Checked Impressions, page 19
Allie’s concerns over Jake’s behavior—he’d said some things to Marcie’s little boys at Christmas that had raised eyebrows and Steve’s voice—had been shoved under the rug called keeping the peace, nobody wanting to add to the pressure filling the house on Elm Drive. Except, sometimes Allie wondered if God wanted her to speak to Carissa, to remind her she had options, that she didn’t have to settle for Jake. Those kinds of questions had Allie in such a dither of her own that it was almost a pleasure to go to work. But even there it was a little strange.
Allie tilted her head, studying the landscape before nodding and adding a touch more green as her thoughts whirled back to work. The start of the new year had seen a change in shifts, and Allie had been on fewer tours as Myra, for some reason beyond sense, seemed to think Allie’s skills would best be used in the Pacific and Asian art rooms, far from Allie’s beloved European paintings. She didn’t mind too much—she’d had years of talking about her favorites, after all—but she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d done something that had put her on the outer.
Selina and Taylah seemed thick as thieves, and Allie often felt like she was left out, as the conversations that would cease at her arrival seemed to prove. Myra, too, was often absent, which meant there was a degree of friction and tension that Allie didn’t really understand. Sometimes Selina or Taylah would ask a question about Allie’s boyfriend that made her wonder if they knew the truth about Jai. She didn’t want to hide Jai, but neither did she want for him to feel used, so when he asked to pick her up from work, she often refused. In these ways, having her independence gave her a sense of breathing room, that this relationship need not hurtle too fast to some inevitable place she wasn’t sure she was ready for yet.
When he asked to meet her after games, sometimes she would, other times she’d go home with her parents. She still stayed in contact with Amber and Ella and some of the other wives and girlfriends, but by no means did she consider herself an integral part of their social scene. Which was good. It helped her feel more like herself—that she wasn’t being consumed by Jai’s world.
She placed the paintbrush back in the water container and studied the canvas before her. The trees—which had been in full leaf when she started but now wore clumps of white and ice—glowed in a vibrant landscape of color. Another way to feel more like herself—she was keeping a promise she’d made herself at New Year’s: finish a painting by the end of January. She’d forgotten the joy of creating and had relished the chance to do something so different to Mr. Weinberger’s reports and the talks she gave at work. There was life and energy and passion and joy in creating art. It was addictive, probably like Jai felt about hockey.
Chicago was tracking to make the playoffs, even though it was only mid season, and she was happy to cheer him on both from the stands and watching on TV. For some away games, she’d go and visit Amber at the apartment where Amber lived with Connor. Often these times proved more than mere opportunities to watch their guys, as Allie felt little promptings of what to share with Amber.
Lord, help me to be a friend. Another dab of paint, another smear of viridian green. A touch of umber, a little ochre to add depth. If she finished it by the end of January, she could get it framed for Carissa’s wedding on February the fifteenth.
“Allie?” Her sister’s screech punched through her thoughts and pushed her to her feet.
She placed the brush in the water pot and turned the painting away from where Carissa might see. “What is it?”
“Have you seen it anywhere?”
“Seen what?”
“My wedding sample album.”
“No.”
Carissa sighed, and in leading lady fashion, flung herself on Allie’s single bed. “Everything is so hard.”
Allie swallowed, her thoughts from earlier spinning faster as a nudge to speak to her sister pressed harder. “M-maybe you could delay it,” she suggested.
“Delay it? Delay the wedding? Are you crazy?”
Apparently, judging from that look on Carissa’s face. “If it’s making you stressed—”
“I’m not stressed. I just want—need—things done in a certain way,” Carissa insisted.
Or was that Jake’s certain way?
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Carissa frowned. “Don’t you want me to be married?”
Allie bit her lip, the truth stubbornly locked inside.
Carissa gasped. “You don’t, do you?” Her eyes welled with tears. “How could you be so cruel?”
“Is it cruel to want my sister to be happy?” Allie asked.
“I will be happy. As soon as I’m married on February fifteen.”
“You don’t need to be married to be happy,” Allie said softly.
“Really? What would you know? I bet you’re just jealous because I’m getting married before you.”
Allie’s heart hurt, and not just with the tiniest pang that said her sister’s words had once been true. “I’m not jealous,” she assured her.
But it seemed her sister hadn’t finished. “I bet you’re just jealous that Jai hasn’t even said he loves you yet.”
If only she knew. Allie held her tongue. For four seconds. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not like you. I’ve never been the sort to go announcing it to the world every time a guy talks to me.”
“Is that because no guy has talked to you apart from Jai?”
Hurt flared across Allie’s chest, and she turned, busying herself with her pots and paints, blinking back emotion. It didn’t matter. Her sister was stressed. Allie would forgive her. Soon.
“Allie, I’m sorry,” Carissa whispered. “I didn’t mean it.”
Yeah, except… “It kind of felt like you did,” Allie said, her voice a little wobbly.
“I am sorry.”
Any doubt about the sincerity of her sister’s apology was lost as Carissa flung herself at Allie, wrapping her in a huge hug. “Forgive me. I’ve just been so stressed, and I know I’m taking it out on others, and I don’t want to, but it’s kind of hard not to.”
“We can all do that,” Allie murmured, stroking her sister’s beautiful smooth hair, her heart easing at the moment of restoration with her sister. Her ever-emotional sister, so quick to fly off the handle, so quick to express contrition. Now wasn’t the time to say anything about Allie’s doubts about her sister’s husband-to-be.
“I don’t mean to,” Carissa said again. “It’s just that everything feels so overwhelming.”
Allie wrapped her arm around her sister and sat beside her on the bed. “What feels so hard? What can I do to help?”
Carissa sniffed, and Allie found a tissue box and handed it to her. Her sister wiped her mascara-bled eyes. “You’ve been great. Organizing the bridesmaids’ dresses, helping pick the colors for the venue, arranging the flowers and the bachelorette party.” She blew her nose. “I don’t know. I guess sometimes I just wonder…”
“Wonder what, Carissa?” Allie’s pulse increased.
Her sister shrugged. “I wonder if…” She glanced down, studied her engagement ring, the one Jake had said cost him a month’s wages.
“Wonder whether you should be getting married so soon?”
“It’s not too soon,” Carissa protested. “Not when we’ve been going out for two years.”
“Then what?” Allie asked, before finally daring, “Wonder whether Jake is the right man for you?”
“How can you say that?” Carissa said, reverting to her defensive self. “How can you pretend to be supportive if you think that?”
An excellent question.
Carissa’s face crumpled. “I thought you were happy for me.”
“I am—”
“I thought you liked him.”
A beat. “I do.”
Carissa drew back. “Do you? Really? When you say it like that, it’s not exactly convincing.”
“I think he’s nice,” she said carefully. He was nice sometimes, at least.
“What don’t you like about him?”
Put like this, her objections seemed to flee. Lord? “D-do you remember that time at Christmas when he growled at Marcie’s boys?”
“Oh, come on. Ethan and Jon were being brats. You know it.”
“He looked like he was going to hit them,” Allie said.
“What? No.”
“I think Steve thought so, which is why he got upset and told Jake to stop.”
“That was Steve telling Ethan to stop,” Carissa insisted.
Allie studied her and bit her lip.
“I can’t believe you would think such a thing. You’re wrong.” Carissa blinked, shaking her head. “Jake would never hurt the boys.”
“Has…has he ever made you feel unsafe?” she asked.
“Are you serious? What planet are you from? He’s never even raised his voice to me. Never.”
Allie examined her sister’s eyes, recognizing truth but also something else. “Then what is it? What’s worrying you?”
Carissa shook her head. “Nothing. Nothing at all. Except I wish I knew where my wedding sample book was.” She pushed to her feet. “And I wish I knew that Jake and I had your full support.”
Allie rose too. “I love you, Carissa. I don’t want you to make a mistake. And if you’re feeling like something is wrong, then maybe that’s God nudging you to think again.”
“Or maybe it’s that I’m upset because my sister, who is supposed to be my chief bridesmaid, can’t even be bothered to back us.”
“Carissa, please—”
“You know what?” Her blue eyes sparked. “I think maybe I’ll ask Amelia to be my chief bridesmaid instead.”
“What?” Hurt cramped within.
“I’d rather have someone I know has my best interests at heart standing next to me than someone who doesn’t even like the man I love.”
Downtown bars weren’t exactly his scene, but with Allie having blown him off again, here Jai was, hanging with some teammates, shooting pool. He kind of wished tonight was an online Bible study night with the guys, with those men who understood the challenges of balancing their career with life. But with the mid-season break approaching, the guys were all busy with games or were travelling, and even Josiah had another meeting tonight. Leaving Jai here, wondering why Allie didn’t want him there, and wondering how he was going to not self-combust from all the frustration roiling away inside.
His cue hit the ball with a thwack, and it spun away from where he’d aimed, scoring chirps from Jeremy Stamos and David Eccles, their new goalie who’d been a recent trade from Colorado. Jai shrugged, moved to prop himself against the wall as music pumped around him.
It was funny how, now that he’d admitted his feelings to Allie—feelings he’d never admitted to another woman—she seemed to want to put distance between them. Sure, she might have said she loved him back, and her kisses certainly weren’t lacking intensity, but he still felt this strain between them, like she didn’t quite know what to do with him anymore.
He’d asked her about it a few days ago, but she’d simply denied there was anything wrong. Then sighed.
“I had a big argument with my sister.”
“Carissa?”
She nodded. “How’d you know?”
Because Carissa seemed the opposite of her quiet, elegant sister. And Marcie seemed too preoccupied with her own family to bother arguing with Allie.
Allie went on to explain, finishing with, “And now she doesn’t want me to be her bridesmaid anymore.”
“You did the right thing,” he’d assured her. Then he’d explained about his sister, how Kat had married a guy who’d proved to have a quick fist behind his silver tongue. “I’ve always regretted not saying something.”
“Mom told me I shouldn’t have said anything, that she thinks Carissa is an adult. Which might be legally true…”
His lips curved now at the memory of Allie’s wry humor. Yet another quality he liked about her.
“Mullins, you gotta stop thinking about your woman,” Stamos called.
“What?” Did he have a sign over his head or something?
Connor pointed to the table. “Your turn.”
Oh. “Right.”
He pushed away from the wall and sighted his ball. Playing pool wasn’t his kind of thing, but he was trying to make more of an effort to connect with the guys, especially as Allie had forged such a great relationship with Amber and some of the others’ girlfriends and wives. His lips quirked. Look at him, not thinking about Allie again.
A crack of his cue, and this time the ball dropped into the socket, allowing him to line up for another shot. It was funny how he could be so fast on the ice but kind of slow in so many other ways. But he couldn’t move slow with Allie. He felt a kind of urgency to claim her as his own. Maybe it was this intensity that had scared her, that made her want to back off. Maybe he should—
Whoa. Missed.
“Dude. You really need to get your head in the game,” Stamos said.
Yeah, he really should.
“Anyone need a drink?” Jai took beverage orders and moved to the bar, waiting as the girls finished serving the group of men at the end.
A squeal snapped his gaze up from the beer-stained menu. Wait, was that—?
He drew out his phone, texted Allie. What’s your sister’s fiancé called again?
Ten seconds later the phone dinged. Jake.
Is he with her at the moment, do you know?
She’s home with me, discussing flowers. Why?
He hesitated. How to explain that Jake, or at least his doppelganger, had just pinched a woman’s butt and even now was laughing with her in a way Jai never would if he was an engaged man?
Just thought I saw him somewhere, he typed back. Hope you’re having fun.
Thanks! Hope you are.
Not as much fun as if I was with you.
She sent back a smiley face emoji followed by a love heart and one of a blown kiss. If he couldn’t have the real thing, he supposed that was better than nothing. At least she cared about him.
He sent back a heart of his own before the bartender drew close to take his order. As he waited for it to be filled, his gaze shifted to where the Jake lookalike flirted with the woman. Jai’s lip curled. He hadn’t had much to do with Jake, not since that incident at the Sunday lunch when he’d caught the man’s eye rolls when Allie struggled to answer. But something about the man was off. Now he thought about it, he’d noticed it at his party, where Jake had stayed on the sidelines, watching Carissa laughing and chatting, his eyes on her unless a pretty woman passed by and drew his gaze. And given the number of Jai’s teammates with model girlfriends, Jake had proved as much of a bobble-head as the plastic figurines he’d seen in cars.
Another squeal, another laugh. The itching feeling inside wouldn’t let him prop up the bar another moment. He straightened, moved toward the man. He had to be sure.
“Jake?”
The man’s head snapped up. “Yeah?”
“We met at your fiancée’s parents’ place for lunch. Remember?”
He noticed how the woman beside Jake inched away. “Your fiancée?” she said.
“After church.”
A beat. “Yeah.”
“Who is this guy?” the woman asked.
Jai ignored her, kept his focus on Carissa’s husband-to-be. “So I’m just wondering what you’re doing flirting and touching another woman when you’re supposed to be getting married soon.”
Jake straightened. “I’m not flirting.”
“I saw you. I heard her.” Jai gestured to the woman.
“I don’t know what you think you saw, but it wasn’t that.”
Jai hooked an eyebrow.
“It means nothing, man.”
“I think it’d mean something to Carissa if she knew.”
“Mullins? What’s going on?” Stamos asked, drawing near.
“I’m talking to my girlfriend’s sister’s fiancé about how he shouldn’t be touching another woman just a few weeks before getting married.”
Stamos nodded, his gaze veering away, and Jai remembered the man had experienced his own marriage troubles after a picture of Stamos kissing his wife’s best friend had surfaced online. No wonder he’d gone quiet. Sure, Stamos should never have messed up, but how anyone thought posting a picture on an online forum was necessary was beyond him. He hated those things, hated how private matters became public fare, hated how such things could mess with people’s lives.
“Jai? All okay here?” Connor asked. “You know this dude?”
Jai nodded. “Just talking.”
Jake said nothing, just eyed him with a loathing Jai could feel.
Connor tugged at Jai’s jacket. “Come on. We have a game to finish.”
“And drinks,” Stamos said.
Jai could feel the tension abate, and he pointed to the tray waiting on the bar.
“You gonna tell her?” Jake finally said.
“What should I tell her?” Jai said, watching the man’s gaze flicker. “I’m not going to stand by and watch an innocent woman get hurt. Don’t you think she should know the kind of man she’s marrying?”
Jake swore and took a step forward.
Jai braced but didn’t shy away. Connor moved beside him. “You need to tell her, or I will.”
Jake’s hand clenched. “Why do you go out with a freak like Allie anyway?”
Heat roared through Jai’s chest, and before he knew it, he’d delivered a few thumps to Jake’s chest as he wrestled him to the floor, scattering tables and chairs as people backed away with shouts and screams.
“Dude!” Connor yanked at him, dragging Jai away. “He’s not worth it. Come on.”
“So not worth it,” Jai muttered, wiping at the blood smeared next to his eye.
No way could Carissa marry this creep. But how would he ever tell her what her fiancé had done—or tell her what Jake had said about Allie?
Hawks & Squawks Online Chat
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