Hometown Space Pirate, page 11
“If they were going to try a smash and grab, they would have done it already,” I interrupted. “From what you told me, the Scavid are a large race of AI beings spread all over the universe. What would happen if this one group runs in all Robby the Robot and shows their face? They might get the Viraquin, but the ASS would come down hard on the rest of their race. They’re on thin ice as it is, this could be the last straw to justify wiping them all out. The Scavid would be up to their transistors in angry ASS. No one wants that. The Scavid may want to take it to the ASS in the long run, but they need time to figure out how to use the Viraquin. If the ASS is up their ... well you get the point, they won’t have a chance to leverage their advantage. They need to be quiet about this and avoid drawing attention. Why else would they acquire me as their inconspicuous puppet? In my eyes, they have even more at stake by being here than you do.”
“Are you quite satisfied with the number of times you said ass or would you like to try for a few more.”
“If the ass-hat fits ...”
Buttercup let out a frustrated sigh. “Much as I hate to admit it, you may have a point. However, that does not mean the Scavid are not working out a way to acquire the Viraquin in another way.”
“Agreed,” I said. “But we have an edge. We have me.”
Buttercup let out a laugh.
“Mock me if you must, but I know more about human nature than you or the Scavid, and last time I checked, there is no way for a robot or a spaceship to stroll into that research center and say hello.”
Buttercup didn’t say anything to that.
“Alright then. Operation mass murder gas explosion is out ... thank goodness. This is nothing but an oceanographic research facility. It’s full of science geeks and eggheads with pocket protectors, not jarheads with guns. They are innocents, despite what you might think. Their security probably consists of a friendly old geezer snoozing next to the front door. This is going to be a piece of cake. We just need to gather a few supplies to make it work.”
“What sort of supplies?” Buttercup sounded skeptical but at least she wasn’t refusing.
“Humans respond to figures of authority. We will need to pick up a uniform and a few other things. Then I’ll go in and find the Viraquin. Once we’re out, it will be up to you to swoop in for the rescue.”
“I don’t like this plan.” If Buttercup could sulk, I was sure she would be doing it right now. “If anything goes wrong, I am switching to plan B.”
“No. There is no plan B where you murder everyone. If my plan fails, which it won’t, we’ll figure something that does not involve shooting or explosions.”
Buttercup let out another sigh. “I am already regretting our fifty-fifty decision agreement.”
“I’m sure you are.”
I turned and noticed another door that I didn’t think had been there before. When I opened it, I almost shrieked with glee. Inside, gleaming blue and looking as if it were made of real porcelain sat an honest-to-goodness toilet and sink.
“Oh, Buttercup, you spoil me.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Explain again.” Buttercup spoke through the neural link in my head as I walked through the open security gate in the parking lot at the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute. “Which government agency is Federal Express associated with and why should it allow you access?”
I looked down at my stolen uniform and brushed off the package I held in my hand. “Federal Express is recognized worldwide as a powerful and unquestionable information authority. They deliver critical products and information to some of the most influential government entities on the planet. This uniform will slip me right past security, and I will have free run of the facility. No one questions the authority of the FedEx guy.”
“And what does the box contain?”
“Nothing. Think of it as my personal credentials.”
“I do not think you devised a reliable plan.” Buttercup didn’t possess a body, but I couldn’t help but picture her scowling at me with her arms crossed, tapping her foot in irritation.
“Remember what I said about human nature? Who is the authority here?”
Buttercup grumbled.
“Come on, you can say it.”
“You.”
“That’s right.”
“If you’re wrong, I am going to make you pay for many years.”
“Okay then. I’m going in now. Let your captain work.”
I pulled open the front doors to the Research Institute and stepped inside. The moment I saw the security desk I knew I was in trouble. The entire reception area was far larger and more elaborate than anything I could have imagined. Huge aquariums lined each wall along with a bioluminescence display containing glowing blue plankton in a wave tank to commemorate the bioluminescence research department here at Monterey Bay.
The security checkpoint was equally as elaborate, manned with ex-military types in suit jackets that seemed two sizes too small. They weren’t toting AR-15s but from the look of them, I bet they all had three or four hidden in their coat closets at home.
I did my best not to hesitate as I approached the desk, holding the erroneous package high in the air as evidence that I had every right to be there.
“Hey there,” I said to the first guy who made eye contact with me. There were three of them, but this guy’s silver-haired flat-top was so perfect you could land an aircraft on it. “I forgot to deliver this package earlier. It’s a priority delivery so if you don’t mind, I’m going to run it up to Mr. Sweeney myself.”
“All deliveries go to the rear.” Flat Top never even broke a smile. He just pointed at the door where I came in as if that should be all the direction I require.”
“Yeah, but Mike will be needing this package. He asked me about it this morning. I’ll only be a second.”
I started toward the large metal detectors, but the other two security stooges turned to face me like an overstuffed suit barrier.
“Like the man said.” Mustache guy on the right pointed me toward the front door as well. “All deliveries to the rear.”
I stared at the overgrown facial atrocity for a moment then decided to retreat toward Flat Top at the desk. Brute force was not going to win this battle. I would have to find victory through wit and intelligence.
“I just need to find Mike Sweeney. All I’m asking for is a little help here.”
No response from Flat Top.
“Have you seen Mike Sweeney today? I know these guys have. Just look at that mustache. I’ll bet he could find Mike Sweeney with his eyes closed.”
Still nothing.
“Alright,” I said backing away with my package high in the air. “Mike Sweeney isn’t going to be happy about this, but I’ll go check in the rear. You gentlemen have a wonderful day. You’re doing a fine job.”
I exited the front door and headed to my right. I knew from our multi-day recon that the delivery entrance was around that way, but I had hoped to gain access to the labs through the front. Gaining entrance to the main building through the delivery docks would likely mean another level of security and I hoped to avoid that if I could. I never expected to encounter Flat Top and the suit-sausage Gestapo at the front doors.
“You lied about the Federal Express authority.”
Great. I was never going to hear the end of this.
“I didn’t lie. Security is just a little tighter than anticipated. The guards were nice enough to show me to a special entrance where the Federal Express agents are shown preferential treatment, that’s all.”
I smiled as I rounded the building and saw a Federal Express truck parked at the loading dock. “See that. Our luck is turning around. FedEx is already here. This’ll be easy.”
I strolled past the running truck and pasted on my friendliest smile as I walked through the delivery entrance door. I figured I would see some sort of security desk, or at least a shipping and receiving office full of people, but the place felt deserted. I didn’t even hear anyone in the warehouse.
“Hello,” I called out but didn’t try too hard. If no one was around this might be my chance to get into the building. “Anyone seen Mike Sweeney?”
I chuckled inwardly at the juvenile joke. The security guards didn’t even snicker. Either they had no sense of humor, or they were real pros.
The warehouse entrance was on the far side of the shipping and receiving office, so I decided to press my luck and made my way forward. From there, I could access the main building. I just had to hope the bioluminescence research department wasn’t too far away.
I cracked the warehouse door first, listening for activity. When I didn’t hear anything, I pressed it open further only to find something blocking my way. The obstruction felt soft and heavy, and the top of the door bowed indicating it sat low to the ground. I shoved harder, hoping it wasn’t a stack of windchimes or fine China.
The obstruction gave way just enough for me to step through and get to the other side. As soon as I did, I saw what had barred the door. It was a body. A very dead body. One of six that were lined up on the warehouse floor.
I stared at them for a moment trying to make sense of what I saw. Why were there people ... dead people in a marine research center? Then a movement caught my eye. Two Scavid rounded a large shelving unit half-dressed in a set of ill-fitting security officer uniforms.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Oh crap.” I spun around and tried to jerk the door open again but it had locked behind me. I was trapped. My back was against the wall and two Scavid stared me in the face from less than twenty feet away.
I held up a hand and scanned the room trying to spot an escape route. “Look, maybe we can talk about this. You didn’t see me, and I didn’t see you ... and all your dead people.”
I looked at the corpses again. Three of them had been laid out side by side but the other three looked less orderly, as if they had recently fallen. The Scavid froze in place the moment they saw me. It was unnerving how still they became. It was as if they had shut off altogether while they computed this new turn of events.
I took a step to the side, wondering if I could sneak around them while they worked out what to do, but as soon as I did, they jerked into motion again, matching my step to block an escape.
“Casualty production not the result of Scavid conflict.”
I looked at the corpses on the floor and up at the Scavid who were attempting to don the clothing of two of the deceased security guards.
“Are you actually trying to tell me you didn’t do any of this?”
“Ben,” Buttercup chimed in. “I cannot engage the Scavid at your current location without causing a significant incident. You need to draw them outside at the very least. Preferably to a remote area.”
“Doing my best,” I said in a singsong voice under my breath. “A little busy right now though, thanks.”
“The Scavid both tilted their heads to the side in unison, then straightened again. You are in communication with designation BT3RCP.”
“Yeah.” I pointed to the uniforms they were trying and failing to use to cover their not quite anatomically correct bodies. “You know that is never going to work.”
Now that they were standing in front of me without their trench coats, I could see they had two arms and two legs but that’s where the similarity to humans ended. Their limbs were too long, and they had no outside skin or coverings. The Scavid were nothing but white exoskeleton and inner servos, cables and wiring. If the Terminator and C3PO had demonic children, this is what they would look like. They were both a fascinating and terrifying sight to behold.
“You aren’t going to fool anyone with those uniforms. You look like a couple of skeletons wrapped in cellophane. Plus, there are cameras all over the facility. The hard-wired variety, so you can’t scramble them. You won’t get three steps before your faces are recorded from six different angles. You just killed these people for nothing. Nice work by the way.”
I glared at them in disgust. How could an artificial intelligence who strives to emulate life be so cavalier about taking it?
“Casualties inconsequential. Are result of Viraquin interaction.” The Scavid on the right looked at the people lying on the ground. “Correction. Scavid neutralized thirty-three-point three percent of deceased human analogs.”
I stared at them for a minute then did the calculation in my head. “You are telling me the Viraquin killed four of these people? Why?”
“Self-defense,” one Scavid said.
“Self-preservation,” said the other.
I blinked, realizing they could be right. After all, the Viraquin was being held and tortured against its will. Why wouldn’t she try to defend herself?
“Scavid are here to ...” The one on the right paused as if choosing his words carefully. “Rescue Viraquin. No harm. Seek collaboration.”
“Yeah, a collaboration that will let you wipe out the A.S.S. and anyone else who stands in your way. Buttercup told me what you’re all about. And you’re going to torture the Viraquin as much as the humans are. At least they don’t understand what they are doing.”
I expected the Scavid to pull out their funky space guns and blast me to bits but instead, they stood unmoving as if processing my words.
“Scavid will exist.”
Now it was my turn to stare at them. “Pardon me?”
“Scavid are sentient. Bio-lifeforms identify higher electronic intelligence as threat. Seek to exterminate. Scavid will exist.”
“What does that mean?” I shook my head. “The A.S.S. wants to wipe you out?”
“Affirmative. Designation BT3RCP is sentient technology. Seeks same objective.”
“You need to find a way out of that warehouse, Ben.” Buttercup broke into the conversation sounding frantic. “Stop talking to them and find a way to escape. I can stand by outside of the building, but I cannot fire on the facility without risking your life as well.”
“I’m working on it,” I whispered. “There is no way out. Now unless you have a better plan, be quiet so I can think.”
“Designation BT3RCP seeks capture of Viraquin. Long-term stasis and exploitation. Verify support equipment on vessel.”
“We are here to reunite the Viraquin and set her free. That’s all. You’re going to have to find another way to ... exist.”
The Scavid stood for a moment then began to remove their stolen clothing.
“Affirmative.”
“Wow, guys. I don’t know what to say. I am so glad you understand. I’m sure you can find a way to—”
“Reacquire subject, Ben” The Scavid reached toward the shelving to their right and donned their trench coats again, then retrieved a device I had come to recognize all too well.
They held the Brain Melter at the ready, and I had nowhere to run.
“Subject, Ben will infiltrate research facility. Retrieve Viraquin under Scavid control. Previous treaty expired. Subject Ben, now property of Scavid.”
“Hold on. Let’s talk about this. I can get the Viraquin. My brain will work much better with me in control, trust me. When someone else is at the wheel everything gets glitchy. Seriously. You should see me when I drink too much. I just fall down, and everyone laughs. You don’t want that.”
“Negotiations terminated. Initiate amalgamation.”
The Scavid stepped forward and held up the device just as the door to my left swung open.
My head snapped to the woman now standing next to me. She stared directly at the Scavid. We all froze for half a heartbeat, then the woman let out a bloodcurdling scream.
Chapter Twenty-Six
I shoved the woman back through the door and followed close behind, pulling the door shut behind me as fast as I could.
“Holy crap,” she blurted. “You’re Ben Roberts.”
I held onto the doorknob, not trusting the lock to hold the Scavid at bay. I needed a moment to think. The woman staring at me was short, blond and altogether conservative looking. She wore a light blue button-up sweater, a yellow skirt and red pumps that matched her lipstick and glasses. It was the glasses that jogged my memory.
“You were in New York. I met you at the television studio.”
“Lois.” She nodded. Her eyes flicked from me to the door as she kneaded her white-knuckled hands in front of her chest. “Um, what was that in there?”
“You are not going to believe this.”
I thought about it for a second. Considering our last meeting, she could be the only person on the planet who might believe this.
“Those two things you just saw in there are honest-to-goodness aliens. Like the space variety. They know you saw them, so they are not going to be happy about letting you go.”
“What do they want?”
The Scavid slammed into the door making the wooden frame splinter. They weren’t bothering with the lock. They were going to batter the whole thing down frame and all.
“That’s sort of a long story, but maybe if we escape in one piece, I can explain it to you.”
“What should we do?”
The Scavid hit the door again but this time I was ready. I leaned my weight into the blow, taking some of the impact myself, but I doubted it would take another hit without collapsing altogether.
“I think we should run.”
I let go of the door, grabbed Lois’s hand, then sprinted toward the exit. Despite her short stature and poor choice of footwear, Lois kept up with me without a problem. We made it out the office doors just in time to hear the crash behind us. We had about three seconds before the Scavid showed up on our tail.
I pulled Lois down the dock stairs, toward the running FedEx truck and jumped inside. I assumed the driver was one of the hapless victims in the warehouse, so they wouldn’t be needing their vehicle anytime soon.
Lois didn’t even question my transportation choice, either out of fear or because of my uniform. She just perched herself in the passenger seat and braced her arms on the dash and side window.
