Redemption's Road, page 15
part #3 of Five Points Series
The crowd clapped and whistled, as I took Naomi’s hand. She gave up her seat in front of the mic to Franklin. I handed him my Gibson and took the most gorgeous woman in the world out onto the dance floor. It took her less than three notes to recognize our song. Franklin’s rich, baritone was perfect. “Wonderful Tonight” hit all the buttons for me and Slowhand himself was one of my guitar heroes.
We swayed together, and I held her tightly in my arms. She rewarded me with a delicious kiss. It took everything I had not to throw her over my shoulder and walk the few blocks to our loft. I’d have gladly trudged barefoot through four feet of snow to make love with her the way we had that afternoon. It was an incredible honor and privilege to be hers. I spotted Senna looking at Karmen and encouraged her to get moving with a jerk of my head in Karmen’s direction. Naomi and I watched her muster courage, as she made her way to the object of her desire.
Naomi ran her hand in my hair. “Is that a good idea?”
“I guess we’ll find out.” Where this would go, I wasn’t sure. What I did find intriguing was the expression on Tank’s face, as Senna took Karmen’s hand and led her to the dance floor. I held Naomi even closer and prayed for a peaceful resolution for my friends and their unrequited love. Whatever direction the road might fork for them, I wanted it to end in love. In my own life, there was no doubt where the path would lead me. Wherever Naomi was, that was where I’d be.
Chapter Nineteen
AFTER A QUIET SUNDAY service that was heavily attended, we fellowshipped with our congregation. Close to thirty people, some regulars and some not, had joined us. With Xander’s death still weighing on us all, Naomi and I crafted a sermon that would offer hope. To be able to give comfort in the face of such grief took a light touch and a great deal of prayer. Naomi had dealt with this type of incident far more times than I had, so I deferred to her experience.
When my parishioners walked out that day, they looked lighter. I hugged Holly, then Ian.
“You call me if you need anything, even to talk. Promise me that?” I was holding him tightly to me and could feel the tremble in his upper body.
“Thank you, Pastor. I promise.”
Naomi and I were joined in the loft by Karmen and Tank, for our weekly after-church meal. Before the service, our resident chef had placed a beef roast with carrots and potatoes in the oven. The night before, Naomi baked a chocolate, raspberry-mousse cake for dessert.
The loft smelled like heaven itself. Tank and I left preparations to the experts. As was my Sunday routine, I pulled out the guitar and headed to the window seat. I’d been working on a few power ballads for Ellie.
The last note faded, and I looked to Tank for her critique. “Well, what did you think?”
“Can’t wait to hear her sing it. You may not be in the band anymore, but you keep Regal Crimson on the charts. The Confluence’s crowd was buzzing the other night. You know you won’t be able to get by with only instrumental anymore. If I were you, I’d keep your partner in crime ready to go.”
“The nightingale will remain happy if I have anything to say about it. Life is so much better with her here.”
“She’s always been so good for you. You’re blessed my friend. You’re aware of that, right?”
Naomi moved around the kitchen with the grace of a dancer.
“With every breath.”
Tank sighed deeply. “I keep hoping, someday, I’ll find my one.”
“How do you know you haven’t already met her?”
Tank sighed. “Ellie blew me off at the funeral, when I tried to be there for her.”
I shook my head, frustrated that Tank couldn’t, or wouldn’t, see what was right in front of her. “What you saw as supporting her came off as trying to be something she didn’t want. She needed a friend, Tank, not a lover. I’ve never pried into what happened between the two of you, whether it was once or more than once. The truth is, I didn’t want to know and still don’t. It would force me to take some side between my sister and my best friend. Instead, I tried to let the two of you work it out. Now, I’m going to throw my two cents in. Ellie is an adult, fully capable of making choices about what she does or does not want. You’ve been holding this torch for someone who’s had at least four significant relationships since your brief affair. Doesn’t that tell you something?”
I stopped my diatribe to take her hands in mine. “Our lives are tiny in the stream of time.” I pointed to the kitchen. “I nearly missed out on so much happiness with that incredible woman, because I refused to forgive myself and believe I deserve to be happy. I watch you continually hope for a future that isn’t going to happen, while completely missing out on what could be today.”
Her brow wrinkled. “What the hell are you talking about?”
I narrowed my eyes and dropped my voice. “Tell me you didn’t feel anything when Senna asked Karmen to dance last night.”
“I—”
“Here, let me help you with your answer. You did, because I saw your reaction. Don’t lie to yourself. Karmen’s had her heart set on you for the last four years, while you barely gave her the time of day. You want to know why Senna got toasted last night? She’s got a monster crush on Karmen, and she knows how Karmen feels about you. Knowing all that, Senna still took a chance by asking her to dance.”
Tank put her head in her hands. “What the fuck, Bek? What do you want from me?”
“I don’t want anything from you, except for you to acknowledge what’s right in front of you. You’re about to let an incredible woman slip through your fingers. Karmen deserves to be happy, and she’s not going to stay single for the rest of her life. You have two choices, continue to paddle upstream, or put your sail up and catch the wind. Your window is narrowing my friend. I can’t make this picture any clearer.”
It was never my intention to push Tank into something she didn’t want. My only goal was to force her into taking off her blinders. The decision was hers and hers alone. Karmen deserved to be more than a consolation prize, and she’d been patient long enough. I’d talk with Karmen privately at a later date.
Tank had been my friend and shadow for a very long time. She’d taken care of me when I didn’t deserve it, and I owed her in ways I would never be able to repay. My honesty was something I could and would give her. What she did with it was completely up to her. My phone rang and brought Ellie’s sweet voice into the room with the ringtone of her singing “Ain’t No Road Too Long.” I watched Tank perk up and caught Karmen’s shoulders sag.
I answered and told Ellie I’d call her right back. When I disconnected, I watched Karmen fold the dishtowel she’d been holding and place it on the counter.
“I just remembered I have something I need to do. You guys eat without me.” Karmen walked over to the door and put on her coat. “I’m not very hungry anyway.”
Naomi moved to the door and hugged her. My heart broke, when Karmen wiped a tear away as she slipped out.
I shook my head at Tank and moved into the studio to call Ellie back. After two rings, she picked up. “Morning, little sparrow. How are you?”
“Exhausted. The European tour zapped me, then we came right back here and hit it again. I think Stuart is trying to kill me.”
Her voice was raspy. When I’d last seen her for our father’s funeral, she’d looked tired. The attempt to conceal the dark shadows under her eyes with makeup had barely hidden the bruised look. She’d been thinner than I’d ever seen her. Her shrugged response to my gentle questions had left me more than a little concerned. Ellie never complained about her touring schedule. It was time for me to call Regal Crimson’s manager and advise him to lighten up.
“Speak up, Ellie. The sled track you’ve been on for the last three years is unsustainable. You can’t draw from an empty well. It’s not good for your health.”
“Please, no lectures right now. I won’t deny what you’re saying is true. After the Pittsburgh show, I’m taking a long break. I promise. I’ve been talking about it with Stuart and the band for the last six months. They swear to me I haven’t been giving them anything less than my A game. My opinion differs greatly. Trying to hit the high note in ‘Craving Your Midnight’ has been difficult, to say the least.”
Ellie could hit that note in her sleep. The fact she was admitting to difficulty worried me. “Ellie, have you been to the doctor lately?”
“Last year for my checkup, why?”
I ticked off my list of concerns, adding her self-admitted fatigue. “Make an appointment, or I’ll do it for you and drag you to it.”
“Bek, I don’t have time.”
“Make time, Ellie. Your health is nothing to mess with. Promise me?”
“You’re such a pain in the ass.”
I rubbed my brow. She was fighting this too hard. That worried me even more. “Ellie, what aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing. Stop worrying. I’m fine. Please, Bek. Let it go.”
Now I was pacing, and that had Naomi’s attention. My next lap in the ten-foot area was obstructed by her hand on my forearm. She mouthed what’s wrong. I pointed to my ear, indicating for her to come closer and listen.
“I’ll be damned if I let it go. Something’s wrong, and you’re not telling me. You get to the doctor, or I’m on the next plane. You hear me?”
“All right, all right! Stop hounding me. I’ll make an appointment tomorrow. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’ve just been on the road for too long. I need to sleep in my own bed and eat food that doesn’t come in a Styrofoam box. Can we please drop it for now? How’s my almost sister-in-law?”
I punched the speakerphone. “Ask her yourself. She’s right here.”
Naomi leaned over and spoke. “Hey kiddo, what’s up? Why is your sister frothing at the mouth?”
I scowled at the woman I loved for no other reason than she was always able to make me smile when I didn’t want to.
“She’s got her worrying mother hat on. I’m fine.”
I pulled at the hair on the side of my head. If she said she was fine one more time, I was going to scream. All indications were that her answer was anything but the truth. The problem was that I was too far away to be able to prove it. My gut coiled like an agitated snake, ready to strike out in fear. Ellie was everything to me. I’d protected her for years, until I’d left Regal Crimson. When I’d walked away, I was sure she was fully capable of looking out for her own best interests. Had I been wrong? Had I been so distracted at our father’s passing that I’d missed something?
I tried to imagine her face, to examine each conversation, each interaction we’d had in those few days. My God, what have I missed? I was so caught up in my musing that I hadn’t even noticed I’d handed Naomi the phone, stripped off my shirt, and grabbed the Strat. I was absent-mindedly picking out an agitated melody, when I felt Naomi touch me. She hung up the phone, kissed me gently, and walked out of the room. It wasn’t the first time my body had separated from my mind and moved of its own accord.
I plugged in the amp and let go with several technically difficult songs that I tended to lose myself in. This type of music challenged the technician in me, and I needed to channel my fear. Completely losing myself in the gift I’d been given was a form of prayer.
I had no idea how long I’d been playing. I felt Naomi’s hands on my hips and her lips on my back. Seconds later, she unplugged my amp and removed my guitar.
“Enough, honey. You need something to eat. You’ve been in here for four hours. I promise you, if you come and eat with me, then I’ll come back and play with you.”
I picked up my shirt and wiped my face and arms. I drank down the glass of ice water she handed me. A tremor started in my hand, and I clenched it into a fist, wincing at my sore fingertips.
“Oh, baby. Come here.”
Naomi pulled me into her arms, as the tremor worked its way up my arm and into my entire body. I felt my legs give way, and we crumpled to the floor. She cradled me, rocking gently. The tears poured out in great gasps, stealing all the air from my lungs. I was terrified.
“Rhebekka, listen to me. We don’t know that anything’s wrong. You have to take her at her word right now. Ellie’s never broken a promise to you, and I made her make that same promise to me. We have to trust that it’s nothing more than tour fatigue until we know otherwise.”
“I left her on her own, Naomi. I walked away and made her fend for herself.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it. Ellie is no child. Regal Crimson’s had a long run, and I won’t be surprised if she’s had enough. I really think that’s why the concert in Pittsburgh means so much.”
“I didn’t see this coming. I talk to her every fucking week, and I didn’t notice a thing. Am I so self-centered that I couldn’t tell something was wrong with my own damn sister?”
Her hand stroked my hair as she kissed my head, one arm firmly holding me to her. I held on to her as if she could anchor me, while the maelstrom of emotions washed over me. She pressed her lips to my temple. She sat me up and pushed my sweaty hair out of my eyes and off my forehead, melting me with her touch.
“Honey, there was a time I might have said yes. There was a time that you couldn’t see things that were right in front of you. Those days are long gone. You don’t see her every day, and you did notice something was wrong. I was there when you told her she was too skinny and not sleeping enough, when we were in Charlottesville. You can’t force her to tell you what she doesn’t want to. That’s part of growing up; you get to make those choices.”
I wiped my eyes. “I don’t like it.”
Naomi’s laugh was as resonant as a bow drawn across the strings of a cello, rich and warm. “Of that, I have no doubt. Think I can get you to come and eat now?”
I nodded and helped her up after I stood. Everything in my life was better with this woman beside me. I thanked God every day for her patience and persistence. The desire to marry her grew stronger every second. I pulled her left hand to my lips and kissed each knuckle.
“I love you, Naomi.”
“I love you, too. Now, come on.”
She led me from the studio and into the kitchen where she sat me down at the bar. Resting my head in my hands, I watched her fill two plates.
“I see Tank left, too.”
“I tried to talk to her, though I’m not at all convinced she’s going to let go of the Ellie fantasy. Poor Karmen, the minute you said Ellie’s name, Tank lit up like a Christmas tree. It had the exact opposite effect on Karmen, who was shattered when she left here.”
“I’ve come to the conclusion Karmen needs to move on. I don’t think Tank is going to change. Ellie told me herself, there isn’t anything between them and Tank can’t accept that.”
Naomi set our meals on the bar. “Karmen is young, and Tank isn’t the only fish in the sea. I have no doubt Senna will gladly offer to mend her broken heart.”
“That’s the thing. I know Karmen’s type, and Senna isn’t it, at least not long term. She’s not exactly settled. That’s what Karmen wants more than anything, stability. Growing up, they were incredibly poor. Her mother constantly moved them around downtown Cleveland, from one shit hole to the next. Her nomadic childhood was more than enough incentive to escape and find security. She wants to put down firm roots and have kids, not play house for a month or two.”
Naomi poured two glasses of tea, put the pitcher back in the refrigerator, and joined me at the bar. “From what I’ve heard, Senna hasn’t stayed in one place longer than a year. I saw her looking at a culinary school brochure from San Antonio the other day.”
“I know, Karmen’s encouraged her to go. The other thing is Senna drinks a little too much for Karmen’s liking. Her mother was strung out most of her childhood, and she won’t live that way. All I know is I want her to be happy. It’s up to her to find it.” I bit into a piece of roast, allowing a moan to pass from my lips. “Either way, she’s one fantastic chef.”
Naomi raised her tea glass in a toast. “Agreed.”
Chapter Twenty
THE FOLLOWING WEEK, WE met with Salvations and Libations, imparting a bit of fun with our message. Naomi and I were becoming one in so many ways, feeding off each other in the ministry. I loved watching her in everything she did, from playing ArchAngel with the kids to kicking Tom and Rev. Mathew’s asses in Bible trivia. As always, Tank brought the latest offerings from the brewery, and we’d snack on the treats Karmen dropped off.
For the first time since I’d started the twice-monthly gathering, Karmen didn’t stay. She came to visit us in the loft but seemed to be making a conscious decision to avoid Tank. We checked on her frequently, and she told us she was fine, though reevaluating a few things in her life. Tank was becoming surlier by the day. By Friday, I’d had enough.
I rode to the brewery early in the morning, knowing Tank would be getting things ready for the weekend. I found her in the back, taking inventory of the peanuts, potato chips, and other snacks. She had one pencil in her hand and another stuck in the adjustable band on the back of her ball cap.
“Can’t talk now, I’ve got to make a store run.” She pointed to our pretzels. “We’ll never make it through the weekend.”
I pulled the clipboard out of her hands and walked away from her toward the bar. “Stockholders’ meeting, now. The store run can wait.”
She resisted at first, and then I heard her boots thudding behind me. I pointed to one of the stools and let the clipboard clatter to the copper bar top. I poured us each a cup of coffee. “Sit.”
“Bek, honestly, I don’t have time for this.”
“You’ll make time. You’re more foul-tempered than a possum being shooed out of the garbage. It’s not just me that’s noticed. You were so condescending to Franklin last night. He made up an excuse to leave early. Not to mention you about snapped Senna’s head off. Now if you want to yell at someone, I’m right here, but you’re going to get this out of your system.”
