A Girl Named Elise, page 11
“There are times you may freeze from your depths,” I sang to her.”Cascade your fears—“ The lyrics escaped my head.
“Sing.”
I smiled to her.
“It’s our song, Jenny.”
No. No it wasn’t. It wasn’t Jenny… E-E-Elise? Elise! That was it.
“You’re not Elise?” I asked her as I became dazed again.
She looked taken aback. Really hurt for some reason. She got up and left me.
“No, Jenny please!” I moaned, but she was gone.
I tried rolling out of bed but a blur – crap more blurring – pinned me back down and squirted something into my arm tube.
“Jenny,” I whispered as I passed out again.
There was blackness that time. No pictures, no relaxation, just blackness. No happiness or sadness. Nothing. Why? Why had I said that to Jenny? I was such an idiot. I wanted to scream that I’m sorry but I couldn’t move my lips.
“I’m sorry…”
The third and final time I rose from the world beyond I was aware of everything. Every detail had come flooding back to me. The horrors that I witnessed at the bowling alley, to the horrible feeling that I caused Jenny last night.
My father was awake now and tried talking to me. I answered his questions but my mind was on where Jenny was. Did I turn her from me? Did I ruin everything because of what I had said earlier?
It was still dark outside but the sun had just started rising over the river. I could see it shimmer and my worries came flooding back to me. I had to know what had happened.
“The doctor said you can come home.”
“Where’s Jenny?” I interrupted him.
“Oh,” he said deeply. “I don’t—”
“I’m here,” said a small voice from the left.
I saw her shuffle into the room quietly, head tilted down, her hair in knots and eyes-stained red. She had been crying.
“I’m sorry,” I said to her as she neared.
“Don’t be.”
She smiled softly.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded and stiffly tried to sit up. It caused a bit of pain but was achievable. She looked a mess but was still the Jenny that I recognised.
“Come here.”
I smiled as I opened my arms for her. She accepted and hugged me tight.
“You scared the hell out of me, Olivia!” She laughed quietly.
“Shush, Smart-Arse. I’m not going anywhere.”
We talked a little more, not mentioning anything that had happened in the bowling alley due to each other’s state. I was given some water to clear my dry throat and a soft baked potato to eat so that the doctors could clear me for leaving later that afternoon. It was a slow day but we rented two movies that we watched on a hanging screen while test results came back.
“What happened to me?” I asked the doctor just as I had been cleared to leave.
He looked at me.
“It’s nothing to worry about, young man. You just got too over worked and passed out. We had to keep you here for twelve hours to see if there were any lasting effects.”
He smiled.
“But you are all clear to go home now.”
I gathered my things and within twenty minutes, I was standing next to Jenny and my father ready to go. We walked out of my room and down two corridors. Straight past the exit though.
“Where are we going?” I asked Jenny as she led us on.
We stopped outside room twenty-eight forty. I shook my head at the ridiculous numbering system as I had no clue on what the hospital was trying to achieve. What a stupid system.
“She’s in there,” Jenny said quietly. “I came here while you were asleep. She doesn’t look good but she’s stable.”
I stayed silent as she opened the door to a sight that I would never wish upon anyone else. The girl I loved, laid on a bed that was a replica of mine. But, instead of only a simple drip, she had monitors and wires connected to her chest, hands and head. A constant bleeping sound was in the background, announcing her heart beat was still active and I could see her chest rise and fall slightly at a constant stability of breathing.
“Elise,” I whispered as I walked forward.
Her parents were sitting either side of the bed and both stood up at the sight of me. They walked towards me and gave me a hug. My eyes never left her beautiful peaceful face though. I didn’t understand how something so horrific had happened the day before when now she looked at peace.
“She’s okay,” her mother said shakily as if she was hiding something.
They broke the hug and I walked towards where Elise lay. Bending over her barely breathing body I touched her hand. It felt like ice. I picked it up and cupped it within both my hands, stroking it as if my warmth could resurrect her.
“She’s comatose,” her father explained. “They are certain that they can wake her up in a couple of days though.”
There was a while of silence between everyone. No one knew what to say and I had no words to express my feelings. I had a numbness developing around me, consuming and sealing me into a secluded bubble. There was only me inside it and I knew that the only way it could pop would be when Elise returned to me. I didn’t want to feel myself till she was back.
“You can come visit if you wish, Olly.”
Her mother had spoken but I stayed still, wanting to kiss her pale lips but too scared on what might happen. Jenny answered for me and said that we would both visit after school on Monday. I was then interrupted by Jenny’s hand on my shoulder.
“We should go,” she whispered.
I wanted to tell her to go away, to tell them all to just leave me in peace with her but I was too drained. I reluctantly slipped her hand to the side of her seemingly lifeless body and gave it one last stroke before Jenny escorted me out of the room, down the corridors and out of the hospital.
It was still early morning by the time we arrived back home. The sun was just beginning to warm the world around us. Jenny came into my home with me and I walked straight past the watchful eyes of my siblings and my mother and upstairs to my room. It wasn’t until I sat on my bed and Jenny closing the door that I finally began to cry.
“It’s okay,” Jenny said as she placed an arm around me.
I couldn’t respond to any of her comforting words as I was a mess. I shrivelled up into a ball and cried. My sobbing was silent but powerful and soon Jenny was lying next to me in tears too.
“It’s my fault,” I managed to whisper.
“No, it isn’t!” Jenny suddenly said determinedly.
“It is!” I cried. “I couldn’t help her!”
My sadness had suddenly turned to anger and I punched the wall.
“It’s my fault!”
Jenny grabbed my hand and squeezed.
“Please don’t!” she begged, her tears intensifying the madness I had.
“Why not? What the hell has ever gone right for me?” I almost shouted at her.
I suddenly realised what I had said and fell silent.
“It’s okay,” Jenny whispered. “I know you don’t mean that.”
I pulled her into a deeper hug and my mother knocked on the door. We didn’t part as she walked in carrying two cups of hot chocolate on a tray. She didn’t say anything but sat them on the bed next to us and walked out. I smiled at the aroma of the warm liquid and broke the hug to hand one to Jenny. She smiled weakly and took the cup.
The drink was soothing and calmed my mind upon consumption. A couple more sips and I became sleepy again. I thought it was wired considering how long I was unconscious for. I was still just as exhausted, if not, more so than I had ever been before. I yawned and Jenny copied.
“I hate you.”
She smiled weakly.
“Did you sleep at all last night?” I asked her.
She shook her head as she took another sip before yawning yet again. I laughed softly and quickly finished my chocolate so that I could lie down on my bed, my cup being placed on the ground for safety. Jenny looked down at me and copied my actions quickly, lying down next to me, closest to the wall. We yawned again, almost simultaneously before breathing deeply and closing our eyes. We didn’t care about our clothes. Too much had happened the past twelve hours for us to care. But we were safe and the only thought I had left inside me is what would come of the girl I loved. The girl in a coma. The girl named Elise.
Chapter Sixteen
When someone you know and love is in a coma, your whole world seems to just halt. Your day-to-day life continues, but you don’t accomplish anything. You continue life like normal from everyone else’s perspective, but from yours, you watch from a distance. You know that you are doing things but you feel separated from your body, like you’re watching a movie of your life in the most surreal way possible. A lot of people might call this depression and I guess in one way or another I had crossed the boundary. Elise’s condition had sent me in an emotional, uncontrollable whirlwind of emotional weight that was too much for my shoulders to bare.
Jenny tried to help from the moment we woke up together the next morning. But, despite her best efforts, I couldn’t let her in. I was lost in my own separate reality. I did try my best to communicate with her, to tell her my thoughts and feelings, but there was a barrier in the way. It wouldn’t let me express anything more than a few words here and there. Nothing that could ever express my true emotional elements that were making me continue on in life.
“We have that play coming up in a few weeks,” she tried to make a conversation.
I nodded and said I knew about that, but that was as much as I was able to communicate to her.
“I think you have the emotional range of a teaspoon!” she tried to joke.
I looked at her blankly, wanting to thank her for her attempts to make me talk. Nothing ever seemed to escape my sealed mouth though. Another two days went by before we heard anything more from the hospital.
“She’s awake!”
Jenny had come bursting through my bedroom door around five-thirty that evening after school had ended. I was lying on my bed, blankly watching a comedy television show that I wasn’t finding funny at all. Looking over at her with a glazed expression, I wasn’t sure on what to expect from the announcement. My emotions had been numbed for too long and I wasn’t even sure that the light I once had in my heart would warm me again.
Then, after a short delay while my mind processed what she had stated, my body began to tingle. It seemed similar to the first day I had ever set eyes on Elise. My body began to warm and the cogs that had drifted asleep in my mind began awakening. It felt like I was being redirected from death. Like the movie I had been watching had finally decided to rip me from my outside view and force me into it. I didn’t fight any of it. It had been too long now and I welcomed every inch of emotions that came spilling into my mind. The good, the bad, the paranoid, everything. I was just glad I was feeling again.
“What?” I mumbled with a bit more life than I had done previously.
“Olly.” She took my hand in hers and squeezed warmly. “She’s awake.”
I felt a small smile creep on my face and I could see Jenny’s reaction growing too.
“She’s awake?” I asked, needing for it to be confirmed one last time.
Jenny nodded with a grin forming on her face. She explained that her mother was already downstairs ready to take them both to the hospital. I didn’t know how to react except keep a stupid childish smile on my face. This smile was plastered on my face all the way to Elise’s hospital room. Jenny had kept close to me though, cautious on what state she would be in.
We arrived at her door and knocked quietly, like a whisper towards a cautious animal that was being coaxed in. Elise’s father opened the door and we walked into the darkened room. The blinds were down and a tinted yellow light gave the room a slightly ill, drying vibe that seemed to have evaporated any positivity out of the room. It somehow also gave it a warm feeling. Slightly contradicting, I know, but that’s just how it felt to be there that day.
Elise was asleep as we sat down together on the arms of a single chair to the bed’s right-hand side. We looked at each other and Jenny nodded slowly. Smiling softly, I took Elise’s hand and stroked softly, her parents easing out of the room, trying not to disturb the atmosphere. She stirred softly at my touch and moaned as if in pain from any minuscule movement. Neither Jenny or I spoke as she continued to awaken painfully slowly. Her face contorted as she realised something or someone had a hold of her. Turning her head to her left she groaned and saw no one. She looked disappointed, as if she was hoping someone was there with her. Closing her eyes, she turned to face the ceiling and let out a quiet breath.
“Are you looking for me?” I whispered as I stroked her hand again.
Her eyes opened and her lips curled into confusion as she stared into space.
“O…” she tried to croak.
“I’m here, pleb!”
I laughed quietly as I felt a tear beginning to build in my eye. She turned to me and paused. It looked like she was struggling to see me.
“I…” she croaked. “See… my… Olly,” she managed to say before gasping for a breath. It was as if each word was causing exhaustion.
“Yes! Yes!”
I smiled as I used my other hand to cup hers, the tears now beginning to escape my bloodshot eyes.
“It’s me, Elise.”
“I…”
She turned back to look at the sky.
“Love…”
She yawned softly and coughed.
“My…”
She took a deep breath.
“Olly…”
The last word took the last of her built up strength and she fell back asleep.
Chapter Seventeen
Hearing the words that you have been wanting to hear, for however an amount of time, is one of the happiest moments in life. Whether that be receiving the news that a baby is on the way, the person of your dreams agreeing to marry you, or just simply saying the powerful word that rules the world. It will always be one of the highlights of our lives. It fills you with a joy and happiness that can’t be served justice with mere mortal words that I can use. It is the sudden realisation that your life is perfect and convinces your brain that it has become invincible and impenetrable to anything dark. That of course, is not as true as people would hope.
I stared dumbfounded at Elise as she sank back into her slumber. The room was silent and I stroked Elise’s hand in time with her steady, shallow breathing. I had a weak smile formed on my face as her words echoed through my brain the way I wished they would. I was happy. Stupidly happy. Words struggled to come to mind as her parents wondered back into the room and stood on the opposite side of the bed. They were silent, their faces were stained red from tears. I didn’t know the reason why and they didn’t clarify. I guessed they were tears of happiness.
“She can come home in two days,” her mother said with a struggled smile.
Jenny took my arm in her hand.
“Come on, Olly,” she said softly. “I think we should say bye now.”
I looked at her and back to Elise. Not caring what anyone thought, I stood up slowly, leant over her sleeping body and planted a soft kiss on her lips. There was a weeping sound that escaped from Elise’s mother, but before I wondered what was making her cry again, Jenny pulled me up and walked me to the door.
“Jenny?”
We turned at the door to find that Elise’s father had spoken.
“Yes,” Jenny said quietly. “Do you mind if we talk to you quickly?”
She nodded silently and stayed behind while I left the room and stood silently outside the door that soon shut upon my exit. Confusion was riddling my brain and the cold wall made me shiver in silence. I had no idea what they were talking about. Even as Jenny joined me outside, her face in a blank expression for a moment, I didn’t hear the truth of the words spoken between them until a while later. But I asked her anyway.
“What happened?” I asked curiously.
Jenny looked at me and snapped back into reality.
“They – they,” she struggled to say. “They just wanted to say t-thank you for helping her – you – both of you.”
“Oh,” I said surprised. “Why did they just say it to you then?” I asked confused.
“They were – were feeling awkward about you kissing Elise.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that and my confusion had vanished. My happy smile had returned and Jenny’s face contorted into a strained smile, strained, but still at least a smile. She shook her head and laughed slightly.
“Not my fault you insisted in snogging her in front of them.”
I had nearly forgotten about Jenny’s private conversation with Elise’s parents by the time we arrived back home. Jenny seemed almost normal and would have been if it wasn’t for a slight drop in happy emotions every ten-or-so minutes. I never questioned her about it because I presumed she was just tired and wasn’t hiding anything from me.
School for the next two days seemed bland. Nothing exciting happened and everything was as it was before Elise had walked into our lives. Jenny and I hung together all day and laughed without a worry – for me anyway – in the world. We both knew that the next day – two days after last seeing her – Elise was arriving home in the evening and we were both excited to see her. In an attempt to surprise her as she got back, we designed a large card and got everyone in our form and both our families to sign. Secretly before sealing it though, I slipped in a short story I had written about hope and survival. As usual, the characters represented the both of us and this time it was set during an apocalyptic event that was crashing the lives of everyone around us, but we kept strong and together. I hoped she would like it and wished for the moment that we could finally be alone again. Both of us awake and alone telling stories like that first night together.
It felt like an entire lifetime and a half ago since that night. Everything had become so complicated in our lives and I just hoped that one day we could lay under the stars telling stories as if we were trapped in that magical night forever.
