This Changes Everything, page 2
Chapter 2
“A baby?”
For the second time that day Karen felt her heart pounding at the sight of a man. But this time it was for very different reasons. Her business partner, Marshall Holmes, never terrified her, although she didn’t look forward to the news she’d have to tell him: That she hadn’t fired Joshua. She knew that would upset him, but that wasn’t what made her heart race.
It was his beauty.
He was a beautiful man to look at. Today he’d covered his exquisitely proportioned body in dark trousers and a baby blue shirt that seemed to make his brown skin glow and he sat behind his glass desk looking as if he were a model for an international fashion magazine or an online influencer with millions of followers. She could imagine following him—taking note of his every movement. For nearly ten years she basically had—aware of every holiday trip he’d taken, car he’d bought, girlfriend he’d dated—and most times he didn’t know she was alive.
Well, no, he knew she was alive, but he didn’t see her as anything, except his business partner. Most times she felt, instead of seeing a woman, he saw her as a large spreadsheet and profit and loss chart. That was when she didn’t feel like he was looking right through her. Not because he was cruel. He was far from that, but because his mind was always focused on the business. He only saw her as an extension of that.
That probably wouldn’t have bothered her so much if she wasn’t in love with him.
She’d been in love with him for years. Not only because he was model handsome, but because he was genuine, kind, and smart. 3R, which stood for Recycle, Reuse, Reinvent, wouldn’t have existed without him. He’d helped to make her dream come true, which always made it difficult to go against him.
But this time was different.
“Akibu has a baby?” Marshall repeated when Karen didn’t speak.
“Yes, I know. It’s amazing. I couldn’t imagine him with a pet, let alone a girlfriend or wife. And to be a father?” She briefly covered her mouth as another thought struck her, “What if he’s a single father and—”
“So what?”
Karen paused. “I’m sorry?”
“So what? How does this change anything?”
Karen shifted in her seat. Perhaps she hadn’t been clear when she’d explained the situation. “I can’t fire him—”
“Of course you can. We’re not running a charity here. People need to pull their weight.”
“He does that. I looked at his performance review and it didn’t really give me specifics about—”
“It’s specific enough, his marks are low.”
“And he told me about the report he submitted with ideas that—”
“He’s toxic.”
Karen opened her tablet confused. “I didn’t see that written anywhere.”
Marshall waved his hand. “It doesn’t have to be written down to be true. His colleagues don’t like working with him.”
“Perhaps if I spoke to them—”
“They spoke to me in private on different occasions. I said that I would handle this for them. Do you want to make me look like a liar?”
“No,” Karen said surprised that all of Joshua’s colleagues would have spoken to Marshall first instead of her. She’d thought she’d made them feel that they could come to her with any concerns. However, she didn’t want to make Marshall feel bad if they’d confided in him. She’d have to accept that. She clasped her hands in her lap. “I would like to find a better way to handle this than to cut him out without—”
“You’re too soft. You were swayed by theatrics.”
“Theatrics?”
“Yeah,” Marshall said warming to his subject. “What if the baby was a prop? A last ditch effort to keep his job?”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“What’s even more ridiculous is you falling for it.”
“I’m not falling for anything,” she said hurt by his criticism. But this had been a sore point between them for years. He didn’t like her hands-on approach with the employees. He wanted her to present a more hard-line edge, but she didn’t feel she needed to be a ball-buster to be successful and she certainly wasn’t going to fire a new father so close to the holidays. She folded her arms, her conviction making her feel strong. “Actually, what happened today with Joshua brings me back to how we conduct performance reviews. I thin—”
Marshall rolled his eyes. “Not this again.”
“Yes, this again. It’s important. I don’t think the number system for evaluating people works well.”
“It works for my father’s company and many others. It works for us too.”
Karen didn't think so but didn’t want to argue right now. That would come later. “Joshua deserves a second chance.”
“Fine he’s got a month. He either improves or he’s gone and you too.”
She blinked. “What?”
“You heard me. If he doesn’t improve, you’ll let me buy you out.”
Chapter 3
Karen felt like she’d been slapped. Marshall had toyed with the idea of buying her out in the past, especially when she offered up ideas that would take the company in a direction he wasn’t willing to go, and the money he had offered had been impressive. But she loved 3R, it was her heart and she didn’t want to give it up. Or him.
Marshall grinned like a naughty boy offering a dare he knew she wouldn’t take. “Are you still willing to risk it?”
“They are two totally different agendas.”
“No, it’s one. We’re in a growth mode and we need to be on the same side. If you want to contradict me this way it will cause trouble in the future. Better we stop now rather than later. So agreed?” He leaned forward and softened his voice. “You can say no.”
Her mouth felt dry again. He wasn’t joking. He really wanted her gone. Her heart cracked. He truly didn’t care about her. He was making it clear that he didn’t see her as anything else but something that blocked him on his path to greatness. He was letting her know that he could run 3R alone.
He didn’t need her. It was that realization that stung. She’d lost her usefulness.
She swallowed hard. She wouldn’t let that be. She would prove that she was important to the company and especially to him. She would show him what she was made of. She would take him back to that night in the university library when they’d both been graduate students. He’d shown her his ideas for his capstone proposal and despaired of making sense of it and she’d helped him put it together.
She remembered when he’d called her up and told her about the professor’s enthusiasm. She’d congratulated him and encouraged him to implement the project in the real world. He’d agreed and asked her to join him. Without hesitation she’d said yes. Although the following years had been difficult, they’d finally gotten the company to where it was now successful and they had a lucrative partnership. She wouldn’t let him or the company go.
Marshall folded his arms and leaned back as if sensing her hesitation. “If you want me to talk to Akibu, I’ll be glad to.”
He was giving her an out. That was the Marshall she knew. The considerate man. The one who looked out for others. He was only trying to make her realize how important it was that they had the same vision; that they worked as a team. He didn’t really want her to go against him. He wanted to feel that he could trust her. She needed to prove to him that he could.
She looked at his eyes. His chocolate brown gaze drew her in, almost pleading with her to agree. To let him take over and get rid of Joshua for both their sakes.
Why would she risk what they had for a surly engineer with fierce dark eyes?
But then the image of a baby’s jacket and diaper bag thrown over a broad shoulder, already weighed down by a large backpack, flitted through her mind. Joshua deserved a second chance. She felt it in her gut. She knew he was good for the company, she’d sensed it the first time she’d recruited him. She was eager to see what kind of ideas he had. The thought gave her a different kind of excitement she hadn’t had in years. She straightened in her seat and cleared her throat. “There’s no need,” she said.
“You’ll fire him yourself?”
“No, I want to keep him and see some of his ideas.”
“They’re an expensive waste of time. Everyone says so.”
“Everyone isn’t me.” She paused. “Wait…you read his report and didn’t tell me?”
He cleared his throat. “I thought you had better things to do. You’re a busy woman. You’d just returned from an out of town trip—”
“You should have let me be the judge of that.”
He shrugged. “It’s no different now. You’ll be wasting your time.”
“I don’t think so.”
Marshall looked at her surprised. “You’d really take the risk?”
“Yes, really. I’ll look for a project or idea that will show you his worth. If he fails I fail, but if he doesn’t, he gets a promotion.”
“And what do you get?”
A chance to prove that you can trust me, that I’m the woman for you. I’ll make you realize you need me and love me. “You have to implement whatever we come up with, without any argument and give me a bonus.” To her delight he hesitated. “Unless you want to forget this stupid idea and—”
Marshall shook his head and surged to his feet. “I’m sorry I said anything. I don’t want to lose you.”
Karen stared up at him in wonder. “Really?” Did this mean he cared? Had the thought of losing her helped him see how valuable she was?
“Of course not. I’ve gotten use to you.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It would be stupid to lose you because you don’t know how to read people.”
She felt her hopes slowly fade.
“I don’t want you putting something so important on the line for a guy like him.” Marshall came from behind his desk and stood in front of her. “I know you feel a kinship because you scouted and hired him, but these are important times. It’s not like you to be rash.”
She surged to her feet so that he didn’t tower over her. While she didn’t meet him eye to eye, at least she’d close some of the distance. “I’m not being rash.”
“You think you can take one of his ideas and make it work within a month?”
“No, I expect to prove to you the feasibility of what one of his ideas can do for the company within a month. Naturally we’ll need more time to implement it. But by January you’ll see his worth and improvement.”
Marshall tilted his head, a slight smile on his lips. He glanced down at her tightly gripped hands. “You’re nervous.”
“I know.”
“And you still want to do this?”
“Yes.”
He rested his hands on his hips. “Maybe I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.”
Karen grinned, her heart beating fast. He was already seeing her in a new way. That was good. It was a starting point. “Maybe it’s time I showed you.”
She almost didn’t make it into the hallway. Her legs shook so badly that she feared they’d crumple beneath her as she walked out of Marshall’s office into the blue carpeted tunnel that served as a corridor.
Their building had formerly been a radio station with lots of different rooms. Karen didn’t particularly like it. The white building reminded her of something built by an angry seven year old. Most of the rooms didn’t have windows; the halls were so narrow she always held her breath every time she had to pass someone coming from another direction, lest she take up too much room. Each room could only fit two desks so it didn’t make for an easy flow of ideas even when everyone kept their doors open. However, she was able to get the break room expanded enough for more than four people to sit and converse. She’d wanted a more home office like atmosphere, but Marshall liked the idea of having a two storied building with history. Her one consolation was that a fun café was within walking distance on the other side of a park only a few blocks away. Plus, Marshall’s father had helped him buy the building and restructure it a little.
But not enough to let Karen hide as she made her way down the blue hallway. She nodded her head at a staff member walking past.
She held onto the wall as she quickly made her way to her windowless office. Once there, she closed the door and collapsed into a chair. She couldn’t believe what she’d just done. She’d spoken up to Marshall. She’d challenged him. She’d never done that before.
She half wanted to run back into Marshall’s office and tell him she was sorry. That she was wrong. That they could come to another compromise. She wanted him to like her. What if she failed? What if she disappointed him or worse truly proved that he didn’t need her anymore? She didn’t want him to think of her as a habit he’d gotten used to. She wanted him to see her as a woman he couldn’t live without.
That day in the university library, when she’d turned his hodgepodge of ideas into a working plan, she’d only wanted to get into his good graces. He’d already made a reputation for himself at the university. He was a debate team champion. She knew he had the mind, she knew logistics, and before they realized a simple idea for a college project had turned into a lucrative business.
It hadn’t hurt that Marshall’s father had also mentored them since he ran a successful construction equipment manufacturing company. His father was a very gracious man who took pride in his son’s achievement. Still did. Every once in a while he’d travel from his Pennsylvania home, where he’d moved a couple years ago, to see how they were doing. He was a charismatic man with a sharp mind.
But she’d now started to dread his visits a little. Although, they ran a tight ship, Mr. Holmes thought there was room for larger profits. While that was true, she hadn’t gotten into the business just for the money, but to make a difference. To stem the tide of waste that occurred in the fashion industry. 3R was only one tiny solution. The company took old clothing and used a solvent they had developed, to turn cotton and other fabrics into a pulp to create a new material for use in making clothing. They sold the material to ten key clients. One was a clothing and outdoor garment maker with a national chain of stores and a commitment of doing what’s best for the environment for the long term instead of focusing on short term profits; another provided a line of uniquely dyed material to designers in the fashion industry.
But every year, when Mr. Holmes mentioned making more money, Marshall wanted to increase investment in marketing and promotion, while she wanted to stay small and nimble enough to keep ahead of changes and stay true to their vision of creating fabulous clothes without harming the planet and being a company their clients could rely on. A company with a vision.
She had wanted to be a textile designer until she learned about the level of fabric related pollution in the clothing industry. Before meeting Marshall, she’d thought she’d make new creations from vintage clothing and teach people how to come up with new designs on their own without buying something new every couple of months. She even considered working with online influencers and style leaders to make re-wear, wearing an outfit more than once, fashionable again instead of something your grandparents did.
But Marshall’s idea allowed her to think bigger, to reach farther than she’d ever dreamed. However, the last several years she’d felt stuck. Business was okay, they were profitable and making a difference, but the passion was lost.
Somehow the sight of a bright green jacket and a pair of wide brown eyes had reignited that passion. That baby represented the future.
A future she had to fight for now.
It was the reason she’d been prepared to take Marshall’s disapproval.
Karen sat back, her legs no longer feeling weak. Standing up to him had sort of felt good. Was it the holiday season? The time of good cheer? Or the way Joshua had looked at her dumbfounded as he held his baby in his arms?
That image would never leave her.
Her mother had had the same expression when Karen’s father had told her he was leaving. She’d never suspected anything was wrong. He didn't leave her for another woman, just said that he wanted a different life.
He said the words in a calm manner as he carefully scooped up his red beans and rice before placing his knife and fork on the dining table. She remembered the sound of his chair scraping against the wooden floor as he stood to leave. She turned to her mother who sat frozen, mumbling the words, “A different life, a different life” over and over again. It had taken a huge pot of tea—“PG Tips, dear not Tetley”—to get her mother to calm down.
Karen still wondered why she hadn’t raced after her father, shouting her shock and fear. Why she’d calmly put the kettle on as she heard his footsteps walk to the front door. Why she hadn’t tried to stop him as he carried two suitcases he’d packed and placed them in the trunk of his silver Acura (silver like a rocket, he used to tease her. A decal of the NASA symbol still in the same place where she’d stuck it as a ten year old). She didn’t know why she hadn’t run to the window as she heard the soft roar of his engine before he backed out of the driveway and, like a rocket, disappeared from their lives.
She still wondered why her mother hadn’t been angry with him. Why she had sipped the hot tea, without cooling it as if the steaming liquid didn’t burn, with tears streaming down her face, but never let a harsh word leave her lips.
At sixteen, Karen didn’t know how to comfort her mother, how to deal with a rejection that she felt as keenly as her mother did. She couldn’t make sense of his words. Why did he want a different life? What did he mean by that? Weren’t they good enough? Couldn’t he come back? What had she done wrong?
It was only later that evening, alone in her room where she stared at a poster that glittered like a galaxy when the lights were off, that she wondered why he hadn’t given them a chance to convince him to stay. Or why she hadn’t tried to seize it herself.
She felt that she’d somehow failed them both.
