In All My Dreams, page 21
Georgia caresses Auden’s cheek softly. “Can you tell us what happened when you fell into the water?”
Auden presses her body harder against mine and buries her face in the crook of my neck. “I don’t know. I woke up and got scared, so I pushed the bad one down with my feet. I accidentally kicked her really hard when I tried to swim to the top.”
Georgia cries silently next to me. I can see the same type of heartbreak I feel about not being there to protect Auden.
“What do you mean by ‘the bad one’?” I ask Auden.
“I didn’t know she was the bad one. The bad one always watches me when I sleep and scares me. But tonight, she wasn’t wearing the black hat, and I saw her face. It was Mrs. Foster. I thought she was my friend.” Auden bursts into tears. “I didn’t mean to hurt her.”
I stare down at Georgia. She seems to have realized the same thing because she turns and scans the water behind us. We both see the red and blue flashing lights as they make their way up the windy road to Crane Manor.
“Please take Auden to the shore,” I tell Georgia, passing Auden to her before I turn and wade back out into the depths of the black abyss before me.
I see something floating in the distance, and I swim toward it.
When I find my mother’s body, I already know it’s too late.
She’s gone.
I flip her over so I can be completely sure, but instead of a pulse, my mother’s lifeless eyes reflect back at me.
She left this world the same way Irene did—a tragic accident.
I drag my mother’s body to the shore. Georgia and Auden are already wrapped in a blanket, the red and blue lights flashing over them in tandem.
I rush over to them as soon as I’m done explaining what happened to the cops. Georgia and Auden had apparently already given their stories while I was looking for my mother.
I wrap my arms around both of them, holding them close as I let the aftermath flood through me. Georgia reaches up and wipes away my tears, giving me a sad smile.
“I love you,” she says.
Auden sniffles loudly between us before I can return the sentiment.
“Ian, are you my dad?”
I look to Georgia, unsure how to answer. She gives me a firm nod as tears spill from her eyes.
I turn my attention back to Auden. “Would you be okay with that?” My heart pounds savagely in my chest as I wait for her answer.
How does this tiny human already hold so much power over me?
I would give my life for her happiness.
Auden smiles at Georgia before making a big show of acting like she’s debating the topic heavily.
She smiles up at me before throwing her arms around my waist. “I think I’m going to love having you as my dad.”
Georgia bursts into tears at the same time as the ones I’ve been holding back escape down my cheeks.
It’s a strange feeling, fitting this much joy and happiness right next to the overwhelming sadness that lies in my heart. Both emotions fight tooth and nail to overthrow the other.
I lost my mother today. Not only did I lose her, but I also lost the person I had always known her to be. I’m not sure which one hurts worse. My mother knew Auden was my daughter, and she chose her own sick, twisted revenge over me.
I know that tidal wave of anger and soul-shattering grief is waiting to pull me under, but it can wait.
Because right now, at this moment, my girls are safe.
My girls.
I clear my throat and pick Auden up. She wraps herself around me, fitting perfectly in the crook of my neck. I look at Georgia, hoping to convey all my emotions through my eyes. The same eyes she’s always called her own galaxy. What she doesn’t know is that she’s always been my entire universe, too.
I’ve always been hers, and I know now that she’s always been mine.
“Let’s go home,” Auden says, smiling at both her mother and myself.
“Home,” Georgia mutters, a small smile peeking through her lips. “Yes, let’s go home.”
The three of us stare up into the dark windows of Crane Manor, and somehow, I know that it’s smiling back at us.
Epilogue
Georgia - Three Years Later
“How are you feeling there, Georgie?” Ian asks, his voice soft and full of emotion as he rubs his thumb softly across my knuckles as we make the short drive back to Crane Manor.
I can’t answer him, so instead, I give him a sad, small smile.
The grief in my heart is too big, and forcing words out means I’ll dissolve into another puddle of tears.
We just got done burying my father.
Auden is quiet in the back seat. Her black dress makes her look so pale, almost like the night Lydia tried to take her from us.
It’s been a long three years since that horrible, fateful night.
Ian and I spent months traveling back and forth between Crane Manor and my apartment in California as we tried to work through our issues. I wasn’t ready to uproot my entire life, especially when Ian and I had so many secrets and lies to navigate through together.
So, he would fly to California and stay with us whenever he was able to take some time off from the hospital.
When he brought up the idea of going to therapy together as a family, I brushed off the idea quickly. I didn’t need someone to psychoanalyze us. I already do enough of that myself, but at the end of the day, Ian talked me into it.
And I’m so glad he did.
Therapy ended up saving us, and it definitely saved Auden.
She had nightmares for months after what happened with Lydia. I can’t count the amount of times she woke up screaming in the dead of night, shaking and unable to vocalize what she was feeling.
Ian and I both agreed she needed to speak to someone. Maybe we could help her before any lasting negative damage impacted the rest of her life.
Maybe her ghosts wouldn’t haunt her the way mine did if we got her help early on.
We had countless sessions, together as a family and individually, the summer after the lake incident. Most of them ended in tears. But those messy sessions helped us navigate our new family dynamic. I had a hard time letting go of my single-parent role, while Ian had a harder time adjusting to the fact that he was a father to a child he never got to know.
Auden, being as young as she was, loved the idea of having both a mom and a dad. Her sessions were mostly her telling the therapist about the nightmares she had until she finally stopped having them all together.
That was a very happy day in our household.
Auden finished out the school year in California before we finally decided that Crane was where home was.
My father got really sick six months after Auden and I officially moved into Crane. Multiple hospital visits and invasive tests later, he was diagnosed with lung cancer.
He spent the last couple years in and out of the hospital while also soaking up every moment he could, being such an amazing grandpa to Auden.
Ian’s father stepped up as well. It’s almost as if he’s trying to be the best grandfather, and grandmother, to Auden. He bakes with her nonstop, and I can’t count the amount of times Ian and I have woken up to a full breakfast-in-bed spread made by them.
Ian and his father started going to therapy together, and their relationship is stronger than ever now.
Before my father met his end, he asked us for one favor: for us to get married while he could still walk me down the aisle.
I don’t think it was the way Ian wanted to propose, but it made it even more special.
We got married under the willow tree just a few weeks ago. We both agreed that we wanted a small, intimate ceremony, and Auden suggested that we get married at the willow tree so that both of her grandmothers and the aunt she looks so much like could watch from Heaven.
I glance back at Auden and smile, the first real smile I’ve managed to muster up all day.
“Hey,” I say. She looks over at me, tears brimming in her eyes. “I love you.”
Her lower lip wobbles as she says, “Me too.”
Ian looks over at me as he parks the car in front of Crane Manor. “I love both of you, too. In case you forgot about that when you were reminding each other,” he tells us, a sly smile tugging on his lips.
“Oh, Dad,” Auden groans as she unbuckles her seat belt. She wraps her arms around the headrest behind him and gives him an awkward hug. “I love you, too,” she coos. “Just in case you forgot.”
“Eight years old and still so sassy.” Ian laughs. “Just like that mother of yours.”
“Hey! Leave me out of this!” I joke, a face-splitting grin sneaking across my lips as I watch the two of them. Who knew I could love two people this much.
“What would Papa want us to do?” Auden suddenly asks.
Ian and I raise our eyebrows at each other in confusion.
“Papa would want us to have an ice cream party while we watch baseball and scary movies,” she says. “Then he would totally want us to have a family sleepover.”
Ian laughs loudly, startling both Auden and myself. “That sounds like something Link would absolutely approve of on a day like today.”
Later that night, Ian and I are in the kitchen cleaning up after our ice cream and pizza party while Auden is sound asleep on the couch in the living room.
“That daughter of yours sure knows how to throw down her pizza,” Ian says as he opens both empty pizza boxes.
“You mean your daughter,” I joke back. “She eats more than both you and Irene used to eat when we had sleepovers. I was always forced to sneak down in the middle of the night to snag a bowl of cereal for myself because I was always left hungry after you two fell into a food coma.”
Ian wraps his arms around me as I’m at the sink cleaning the last of the plates. “I guess I should have known Auden was mine when she devoured her whole plate of eggs and bacon that first morning after you came back. Especially when she asked for seconds.”
His husky laugh vibrates through my entire body, making me melt against him. He starts nipping playfully at my ear.
“You keep doing that, and we won’t make it to this family-friendly sleepover,” I whisper, shutting the sink off as I turn in his arms so I can face him.
“Is it time to go to bed yet?” Auden yells from the living room, forcing Ian and I to jump apart. We both look at each other and smile sheepishly.
“Raincheck for tomorrow?” he asks as he steps back into my arms and kisses me softly on my lips. Those eyes of his make me feel weak in my knees as I shake my head yes.
“Definitely yes,” I say between kisses.
His lips smile against mine. “Maybe we can discuss giving Auden a sibling?”
My eyes fly open. I stare into his eyes, those galaxies threatening to undo me every time I remember he’s mine.
That this is really my life.
“Are you sure?” I ask hesitantly. “It’s not something we’ve talked about before.”
He shrugs. “I’m not opposed to the idea,” he says. “In fact, I think it’s a great idea. I wasn’t around for the newborn stages for Auden, and I think you’d be insanely sexy with a big ol’ bump.”
He wags his eyebrows at me, breaking whatever tension we taut between us as I laugh loudly in response. “Please don’t ever refer to me as big, ever again!” I smile and wrap my arms around his neck. “But yes, I’m open to discussing it. It might be nice for her to grow up with a friend in this house—the way I had you and Irene.”
I kiss him on the cheek, just a peck. “Plus, imagine all the fun we'll have trying?” I smirk at him.
“Jesus, woman,” he groans. “Do you know how difficult it’s going to be not to sneak you out of bed tonight so we can start practicing? It’ll be impossible. Truly. How will I resist you when you flash that smile at me?”
I kiss him on the nose before I pull away from him. “You’ll behave because our daughter will be asleep between us. Now let’s go to sleep.”
The three of us head upstairs and squeeze together in the queen-size bed in the same room that Ian and I have shared since the first day Auden and I came back to Crane Manor over three years ago now.
I’m not ready to inhabit my parents’ room yet. That’ll be something I have to take on eventually, but not tonight.
“I love you, Mom,” Auden says softly as she snuggles up to me. “I love you, too, Dad.”
I lift my head and smile at Ian, just as he does the same thing. We both laugh silently as we stare at each other.
“It’s very cold in here,” Auden says, following it up with an exaggerated shiver.
I sit up to grab the blanket at the end of the bed to drape over her when my breath catches in my throat.
“Dad?” I choke out.
Ian sits up instantly and lets out a strangled gasp. I know without looking at him that he sees them, too.
My parents are standing, hand in hand, at the end of our bed, smiling at us.
My mother’s ghost doesn’t look the way I remember it. She’s beautiful. Just like the last time I saw her before she drank the lemonade that was meant for me.
Her dark hair is in soft curls that cascade down her back. Her white dress isn’t covered in her own blood any longer. It looks just as I remembered it when she was alive. Like a princess in her pretty white dress.
Her eyes are twinkling with unshed tears as she stares down at me before she steps forward and places her hand against my cheek.
I let out a broken sob when I feel her palm against my skin.
“Mama?” I say.
“Hello, sweetheart,” she responds with a smile.
“How—why do you look so different now?”
She brushes my tears away with soft fingers. “You saw me as a monster because you truly believed I was the one who tried to hurt you. You know the truth now, so you don’t see me as a monster any longer.”
I sob loudly against her palm.
“I must go now, sweetheart. But your father and I”—she pulls her hand away and steps back to stand next to my father’s ghost—“wanted to tell you how much we love you and how proud of you we are. You may not see us again, but never forget we are always watching over you.”
“Take care of my girls, Ian,” my father says, fondness shining clear in his voice. “I love you, Bug.”
“I love you, too,” I whisper, refusing to break my gaze as I stare back and forth at my parents before they slowly fade away, hand in hand.
Ian reaches over and grabs my hand in his own, squeezing tightly as I turn to him. Tears brim in his eyes as he stares into mine.
“I told you so,” Auden says. Ian and I turn our gazes toward her.
I clear my throat and wipe my face with my free hand. “Told us what?”
Auden smiles that sly smile of hers, the same one that’s playing on her father’s lips. “I told you she was the good ghost.”
THE END
Acknowledgements
By this time last year, I didn't have my first book published yet. It's surreal that I'm already writing the acknowledgments for my THIRD book. I'm still waiting to wake up from this fever dream because there's no way that this is my real life, right? I am literally living my childhood dream and I couldn't have done it without the love and support from all of you. I'm so thankful for so many people, and with each book that list just grows bigger. You guys really know how to make a lady feel special.
Zach, Annabell, and Cassian: You three are my whole heart and soul. I love you three more than my own life. You are the best husband and the best kids in my world. You inspire me every day to better myself and to push myself to be the best version of myself that I can be. Thank you for loving me during the hard times, the late-night writing sprints, the daytime "leave me alone while I finish this scene" moments, and letting me hang out alone in our Casita to get some words written. All I ask for in return is for one of my kids to tell their friends that their mom is their favorite author—except you're not actually allowed to read my books yet because mama likes to add some spice to her traumatic stories.
To my parents: Dad, Mom, Mom, Nancy, Larry, Melinda, Paul: Thanks for believing in me and supporting this lifelong dream of mine. And thank you for reading my spicy scenes and then never, ever bringing them up at family dinners. I die a little inside every time I know one of y'all will read these scenes, lol.
To my siblings, Aaron, Marisa, Adrian, Damian, Mathayus, and Ayla: I love you all and I hope I’m still your favorite sister after you read the crazy things my brain comes up with.
To Miley: For loving my books and being excited to be traumatized by me yet again. I can't wait to name a character after you one day.
Adalene & Mila: You can't read this one yet, but one day you'll be old enough to and I hope I'm still your favorite aunt who's a published author. When you're ready to publish your own book, let me know. I'll forever be your biggest cheerleader.
To my favorite Mountains & Manuscripts ladies; Christina, Haley, Katherine, Amy, Becca, Hannah P, Hannah B, Ella, Dani, Jill, Emma, Krystal, Leslie, Mindy, and Jessee: I am still in awe that I met my favorite authors in real life, and that we spent a whole weekend sharing all the highs and lows of this indie author life. It was so inspiring being surrounded by all of you, and I am SO excited to all meet up again for M&M 2025!
And to my favorite drunken caterers; (aka the village we all wish we had in our real lives) Ang, Souss, and Adrienne: You guys are the MVP's of Montana. Truly. I've never laughed as hard as I did while y'all were crushing it at karaoke. Ang, you are the coolest person I've ever met and I want to be you when I grow up. Souss, that time you said "can't fix crazy" lives rent free in my head. I'm pretty sure my soul left my body for a moment because I was laughing and sobbing at the same time when that came out of your mouth. And the food. My gosh, the food was so good. Adrienne, I still dream of those cookies you baked, you know the ones that had sea salt and love sprinkled on top? YUM. Thank you all for feeding us while we all wrote our hearts out, and thank you for treating us all like we were your best friends. I can't wait to watch Ang do the worm next year again. You guys are freaking rockstars.
