A smile exploded across Anton’s face. “I’ll take the same.”

  The server took their menus and walked away.

  Anton met his gaze. “A hearty meal, huh? You got plans?”

  Scott nodded, trying to look as serious as possible.

  “Do you care to share?”

  Scott tried to keep his expression innocent. “I need to clean my house.”

  “Okay.” Anton sounded so fucking serious. He left Scott shocked. Anton didn’t stop there. “We’ll order dessert to go. I’m handy with a mop.”

  It struck Scott. He was serious. Anton genuinely planned to take him home to clean. If he was being honest, his place needed a good scrubbing, but he hadn’t been serious. His hair wasn’t the only thing that had been neglected during his latest episode, so he supposed he should accept the help.

  “Just make sure to save enough energy for after,” Anton added, cutting into Scott’s thoughts. “I expect to be properly tucked into bed.”

  “Is that your price for helping?”

  Anton’s expression darkened, making goosebumps break out on his skin. “No. I expect a lot more from you than dick. I want everything.”

  Fuck. Kylian was right. When that accent hit at just the right time, he was a goner. Scott would do anything to keep this. He was hooked.

  The state of Scott’s apartment spoke volumes about how bad Scott’s mental health had been lately. It took them hours to clean. The mess also explained why Scott never took Anton back to his place. Luckily, Anton had years of house cleaning experience from his time in the orphanage. That had been in another life, though. Anton didn’t clean these days. Rian had people for that.

  While Anton dried dishes and put them away, he saw the task not as a chore but as another way to learn about Scott. Cleaning gave Anton full access to Scott’s life. He now knew where everything was kept, so he could find anything he needed the next time he came. It was better than snooping. It was a free invitation to go through his things.

  There were no signs anyone else stayed there. Anton wasn’t dumb and he wouldn’t fool himself. He knew until the moment Scott asked to be exclusive, he hadn’t been. Scott was a sexual person. Being provocative was ingrained in his personality. Anton couldn’t get angry now. That trait had been what caught his eye, after all. Now was a different story. If Scott touched anyone else now, they would have problems.

  Scott molded against Anton’s back. His breath brushed Anton’s ear as he squeezed Anton. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this. When I said I planned to do this, I was only teasing, but you’ve been amazing.”

  “I have ulterior motives.”

  Scott chortled. “Such as?”

  “Maybe you’ll invite me over sometimes now.”

  Warm lips brushed his neck. Anton closed his eyes as Scott’s teeth sank into the cords of his neck. Goosebumps rose on his skin. He grasped the edge of the counter. Scott’s hand headed south. He cupped Anton through his jeans and squeezed.

  “I’ll make you a key.”

  Goddamn. Anton couldn’t explain it, but those words were the hottest Scott could have said. The least Anton could do was try to meet him halfway. “You’re special to me.” It was the closest Anton could come to expressing himself.

  “Good,” Scott breathed against his throat. “You’re quickly becoming everything to me.”

  Anton didn’t know if Scott meant it or if he spoke in the heat of the moment, but fuck. He felt important, and that mattered. Anton had purposely stayed out of sight and mind for years now, trying not to draw too much attention to himself. He had been loyal and ruthless, but aloof. If no one noticed him, then they couldn’t break him, and he could be broken. Anyone could. It was a lesson he had learned thoroughly years ago. But now he felt different. When he was with Scott, he wanted to be seen. Touched. The way Scott sucked and bit his neck, Anton knew he would leave marks. Good. Anton wanted the world to see someone had claimed him.

  “What if I bent you over and fucked you right here with nothing but oil from my pantry to keep you wet?”

  “I guess I’d get fucked.” Even to Anton’s ears, he sounded horny as hell.

  Scott popped the button on Anton’s jeans. His hand slid inside as his kiss softened on Anton’s neck. “What if took you to bed and made love to you instead? Moving slow and savoring every inch.” Scott stroked Anton’s cock, slowly matching his words.

  “Make love to me, then.”

  Scott smiled against his skin. Anton felt it. He felt everything. It was terrifying. “Do you think that’s what it would be? After being together for four months, do you think that’s what I feel?”

  Anton’s brain locked up like a cheap computer running too many programs at once. He didn’t know how to respond, but he knew he had to say something. If he didn’t, maybe Scott would stop. In his panic, he said too much. “I don’t know. No one has ever loved me.”

  Scott’s hand disappeared from his pants. Anton almost whimpered at the loss. Then Scott’s arms pulled him back against his sexy, solid chest. He squeezed, holding Anton so tightly, his eyes stung unexpectedly.

  Through his rapidly swelling throat, Anton croaked out the words that would likely doom them both. “Yeah. I think this is love.” As the words left his lips, a hollow pit opened in his gut. Scott had the power to wreck him. That was something Anton had vowed to never give anyone. But it was too late to save himself. Scott had sneaked beneath his skin. All he could do now was hope the day didn’t come when he would have to kill him, because Scott leaving him wasn’t an option.

  Anton shook in his hold. Scott had never felt so much. He understood Anton showed a side with him no one else saw. It was like crack. He would give up everything to keep the high.

  “Come to bed with me.”

  “The bedding is still drying.”

  Scott kissed Anton’s nape as he drew his shirt up and over his head. He eyed Anton’s sleek, muscular back. “I guess we’ll have to put some towels down.”

  “The towels are in the washer.”

  Scott pushed Anton’s pants down his hips. “I guess you’ll get fucked right here, then.”

  A loud breath burst from Anton as Scott’s fingers swiped down his crack. Anton immediately bent, offering himself to Scott. Scott went to work stripping Anton. He dropped to his knees and bit Anton’s ass cheek. A stifled cry escaped Anton. Scott’s cock twitched. He had to set it free. Scott shifted back to his feet and moved to peel off his shirt. When the shirt was halfway up his raised arms and still covered his face, Anton’s body slammed into his. Scott’s back hit the refrigerator. He gasped at the cold stainless steel hitting his overheated skin. With his face still covered and arms still raised, Anton kept him pinned in that position. His fingertips skimmed the underside of Scott’s arms, making him pant as Anton made the slow descent with the lightest of touches to the button on his jeans. Mesmerized, Scott held his breath. With his face covered, every touch felt heightened. He couldn’t focus on anything except Anton’s hands.

  His pants opened. Cool air brushed his erection. Then Anton’s fingertips lightly stroked him, making Scott pant. He pushed Scott’s shirt up just enough to uncover his lips. Anton opened his mouth over Scott’s. Scott tried to kiss him back, but Anton backed away, forcing Scott to chase him. His entire body burned. Scott’s chest heaved as the lust made it harder to breathe. No one turned him on the way Anton did. Finally, Anton removed the shirt from his head, but he kept Scott’s wrist captive with it. Anton looked so wicked, Scott panted. He wondered if the evil glint in Anton’s eyes was the same view people saw before Anton snuffed out their life. Scott didn’t think he was an adrenaline junkie, but fuck. Being with Anton was such a rush.

  Anton’s mouth quirked in one corner. A chill ran down Scott’s spine.

  “What will you give me if I free you?”

  “Who says I want to be freed?”

  Anton leaned into him. “Good answer.” Their mouths met and clashed. Anton finally whipped the shirt from Scott’s arms, freeing him. Anton’s hands were everywhere. He licked and bit. Something fell from the top of the refrigerator and hit the floor. Every second he wasn’t inside Anton, things turned wilder to the point of violence. Anton tore at his jeans and found a condom in his wallet. Before he recovered a single brain cell, Scott was on his back in the middle of the kitchen floor with Anton on his dick. He cried out as Anton’s tight heat surrounded him. In the fray, he knocked over the open bottle of cooking oil Anton had obviously used. He felt it soak into his hair. Scott gave no fucks. Nothing mattered but the pleasure Anton’s body promised. He bounced on Scott’s cock, mesmerizing Scott with the sight of Anton’s dick bouncing with him. Scott sucked air and tried to keep up and not come. Anton was all sleek muscle and every single one was tensed as he took what he wanted from Scott. Scott couldn’t stop staring. He knew the moment would burn into his memories.

  Way too soon, Scott’s body tensed. “Fuck, Anton. You’d better get yours soon because I’m coming.” As soon as the words left his lips, Scott’s body jerked. An orgasm had him crying out and trying to get deeper. Anton kept slamming himself down on Scott’s overly sensitive dick. Before he caught his breath, cum hit his chin. All Scott could do was stare as Anton’s face contorted with ecstasy. He was the most beautiful thing Scott had ever seen, and he would die to keep this.

  Chapter Five

  Even though Anton wasn’t technically Kylian’s guard any longer, Scott adored he had strong-armed his way into going back to accompanying Kylian to each podcast. Scott had missed the days of them casting longing looks through the window of the sound booth. He didn’t ask how or why Anton was back. Scott simply enjoyed the heated glances.

  “Would you like to go to lunch with us?” Kylian asked as he stood, leaving behind another completed show.

  Truthfully, Scott needed to edit the recording and get it ready for upload. He couldn’t resist more time with Anton. “Sure. Where are we headed?”

  Kylian shrugged. “Anton has someplace in mind.”

  Scott felt his lips tug into a smile and happiness rose in his chest. It hit him. He truly was happy for the first time in a long time. Scott had spent so many years faking it. He barely recognized the real thing, but this was it. Scott had found the holy grail. Without a word, Scott opened the door and stepped from the sound booth straight into Anton’s arms. If he was surprised by the way Scott kissed him like no one watched, Anton didn’t complain.

  “Awww. You two are so cute.”

  Scott laughed against Anton’s lips. He backed away to find Anton smiling. His heart skipped a beat. Not only was Anton beautiful, but Scott also realized he made Anton happy too. He had done that. Anton still held his hand, as if he couldn’t let go. It felt like a huge win. Anton was learning to let go of his rigid nature in public with Scott.

  Scott had to force himself to focus on the moment and not his burning desire to have Anton alone. “Kylian says you have a place in mind for lunch.”

  Anton winked. “You’ll see.”

  “Okay.” He looked Kylian’s way.

  Kylian shrugged.

  Scott let it go and fell into step next to Anton on the way out the door. He tried to get into the back of the pearl-colored SUV, but Kylian stopped him.

  “Nope. You ride up front with your man.”

  “Are you sure?” As much as Scott wanted to sit with Anton, he realized Kylian had to be his top priority right now.

  Kylian waved him toward the front. “Please? I plan to sit back and send Rian dirty texts to distract him from working.”

  With a laugh, Scott climbed into the passenger seat. He was more than a little excited to find out why Anton was being so secretive. Like a kid, he practically bounced in his seat, watching every sign they passed while trying to figure out where they might be headed. When he finally realized where they were going, he laughed. “The zoo?”

  Anton flashed him a smile.

  Scott shook his head.

  “I love the zoo,” Kylian said from the back. “I’ve never been to this one.”

  Scott couldn’t hide his excitement. He twisted in his seat. “You’ll love it. They have these whole experience things where you can actually get up close with a tiger. You can feed penguins. It’s awesome.” He felt his hyper fixation setting in. Scott couldn’t stop it. “When I was a teenager, I was dead set I would work at the zoo when I got older. My best friend had a membership and could bring a guest. We went every weekend. His mom would drop us off and then not pick us up again until closing. Then when I graduated, I used to volunteer.”

  “What changed?”

  Scott shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. He turned back, returning to watch Anton find them a parking spot. “I just stopped going one day.” Scott didn’t want to admit he had given up the idea of functioning normally. Scott had been on all the medicines and done every counseling suggested. No matter what he took, his episodes never completely went away. He was one of the unlucky ones. Most people in his shoes lived completely normal lives. Scott never would. His gaze swung Anton’s way. Scott hoped he wasn’t cursing Anton to a horrible life with him.

  All his negative thoughts disappeared once they parked, and he stepped from the vehicle. The air had a certain scent that brought all the nostalgia. He couldn’t wait to see the animals.

  Anton took his hand.

  Scott looked his way. Love swelled in his chest. He was certain he had only mentioned his love for animals in passing. Anton had not only remembered, but completely run with it. Scott felt how much Anton cared. He was addicted. Scott made a vow to himself. No matter what, he wouldn’t let this one go. This one time, he would do right by someone.

  To be honest, Anton hadn’t been sure if Scott would enjoy his idea. His reaction, and his expression as he tried looking at everything at once, made Anton want to pat himself on the back. The entire situation also made Anton realize how much he enjoyed making Scott happy.

  With Kylian’s blessing, they made an afternoon of it. First, they ate lunch at the cafe near the entrance before walking the entire zoo. Anton paid extra for all the various experiences. By the time they left, they were tired, sore, and sunburned, but Scott looked happier than ever. They took Kylian home to Rian and stayed. When Anton stepped under the water with Scott, he swore a shower had never felt so good.

  “Thank you for today.” Scott’s hands slid across Anton’s sides. “I haven’t been to the zoo in years. You reminded me how much I love it there.”

  It had been a lucky guess. Scott oohed and ahhed over every animal he saw and watched animal videos nonstop. Anton just wanted to make him happy and took a logical leap. “I’m glad you had fun.”

  Scott smiled and fell into a nonstop litany of every animal they had seen. Anton listened with half an ear as he washed Scott’s hair and body.

  “Can you own a prairie dog? We should get one someday if you can. They’re so cute.”

  Anton smiled and kept cleaning them. Scott sounded as if he planned for them to live together someday. That detail felt like winning. He honestly hadn’t been sure if he would be any good at this couple thing. Anton wasn’t accustomed to nurturing things. He had been trained to kill, and that’s what he did. Everything about being with Scott was new and life-giving. He didn’t know how else to describe the way Scott changed him.

  “I’ve been meaning to ask, but we’re always having too much fun when we’re naked together. What’s the tattooed number on your hip mean?”

  The question jarred Anton from his happy thoughts. He stared at Scott in silence. Scott looked so open and caring, waiting to hear Anton speak. “I don’t want to taint this beautiful moment with you.”

  Scott’s expression fell. “Oh. Okay. Maybe someday.”

  Guilt ate at Anton. Scott was always open and honest with Anton, even when it couldn’t be easy. Anton just honestly didn’t want the amazing day they’d had ruined by the ugly side of his life. Scott deserved to be shown nothing but sunshine. Anton had been born and raised in the dark. He wanted to bask in Scott’s light, not drown Scott with the shadow that constantly hung over him.

  “If you want a prairie dog, we’ll get one. Legality doesn’t matter to me. You’ll just have to research how to care for it.”

  Scott’s smile was back. “I can do that. Do you think you’d be willing to hold one? I bet you’d be a great prairie dog dad.” Before Anton had time to respond, Scott was off in a different direction. “Ooh, what about just a regular dog? We should have one of those too. I love all dogs, no matter the breed, but huskies always make me laugh. They’re so dramatic.”

  “I have a feeling our house will be a zoo.”

  For a moment, they simply stared at each other, as if saying the words aloud made them real.

  Scott turned serious. “Meeting you has been one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.”

  “That’s depressing.”

  Scott playfully punched him in the stomach. “I’m serious.”

  He was too, but Anton didn’t say it. “Being with you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  “That’s sad.”

  Smiles exploded across their faces. “I love you.” The words rolled so easily off Anton’s tongue. He realized, even if he didn’t fully understand love, he obviously felt something unique for Scott. Those words explained whatever Scott brought out in him just as well as anything could.

  Scott’s features softened. “I love you too.”

  They spent a moment staring into each other’s eyes. Then Scott was off again. “I think cats are adorable too and love their attitude, but I’m allergic to them, so that’s off the table.”

  Anton listened patiently and let Scott chatter. It was peaceful in his company. He didn’t get peace anywhere else. Anton didn’t understand why Scott had chosen him when he hadn’t settled down for anyone else. He would do anything to keep this, whatever the reason. They worked. He was over the moon.

 

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