EFT for Fibromyalgia, page 4
Even though I had that dreadful car crash, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I have this migraine headache, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I have this fear of heights, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I have this pain in my knees, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I had my buddy die in my arms in Iraq, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I have this huge craving for whiskey, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I have this fear of spiders, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I have this urge to eat another cookie, I deeply and completely accept myself.
The list of variations is infinite. You can use this Setup Statement for anything that bothers you.
While exposure is represented by the first half of the Setup Statement, before the comma, cognitive work is done by the second half of the statement, the part that deals with self-acceptance. EFT doesn’t try to induce you to positive thinking. You don’t tell yourself that things will get better, or that you’ll improve. You simply express the intention of accepting yourself just the way you are. You accept reality. Gestalt therapist Byron Katie wrote a book entitled Loving What Is, and that’s exactly what EFT recommends you do.
The Serenity Prayer uses the same formula of acceptance, with the words, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” With EFT you don’t try and think positively. You don’t try and change your attitude or circumstances; you simply affirm that you accept them. This cognitive frame of accepting what is opens the path to change in a profound way. It’s also quite difficult to do this in our culture, which bombards us with positive thinking. Positive thinking actually gets in the way of healing in many cases, while acceptance provides us with a reality-based starting point congruent with our experience. The great twentieth-century therapist Carl Rogers, who introduced client-centered therapy, said that the paradox of transformation is that change begins by accepting conditions exactly the way they are.
I recommend that you use the Setup Statement in exactly this way at first, but as you gain confidence, you can experiment with different variations. The only requirement is that you include both a self-acceptance statement and exposure to the problem. For instance, you can invert the two halves of the formula, and put cognitive self-acceptance first, followed by exposure. Here are some examples:
I accept myself fully and completely, even with this miserable headache.
I deeply love myself, even though I have nightmares from that terrible car crash.
I hold myself in high esteem, even though I feel such pain from my divorce.
When you’re doing EFT with children, you don’t need an elaborate Setup Statement. You can have children use very simple self-acceptance phrases, like “I’m okay” or “I’m a great kid.” Such a Setup Statement might look like this:
Even though Johnny hit me, I’m okay.
The teacher was mean to me, but I’m still an amazing kid.
You’ll be surprised how quickly children respond to EFT. Their SUD levels usually drop so fast that adults have a difficult time accepting the shift. Although we haven’t yet done the research to discover why children are so receptive to change, my hypothesis is that their behaviors haven’t yet been cemented by years of conditioning. They’ve not yet woven a thick neural grid in their brains through repetitive thinking and behavior, so they can let go of negative emotions fast.
What do you do if your problem is self-acceptance itself? What if you believe you’re unacceptable? What if you have low self-esteem, and the words “I deeply and completely accept myself” sound like a lie?
What EFT suggests you do in such a case is say the words anyway, even if you don’t believe them. They will usually have some effect, even if at first you have difficulty with them. As you correct for Psychological Reversal in the way I will show you here, you will soon find yourself shifting from unbelief to belief that you are acceptable. You can say the affirmation aloud or silently. It carries more emotional energy if it is said emphatically or loudly, and imagined vividly.
Secondary Gain
While energy therapies use the term “psychological reversal” to indicate energy blocks to healing, there’s an equivalent term drawn from psychology. That term is “secondary gain.” It refers to the benefits of being sick. “Why would anyone want to be sick?” you might wonder. There are actually many reasons for keeping a mental or physical problem firmly in place.
Consider the case of a veteran with PTSD. He’s suffering from flashbacks of scenes from Afghanistan where he witnessed death and suffering. He has nightmares, and never sleeps through the night. He’s so disturbed that he cannot hold down a job or keep a relationship intact for long. Why would such a person not want to get better, considering the damage PTSD is doing to his life?
The reason might be that he’s getting a disability check each month as a result of his condition. His income is dependent on having PTSD, and if he recovers, his main source of livelihood might disappear with it.
Another reason might be that he was deeply wounded by a divorce many years ago. He lost his house and children in the process. He’s fearful of getting into another romantic relationship that is likely to end badly. PTSD gives him a reason to not try.
These are obvious examples of secondary gain. When we work with participants in EFT workshops, we uncover a wide variety of subtle reasons that stand in the way of healing. One woman had been trying to lose weight for five years and had failed at every diet she tried. Her secondary gain turned out to be freedom from unwanted attention by men.
Another woman, this time with fibromyalgia, discovered that her secret benefit from the disease was that she didn’t have to visit relatives she didn’t like. She had a ready excuse for avoiding social obligations. She also got sympathetic attention from her husband and children for her suffering. If she gave up her painful disease, she might lose a degree of affection from her family and have to resume seeing the relatives she detested.
Just like Psychological Reversal, secondary gain prevents us from making progress on our healing journey. Correcting for these hidden obstacles to success is one of the first elements in EFTs Basic Recipe.
How EFT Corrects for Psychological Reversal
The first tapping point we use in the EFT routine is called the Karate Chop point, because it’s located on the fleshy outer portion of the hand, the part used in karate to deliver a blow. EFT has you tap the Karate Chop point with the tips of the other four fingers of the opposite hand
The Karate Chop (KC) Point
Repeat your affirmation emphatically three times while tapping your Karate Chop point. You’ve now corrected for psychological reversal, and set up your energy system for the next part of EFTs Basic Recipe, the Sequence.
The Sequence
You now tap on meridian end points in sequence. Tap firmly, but not harshly, with the tips of your first two fingers, about seven times on each point. The exact number is not important; it can be a few more or less than seven. You can tap on either the right or left side of your body, with either your dominant or nondominant hand.
First tap on the meridian endpoints found on the face. These are: (1) at the start of the eyebrow, where it joins the bridge of the nose; (2) on the outside edge of the eye socket; (3) on the bony ridge of the eye socket under the pupil; (4) under the nose; and (5) between the lower lip and the chin.
EB, SE, UE, UN and Ch Points
Then tap (6) on one of the collarbone points (see illustration). To locate this point, place a finger in the notch between your collarbones. Move your finger down about an inch and you’ll feel a hollow in your breastbone. Now move it to the side about an inch and you’ll find a deep hollow below your collarbone. You’ve now located the collarbone acupressure point.
The Collarbone (CB) Points
About four inches below the armpit (for women, this is where a bra strap crosses), you’ll find (7) the under the arm point.
Under the Arm (UA) Points
The Reminder Phrase
Earlier, I emphasized the importance of exposure. Exposure therapy has been the subject of much research, which has shown that prolonged exposure to a problem, when coupled with techniques to calm the body, effectively treats traumatic stress. EFT incorporates exposure in the form of a Reminder Phrase. This is a brief phrase that keeps the problem at the front of your mind while you tap on the acupressure points. It keeps your energy system focused on the specific issue you’re working on, rather than jumping to other thoughts and feelings. The aim of the Reminder Phrase is to bring the problem vividly into your experience, even though the emotionally triggering situation might not be present now.
For instance, if you have test anxiety, you use the Reminder Phrase to keep you focused on the fear, even though you aren’t actually taking a test right now. That gives EFT an opportunity to shift the pattern in the absence of the real problem. You can also use EFT during an actual situation, such as when you’re taking an actual test, but most of the time you’re working on troublesome memories. The Reminder Phrase keeps you targeted on the problem. An example of a Reminder Phrase for test anxiety might be “That test” or “The test I have to take tomorrow” or “That test I failed.” Other examples of Reminder Phrases are:
The beesting
Dad hit me
Friend doesn’t respect me
Lawyer’s office
Sister told me I was fat
Car crash
This knee pain
Tap each point while repeating your Reminder Phrase. Then tune in to the problem again, and get a second SUD rating. The chances are good that your SUD score will now be much lower than it was before. These instructions might seem complicated the first time you read them, but you’ll soon find you’re able to complete a round of EFT tapping from memory in one to two minutes.
Let’s now summarize the steps of EFTs Basic Recipe.
Assess your SUD level.
Insert the name of your problem into the Setup Statement: “Even though I have (this problem), I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Tap continuously on the Karate Chop point while repeating the Setup Statement three times.
While repeating the Reminder Phrase, tap about seven times on the other seven points.
Test your results with a second SUD rating.
Isn’t that simple? You now have a tool that, in just a minute or two, can effectively neutralize the emotional sting of old memories, as well as help you get through bad current situations. After a few rounds of tapping, you’ll find you’ve effortlessly memorized the Basic Recipe, and you’ll find yourself using it often in your daily life.
If Your SUD Level Doesn’t Come Down to 0
Sometimes a single round of tapping brings your SUD score to 0. Sometimes it only brings it down slightly. Your migraine might have been an 8, and after a round of EFT it’s a 4. In these cases, we do EFT again. You can adjust your affirmation to acknowledge that a portion of the problem sill remains, for example, “Even though I still have some of this migraine, I deeply and completely accept myself.” Hear are some further examples:
Even though I still feel some anger toward my friend for putting me down, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I still have a little twinge of that knee pain, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though the beesting still smarts slightly, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I’m still harboring some resentment toward my boss, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I’m still somewhat frustrated with my daughter for breaking her agreement, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I’m still upset when I think of being shipped to Iraq, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Adjust the Reminder Phrase accordingly, as in “some anger still” or “remaining frustration” or “bit of pain” or “somewhat upset.”
EFT for You and Others
You can do EFT on yourself, as you’ve experienced during these practice rounds. You can also tap on others. Many therapists, life coaches, and other practitioners offer EFT professionally to clients. Personally I’m far more inclined to have clients tap on themselves during EFT sessions, even during the course of a therapy or coaching session. While the coach can tap on the client, having the client tap on themselves, along with some guidance by the coach, puts the power squarely in the hands of the client. The client is empowered by discovering that they are able to reduce their own emotional distress, and leaves the coaches office with a self-help tool at their fingertips any time they need it. In some jurisdictions, it is illegal or unethical for therapists to touch clients at all, and EFT when done only by the client is still effective in these cases.
The Importance of Targeting Specific Events
During EFT workshops, I sometimes write on the board:
The Three Most Important Things About EFT
Then, under that, I write:
Specific Events
Specific Events
Specific Events
It’s my way of driving home the point that a focus on specific events is critical to success in EFT. In order to release old patterns of emotion and behavior, it’s vital to identify and correct the specific events that gave rise to those problems. When you hear people say, “I tried EFT and it didn’t work,” the chances are good that they were tapping on generalities, instead of specifics.
An example of a generality is “self-esteem” or “depression” or “performance problems.” These aren’t specific events. Beneath these generalities is a collection of specific events. The person with low self-esteem might have been coloring a picture at the age of four when her mother walked in and criticized her for drawing outside the lines. She might have had another experience of a schoolteacher scolding her for playing with her hair during class in second grade, and a third experience of her first boyfriend deciding to ask another girl to the school dance. Together, those specific events contribute to the global pattern of low self-esteem. The way EFT works is that when the emotional trauma of those individual events is resolved, the whole pattern of low self-esteem can shift. If you tap on the big pattern, and omit the specific events, you’re likely to have limited success.
When you think about how a big pattern like low self-esteem is established, this makes sense. It’s built up out of many single events. Collectively, they form the whole pattern. The big pattern doesn’t spring to life fully formed; it’s built up gradually out of many similar experiences. The memories engraved in your brain are of individual events; one disappointing or traumatic memory at a time is encoded in your memory bank. When enough similar memories have accumulated, their commonalities combine to create a common theme like “poor self-esteem.” Yet the theme originated as a series of specific events, and that’s where EFT can be effectively applied.
You don’t have to use EFT on every single event that contributed to the global theme. Usually, once a few of the most disturbing memories have lost their emotional impact, the whole pattern disappears. Memories that are similar lose their impact once the most vivid memories have been neutralized with EFT.
Tapping on global issues is the single most common mistake newcomers make with EFT. Using lists of tapping phrases from a website or a book, or tapping on generalities, is far less effective than tuning into the events that contributed to your global problem, and tapping on them. If you hear someone say, “EFT doesn’t work,” the chances are good they’ve been tapping globally rather than identifying specific events. Don’t make this elementary mistake. List the events, one after the other, that stand out most vividly in your mind when you think about the global problem. Tap on each of them, and you’ll usually find the global problem diminishing of its own accord. This is called the “generalization effect,” and it’s one of the key concepts in EFT.
Tapping on Aspects
EFT breaks traumatic events and other problems into smaller pieces called aspects. The reason for this is that the highest emotional charge is typically found in one small chunk of the event, rather than the entirety of the event. You might need to identify several different aspects, and tap on each of them, before the intensity of the whole event is reduced to a 0.
Here’s an example of tapping on aspects, drawn from experience at an EFT workshop I taught. A woman in her late thirties volunteered as a subject. She’d had neck pain and limited range of motion since an automobile accident six years before. She could turn her head to the right most of the way but had only a few degrees of movement to the left. The accident had been a minor one, and why she still suffered six years later was something of a mystery to her.
I asked her to feel where in her body she felt the most intensity when recalling the accident, and she said it was in her upper chest. I then asked her about the first time she’d ever felt that way, and she said it was when she’d been involved in another auto accident at the age of eight. Her sister had been driving the car. We worked on each aspect of the early accident. The two girls had hit another car head on at low speed while driving around a bend on a country road. One emotionally triggering aspect was the moment she realized that a collision was unavoidable, and we tapped till that lost its force. We tapped on the sound of the crash, another aspect. She had been taken to a neighbor’s house, bleeding from a cut on her head, and we tapped on that. We tapped on aspect after aspect. Still, her pain level didn’t go down much, and her range of motion didn’t improve.
Then she gasped and said, “I just remembered. My sister was only fifteen years old. She was underage. That day, I dared her to drive the family car, and we totaled it.” Her guilt turned out to be the aspect that held the most emotional charge, and after we tapped on that, her pain disappeared, and she regained full range of motion in her neck. If we’d tapped on the later accident, or failed to uncover all the aspects, we might have thought, “EFT doesn’t work.”
