Hometown Space Pirate, page 5
“I hate to break this news to you, but humans are not all that unusual or interesting out there in the universe. You are a race of underdeveloped lifeforms on a planet that is not all that rich with resources. Even if someone did want to exploit you, fledgling civilizations like yours are protected under the Primitive Cultures Protections Act. Anyone who makes direct contact with a primitive culture without prior authorization could face retribution from the Allied Space Syndicate, and no one trifles with them.”
I could not help but snicker when she mentioned the name of the all-powerful space syndicate that was supposedly protecting our planet from galactic threats far and wide.
“I know I’m going to be sorry, but what about that explanation do you find funny?”
“It’s the name. Allied Space Syndicate. We are being protected by the big scary ASS?” I snickered again.
“We may have to reassess some of your cognitive abilities if we are going to continue working together.”
“Oh, come on.” I glanced at the blank display window on the wall. “You claim to have a sense of humor and you find nothing funny about that?”
“I believe that is termed, middle-grade boy’s humor. I will try to adjust my algorithms accordingly.”
I fell into the huge chair behind me and let out a sigh of my own.
“Fine. So, if they aren’t here to invade, why are they here? And if the ASS,” I couldn’t help but annunciate the acronym, “is so fearsome, why am I talking to any of you at all? Seems like just being here is a breach of that Primitive Culture rule.”
“Finally, an intelligent response. I was beginning to wonder if someone else had written that book.”
“Wait, you read my book?”
Buttercup ignored my question and went on.
“Our mere presence on this planet is enough to bring down the full wrath of the A.S.S., however they have an entire universe to watch over. It is difficult for them to catch an individual sneaking around on a planet if they aren’t making a big fuss. If a prize is valuable enough, it can be worth the risk to sneak in and retrieve it, if you can do so without getting caught.”
“The Scavid mentioned something about a rescue mission. Could they be here to help some stranded alien?”
Buttercup laughed. “The Scavid are not in the rescue business. They steal and exploit, that’s all.”
“So, what are they here to get?”
And what are you here to get, I thought inside my mind.
I sat up in the chair and waited for the answer.
Before Buttercup could say anything else, a movement on the control panel caught my eye. It was not one of the lights or gauges but rather something on top of the screens. I had just enough time to open my mouth and scream before the tiny creature leapt into the air, spread its arms and legs like a tiny kite, and dove like a falcon on a feeding frenzy, straight at my face.
Chapter Ten
I flailed my arms all around trying to protect my face as the tiny bombardier glided toward my head. Somehow the little creature managed to elude my frantic swings, slip through my defenses and circle down to land on the oversized armrest next to me.
I raised my knees to my chest in a manly display of bravery and squealed as I peered down at my uninvited guest.
“What is that?” I managed to squeak out.
The creature stared up at me with tiny black eyes and an all too adorable face. It looked like a small flying squirrel except that instead of fur, the creature had short soft feathers. Its coloring was beautiful, resembling that of a red, yellow and blue macaw. Then suddenly, it took on the same dark blue color of the chair. I swear it even mimicked the light blue stitching along the edges. Now I understood why I hadn’t noticed the little creature earlier. It was some sort of feathered, chameleon, squirrel.
“This is Twitch. He is a Chitterwall.”
I reached toward the little creature and the chitterwall’s colors began to fade to the macaw red, yellow and blue as it stretched to meet my fingers with a twitching nose.
“They are highly venomous.”
I jerked my hand away and Twitch immediately blended into the furniture again.
I looked around wondering what to do, then Buttercup let out a laugh.
“Seems like you’re homing in on that middle-grade humor just fine.” I relaxed my posture somewhat but didn’t reach out to the creature again. “Is this thing dangerous or not?”
“Only to insects and shiny stealable objects as far as I have been able to determine. Very little is known about them. They are quite elusive and rare. I am surprised he came out to greet you.”
I glanced at the little creature, still unsure what to think about it. “I can’t imagine this day can’t get much weirder.”
“Weird is in the eye of the beholder. On my scale, this only rates about a two.”
“I don’t even want to know what that means. Can we talk about when you’re going to let me out of this tin can?”
“My hull is a reinforced vanadium alloy. It contains no tin.”
I put my face in my hands and groaned. “This is all too much. I can’t even think anymore. Just do whatever you’re going to do with me and get it over with.”
There was a pause, then Buttercup responded. “I don’t understand your query. Get what over with?”
“Whatever it is you are going to do to me.” My voice got louder, and I could feel the anger rising into my throat, but I didn’t care. “The Scavid wants me, now you have me. You’re both the same. Here to steal some prize away from the primitive humans and you need me to help you get at it. Isn’t that about right? Well, get it over with.”
I stood and shouted at the blank screen. “Melt my brain or do whatever it is you aliens do. You hold all the power. I’m just a human. One of billions. But I can tell you we are more than puppets. You may have me, but you won’t have us all. We will stand together. You might be stronger, but we possess a bond you can’t understand. Something all your electronics and programming will never comprehend. We are alive, and those who are alive will always fight to stay that way.”
For a moment there was no response then a door to the bridge irised open, letting in the sunlight.
I moved toward the door thinking I had better go before this ship changed its mind, but before I could get too far, Buttercup’s voice stopped me.
“I am not like the Scavid.”
It was not her words but rather her tone that gave me pause. There seemed to be real emotion there. Hurt and anger. Something I found hard to equate with a computer.
“I do wish to enlist your help, but I will not do so against your will. Please know that as long as you are out there, the Scavid will try to reacquire you and they will not be so accommodating. I only wish to prevent the Scavid from attaining that which they seek. All I ask is that you consider my offer before it is too late.”
I stared at the blank screens for another moment, then I headed for the doors. At least outside I had a chance to call some shots of my own.
Chapter Eleven
Watching an alien spaceship close its doors and fly off into the sky was a surreal experience, to say the least. Buttercup had been equipped with some sort of cloaking device. Not only was she camouflaged by some trick of the light, when I stared at the hull I had to squint as if I were looking into the sun, even though there was nothing there to squint at. It forced the eye away while simultaneously blending into the surroundings making her not so much invisible, but rather unnoticeable. It was a great way to hide in plain sight but anyone aware of her presence could still zero in on her location if they wanted to.
Once she left, I headed back to the scene of my accident. The police had been there, but by the time I returned, they had gone, leaving only a tow truck driver to collect the shattered remains of my once prized ‘64 Ford. He was nice enough to give me a lift to town and I made my way home from there. I had several messages from the sheriff’s office inquiring about my whereabouts, but I was so exhausted I fell face-first into my bed and didn’t wake up until morning.
With no vehicle at my disposal, I had no choice but to walk to work. I got up early, donned my scrubs and I.D. badge, and headed out the door after a hasty breakfast. Fortunately, the town of Lamar was about the size of a rusty old quarter. Everyone knew everyone which could be a blessing or a curse depending on your situation. I was a male nurse, working in a rural town in Colorado—who believed in aliens. To say my life was like the vegan sandwich at an all-you-can-eat barbeque was an understatement.
The visitors’ access at Prowers Medical Center was not my usual entrance, but it was the closest one on foot, so I made my way across the parking lot to the automatic doors. I waved at Jasper, the security guard, and kept walking even though I could tell he wanted to say something. I knew this would be a long day after my talk show appearance, but I wanted to at least get to my station before the avalanche of jokes and questions began to roll in. I wasn’t around the first corner before my plans changed.
Antiquated as it was, the hospital had a small videogame arcade near the visitor’s waiting rooms. It was meant to be a place for worried relatives to pass the time. More often than not, patients found their way down to fill an otherwise dreary day with zombies, street racing and, of course, aliens.
“Milo, you know you’re not supposed to be out of bed.” I crossed the room to join the sneaky arcade bandit and caught the scent of static electricity and old video screens. “If the doc catches you down here again, she’ll have your hide.”
A deep voice from the speakers announced, “game over,” and Milo’s shoulders slumped.
“You distracted me. I was almost to level seven.”
He held the plastic gun with both hands as he looked up at me. Milo, currently undergoing chemo treatments for leukemia, had lost all his hair and stood in the middle of the arcade alone, wearing nothing but his hospital gown. This ten-year-old had suffered more torture than most adults would endure over the course of their entire life, but here he was, sneaking down to play Time Chrysis on a console older than him when anyone else would be lying in bed wallowing in sadness and misery.
“Tell you what, I’ll play one more game with you, but then we head back to the room before Doc Stevens gets wise to your little side trip.”
Milo’s eyes brightened as he hefted his toy gun and nodded in agreement.
I held out two empty palms to him, then with a flourish of my hands, produced a gaming card out of thin air. Milo rolled his eyes and groaned.
“You do that trick every time. You palm the card and flip it into your hand when you wave your arms all over the place. I can see you do it.”
My shoulders slumped. “That obvious, huh?”
Milo nodded.
“Maybe later today I’ll show you my handkerchief out of a hat trick. I’ll bet you’ll never figure that one out.”
Milo scoffed. “I hope you’re better at video games than you are at magic.”
I narrowed my eyes at him in a playful glare. “Never mock a master magician.”
“Yeah, okay. Can we play now?”
I laughed and swiped my card through the machine. I had a few credits left before I needed to reload it again, but it was enough for our game. The familiar song blared through the speakers as we watched the scripted intro and listened to our mission objectives, then I drew my pistol and we started shooting.
Some men might be ashamed that they held the Time Chrysis top score so long they actually powered off the machine to reset it—six times. But not me. It was moments like these when all my hours of sharpshooting and fast draw action paid off. Milo and I sailed through each level. I held off the bulk of the marauding armies while leaving just enough for him to shoot to his heart’s content. We made it to level seven and kept on going. By the time we were done, Milo got to add his name to the top scoring list as well. He took a picture of it with his phone and sent it to his mom. I wasn’t sure how impressed she would be, but at least Milo had a great time getting there.
“Alright kiddo, we had a deal.” I holstered my gun and patted Milo on the shoulder. He staggered under the strain, and I immediately reached out to steady him.
“Woah. Maybe we should get you a ride to the room instead. What do you think?”
He nodded and managed a wide smile. “Thanks for playing with me, Ben. That was awesome.”
“Next time we’ll put your name at number one,” I called over my shoulder as I hurried around the corner to retrieve a wheelchair. When I returned, Milo was leaning against the machine. I helped him into the chair and together we headed toward his room.
“If anyone asks, we just went for a walk outside,” I whispered conspiratorially.
Milo snickered and nodded, but another voice came from behind us. This one more spiteful than jolly.
“That’s not what I saw.”
Eugene, the janitor, and resident killjoy emerged from around the corner holding a dirty mop in his hand. He wore his usual grey coveralls and pencil-thin grin.
“I saw Captain Kirk and his little sidekick down in the arcade promoting gun violence among the youth. Is that what you nurses do nowadays? Teach kids how to use guns?”
“We just blew off a little steam, Eugene. Mind your own business.”
“Seems like you’re making this town everybody’s business. I saw your interview yesterday. Next thing you know, they’ll be painting a big alien on the water tower with your name next to it.” He cocked his head to the side. “You ever been abducted by aliens? Ever gotten the probe up the, you know where? We don’t need a bunch of out-of-town crazies showing up here in green masks to play Martian. We already have you.”
He held out his index finger and thrust it upward, grinning the whole time.
I turned Milo away from Eugene and got ready to launch a tirade of profanity, but a hand on my shoulder held me back.
“Don’t you have toilets to unclog, Eugene?” I looked over to see Dr. Carla Stevens standing next to me.
She was small, kind and unassuming with long dark hair, but as soon as you threatened one of her patients, she became the Hulk incarnate.
“Can’t you see Milo is under this man’s care? Why are you bothering them? Do you want me to report you? Maybe we should talk about the way you’re always lurking around the lady’s restroom. And take a shower once in a while. This is a hospital. You are offensive.”
Eugene gawked from Dr. Stevens to me and back at her again.
“Well go on,” she said. “Go do your job, and not near the women’s restroom.”
Eugene shot me one last glare, then picked up his mop, and headed off in the other direction. I turned to wheel Milo to his room, but Doc Stevens stopped me before I could take two steps.
“Excuse me. I’ve been looking everywhere for you, young man. Where have you been?”
Milo looked up at me wide-eyed and I glanced down at him.
“We just went out for a little air,” I said. “I guess we were gone for longer than I thought. Sorry, Doc.”
Doc Stevens eyed the two of us then broke out in a grin.
“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Carla.”
I smiled. “Sorry, Carla.”
“That’s better.” She put her hand on Milo’s cheek and winked at him. “It’s good to go out and get some air, as long as you don’t overdo it. I mean, those Time Chrysis terrorists won’t kill themselves, will they?”
Milo let out a laugh. “No, Ma’am.”
Carla looked at me again and touched my arm. “Why don’t you get Milo to his room and check in. I think they’re looking for you at the nurse’s station, too. I’ll let them know you were taking care of Milo.”
“Thanks, Doc ... Carla.” I caught myself.
She nodded. “Maybe we can talk later if you’re not busy.”
I nodded back at her as I wheeled Milo away. “Definitely. I’m never too busy for you.”
As we got a few steps away, Milo let out a laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
“I’m never too busy for you? You really need to up your game.”
I huffed out a laugh of my own. “I’m not taking romantic advice from a ten-year-old.”
“Suit yourself. I’m just saying, she’s pretty awesome.”
“I like her too, Ben.”
The new voice broke into my head like a wrecking ball. It was Buttercup and the volume was turned up to twelve.
“Carla and Milo seem nice, but I marked Eugene for destruction. Awaiting confirmation.”
Chapter Twelve
“What?” I jerked Milo’s wheelchair to a halt nearly dumping him onto the floor.
“What’s wrong?”
I looked all around, though I wasn’t sure what I expected to see. A hologram? A spaceship parked in the middle of the nurse’s station? There was no way Buttercup could be here.
“Do you hear that?” I peered down at a bewildered-looking Milo.
“Hear what? I don’t hear anything?”
I started pushing the wheelchair again. “Never mind. It was probably my imagination.”
“Awaiting confirmation.” The voice broke into my head again, clear as day.
“There ... did you hear that? The confirmation thing?”
“No.” Milo shook his head. “Are you crazy or something?”
I pushed Milo into his room, and he lumbered off the chair and onto his bed while I straightened his covers. “Yeah, pretty sure I am.”
I got Milo situated and offered him a thumbs up. “You all good?”
He returned the gesture, looking sleepy as he laid his head on the pillow. “I’m good.”
“Okay, get some rest. And no more video games today.”
Milo nodded then closed his eyes. He was asleep before I made it out of the door.
The moment I stepped into the hall, the voice came again.
“Awaiting confirmation.”
“What? Stop saying that,” I said in a loud whisper.
I reached up and clasped my hands over my ears trying to drown out the noise.
