Double Standards, page 33
“Liam!” She exclaimed, racing over to my desk like her life depended on it. “I was worried when you didn’t answer my calls or texts all night and this morning.”
I stared up at her, not meeting her to embrace her. “That’s because I was busy. Sleeping. Then working.”
Callie snickered, and Kelsey’s head whipped around to face her. “What’s so funny, Callie?”
Callie looked up innocently, her eyes wide. “Nothing. I was just laughing at something my friend said.”
Oh, God.
I grinned and winked at Callie before returning to stoic when Kelsey turned back to me. “Can we go somewhere to talk? Privately?”
I pretended to contemplate her question, but deep down I knew exactly what my answer was. “Kelsey, I’m really busy trying to catch a serial killer right now. Somebody’s gotta catch the bad guys, and I can’t do that with you here. You can wait until later.”
Kelsey’s jaw dropped and she stammered through her next sentence. “Liam, I… I don’t know what else to s-say. I’m sorry?” Her apology sounded like a question, as if she didn’t really mean it, and it left an acidic taste in my mouth.
I shook my head and gestured toward the door. “Please leave.”
After a moment, Kelsey huffed and stomped out of the office, the door slamming behind her.
“That was amazing to see,” Callie chirped from her corner.
I barked out a laugh. “You almost got us caught with that little lilting laugh you do.”
She smiled coyly at me. “I’m not even a little bit sorry.”
“I’m not either.”
She stood and walked over to me, perching on my desk. I couldn’t help but admire her slender legs that were practically begging to be touched. “When are you going to dump her?” Her voice was smooth and thick, like honey.
That’s not fair, I thought. She had just ended things with Owen, their lives were still entangled.
But I desperately craved her in every way, and I was going to enjoy every moment I could have with her.
I stood, placing my hands on either side of her and leaning in close. Her heady scent filled my nostrils, causing a surge of desire to briefly overcome me. Her lips parted at our closeness.
I didn’t know what to say to her. She’d broken things off with Owen, the one thing I told her was holding me back from being with her.
We remained like this for several moments, staring into each other’s eyes. Blue to green, like where the blue sky horizon met a lush green meadow. It was raw, intimate. Our lips were mere inches from touching, but neither of us moved. We barely even breathed. We just existed. No arguing, bickering, flirting, or touching.
In that moment, my emotions filled my chest, racing through my veins faster than I could process them.
I cupped the sides of her face, claiming her, possessing her, silently telling her she was mine, and crushed my lips to hers. She moaned in surprise before I pulled away. Wanting that kiss to settle, I straightened myself and then re-adjusted my tie.
My head was reeling with my feelings for her. I met her gaze once more.
“Will I see you tonight?” I whispered.
She tilted her head to the side, her eyes swimming with questions. She was probably wondering about Kelsey, but I just needed a little more time. I just needed her to be patient.
Callie dipped her head once. “Yes, I’ll come by tonight.” Her voice sounded off, the playful tone I’d heard minutes before suddenly gone and replaced with something else.
I took a deep breath. I knew what I felt for her. Now I just had to… say the words.
Chapter 23

Callie
I paced back and forth in my near-empty apartment. Owen had done as I asked and moved his stuff out—well, for the most part. I kept my gun holstered at my hip in case he showed up while I was here.
There was a shift with Liam and me today. I couldn’t tell what it was, but it felt like a good thing. And the way he kissed me… God, every time he kissed me was like the first time, but this time… this time, despite how short it was, it seemed to embody so much adoration. I almost believed Liam was finally ready to tell me how he felt. It was on the tip of his tongue, and so close I could almost taste it.
I paused my pacing and tapped my phone in the palm of my hand. Should I call Dr. Linda? I shook my head, fearing that doing so would make her talk me out of what I was about to do. And once this was done I could enjoy my weekend, and every weekend from here on out, with the man I loved more than anything else in the world.
I puttered around the apartment aimlessly for another hour, just trying to work up the nerve to go over to Liam’s.
Finally, I stood in front of my bathroom mirror, cringing at the rough appearance that stared back at me. He’d kissed me regardless, slept with me last night despite how rough I looked. I fixed my curls, my makeup, and straightened my tight fitting black dress and cardigan.
It’s go time.
I locked up behind me and briskly walked to Liam’s, excitement and relief drenching me the closer I got. My heart beat in time to every step I took, rendering me breathless as my nerves began to catch up with me.
And before I knew it, I arrived at his apartment. I hesitated only a moment before softly rapping on his apartment door. My stomach tied itself into sailor’s knots in the seconds it took for Liam to open the door. He looked surprised to see me so early, but damn did he look delicious in a pair of dark jeans and a long-sleeve blue sweater. His sandy blonde hair was tousled, his dark eyes reserved from emotion as he swept me up and down.
For the briefest of moments, I saw a future flash before my eyes. Two kids, a girl with blue eyes and sandy blonde hair, and a boy with brown hair and green eyes. The perfect combination of the both of us. It took me by such surprise that I felt the wind had been knocked out of me for a moment.
He let me in, reached out, and grabbed my hips to pull me close. He pressed his face into my hair and held me there.
I melted into him, my heart leaping as I embraced him. “Liam, I—,” I started. I had to get it out, and it needed to be now, but he had other plans.
Liam pressed kisses onto my forehead, cheeks, nose, and lips repeatedly, interrupting me. I was so caught off guard by the sweetness of his gestures that I let him do this for several moments before I pulled away. He was gleaming with admiration, looking at me in ways that made my insides twist, but we were getting off track.
As much as I desperately wanted to be in his arms at that very moment, I knew we had a very important conversation awaiting us, and being in his embrace would only distract us. My words would have less of an impact if he felt like I was already his. I wasn’t, not yet.
“Before anything happens,” I stated slowly, “I need to get something off my chest.”
His gaze drifted to my breasts. “I can think of a couple things to take off your chest,” he flirted.
I gulped, resisting my body’s yearning reaction to him—the dampening between my thighs, my hardening nipples. “After.”
The word dangled, teasing and taunting.
His expression grew serious, his forest gaze darkening as awareness dawned on him. He seemed to be bracing himself for… bad news?
I took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of him even though I wasn’t within arms reach. “You’re right,” I blurted, and then paused for a moment. “I do see the things I choose to see, because I’m afraid of seeing the things I want.”
He remained serious. Whatever he was feeling, he wasn’t showing it, and I knew I was being obvious with the direction the conversation was heading.
I cleared my throat. “I’ve been afraid to tell you how I really felt about you in case…” I hesitated. “In case you didn’t feel the same way. Or in case you really weren’t ready to hear it.”
I searched his face for any indication of his emotions, but he had stilled. He raised an eyebrow at me, finally about to respond, when a loud crash came from the hallway outside, causing us both to jump and instinctively reach for our guns. After a moment of silence, fear settled in that someone—Kelsey, specifically—could be listening in. Liam must’ve seen the panicked look in my eyes, because he grabbed my hand and guided me to his bedroom.
“As I was saying,” I continued slowly, perching myself on the edge of his bed, fighting my wayward thoughts of how just last night I’d been naked on here. Suddenly feeling hot, I removed my jacket. “I feel like you need to know the truth.”
Liam’s eyes widened, and a ray of sun shone through his window just then, reflecting off the gorgeous color his eyes held. The same eyes that nearly caused my knees to buckle the first time I saw him. I stopped talking for a moment to analyze the look was giving me, because it wasn’t a positive one. It was a deer-in-the-headlights look.
Without saying anything, he leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine once more. I wanted to give in to the desire that was quickly unraveling inside of me. I wanted it so badly, wanted to just finish this conversation so I could feel his hands on me. I thought maybe I could show him how I felt rather than put it into words, but I knew I needed to be a big girl and communicate.
Once again I pulled away from him, puzzled by his behavior. Was he not, just hours earlier, looking at me as if I held the stars in my hands? I needed to know why his reaction seemed so adverse. I needed to know why he appeared mildly frantic and unprepared to hear what I had to say.
“We need to have this conversation, Liam.”
“We agreed that this was just sex, Callie,” he said, using my first name as I did with him, searching my eyes. I was certain mine reflected as much confusion as his did, and I knew it was for very different reasons.
I had been desperate yesterday when I said it was “just sex.” I had wanted him so badly, needed him, and I thought I would be fine to say it.
I was wrong. Now it felt like a slap in the face.
I took a shuddering breath and pouted. “I know, but…” I trailed off, trying to grasp at the thoughts that seemed to be whizzing through my mind at a million miles an hour. “But I know I’m not the only one who feels something more here. I know I’m not.”
Liam sighed, rubbing the back of his neck like he always did when he was uncomfortable. This shouldn’t be an uncomfortable conversation at all. It was supposed to be joyous, relieving, exciting…
“I-I guess I just thought you wouldn’t come around so quickly, that we wouldn’t… go anywhere.”
I sucked in a breath as the devastating truth hit me like icicles to my skin. “It’s Kelsey, isn’t it?” I questioned. I examined his demeanor, desperate to know. His eyes flickered nervously to mine, but it didn’t give me a solid answer.
“Liam… do you love her?” I whimpered, wanting to convince myself it wasn’t possible. Not after only four weeks. Not with the way he talked about her, treated her, how he cheated on her, how he seemed so intolerable of her, how he’d left her to come get me. Not after what she did to me.
No response from him. He shifted his attention to my hands, which were nimbly plucking at my cardigan without me even realizing I was doing it.
“Please, just tell me,” I croaked. “I can handle it.” I was bluffing. Of course I couldn’t handle it, but I needed to know the whole truth in order to move forward with my life. I had to admit, this wasn’t how I imagined this conversation going at all.
“Kelsey’s a great woman,” he said quietly.
Okay, I could deal with this. Even if I disagreed wholeheartedly. “That’s not what I asked,” I replied firmly, strength renewed. “Do you love her?”
If he could fucking admit that he loved her and not me… well, that would crush me.
Another moment of silence gave me validation. No, he doesn’t. He would be decent enough to tell me if he did.
“So then what’s the problem?”
Nothing.
I gritted my teeth. Here goes.
“I love you,” I blurted, surprised at my tenacity. A sense of pride swelled over me. The words were out and I couldn’t take them back. I meant them, and I prayed he could sense that. “I love you more than you could ever know. I’m stubborn and hard-headed, but so are you. You challenge me, but you see me. You…”
My words never came out as Liam finally met my eyes; his were rimmed red. I still couldn’t tell what he was feeling and it drove me crazy. Here I was telling him the words he so badly wanted to hear, and he was saying nothing. Why couldn’t he just tell me now? I had ripped the Band-Aid off our pride and said it first. I was giving him the perfect opportunity, handing it to him on a silver platter.
“You’re not playing fair,” I continued, my voice hushed as I fought tears. I knew now he wasn’t answering me because he didn’t know how to let me down gently, but little did he know this was the worst way to destroy my soul. I had no explanation, no reason for this to be happening. I suddenly felt incredibly stupid and naive for believing he could really feel the same way about me.
How could I have let my feelings develop this way? Just last week I was swearing up and down how much I hated him because he broke my heart.
And he was doing it again. Shamelessly, with no defenses.
Liam’s gaze darkened. “I warned you that I couldn’t go down this path with you,” he finally responded, his walls flying up, his raw emotions packed away as if they were never there. Just like he’d done the first time he ended things.
Even though his eyes were hard as stone, his voice was deceptively soft. He reached out, twirling a lock of my hair around his finger, but carefully not touching me. I instinctively leaned into him, my breath catching as he skimmed my collarbone. He jerked his hand back, letting it drop to his side, as if touching me now that those words were out would infect him with some sort of parasite.
My mind was reeling. How did we get here? I wasn’t stupid. Ignorant sometimes, yes, but stupid, no. I knew I wasn’t crazy and he felt the same way.
But clearly we weren’t getting anywhere with this conversation.
I swallowed as I tried to focus on what to say next, but there was nothing left. I think we both sensed it at that moment. I glanced down at myself, feeling self-conscious in the dress I’d slipped on for him, expecting him to pull it off with ease the moment we declared our love for each other.
I brushed myself off from invisible dust bunnies and stood up. “I guess I’ll be going then,” I murmured quietly, feeling humiliated, ashamed, and heartbroken once again.
Liam rose gracefully to his feet. I was mesmerized by his movements, knowing now more than ever that I couldn’t have him. “You don’t have to leave. You could stay.” His voice was raspy, husky, as if he were talking through gravel.
He grasped at my waist and pulled me into him, his hips pressing into mine. It was as if he erased the last minute from his memory, when he just refused to touch me in an emotionally intimate way.
But then I got angry. He wanted me to stay, only to fuck me and continue to pretend there wasn’t more between us?
Part of me wanted to oblige, to allow myself a fleeting moment to lie contently in his arms and believe that we could be something more than what we were, but I would only be lying to myself and breaking my own heart further. I knew where this would lead if I stayed. And I knew how it would make me feel after. And if I didn’t stop it now, I feared I would never end it at all, and whatever remained of my self-respect—my dignity—would go out the window.
As he leaned down to my neck, I placed both hands on his chest. I knew it was a misleading gesture, just like he knew all the things he’d said, all the ways he’d looked at me, were misleading in how he felt. I pushed him away even though I wanted to feel his familiar stubble brush against my skin, inhale his heady scent like I used to.
I wanted to just ignore the impending agony that was beginning to settle over me.
I looked away when his eyes flared with confusion, hurt, and remorse.
“No. I can’t,” I said, with more gusto than I felt. I stepped out of reach and turned away, but he caught my elbow and spun me around to face him again.
“I want you to stay.”
I clenched my jaw. Tears burned the backs of my eyes. His words were manipulative, and if he hadn’t already broken me twice, I probably would’ve caved. I shook my head, not meeting his eyes.
“I don’t understand you!” I shouted, ripping my arm from his grip and wincing when my bruises protested. “Minutes ago you were looking at me like you hated the fact that I’m in love with you, like it physically pained you. You’ve been begging me for weeks to be honest and open with how I felt, especially after your roundabout ways of telling me how you feel,” I seethed through clenched teeth. A tear slipped free, and I took pleasure in his expression warping into distress.
I paused for just a second to take a breath as my emotions bubbled over.
“I’m so tired of this goddamn double standard when it comes to your love, Liam,” I spat. “You’ve seen me at my most vulnerable, you’ve seen me hurt time and time again, both at your behest and at others. You sleep with me to avoid talking about your feelings, you want me to tell you how I feel when it’s convenient for you, but what about me?” I continued. Stay strong, Eden, I encouraged myself. I was on a roll, my chest was heaving, and I couldn’t stop. I knew I had nothing left to lose by telling him all of this. He needed to know it, all of it.
“What about me, Liam?” I demanded, my voice growing louder with each sentence. Tears were spilling over freely now. “What about what I need? What about when it’s convenient for me? You stand here looking as if I’ve slapped you across the face, and God knows that’s the least you deserve after everything you’ve done to me. But this—,” I gestured animatedly at the broken bond between us, “this cat-and-mouse game is exhausting. I’m done. I’m not about the thrill of the chase. I understood that you were still working through your divorce and the loss of your child. I was willing to deal with your baggage. I was willing to look past your ex-wife and your girlfriend attacking me. I was willing to move past the first time you broke my heart. I was willing to do all of that for you, Liam, for us. Because I love you. But this? This is too much.”
