For the Night, page 2
According to Lucian and Reese, Ella was evidently coming back to the community after her hasty exit last Christmas when I’d caught her cheating. She’d gone home to Philly the moment I’d told her I wasn’t fucking taking her back or forgiving her, and now she was supposedly a paying member again.
It didn’t matter. She was out of my life.
I spent the next couple hours in Tysons, running errands, visiting another type of sadist at my waxing place, stocking up on brat bribes—not at the waxing place—getting my nails done… Again, I should say. I’d tried to go back to my usual dark-red nails the other week, but I wasn’t happy. So goodbye to those, and hello, pale, semitransparent peach. They were much shorter too. It felt weird but good. I needed to shake things up in my life, and I’d been so set in my latex-and-corset ways that most of my friends had lifted brows and made comments when I’d started showing up in jeans, All Stars, and hoodies. I’d even dyed my hair, despite it was only two shades darker. More auburn than red.
The six-inch heels weren’t going anywhere. I still loved my kinky outfits—plus, they made me feel less fun-sized in a community of giants. But in my everyday life, I was itching to kick back and explore the world of pajama shorts, loose tees, and flip-flops.
Before I headed back to Mclean, I had lunch and texted Walker a request for some new toys. His work with leather, glass, and silicone had turned me into a happy customer.
Minutes later, I wrestled all my shopping bags into the back of the truck, and I sent off a text to Tate too. I wanted to put together a new aftercare kit, and he was a wealth of knowledge. He and Kingsley played hard, so Tate knew how to look after bruises and cuts.
By the time I was at Mclean again, more cars had filled the large carport. I arrived at the same time Colt, Lucas, and Kit did, and they were quick to offer me assistance.
Colt grabbed three of the bags and eyed my shirt. “That looks familiar.”
“It’s called denim, Wyatt Earp,” I replied. “I think it’s catching on.”
Something that wasn’t catching on was his mustache. I just couldn’t get used to it.
Lucas and Kit laughed.
Colt narrowed his eyes at me. “You’re a fuckin’ brat sometimes.”
I puckered my lips at him. He was one to talk. He, Greer, and Reese were three of the biggest brats known to man.
Kit gasped. “Oh! Mistress Penelope, this bag is full of candy!”
I smiled at him and nudged his shoulder with my own. “Go ahead, grab something. It’ll be our secret. But your Daddies decide when you can eat it.”
He was so fucking cute. He got all excited and dug through the bag, ultimately deciding between Pop Rocks and a packet of Nerds.
The Nerds won.
“Thank you so much, Ma’am!” He shook the packet and looked up expectantly at his Owners. “May I eat them now, please?”
Colt and Lucas looked on, amused, and Lucas was first to offer a nod.
“But you promise to eat all your veggies later,” Colt added. “Otherwise, I’ll have Luke bitchin’ at me.”
I coughed to hide a laugh.
Lucas scowled instead. “Because that’s why he needs to eat his greens? Honestly, Colt.”
Kit giggled. “I promise!” Before he was off, he told me he’d put the big bag of candy on my porch.
That worked for me.
In the meantime, I walked ahead of Colt and Lucas, who went through their version of a fight. Like so many times before. Lucas stressed the importance of Kit eating something other than sugar; Colt apologized and literally forbade Lucas from being mad at him. Then it was time for me to tune out because Colt promised to make Lucas smile the way “only a Texan can” in the bedroom later. And Lucas was a big enough slut to fall for it.
I wasn’t sure Ella and I had ever been that sickeningly in love. We’d had a wonderful kink dynamic, where we’d lived and breathed devotion, but in the months following our breakup, I’d started realizing I’d been missing signs pointing to something that had been missing. The vanilla aspects couldn’t measure up to the kind of love I saw between many of my friends.
It was just my luck that I’d become single during what was turning into the Mclean House summer of love. Colt and Lucas were getting married and planning a second ceremony to include Kit. Tate and Kingsley were also getting hitched—plus they were expecting a kid this fall. Their surrogate was pregnant.
Lucian had proposed to Cam during the cruise…
River, Reese, and Shay were moving in together in a brand-new house.
Greer had found his happiness with three partners, and the four not only lived together on his little farm, they had a bunch of kids too.
Ivy was pregnant, happily sandwiched in her triad with two men.
Macklin had been reunited with his husband Walker, and the two had built a second dynamic with Ty and Lane.
So many different types of relationships, yet they all had one thing in common. The fierce love and loyalty.
I needed Ash to get here so we could be miserable together.
“Your headliner has arrived!”
Hello, Noa.
I yawned and stretched out across my lounger. I’d opted for a double lounger because Ash had asked me to save him a spot. He’d be here soon with pizza. We were gonna talk shit about everyone together.
“Hiii!” Kit climbed out of the pool. “Are you gonna change—never mind.” He laughed, presumably because Noa was already busy throwing off his clothes.
Lucian, KC, and Cam came out too, and they sighed at their wild boy.
“I’m not picking that up, freckles,” KC told him. “Leave your clothes in the cabin before you jump in.”
“I can’t hear you, Daddy!” Noa sprinted across the deck, down past the loungers, and dove right in, naked as the day he was born.
I chuckled under my breath, glad I’d picked the other side of the pool. It was less of a splash zone.
Kingsley and Tate were dozing off in the lounger next to mine, River was snoring softly in another, while Reese and Shay prepared snacks, Lucas was scrolling on his phone, and Jack and Franklin were reading a book together in the corner.
Colt manned the grill, ready to sling hot dogs and burgers to those interested, and a handful of others were grouped off across the deck. Country music was playing, so Colt was clearly in charge there too.
I checked my phone. Furniture delivery in a little over an hour.
I’d break the news to the brats soon.
Ty and Lane were next to show up, having already changed into trunks and matching Ray-Bans.
Another couple who looked so damn in love.
Ash and I would talk shit about them too.
We weren’t bitter or anything.
“At long last!” Colt turned to Ty and Lane. The first two worked together; they used to be in the Air Force, and now they ran a security company. Though, technically, Colt was still a pilot. He’d never let anyone forget it either. Nor did Kit. When Colt was at Langley for one reason or another, Kit shouted it to the world.
“What’s this?” Colt eyed a container Lane had brought.
“It’s nothing you would like, Sir,” Lane responded.
Ty smirked and unwrapped what looked like two steaks. He placed them on the grill.
“Y’all got somethin’ against my burgers?” Colt challenged.
“You already forced fried chicken down my throat earlier,” Ty bitched. “Lemme have my steak and fuckin’ salad.”
I grinned to myself. I loved watching our members go at one another. More often than not, they were bickering family members rather than friends.
“Salad,” Colt scoffed. “On a goddamn Friday.”
I tuned them out when I finally spotted a familiar face in the doorway. Ash was another gentle giant with a primal mind, and he’d come straight from work, only stopping to get us a pizza.
I automatically sat up and raised my hand, and his gaze landed on me. His tired smile said everything. But unlike me, he stood every chance at winning his hubby back.
He greeted everyone on the way, and he detached the suspenders of his utility clothes.
“Hi, Mister Ash!” Noa waved from the pool.
“Hey, kiddo.” Ash had a grin for everybody, but those close to him could see through it.
I was prepared. I had a shoulder he could cry on, and I had a cooler for us. Iced tea for me, beer for him.
I rose to my feet and adjusted my bikini top, and then I got the first waft of melted cheese and pepperoni. Fuck yeah. Comfort food.
“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” He dropped the pizza box on the lounger, and then he enveloped me in a bear hug.
I let out a breath and locked my arms around his neck. “Ditto, honey. How are you?”
“I have Sinead O’Connor on repeat in the truck—what do you think?”
I winced and held him a little tighter.
“Everything sucks,” he muttered.
“I know.”
He pressed a kiss to my temple before ending the hug, and I—
“Are you okay, Sir?” I heard Tate ask.
Ash gave him a polite smile. “Don’t crash our pity party, pet.”
Some subs might recoil and offer space, but Tate wasn’t one of those.
He sat up straighter and squinted for the sun. “With all due respect, Sir, Macklin and I have our own MO when someone’s down. I will drown you in care packages.”
“He’s not kidding,” I said unnecessarily. It was one of the reasons it was impossible to hold a scowl in Tate’s direction. When he and Kingsley had broken up last year, I’d been quick to offer Tate a place to stay—for all the times he’d cheered me up when Ella and I had had a fight. Except, fight was the wrong word. We’d had…periods when we didn’t communicate.
Eventually, Tate and Kingsley had found their way back to each other. Much like Ash and Nathan should.
“You know what I like,” was Ash’s response. “I heard about your care package to Lucian. That sounds nice—without scented candles.”
“Consider it done,” Tate replied. “For the record, that scented candle has a calming effect.”
“So do horse tranquilizers. You got any’a those?” Ash retorted.
Tate smiled sympathetically. “I’ll see what I can find.”
I tugged on Ash’s hand, then sat down on the lounger again, and Tate soon returned to Kingsley’s embrace.
Ash moved one of the umbrellas over to us while I flipped open the pizza box and grabbed a cold beer for him. More ice for my glass too.
“You’re an angel,” he said.
“So are you. A shameless one.” I felt the need to add the last part as he stripped down to boxer briefs.
I was so used to it. The men out here couldn’t spell modesty.
“To Sinead O’Connor,” I said, holding up my glass of iced tea. A drop of condensation fell on my thigh.
He chuckled tiredly and clinked his bottle with my glass.
I didn’t push him immediately, wanting him to get a breather and at least have a slice. But I was ready for answers. He’d left our community so suddenly after he and Nathan had broken up, and even though he’d stayed in touch with some of us, he’d made it clear that certain topics were off-limits.
The few times I’d met up with Ash the last year, he’d been a sneak. AKA, his kids had been nearby.
His chest and right arm were graced with countless dedications to his family. To Nathan too. The date they’d met, the day they’d gotten married, all four kids’ birthdays, their favorite toys—particularly LEGO for Mikey, who was obsessed. Four baby bottles, lyrics, road trip destinations from their summer vacations… Only a few subtle hints that were kink-related. A bundle of rope because Nathan was a rigger. A collection of knives. The silhouette of a forest in the background, whispering of Ash’s love for primal takedowns.
“Lucian told me you moved,” I mentioned, taking a bite of my pizza slice.
He nodded once and chewed. “Yeah, I was a dumbass. I pretty much bought Nate’s dream house, hoping it would remind him of our old hopes to get outta the city and have a big backyard.”
I lifted my brows.
He shook his head to himself. “He told me to go fuck myself.”
That…didn’t sound like Nathan. “In those words?”
Ash shrugged. “He got all mad—like he couldn’t form any words, and he shook his head at me and said he couldn’t believe I’d done that.”
That sounded like Nathan.
“It’s his way of telling me to go fuck myself,” he finished.
I wasn’t so sure, though I didn’t know Nathan that well. The bondage community was its own tight-knit group, always had been, so we’d been closer with Ash. But even so…
“You know him best,” I made sure to say first. “But from an outside perspective? I think he could be hurt. Maybe he just saw you moving forward with plans that used to belong to you as a couple.”
“Except, I told him I wanted him to consider givin’ us a try again,” he said.
Oh.
“When was this?” I wondered.
“Before the holidays. That’s when I moved in.”
Got it.
So a sensitive time of year…with a family split in two after they’d celebrated so many Christmases together…
Come to think about it, it might’ve been their second holiday apart. I wasn’t sure—but I had a more pressing question.
“Are you ever gonna tell me what eventually caused the breakup?” I reached for another slice.
He sighed. “Can’t we leave it at, it was my fault?”
I didn’t believe that for a second. Several of us knew the gist of their problems, and they’d struggled for at least a couple of years, on and off, before they’d split. As a vanilla couple, they’d aced everything together, so they’d taken frequent breaks from kink, where they had very little in common.
I supposed that one bothered me the most. Because for as much as I needed BDSM in my life and identified with my core kinks, I couldn’t imagine a situation where I saw no solution—as long as I felt so strongly for my partner outside of the playroom.
“I pushed him too hard,” Ash admitted. “I felt like we were falling apart, so I lost my shit. I pissed him off at every turn to get him to explode, and in the end, I asked him to choose between kink and our family.”
I winced.
Maybe not the smoothest move, but what caged animal reacted rationally?
“I wanted us to walk away from kink,” he said. “Nate was sure I’d be miserable and grow to resent him. So…” He swallowed hard and tossed the crust back into the box. “I said I was done. I spent that night at my brother’s house, and then I found a place to rent shortly after.”
Fuck. It hurt to hear about it. Way more than when I thought about my own relationship ending, actually. Further proving Ella and I hadn’t been doing okay for a long time.
“I’m so sorry, Ash.”
“Yeah, me too.” He chugged his beer.
I glanced across the pool at Colt and Kit, and Lucas was on his way to join them.
Colt and Lucas had once faced similar problems, in that they were both Doms. They’d been together for nearly a decade before Kit had completed their dynamic, though Colt and Lucas had tried before. No one had gotten close. Colt and Lucas had constantly put each other first, mending every cut before it could get infected.
For Ash and Nathan… Things hadn’t worked out that way. But they had kids, and including another man in that way of life wasn’t the same. Even less so because they didn’t really consider themselves poly.
“Hey, isn’t that the Swedish girl who’s got a crush on you?”
Goddammit. I followed his gaze, immediately knowing he’d spotted Nora somewhere. Sure enough, she’d just joined Ty and Lane at a table on the deck.
I knitted my brows together and eyed Ash. “How do you know about her?”
“Reese mentioned her on the cruise when I asked who Shay was close with,” he said. “We were discussing the brats’ ongoing scheming, but we ruled out most brats who weren’t there.” He tipped his bottle toward Nora. “I heard she’s new here and joined partly because of you.”
I sighed, wishing we could circle back to the previous topic. “She doesn’t know what she wants. She’s young.”
She’d sent me a friend request online after she’d joined us, and I’d declined it. In my defense, I only befriended people in our forum if I already knew them from having interacted with them in real life.
Two friends, Reese and Santiago, had given me a heads-up about her so-called crush.
NoraOfTheNorth was her username. She looked like a petite goth girl, maybe an inch or so shorter than my own five-four. According to her profile, she was a primal brat and submissive, “strictly lesbian, no DMs from dudes about play,” with approximately fourteen exclamation points.
She was fucking adorable. And beautiful. Very much so. But she was barking up the wrong tree. If she wanted a night of casual play, fine by me. No more than that. I was done with relationships.
“How young?” Ash asked.
“Twenty-four, I think.”
He snorted. “So she’s the same age as pretty much all the partners of our cradle-robbin’ friends.”
I grinned, unable to help it. He had me there. Most of us founding members were around forty, except for Macklin. He was in his early thirties—his hubby was, however, older. The rest of them had found younger men in their early- to mid-twenties.
Ash turned to me. “What were you doing when you were twenty-four?”
I bit off a chunk of crust and scowled at him.
He smiled. “You could vote, drink, decide what you were gonna do for the rest of your life, but you couldn’t possibly be trusted with a girlfriend?”
“Shut up,” I said.
In reality, she wasn’t too young. I was too old. I turned forty in less than two months, and I wished I could go back in time and redo the last ten. And completely erase Ella.
My phone buzzed, and I swiped it from the side table and saw I had an update about my delivery. “Fuck.” They were almost here. “Excuse me, I gotta engage in brat labor.” I wiped pizza grease off my fingers and then stood up on the lounger.
