the stranger, who started speaking—not in Levanti. “Damn it. Where is Tor? I need—”
“I’m right here.” He stepped forward to assist with a mocking little salute. “He says if it’s Leo you want then you have the wrong man. This isn’t Leo.”
Outcry rose, and Tor lifted his hands in surrender. “I’m just repeating what he said; obviously I can see he looks exactly like Leo Villius.”
He did, and yet… in the way that the Gideon I had left sleeping was not the same Gideon I had last seen in Mei’lian, nor the one I had known back home, this Leo didn’t stand like the one I’d followed south. There was something impotent about him, something quiet and fractured and strange.
“Ask him to explain.”
Tor rolled his eyes, but asked my question. At the sound of Chiltaen words, the stranger let go a relieved sigh.
“He says this isn’t going to make a lot of sense,” Tor said, eyes narrowed as he concentrated on the words. “And he’s going to sound like he’s lost his mind, but this Leo is one of seven twins and is not the same as the other six, with something about halves of souls, and honestly, Captain, I think this might take a while to translate properly because it’s a bit… odd.”
I ran my hand along my scratchy scalp. “All right. Tor, you sit down with this Yakono and find out what you can. I’ll talk to Leo.”
Unhappy muttering spread around us, and I held up my hands. “I know what you fear, which is why I will take this risk alone. And while I do so, I will transfer leadership temporarily to Amun, so Leo Villius cannot make use of my position for his own ends. Does this satisfy you?”
Grumbles were mostly followed by nods and salutes. A few Swords peeled away to go about their tasks or to just be somewhere else, and in the hush that followed, the full enormity of what I was undertaking fell upon me. Gideon had been alone with Leo. Gideon hadn’t been able to fight him. What made me any different?
Safer to just put a blade through the man’s throat, but that wouldn’t help my people.
“Are you sure about this, Captain?” Amun said. “You can have faith in me, of course, but…”
“But we need this information if we’re to have any hope of making a difference back home. Organise a circle of Swords to surround us at a distance with their backs to us.”
