In All My Dreams, page 12
I turn on my heel, slamming my hand to my heart as I turn and face Ian, who is standing behind me.
Not my mother.
“Did–did you hear that?” I gasp out. “Did you see her?”
His brows knit in confusion. “See who? I only heard you say something about ‘protect something,’ but I couldn’t make out what you were whispering.”
I put my hand on the shoulder where my mother’s hand was. I look around my childhood bedroom thoroughly while the hair on my neck is still standing, all before my eyes land back on Ian. His features are distorted from the lack of light, casting shadows over his face as he looks at me with nothing but concern in his eyes.
“You really didn’t see her?”
Ian looks around the room and shakes his head. “You’re the only one in here, Georgia.”
Fuck, maybe I am going crazy.
I look around my childhood bedroom one last time before following Ian across the hall, lost in thought.
What does my mother mean by protect?
Who is she talking about?
Is any of this even real?
But that doesn’t explain Auden’s outbursts.
Something sinister is happening in this house, something that began a long time ago.
“Want me to keep watch, like old times? I’ll take the couch.” Ian interrupts my thoughts with a soft smile, his voice pulling me away from my unanswered questions.
I look at Auden, curled up and fast asleep on my side of the bed, almost as if nothing happened moments ago.
“No, I’ll take the middle. You can take the other side. The bed is big enough for all of us,” I say as I drag him toward the bed.
I pass out the moment my head hits the pillow.
Iwake to the sound of Auden screaming, my body jolting upright and crashing right into Ian’s bare chest as I search the bed with my hands, looking for my daughter in the heap of tangled sheets and blankets.
“Where is she?” I yell, my voice groggy with sleep while I throw the blankets off of myself in search of Auden. “Where is she?” I scream again as her wail of terror hits the empty room for the second time.
The light above me flickers to life, showering myself and Ian in light. Auden isn’t in the room. I can see light peeking out from underneath the bathroom door, and I stumble to the door, grabbing the handle and throwing it open.
Auden is standing with her back to me, staring at herself in the mirror in silence. Tears glisten on her red-tinted cheeks.
“Auden,” I say, rushing to her side. “Auden, what’s wrong?” I place my hands on her shoulders, staring at her through the reflection in the mirror. When I touch her, she doesn’t flinch or acknowledge my presence at all. Her eyes are locked on something I can’t see, her body eerily still.
“Georgia,” Ian whispers from behind me. “Is it possible that she’s sleepwalking?”
I meet his gaze in the mirror before flicking my eyes back to my daughter.
“Auden, honey, are you awake?” I ask softly. My hand stops midair as I go to touch her cheek.
You’re not supposed to touch a person who is stuck in a dream.
She doesn’t answer. Instead, we watch as she opens her mouth again and lets out another shrill scream. It ends as quickly as it began, and then she’s back to staring into whatever nightmare she’s stuck in.
“Ian, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help her!” My voice cracks. My heart is pounding fiercely in my chest as he comes up behind me and grabs my shoulders in comfort. “How do we help her?” I turn and look up into his eyes. He looks just as lost as I feel.
There’s a loud pounding on the bedroom door, making Ian and I jump in surprise.
“Georgia? Is everything okay in there?” Mrs. Foster’s voice is muffled through the door. Ian shoots me a look of panic before he rushes back into the bedroom to grab his shirt.
“Auden, sweetheart. Please wake up, baby. Please wake up,” I whisper. My words have no effect as she stands completely still in front of the mirror.
I hear the bedroom door open. “Hey, Mom. Auden is stuck in a nightmare,” Ian tells Mrs. Foster.
Mrs. Foster clicks her tongue. “What are you doing in here, Ian? You’re supposed to be in the room across the hall.” Her voice is quiet, but the disapproval rings clear, sending a slight shiver down my spine.
I step out of the bathroom. “I’m so sorry she woke you,” I whisper to Mrs. Foster. “She’s having a nightmare, I think. Ian came over to see what was wrong just a minute before you did,” I lie.
Mrs. Foster crosses into the room and peers into the bathroom at Auden. “You used to sleepwalk all the time like this. Just give her a few moments, and I’m sure she’ll snap out of it.”
“Do you remember how you used to wake me up? She’s never done this before, and I’m scared to make it worse.”
Mrs. Foster gives me a soft smile as she walks over and places her hand on mine, squeezing gently. “Oh, honey, this isn’t something to work yourself up about. Most of the time sleepwalking happens when you’re in a new place or there’s more stressors in your life than normal. I think we can all agree that fits this situation,” she says with a gruff laugh. “Just make sure you lock this door, both doors if you can. Sleepwalkers can hurt themselves, so we don’t want her to be able to get to the staircase when she’s in this state.”
“What can we do to wake her up?” Ian asks.
Mrs. Foster releases my hand and walks past me, then into the bathroom toward Auden. Ian and I both watch as she places her hand on Auden’s shoulders and rubs her back lightly. “Auden, honey. We are going to walk you back to bed. Okay?” Her voice is soft and soothing as she gently turns Auden around.
Auden still doesn’t respond verbally, but she takes slow steps with Mrs. Foster’s guidance, and within moments, Auden is tucked right back into her, her eyes falling shut shortly after.
Mrs. Foster turns and smiles at us. “See, it’s as simple as that. Gentle touches and a soothing voice. You never want to make loud noises or try to jostle her awake when she’s in this state. She can easily injure herself by panicking and running. Always make sure the area is clear of tripping hazards and that the doors are blocked or stay locked. I’m sure she’ll grow out of it, or it’ll stop once you’re both back home again. She most likely won’t even remember this when she wakes up tomorrow. You never remembered any of your nightmares when you had your sleep spells like this, Georgia,” she tells us. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to head back home and try to get some sleep in a proper bed. Good night, Georgia. Ian, be a dear and walk me home.” Her command is polite but firm, and Ian gives me a wide-eyed look, which makes me giggle, before following his mother out.
“Thank you, Lydia,” I call out before they head down the stairs together.
It’s clear that Ian’s mom still hasn’t warmed up to the idea of me and her son together. She was never openly rude or hostile about us being together when we were teenagers, but she was never accepting of it either.
I wonder what she’ll think if she finds out that Auden is her granddaughter. Will she be ecstatic like my father was, welcoming my child into his heart with open arms? Or will she see Auden as the complication, just another reason why Ian is stuck in my life still, all these years later?
19
Georgia
Now
The fair is one of my favorite places in the world. I’ve only been twice, but both times are full of happy memories.
The aromas of fried treats and popcorn. The bright lights flashing in a hundred different directions from all the rides. I even love the smell of the petting farm, which might seem odd.
But everything combined reminds me of a happier time.
A time when my mother and my best friend were alive, laughing and screaming happily right along with me.
A time where the boy I loved, loved me back.
I look up at the giant Ferris wheel, remembering the time I spent with my mother in one of those silly little carts. Dangling on the edge of the world like nothing bad could ever happen to us. Her diary proved that she loved that moment just as much as I did.
Gazing over at the carousel, I remember the moment Ian first kissed me. I was sitting on the cat, and he was on the polar bear when our eyes met, and our laughter halted in place as we leaned closer to each other until our lips finally touched.
Nothing bad is allowed to happen at the fair.
Auden, Ian, and I can almost pretend like we are a happy little family while we are here. No ghosts, no secrets. Just us. There’s no room for anything but joy to exist here today. After the last few stressful days at the manor, we all deserve a few hours of fun.
“What do you ladies want to do first?” Ian asks as we enter the fairgrounds. He holds tightly onto one of Auden’s hands while I hold the other. He looks so very un-doctor-like in his deep gray shirt and black jeans, looking handsome as ever. The backpack strapped to his chest makes him look like he’s getting ready for some tactical mission. His Braves hat tames his dark locks while his sunglasses cover up those galaxies I love so much.
“Hmm,” Auden hums, looking in every direction possible as she struggles to make a decision. Her pinstripe shorts and pink glittery tank top clash horribly with her bright yellow sunglasses. Somehow she pulls it off, because five-year-olds can wear whatever they choose without looking ridiculous. Instead, she looks absurdly adorable.
“What if we do the carousel first? The line looks short right now, and we all know it’ll be wrapped around the entire ride by lunch-time,” Ian suggests, pointing to his left where the red and white-topped carousel awaits.
“Can I be the dolphin? Please, Mommy?” She tugs on my arm and jumps up and down, her pigtail braids whipping her in the face with each descent.
“Only if your mom can be the penguin and I can be the . . .” Ian strains to look at what animal sits on the other side of the dolphin. “Duck,” he says in horror. “I guess I’ll ride the duck.”
I look over at him and fight a smile. He’s always had this weird thing about ducks. I guess one chased him when he was younger, but I’m still convinced he was chased by a goose that lives on the property. Who gets chased by a duck?
“I’ll take the duck, Ian. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure it doesn’t run after you,” I tease him as we get into line.
He leans against the railing across from me while Auden stretches both her arms out to touch both poles, nearly putting herself into the splits.
“My knight in shining . . . overalls,” Ian muses, taking his sunglasses off and tucking them into his collar. The way he’s looking me up and down makes me feel hot and cold at the same time. I wonder if he is also thinking about the first kiss we shared while on this same ride.
I’m in lavender overalls that I’ve cut to turn into shorts because the humidity and heat of Texas are already intense this far into spring. My black tank top fits snugly against me and matches the black ball cap that my hair is tucked into, my ponytail swaying back and forth in the breeze.
“Mommy, look! It’s our turn now!” Auden yells as she runs toward her coveted blue dolphin. Ian helps her up and wraps the safety belt around her before taking his place on the penguin. I hop onto the duck and flash Ian an evil smirk over the top of Auden’s head, making him shake his head with laughter.
This is nice. The three of us, doing something as mundane and normal as going to the fair as a family. Ian is so great with Auden. He’s slipped into our daily life with such ease, and Auden absolutely adores him.
Too bad it’ll all change the moment my lies unravel.
The carousel bell rings loudly over the speakers, signaling the start of the ride. Auden grips onto the pole tightly, her face a mixture of excitement and fear.
“It doesn’t go that fast, hun. I promise it’ll be fun.”
Her smile lights up the world once she realizes that the ride isn’t going to be scary. Her grip loosens, and she laughs loudly as her dolphin starts moving up and down underneath her. “Ian! Look at me! I’m bigger than you and Mommy!” she yells when her dolphin rises higher than ours.
My eyes meet Ian’s, and my heart nearly stops when I see that he’s also looking at Auden. His smile serene and content, like this is something he’d be happy doing for the rest of his life. This man is making it too easy to fall back in love with him. Especially when he looks at our daughter with so much adoration in his eyes.
The ride ends all too soon, and Ian helps Auden off of her dolphin. She blows the dolphin a kiss and promises that she’ll be back to visit him later. Ian and I both let out small chuckles as we followed her toward the exit.
“Let’s go on the Ferris wheel next!” Auden excitedly yells, pointing at the large blue ride in the distance. She grabs Ian’s hand and skips ahead of us, pulling him right along with her.
“I’ll meet you over there! I’m going to grab a couple of waters!” I yell after them. Ian flashes me a thumbs-up before they disappear into the crowd.
I make my way over to one of the concession stands, ordering three waters and two bags of cotton candy, one blue and one pink. I also grab a churro from myself because you can’t go to the fair without grabbing something deliciously unhealthy, and the churros were my dad’s favorite snack when he took me as a kid.
As I make my way toward the Ferris wheel, I decide it’s probably not a bad idea to call my father and check on him since we most likely won’t make it to the hospital tonight.
The call connects instantly.
“Hiya, Bug.” His gruff voice sounds pleasantly surprised.
“Hi, Dad. Guess what I’m eating right now?” I ask, my mouth full of churro like the heathen I am.
“Well, I can hear the telltale signs of the fair, so if it’s not a churro, you’re grounded for life.” His laugh is loud over the phone, making me smile while wanting to cry at the same time.
This is the dad I’ve missed the most over the last two decades. The one that makes silly jokes and big belly laughs because the joy he feels can’t be contained. I don’t know what changed, but something flipped a switch in my father, and I hope nobody ever flips the switch back. This is the grandfather that Auden has already fallen in love with, and the father that might convince me to stay at Crane.
Ian isn’t the only reason to stay anymore.
“You still chewing, or did you hang up because you’ve realized you're grounded?”
I laugh loudly into the phone. “No, I’m still here. And yes, it’s a churro, and it’s as delicious as I remember it being when you brought me here for the first time.”
“That was a good day. You and your mother both wore matching neon-orange T-shirts so I wouldn’t lose you,” he muses, clearly fond of this memory.
“I don’t remember the orange shirts, but I remember the Ferris wheel with her. It was magical. Ian and I are actually about to take Auden on the Ferris wheel. I just wanted to call you and see how you’re feeling today,” I say while looking for Ian and Auden. I don’t see them in the line.
“I’m feeling much better. I’d be a hell of a lot better if you talked that boy of yours into convincing these angry doctors to feed me a bacon cheeseburger.”
I sigh loudly into the speaker. “Dad, he’s not my boy. I don’t know what he is.”
“I take it you haven’t told him about Auden, then? Because, Georgia, you know the moment you do, it’ll change everything.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” I whisper. “It could change everything for the better, or it could ruin Auden’s future if he wants nothing to do with us after I spill the beans.”
Dad’s gruff laugh rings loudly through the phone. “That boy ain’t going anywhere without you girls.”
I smile to myself, praying that what my father is saying ends up being true.
“Mommy!” I hear Auden’s voice screaming from above me, and when I look up, I see her and Ian sitting together on the Ferris wheel as it slowly starts going up. They are both waving and smiling huge smiles at me.
“Dad, I gotta go. Auden and Ian are on the ride, and I want to take a photo of them. I’ll send it to you.”
“You three have fun. I love you, Bug. Talk to you later. Thanks for checking up on me.”
“Love you, Dad. I’ll come see you tomorrow,” I promise him before hanging up.
I turn the camera app on and point it toward Auden and Ian, taking several snapshots before turning it to video mode and hitting record.
I don’t want to miss this moment of them together, and I know it’ll be one Auden will cherish forever.
Once their turn on the ride is up, Auden comes running toward me, her pigtails hopping up and down with each bound.
“Mama! That was the coolest ride ever! Ian pointed out all the buildings, and once we got to the tippy-top, he showed me where home was! I could see it all the way from over here! It was so awesome,” Auden tells me in a rush, barely taking a breath.
Home, she called it.
Maybe Crane Manor could be our home.
“Sorry we didn’t wait for you. This girl of yours lacks patience, much like someone else I know,” Ian teases with a sly smirk. “Did you eat a churro without me?”
“I might have. Why?”
Ian laughs and licks his thumb before bringing it to my face. “You have some sugar right here,” he says, wiping it away gently.
It causes every butterfly in my stomach to take flight while my skin feels like it’s on fire where he touched me.
“I, uh—thanks. I got these for you two,” I say nervously as I hand over the pink and blue cotton candy. Auden digs into the pink bag immediately. “The pink is obviously for Auden. But the blue is for you. Naturally.”
The first kiss we shared was a mix of sticky lips and tasted of blue cotton candy and churros, and I’d be lying to myself if I wasn’t thinking of replicating that same kiss at this exact moment. I know I put the brakes on whatever this started to be when we got a little too drunk in the library. But I can’t breathe when he’s in the same room as me, let alone listen to my brain’s reasoning. Especially when my heart is pleading, begging even, to lean in to kiss him again.
