She Conquers, page 8
Allister nods, but I just sit there waiting for her to get to the point.
"Your grandmother Lillian's family was close with Henrik's family. Before she was even born, she was promised to Henrik. Growing up, Henrik and Lillian were playmates and by the time their respective Awakenings came to pass they were in love."
I glower at her. "What a heartwarming story. Can we please get to the point?”
Hazel's wings shoot out and she extends her legs. "Cut out the attitude Attina!" She shouts and then ruffles her feathers she wiggles back down. "Anyway, when Henrik came into his Awakening, things changed. He wasn't the warm, happy kid he used to be. He became cold, calculating. He lost interest in Lillian almost overnight and when he did show interest in her it was to torment her; he seemed to take pleasure in it. Their relationship deteriorated and she fell out of love with him, but it was too late, she was already promised to him. She pled with her parents to let her be free of him, but no one defies the Fae royalty. So she married him."
"Poor thing," drops out of my mouth without me realizing it.
Hazel turns to me but continues. "She had your mother not long after. She was extremely happy to be a mother. And once Henrik had an heir out of her, he pretty much left her alone, unless he got bored. When that would happen," her eyes grow dark, "he would lock her up in the dungeon, burn her gowns off of her, and other more devious things."
I take in a sharp gulp of air.
"They lived like that for years until she told me one night he stumbled into her chambers, drunk on Fae wine. He was back to the boy she grew up with. He cried and plead with her to forgive him. Told her how he had been acting wasn't who he truly was. He explained to her that during and after his Awakening, his father tortured him. His father told him it was to remind him he was not king. He wanted to show Henrik he couldn't overthrow him, and it would be pointless trying. He said being tortured during his Awakening broke something in his head. He wasn't himself anymore. Like he's lost a piece of his soul."
Allister cuts in, his eyes wide in shock. "So, that's what happened." His head swivels between me and Raven. "Since the beginning of the Fae kingdoms each king has become king by overthrowing the previous one. Your great-grandfather wanted to head Henrik off at the pass. Show him he couldn't take the throne from him."
"Each king?" I'm shocked. How could such a thing be possible?
Allister shrugs his shoulders, the corner of his mouth quirking up, "What can I say? Your family is ruthless." He opens his mouth like he's about to say more but Hazel cuts in.
"The next day she told me all of this. She was unusually happy and hopeful he would turn back into the man she grew up with."
My head droops. I know he never did.
"But the next night she disappeared and wasn't ever heard from again. No one in the palace ever looked for her. I searched for years but never found her. I know he killed her and turned her to ash."
"Why?" I ask.
"Because she had sensitive information on him. Information which made him seem weak and vulnerable and he couldn't handle it. She was better to him dead than alive. So he killed her and not too long afterward he killed his father."
"It's a heart wrenching story, but I don't see what it has to do with me besides me being related to them."
Hazel's head shifts back and forth between Allister and Raven. She ignores me completely. "He was tortured by his father, and it broke him. When Attina beat you up today Allister, I saw the same crazy gleam in her eyes. I used to see the same gleam in Henrik's eyes. Today I only saw a spark of it, but it was there. This James person hitting her did something to her. It changed something in her. We need to make sure she doesn't lose control like Henrik and follow in his footsteps."
"I would never!" I shout but everyone ignores me.
Hazel continues. "I know in my feathers she's good. She will be an exceptional queen, one of the greatest. But she needs us to keep an eye out for her. She needs us to have her back, to love her, and to keep her on the right path." Allister and Raven quietly nod as she talks. Do they seriously think I could ever be like Henrik? I feel anger pooling in my stomach.
Allister leans forward and cups his chin in thought. "I didn't think there was a reason behind him being downright evil. Now more things make sense. The last time I was home he slapped my mother, and he was incredibly disheveled and—" he struggles for the word for a second. He opens and closes his hand like he's physically trying to grab for the word. "Insane is the only word I can think of to describe how he was acting."
"I couldn't ever become a monster like Henrik," I repeat but I'm so angry it comes out calm.
"He must be stressing that Attina is still alive. I wonder if all the stress is getting to his already broken mind?" Raven answers him.
Everyone ignoring me is seriously pissing me off. I feel the dropping in the pit of my gut again as I shout, "I will never become that bastard!" As the words leave my lips the fire pit in the center of us flairs up. The flames burst into the sky, sending sparks fluttering down to the ground all around us. The heat of the flame makes everyone turn their faces from the fire.
All eyes glue onto me, pinning me to the spot. No one says anything for a second. It's not until I see Raven bow her head and glare at me that I see how much trouble I'm in.
"What the hell! You scream and throw a fit? Is that supposed to be you showing us you won't be like Henrik? Cuz it does nothing but prove Hazel's point! Obviously we do need to watch you and your tantrums! I will not let this eat you away." She snorts. "You will get through this, even if I have to drag you by your hair through whatever you're dealing with, I will."
When she's done she immediately stands up and quietly walks off. We all watch her walk and when she gets to the other side of the clearing and lies down. We all turn back to the glowing fire. I stare into it; how did I lose control so easily? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe I am a danger?
Hazel glares at Allister. I know she's glaring because of me and says, "I'll be sticking around for awhile. I want to be able to keep an eye on her," and I watch as she flies off into the pitch back night.
I slide my gaze to Allister "You must be pissed at me too. Maybe," I pause for a second, "maybe, I am crazy." I turn back to the glowing fire.
He doesn't say anything, he simply wraps his arm around me and pulls me into him. He lifts me and before I know it I'm sitting in his lap with his arm wrapped around behind my back. I stare down at my hands which ended up in my lap and pick at my nails nervously. He lifts his free hand to my chin and turns my face toward his, locking eyes with me.
"You're not crazy, Attina. I would tell you if you were crazy and we would somehow fix it. You're not crazy." He repeats the words, emphasizing them. "You've been through an immense number of terrible things in such a short period of time. If I'd gone through what you've been through I'd be a mess in a pile on the floor." His hand drops from my face, and he wraps it around my torso, holding me tight. "I've known a lot of warriors in my time, but you know what?"
I shake my head.
"None of them are, or ever could be, as strong as you. You're my hero for traversing through what you've been through and holding your head high every single day. You still put one foot in front of the other and keep fighting your hardest to, one day, make this world a better place." He places his hand behind my head and pulls my head down to his lips, planting a gentle kiss on my forehead.
Tears form in my eyes. I know he means what he says, I can see it in his eyes and the weight of his words. I lift my head up. Allister draws his head back as he notices the tears in my eyes. I bring my lips down to his with force. Maybe if I kiss him hard enough he can squish back all the broken pieces of me. My lips tingle as they make contact with his. I rub my tongue along his lips asking for an invitation which he gladly gives. Every time I kiss this man I forget everything else. It feels like it's only the two of us out in these woods. Nothing but us and the stars.
Our kissing ratchets up as I rub my hand down his rock hard chest, feeling the peaks and valleys of his muscles as I roam. His hand drifts down my thigh and even with the fire only smoldering behind us the air becomes too hot. My skin is slick with sweat as I turn in his lap, straddling him. He steadies me as I move, his hands ending up holding my back. They then slide down my back to my hips and he lifts me off of our log.
As soon as I'm in the air though, the fire behind us shoots to life. Where there was only a smolder before, now is a newly lit rolling fire. We both turn and peek at it as our heads droop. Allister turns back to our log and sets me down on it. I groan inwardly, Great, Attina, good job at killing the mood.
Then Allister is in front of me. He smirks and there is a gleam in his eyes. Definitely not a mood killer. My mate just made fire because I got her so worked up. Do you realize how amazing you are?
I shake my head, embarrassment rolling over me again. I don't know how to take it when he tells me all these sweet things. I believe him but it makes me feel weird, like I'm unworthy.
He brings his forehead down to mine. You are the most amazing creature I've ever laid eyes on.
I stare down at my hands and start to nervously pick my fingernails again.
He notices and lays his hand on mine, stopping me. He cocks his head. "How about I put this fire out and we head to bed? I'm teaching you about water tomorrow. That chicken doesn't get to teach you everything."
"You've taught me an awful lot," I say under my breath but loud enough so he can still hear it.
He chuckles. "Not enough, kitten." With a wave of his hand, water fills the fire pit and douses out the flames. A plume of smoke fills the air. Then he holds his hand out to me. I take it and he helps me off of the log.
My head swivels behind me to the wet pile of ashes as we leave for the elevator platform. "Hey, shouldn't I have put the fire out with my powers? You know, practice?"
Allister walks in front of me, pulling me along. "You don't have to always do it all. I know you're exhausted and I want to get you to bed." He turns around and wiggles his eyebrows at me. I pull my hand away and cross my arms over my chest, making him turn back to me and I glare at him when he does. He throws his hands up and shouts, "I'm kidding!"
I shake my head and we head up to the tree house.
14
ATTINA
The next morning we get dressed and head down to ground level. Hazel is already there waiting impatiently for us, tapping her claws annoyedly against the log she had been sitting on last night.
She locks her gaze on me. "Are you ready to work on water today?"
I open my mouth to answer but Allister cuts in. "I'll be teaching her water today." He lifts his chin and strides past me. He walks over and sits down on the adjoining log and pulls out the saddle bags we leave there, which holds the jerky I made from the meat of those pheasants I killed the other day.
Hazel simply shrugs her shoulders and says," I have better things to do anyway," before taking off into the sky.
I sit down next to him, and he hands me a piece. "Here, this is the last of the meat. We'll have to go hunting again today."
I silently bow my head and begin eating my breakfast. I figured we would have much more to eat out here in the forest, but it hasn't been the case. We've done some gathering. Dug up some late season mushrooms and similar things, but I haven't had the time to hunt. Then there was the disaster the last time I went. I'm not sure how to overcome the feeling of hunting becoming just plain killing now.
When we finish eating, Allister stands up and I follow him to a spot in the clearing. He sits on the ground and pats the space next to him. I sit facing him cross legged.
"Okay, I know your water powers haven't come out much. Only the one time you were telling Raven the story about when I almost died right?"
"Yes."
He cradles his chin with his hand, thinking for a second, before he continues, "We can try this one of two ways. You tell me which way you want to try, deal?"
"Deal," I answer. I know I'm being short with him, I don't mean to be, I'm simply nervous. I'm not sure why I'm nervous. I've never hurt anyone with water, but it's incredibly elusive. What if I can't conquer it?
He takes a deep breath in before beginning, "All right, for me I feel the water all around me. Water is literally everywhere." He throws his hands out in emphasis. "You just need to know where to look for it."
I cock my head, my brows drawing together. "What do you mean?"
He puts his hand to the earth again, splaying out his long dexterous fingers. "There's water in the ground beneath our feet." He fingers the grass. "It runs through each blade of grass around us." He lifts his arm and angles his hand, palm up, to the trees around us. "There is water running through every tree around us." Then he leans forward and brings his hand to me, bringing his pointer finger and placing it on my chest. "There is even water racing around inside of you."
Well I feel stupid. I knew all those things; I simply didn't think about it.
He lifts his shoulder. "Most people know all of that but never really think about it. I heard humans have died from lack of water and I can't fathom it."
I cross my arms over my chest, annoyed. "We told you we didn't have enough water to share with you on our journey and you didn't say a word."
He glances away almost embarrassed. "Well Ned annoyed me at the time. But I never would have let you or Raven go without water."
"And what about Ned and Mylo?"
He straightens his back and passes over my question completely as he says, "So, I was thinking."
I uncross my arms and lean back on my hands and flatly say, "A mistake really."
Allister immediately cackles with laughter, leaning back and forth as he does so. When he's done, he brings his hand to his face like he's wiping away a tear.
"Why do you do that?" I ask.
"Do what?" His face pinches in a questioning look.
"Burst out laughing when I'm snotty to you."
"Oh that." His shoulders sink. "Well back at Shadow Mountain I've made a reputation for myself."
I cock my head.
"A pretty awful reputation. I'm known as the king's most ruthless slayer who will kill without mercy over the smallest slight against me." He takes in a deep steadying breath, obviously this upsets him. "I formed my reputation on purpose. I wanted the respect of the other Fae and I also wanted Henrik to leave me alone. I figured if I was ruthless he wouldn't bother me."
"Did it work?"
"Too well. When I was there last time some kids lost a ball and I picked it up. The kid who came and got it from me was shaking, he was terrified of me." He drops his head. "That's not what I wanted. I don't want regular people afraid of me, only the people who would do me or my people harm. All those people I killed for no real reason? They were all evil Fae who were picking on the weak and the poor in the castle. They were scum and I used some stupid excuse to bolster my reputation and get rid of them all at the same time."
Without thinking I crawl over to him and wrap my arms around him.
We sit in silence for a second before I feel his arms wrap around my middle and his head lay against my shoulder. It's not the first time we've hugged or been sort of intimate, but this moment feels heavier somehow. Like he placed a vulnerable piece of himself on the table and I didn't throw the piece on the ground like he expected, I picked it up and cherished it instead.
I don't release him. I simply sit there and wait for him to end the hug and take whatever comfort he needs from it. It takes much longer than I thought it would, but he eventually releases a big exhale and lets go of me.
I sit my butt back on my ankles and stare into his eyes as I say, "You are such a wonderful person. Everyone will see it someday."
I swear I see a tear well up in his eye but when I blink it's gone. He just shakes his head and drops the topic. "So, how do you want to work today? Either you can sit here and try to feel for the water all around you or we can try having you remember when I almost died and see if it will help you figure out your water powers."
I move off of my ankles and sit down fully on the ground. I stare at the still green grass in front of me. It's weird, this forest is still vibrantly green. Back home the seasons must be changing already. Why is everything unchanging here?
I clear my throat. "Let's do the first one. Can you guide me through it?"
Close your eyes, kitten. I hear in my head.
I do as Allister asks.
Now I want you to reach out and touch the grass under you. Feel the blades run through your finger. The cool sensation it brings to your skin.
All I feel is grass. No water running through it, nothing.
Give it a chance. I want you to sit here and breathe deeply, really ground yourself, and connect with the earth around you. Let the water in the grass, flowers, trees, and air call to you. Open yourself up to it. Take your time, we're not in a rush. If you still haven't figured it out by lunch we'll try the other way.
I notice as Allister quietly stands up and walks off, presumably to my mother's room to scan over more papers. He should have found what he's been searching for already right? I do appreciate him leaving me to work on my own though. Now I don't feel incredibly self conscious.
I sit there and try my best to do as he says but nothing happens. I slow my breathing and sit there reaching my senses out into the world, searching for anything to grab a hold of but there's nothing, only a vast void of emptiness.
Before I know it I sense footsteps coming toward me. "You better not be coming over to bother me Allister."
He walks over and stands over me with his arms crossed over his chest, my bow and quiver strapped to his back. "Still nothing?"
I open my eyes and glare up at him. "I've only been here a little while, give me some time."
He cocks his head. "You've been here for hours. I gave you as much time as I could. It's well past lunch and I'm starving. We need to go hunt something."
