Double Standards, page 5
I shrugged. “He was just signing transfer paperwork today, but I guess he’ll be starting on Monday. You’ll get a kick out of this, though. Remember how I was having an email dispute with that NYPD detective? That’s my new partner!” I nearly laughed, still in disbelief at the whole situation.
I noticed as Owen stiffened. “So, your new partner is a he then,” he acknowledged, ignoring the rest of my story.
I frowned at him. “Yes, but you don’t need to worry. I’ll get a heavier case load so I probably won’t even spend a lot of time with him.”
His reaction didn’t settle well with me. He’d only acted like this once before when Sophie and I had gone out for drinks once with some of the other detectives, and I’d hated it. It felt… controlling.
And I didn’t like to be controlled.
He didn’t say anything. I crossed my arms and scrutinized him. I wasn’t sure why, but I had a hunch that something was off with him. Maybe it was the fact that I was naturally skeptical and paid close attention to detail as a result of my job. I cocked my head to the side and narrowed my eyes. No, that’s definitely not it. His mousy brown curls were their normal combination of neat and disheveled, and his shirt was untucked and unbuttoned like usual when he got off work. So what could it be?
Owen must have noticed me examining him. He smiled at me, but his russet brown eyes flickered away from me before I could read the unnamed emotion on his face. He poured more waffle mix but still didn’t say anything. Huh. Still strange.
“So… how was your day?” I prompted, hoping to spark more conversation.
He raised a shoulder before finally turning to look at me fully. “Same old, same old. It was good though. I’m happy to be home.” He leaned in to give me a quick kiss on the lips. My stomach fluttered at the touch. Good. This is good. Maybe things aren’t a complete lost cause. It spurred me to lean in for more, but he pulled back to take the damn waffle out.
“You smell good,” I noted. “Is that a new cologne?”
He cleared his throat. “Yeah. I bought it a few days ago to surprise you. Do you like it?”
“It smells nice.”
“Good, I’m glad,” was all he said.
“I’m, uh, gonna go change out of my work clothes,” I said quietly.
I scuttled away, wondering why I couldn’t be happier. Maybe it was all me and I was imagining his behavior. Shutting my bedroom door behind me, I stepped into my walk-in closet; I’d gotten the master when we moved in, which was a huge perk for privacy. I locked my closet door behind me so I could change.
I couldn’t ignore the uncomfortable throbbing in my thighs or the churning hormones in the depths of my belly. I was clearly aching for something I couldn’t have, and worst of all, I don’t think it was for Owen.
I pushed my hair back from my face in frustration. It was just bridled sexual frustration. Women my age aren’t supposed to go this long without having sex or having any form of release, yet here I stood, pining for the one night stand I had last Christmas… the man I was now dreading becoming my partner.
I took deep breaths as I stripped out my clothing. I had to remind myself what happened after the Christmas Gala.
Christmas Eve, 2018
After I’d ensured Sophie was inside her apartment safely, I walked back to my apartment. It wasn’t far, and the cool night air was refreshing after half-carrying my best friend up the stairs to her apartment. As I neared my own apartment building, I felt the guilt of cheating on sweet Owen wrack me.
I pulled myself up the stairs and into my apartment, immediately gravitating toward a bottle of wine. I popped the topper off and drank straight from the bottle until there was nothing left.
It didn’t take long for it to hit me. The room suddenly spun, and my stomach threatened to lurch.
Shit. I hadn’t eaten much that day, and I drank way more than I should have.
I groaned, grabbed my phone, and bolted for the bathroom, just in time for the wine to come back up. I heaved several times before my stomach seemed to settle. With trembling hands, I dialed Owen’s number and begged him to come over.
I don’t remember much until he got there. I just remembered him holding my hair back as I hunched over the toilet. My body ached, my head pulsed. My muscles were wound too tight and my blood swam with liquor. My nose burned from stomach acid, and I felt hideous with my dress half-zipped. This wasn’t like me, not at all. I continued to retch, over and over, until all my body had left were muscle spasms.
“Callie, you need to stop drinking so much. Or at least start eating some more. This isn’t healthy,” Owen said softly.
I scoffed. He was, of course, referring to the recent problem I’d had with alcohol the last few weeks, which evidently amounted to about half our relationship at that point. He’d been watching as this damn case caused me to spiral into oblivion. “Oh, please, if you saw what I dealt with every day, you wouldn’t be saying this right now,” I sneered in my drunken stupor.
He sighed. “Don’t take this out on me. You’ve been self-destructing for weeks now. When are you going to talk about it? This would be easier if you just explained it all to me.”
Explain what? I thought. How I cheated on you tonight?
Finally done vomiting, I turned to face him, my back leaning against the toilet. I tugged my sequined dress down further to cover more of my thighs and stared at him through the slight tilt to the room. “Fine. This… sick, twisted, cold-blooded killer is at it again. They found a third body today. I feel like I get this close,” I blabbered, holding up my fingers as an indication, “to a breakthrough, and then… it doesn’t work out. Imagine feeling like your job is meant to protect people… but you can’t. You can’t protect them from a murderer and it’s all your fault.”
Owen gave me a sympathetic look. We’d only been together for a little over a month and a half, but he sure was a good boyfriend. “Callie, some things are going to be out of your control. Contrary to what you believe, you are doing your job. It’s a process, and you know that. You’re hunting this bastard down and the system will take care of the rest. Unfortunately there are people who will be collateral damage, but you’re doing everything you can.”
I looked at the floor, fighting tears. He was right, even though it hurt. Now more than ever I felt like I didn’t deserve him. I mean, I had just slept with another man because he wasn’t putting out for me. “I’m so sorry that you have to see me this way. I’ve tried to hide all of this but I just can’t anymore.”
He took my hands. “I know, but you don’t have to. I love you, Callie.”
My eyes widened. It was the first time he’d said it to me. My heart warmed—for once tonight, it wasn’t the alcohol warming me—and I smiled at him. “I love you, too. Thank you… for everything.”
He leaned in and kissed me, obviously not caring that I tasted like vomit. “Don’t you forget it, Callie Eden. I’m here for you through thick and thin.”
It was a sobering memory. I felt like an ice bucket just got dumped on me. I pulled on sweats and a T-shirt and returned to enjoy dinner with Owen.
Liam
I finished saying goodbye to all the people I had worked with at MNP over the years. It was bittersweet; there were a lot of faces I knew I would miss, but I also knew that this was the best decision for me.
I bounded down the steps of the precinct and waved down a taxi. I gave him the address of my hotel in Newark, and laid my head against the head rest. I turned my face slightly so I could look out the window, when I noticed we were passing the apartment that Victoria and I had purchased after the wedding.
I squeezed my eyes shut. The memories were too painful to revisit. Even though there was a lot of animosity between us, it didn’t mean I still wasn’t hurt by what she did. I sighed heavily as my mind wandered to the moment my marriage began to fall apart.
Sixteen months earlier
I walked in the front door of our apartment, elated to see my pregnant wife after a twenty-six hour day. I dropped my car keys in the bowl in the entryway; I knew my wife would huff and puff if I didn’t. I smiled fondly at the memories of her doing exactly that as I removed my shoes and my coat.
Silence greeted me. Normally Victoria would poke her head into the foyer before flouncing over to give me a kiss. I frowned.
“Victoria? Are you home?” I called out.
“Y-yeah, I’m in here,” she responded quietly, her voice shaking.
Concerned, I followed the sound of her voice into the kitchen. She was sitting at the island with her head in her hands.
I rushed to be by her side and wrapped my arms around her comfortingly. “Honey, what’s wrong?”
She lifted her head, her eyes rimmed red and brimming with tears. Mascara trailed down her cheeks, and her posture screamed defeat. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I just couldn’t… I couldn’t go through with it,” she whispered in desperation. She hiccuped and lapsed into hysterical sobbing.
I held her at arms length, trying to decipher her words. What couldn’t she go through with? I thought. “Vic, what are you saying? What happened?”
“A-ab-ab-abortion!” She cried out, choking out the single word that would forever change our marriage.
My blood ran cold, my heart raced and my hands started to shake. “Okay…” my voice faltered as I tried to wrap my brain around this information. “I didn’t know you were even thinking about an abortion. We talked a year ago and decided we were ready for kids. I’m glad you didn’t go through with it,” I told her, pushing her red strands out of her face. I prayed she meant she didn’t get an abortion. We’d tried for so long to get pregnant, and those first two ultrasounds were life changing… at least for me.
She shook her head and pulled away from me. “No, I mean I couldn’t go through with a baby right now. I got the abortion,” she stated, her voice finally firm and final.
Her words hit me like a freight train, knocking the wind out of my lungs and twisting my stomach. “You did… what?” I seethed, my voice low.
“Liam, I’m sorry. With the gallery just starting to take off, I didn’t feel like it was the right time. We’ll work through this.” As she pled her case to me, she reached out to touch my arm. I couldn’t even stomach to look at her. I yanked my arm out of her grip.
“Six years, Victoria. We’ve been together for six years, and you don’t think of at least telling me about this before you do it? Victoria, what the fuck were you thinking? What have you done?” I demanded. My lack of sleep and overworked body, now paired with my sinking heart being ripped to shreds felt like more than I could bare. I stood in front of the woman now that I said I’d be with forever, suddenly questioning everything I had done for her, and for us. Oh my God, what had I done?
“Liam, it’ll be fine. We can try again in a couple more years—,” she begged before I interrupted her.
“Years? Victoria, we agreed on now, not in a few more years. You should have figured this out before we tried to get pregnant. And what the hell makes you think I can trust you again after this?” I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. “Actually, don’t answer that. I can’t even be near you right now.”
I stormed into our bedroom and packed a bag. I heard her cry as I left her in the kitchen, but I couldn’t comprehend anything past the heartbreak of the death of my unborn child. I didn’t even get a say in ending that life. Not so much as an opinion, thought, or opportunity to even process how she was feeling about it.
I fought the urge to shed a tear over the heartbreak I was still battling, and clambered out of the taxi. I paid the driver and then solemnly made my way up to my hotel room, tossing my suitcase onto the luggage rack before collapsing on the bed.
I may have portrayed myself as a tough, sarcastic guy, but in reality I was suffering a lot more than I let on. The pain my ex-wife left me with would likely be life-long. Now all I was left with were sobering thoughts and the awkward process of trying to date again.
Speaking of…
I rolled onto my side and contemplated how I was going to move forward with my new partner. On one hand, she was completely annoying and I could tell she would be difficult to work with. But on the other hand, I recalled the fun, spontaneous, sexy woman I met at the Christmas Gala last year.
But a lot could change in ten months. I of all people could vouch for that statement.
I pulled myself to my feet, forced myself to get ready for bed, and fell asleep at eight o’clock.
I woke up Monday morning feeling well-rested and refreshed. I was ready to face today’s challenges head on, starting with trying to bury the hatchet with my new partner, even though it pained me to swallow my pride and apologize.
Literally. My heart palpitated and my throat swelled at the very idea.
I picked up two coffees from a nearby coffee shop, not knowing exactly what she would want but guessing a latte. I strolled purposefully into the Third Precinct and straight to Hailey’s desk.
“Good morning, Hailey,” I greeted cheerfully. “Is Terry in?”
“He sure is,” she beamed. “You can head in.”
I thanked her and walked into Terry’s office. He gave me a warm smile as I approached his desk.
“Well, good morning, Liam. It’ll be an adjustment seeing you around here, son,” he exclaimed, resting his hands on his stomach.
I chortled. “I’ve got a long adjustment ahead of me, too,” I murmured. I realized I was stilling holding two hot coffees in my hands. “One of these is for Callie. I suspect we got off on the wrong foot.”
Terry tilted his head to the side. “I sensed that last week when you two met. What happened?”
I took a deep breath. “I’d been trying to get case files from her, and she kept giving me pushback on it for days. Eventually she caved, but I couldn’t resist making a smart ass comment. Little did I know she was about to be my new partner…” My voice trailed off as I shrugged slightly.
He laughed. “Callie’s stubborn, but she’ll warm up to you. She’s very dedicated to her work, especially that case. It’ll take her some time to let go of that one.”
I frowned. “How do you mean?”
He leaned forward on his desk and opened his mouth to respond, but his eyes flicked to someone over my shoulder. He closed his mouth and greeted none other than… “Good morning, Callie. You’re just in time. You can take Liam up to your office to get settled in.”
I gave him a pointed look as I rose to my feet and turned to acknowledge my new partner. “Good to see you again,” I said cordially. Her dark hair was swept into a ponytail, a few pieces framing her face. She wore a black turtleneck and tan plaid pants paired with nude heels.
She gave me a tight smile. “Mr. Chandler,” she retorted tersely before glancing at Terry. “I just wanted to wish you luck on your date tonight, in case I don’t see you again.” She smiled kindly—charming, even—at him before returning her cold stare to me.
If that’s how we’ll play it, fine. Kill ‘em with kindness.
I gave her a kind smile and extended one of the coffees I had in my hand. “I got you a coffee, partner. I hope you like lattes.”
For the briefest of moments, her gaze softened, but then her walls went right back up. She gently took the coffee from me. “Um, thank you. Lattes are my favorite,” she responded quietly before turning on her heel and speed walking away.
I chased after her and paced myself to maintain speed with her shorter legs. “So, listen, I wanted to address the obvious elephant in the room,” I started, looking sideways at her to see her reaction.
Her lips flattened into a line as we walked up the stairs together, but she didn’t say anything. I felt a pang of annoyance but urged myself to keep going.
“I think we were both a little… stubborn about the whole case thing,” I continued slowly, using Terry’s words. “Our communication was less than optimal.”
She paused at the top of the stairs. I turned to face her. Her jaw was set, and the expression on her face made her look like a predator ready to pounce. “Is that your way of apologizing?”
The antipathy in her voice made me bristle. I was a relatively smart guy who did exceptionally well at picking up on social cues and reading into situations, which proved useful in this circumstance. I straightened my back, leveling with her dead on. She was obviously not going to bury the hatchet as easily as I had anticipated, which would mean I’d need to play hardball.
And that did not include playing the good cop. Pun intended.
“You know what? Forget it,” I sneered. “I know my way to the office.” I nearly stomped away from her like a toddler, down the hallway and straight into the office we were now sharing.
I immediately missed the independent office I’d had at MNP.
I set my coffee and briefcase onto the desk she wasn’t occupying, and began pulling small desk items out of my bag to settle in. Moments later she walked in, looking flustered, but I didn’t bother giving her my attention. I simply sat in silence, and used my new credentials to get logged into the precinct’s systems.
After a few minutes, Callie sighed heavily before swiveling in her chair to face me. “Look, that case—,” she stopped, and when I looked over at her, I could see frown lines appear on her forehead, her eyes distant.
“Yeah, yeah, it’s personal. I know,” I grumbled, but said nothing else.
“I just knew if I signed everything over to MNP, that they’d want the FBI to get involved, and I know that the FBI wouldn’t look at it for months because it’s not active. I’d rather have the ability to investigate it should an opportunity present itself again,” she explained. It was the first time since we met again last week where she actually sounded sincere when she spoke to me.
I turned away. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. We don’t know each other, and I’m happy to keep it that way if that’s what you’d prefer.” I was in no mood to deal with another woman mistreating me just because she felt like it.
