My Happy Ending Part 2, page 3
I knew they were true. I knew, above every other cardiologist on this planet, Dr. Jase Brooks would not bullshit me in any way, shape, or form.
That didn’t calm my immediate fears.
“Nobody’s called me,” I continued, curling up slightly. “If someone would just call and tell me, let me know where they’re at, tell me that they’re going back to Jase, then...”
Brooks scratched the back of his head. “I had your phone shut off about an hour ago. I wanted you to rest.”
I licked my lips, one eyebrow raised as I glared at him. “I could kick your ass for that, you know?”
“Jase’s here,” he said, his eyes narrowing as if he were trying to convey some message to me. “He hasn’t left. And you know the moment he hears anything, he’ll let you know.”
Jase... was still here?
“No...” My eyes fell for a brief moment, before I raised them again. “No, I didn’t know. What about Emily?”
“Then I’m sorry, the last thing I meant to do was cause any more worry. And Emily... well, she’s the same as when you asked about her an hour ago, and she’s just a couple of floors away. Tell you what,” he said, standing up. “I’m going ahead and ordering that surgery for... have you eaten anything in the past couple of hours?”
“I don’t want to eat, but...”
“I’ll have them schedule it for eleven in the morning. And let’s get technical here, it’s not even surgery. You can even be awake for it if you want. But no eating, no drinking, no Starbucks, no Diet Pepsi.”
“But... my kids, Jase. The children.”
Brooks looked over his shoulder, smirking at me. “You’ve been married to him for how many years? He’ll have them back long before then.”
He had so much faith.
When had mine wavered?
Oh, right.
That’s when.
I glared at the television that was on CNN, some entertainment news of some sort, where Bree was telling a reporter how Jase was just beside himself.
I’m sure he is, bitch.
I picked up my phone, dialing Jaden’s number quickly, needing something... someone to calm my ass down.
Oh...wow...
I... I hadn’t called someone for that in... how long?
“I swear I tried to call you,” was how she answered the phone.
“I know, Brooks just informed me that he had my incoming calls stopped. Stupid fucker.”
I heard her stifle what sounded to be like a half-laugh, half-sob. “You work in a hospital, Talli, you know how it works.”
“Yeah, yeah, likely story. You know, if you were here, I’d have you break me the hell out so I could find Bree Hamilton and rip her extensions out of her bleached blonde head. Did you see that bitch on tv tonight?”
“Yeah,” she said, and that time I knew I heard her sniffle. “Yeah, I did.”
“My kids are god knows where and that bitch goes to the paparazzi to flaunt her relationship with my husband? I could just fucking kill her!”
“Talli, I...”
“And why the hell are you crying?”
“I’m just so happy. I mean I’m sad... because... because this shouldn’t be happening, but... do you... can you hear yourself?”
“Um... yeah. And I think that if I don’t keep my voice down everyone on this floor will hear me, too. Oh! Brooks scheduled that thingy for eleven tomorrow morning, but if the kids aren’t with Jase by then he can kiss my ass, and... what?”
I couldn’t continue as she sobbed and I heard Pete in the background asking what was wrong, what else had happened.
“Listen, don’t sweat you not being here, okay?” I said, suddenly feeling guilty for dumping all of this on her. “You stay put, take care of he-who-has-yet-to-be-named and yourself. I’m fine; don’t...”
“...worry about you, oh fuck, Talli, I’ve missed you.”
I blinked several times at her answer. “Um... you just saw me, what... a couple days ago?”
“And... and I did see you, I saw glimpses of you, and... what happened? Where did my best friend go, and... and what brought her back?”
I bit my bottom lip as I contemplated not if, but how I should tell her.
“Talli?”
But right then I was unable to say anything.
My eyes were fixated on a figure filling my doorway, his kaleidoscope eyes a stormy gray as he held me captive with his gaze.
“Talli, what...”
“I’ll call you back, okay?” I finally said, not waiting for her answer as I put the receiver back on its cradle.
My breath caught in my throat as he stepped in, his eyes swimming, his jaw set.
“Oh fuck, is something wrong with the kids?” I asked in a rush, sitting up a little straighter.
He shook his head no, staying silent as he began to slowly walk towards me.
“Any news on them yet?” I asked, my stomach in knots even with the relief that nothing more was wrong.
At least not with them.
He shook his head again, pulling his hands out of his pockets as he continued walking closer.
“See?” I said, gesturing towards the monitor. “Normal. Completely. And if they don’t pull their heads out of their asses, then they can just wait. And I’ll walk out of here... and...”
My voice faltered as he reached my bed, sitting on the edge of it, so close I could feel him trembling.
“...and I’ll go get our babies,” I continued, my voice not quite as strong, his presence making every nerve ending come to life. “And then we’ll... we’ll fix this, and they can stay with you while...”
My eyes slid shut as his hand caressed the side of my face.
It was heaven...
I felt his arms encircle me, pulling me close...
Holding me to him.
Just...
Holding me.
Slowly, tentatively, so afraid, so unsure, I wrapped my arms around him, afraid to touch him, the monitor giving the pounding of my heart away. I felt his hands open wide, his grip tightening ever so slightly.
I buried my face in his chest, my hands caressing his back slightly before grabbing tightly.
Holding him.
Holding onto him for dear life.
The way I’ve wanted to.
The way I should have.
JASE
I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT was driving me. It was nothing I could pinpoint, nothing I could put my finger on just then.
I just wanted to hold her.
The way I should have.
I barely registered what she was saying, the questions she was asking. I could only shake my head, not even form any words right then. My mind could only focus on that possibility, that sliver of hope. All I could think of was maybe...
Just...
Maybe.
She was so beautiful, no matter how pale, no matter how sad. I reached up, caressing the side of her face, just a little reassurance to myself that she was real, waiting for the flinch.
It never came.
She didn’t cringe, she didn’t move away.
I watched her eyes close slowly, her lips parting as she inhaled, and I knew... I knew exactly what was driving me.
It was love.
I was so frightened, so unsure as I pulled her into my arms, the way I should have every time I’d wanted to.
This... this was what I should have done when she’d said she was tired.
When she said she’d had a bad day.
When she looked so frazzled, so hurried, so upset when she would forget something.
When she pulled away... from... me...
She’s not pulling away... oh... oh, god...
I felt her arms snake around me, barely touching, her ear resting against my chest where I held her, pulling her in just a little tighter as her pulse began to pick up speed.
Sssshhhh, baby, please... please calm down, please don’t push...
I bit the inside of my lip, my eyes filling with tears as she pulled me closer, turning her face in to my chest.
Just like she used to.
I felt her shoulders began to shake, her tears soaking the front of my shirt as she clung to me, the pure raw emotion tangible... welcomed.
“They’ve never been with strangers...”
There was no disappointment, knowing her heart was breaking for our children. Only relief, only consolation.
“Rebecca was going in the judge’s chambers. We’re going to get them back soon, okay?”
“Are you sure?”
I smiled into her hair, a couple tears of my own dropping as I held her. “I... I’m sure. She’s good. She’s real good.”
“I did not need to hear that.”
I chuckled softly, a sob breaking through, and I held her just a little tighter. "I wouldn't know that, Talli. I don't need her husband to kick my ass." And with that, she let out a short laugh, too.
I had missed her... missed this... so much more than I had consciously thought.
“When... when you came in here... you... you scared me, and I thought that... something had... happened,” she continued on, and I could feel her hands twisting in my shirt, just like they used to.
And slowly, she pulled back.
And without her I felt so empty.
And I felt her hand smooth the front of my shirt, just like she used to.
“What happened?” she asked, her voice barely registering over my heart that was hammering.
“I should have seen,” I stammered, so afraid to continue, even more afraid to say nothing.
“But at the party...”
“Before,” I cut her off, trying to stay on the subject, get out everything I had to say. “Before I left... on tour. I should have seen that something was wrong, but I was... I was too blinded, too complacent, too wrapped up in... in myself.”
Her lower lip was trembling as she looked down at her hands, which were now twisting in her lap. I wanted so badly to look into those eyes as I told her this, but so afraid of rejection, of her pushing me away that instead I continued on.
“I... I saw Dr. Stewart, and... I’m... well, I’m refraining from the ‘why didn’t you tell me’s right now, because I’m just so... ashamed. So full of guilt and... and I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t do this, Jase,” she said, her voice soft, shaking.
“But you’re...” I wanted so badly to say that she was my wife, and I knew her better than anyone, but I obviously didn’t, and... and she was in the process of...
“No, really... you... don’t...”
“I do owe you an apology, Talli, because I should have been there. I should have seen it, and I should... I should have made you... get help. Made you talk to... to...”
“You know what they say about people in medical, right?” She let out a short laugh, brushing away her still-falling tears. “We’re the worst patients. Constant...”
“Denial,” I finished for her... no, with her.
With her.
She glanced up briefly, before looking back down at her hands. “I know I was difficult.”
“Yeah, and then this happened... I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” I held up my hands as she glared at me for one brief moment, before her trembling lips began to smile.
There’s my girl...
“You don’t...” I took a deep breath, knowing the gravity of what I was about to say, knowing the can of worms it could open and that it had the potential of being ugly. “You don’t have to keep anything from me,” I finally said in a rush. “Okay? And... and you don’t have anything to be ashamed of, or... or... you didn’t...” I licked my lips, feeling so very awkward, hating that I was at a loss for words. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“That’s not true,” she sobbed, pulling back when I reached for her.
Fuck. Fuck, damn it... the walls, they’re going back up.
“I told Dr. Stewart that it was a losing battle if she thought she’d get you to take the medication,” I added, trying to keep the conversation going, praying she wouldn’t shut down. “And... and you’re going to get better, you’re going to be happy again.”
Even if it’s without me.
“I can’t think about that right now.”
“You can’t keep living in denial, Talli.”
“I’m not living in denial, Jase,” she snapped, her eyes angry.
It’s okay, Talli. Just let it go. Just feel.
“Our children are... are with strangers, I’m stuck in the fucking hospital, Brooks has that... that thing that he thinks he’s doing to my heart tomorrow...”
“He is going to.”
“Not if the kids aren’t with you.”
“Talli...”
“Don’t ‘Talli’ me, we made a deal.”
“And right now, we’re talking about your PPD.”
“And do you know how sick I am of hearing about that?” she asked, exasperated, throwing her hands in the air.
“No, I wouldn’t know. I’ve just heard about it in the past... oh, fifteen minutes? Ish?”
I regretted those words almost immediately as her eyes again fell to her hands.
“Talli, I...”
“I’m sorry,” she interrupted me, her eyes locked with mine once more.
And I was frozen.
Stunned.
Heartbroken at the pain in her eyes.
“Don’t be sorry,” I said after the silence had lasted a beat too long. “Just get better. Be... happy.”
But even as I said those words, I felt my own resolve begin to crumble, wanting more than anything to pull her into my arms again, tell her how much I loved her.
I couldn’t do that.
I couldn’t risk her pulling away even more than she already had, not with our truce of sorts so new, so fragile.
“Shift change,” her nurse said as she walked in, a smile on her face as she pulled her cart in behind her. “Time for a vitals check.”
And I took that as my cue, the perfect one, without an awkward transition.
“I should go,” I said, standing up and walking towards the door, stopping as I realized I hadn’t told her. “Dr. Stewart is taking me to see Emmy, give her a kiss goodnight.”
Talia’s mouth formed an ‘o’ and she placed her hand over her heart, making my own heart ache in return. “Give her a kiss from me, too?”
“Of course.”
“And tell me how she’s doing?”
“You know I will. Oh, and Talli?”
I knew she wouldn’t be able to say anything as the nurse had place the thermometer in her mouth.
“This doesn’t count,” I said. As confusion settled over her features, I pointed to her nurse, then the clock, then held up five fingers for her.
This was not our five minutes.
As realization of what I was telling her settled in, she responded the only way she could.
She flipped me off.
I WAS AN EMOTIONAL wreck. A basket case, if you will.
I’d held her... I actually held her... so close to me, I could hear her heartbeat, smell the lingering smoke that overpowered the jasmine. All of the love, the confusion, the hurt, the frustration were boiling in my veins, threatening to consume me completely. I’d thought I’d be okay if I just... held her.
But I was wrong.
While it put a small band aid on the wounds we had inflicted on each other, it also succeeded in kicking down the wall I’d thought I had secured around my heart. I should have known it was too fragile to handle this.
No... I’m sure I knew. I just didn’t care.
I’d do anything for her.
And then, I’d gone straight up and seen our baby, sleeping soundly in that metal crib, her butt up in the air. Her little mouth was opened slightly, just a trace of drool on the mattress below her head. Her freshly washed curls were soft to the touch as I gently ran my fingers through them, placing my hand on her back to feel the steady rise and fall of her chest with each breath.
I leaned down, placing a soft kiss on her cheek, biting my lip slightly as she squirmed, the sweet scent of baby shampoo enveloping my senses. They must have given her a bath, gotten that awful scent off of her, but somewhere I could still smell it. I thought for one brief almost hysterical moment that I was imagining things, or just had that severe case of Talli on the brain, until I saw it.
That small picture, crinkled, damaged, yellowed slightly, but held firmly in her chubby little hand.
And I lost it.
I folded, crumbled right beside that crib, trying to hold back, trying to stay as quiet as I could so Emily wouldn’t be disturbed.
It was so cliché, seeing that picture in our baby’s hand, as if she was holding on to the hope, the way I was so afraid to. I chastised myself over and over as I walked away from Emily, letting her sleep on, sneaking past the nurses who were ordered to keep me away.
I should have fought harder.
I should have seen what was going on.
I should have demanded that she talked to me. Then and now.
I should have really talked with her up in that hospital room, more than I did. I was afraid to, though... afraid that she’d put those walls back up, even more than she’d begun to. I was afraid that she would push me away, and I couldn’t let that happen.
She needed me.
Whether or not she was willing to admit it.
I just had to make her see.
And help calm her fears...
I checked my phone, scowling that there were no missed calls, no texts from Rebecca. This cannot be good...
I was biting my thumbnail as I walked outside, my phone already up to my ear as I waited for the call to go through.
Fuck.
Fucking voicemail.
“Rebecca... it’s Jase, and I... I’m going crazy here. Please call me back, I have to know what’s going on, okay? It was, what, an hour... no, over an hour ago... please... please call me, and...”
“Daddy!”
That brand new cell phone slipped from my fingers, shattering into pieces at my feet as I turned towards the sound of Elizabeth’s voice. There was no mistaking the outlines of our two oldest children as they took off running towards me.
Is this really... really happening?
I dropped to my knees, my arms outstretched for them, only accepting that this wasn’t some sick figment of my imagination when they threw themselves at me, Michael joyful, Elizabeth sobbing.
