Defender: The Divine Courage Trilogy Book 1, page 9
Everyone at the table seemed to perk up and attacked their meals with gusto. Everyone, that is, but Larken. She still picked at her very red, unseasoned piece of meat. Each time she sliced through it, Soren wondered if she could have used a butter knife instead, it looked so tender. But she had ordered the cheapest cut out of everyone. And Soren wondered again at what was going through her mind.
Then her words caught up to him. It wasn’t so much that she already had a negative reputation. It was that she had been reduced to tears and had to call General Maxwell on her first day. She was supposed to be starting over, beginning a new life like everyone else who enlisted. And already, she had been forced to call home. What had that conversation been like? Did she tell him what that guy had said to her? Was General Maxwell already moving to have him dishonorably discharged? Or was he planning on cutting out the guy’s tongue like Larken had said he would?
There was still so much he didn’t understand about her. And, as the meal went on, Soren reluctantly found himself wanting to. He wanted to understand her, he wanted her to feel like she could come to him with her problems like Levi and the others did. After all, that’s what made him such a great Captain. It’s what made them a great team. Only, Larken didn’t feel that way. He had made her think that the only way to earn forgiveness was to give half her earnings to the squad to use on better beds and a dishwasher that didn’t sound like it was trying to summon demons whenever it was started. It would seem he had a lot more to apologize for than just his harsh words.
When they had finished dinner, Loxly paid and Hinlee told Brecker how she was going to decorate her new room. She often asked Larken’s advice, but then stopped with a gasp. “Wait? Does this mean that I don’t have to pay for hot water anymore?”
“Nope, you can take as much time in the shower as you want,” Larken answered.
“That sounds amazing.”
“Don’t get too ahead of yourself,” Brecker warned quietly. “It will still be at least twenty-four hours before she gets her first deposit. I don’t see how the squad fund will be any different.”
“I have a question,” Levi mused. “Won’t your open slots fill up again if you’re donating half your sponsors?”
“They will eventually,” Larken answered. “But Vallen made it so anyone else who applies after I’ve hit my limit will have to donate to the squad as a whole, unless I choose to put their arii elsewhere, like weapon research or something.”
“Well, I can’t say I’m upset about getting a new fridge,” Levi said, now done with the conversation.
The group stood and slowly made their way back to the dorm. Soren knew that he would have to make his move soon, otherwise, he was bound to lose Larken behind a locked door for the rest of the night. He gently grabbed her elbow and forced her to the back of the group with him. Her skin felt soft and warm, now that it wasn’t covered in a chilled sweat.
She looked up at him, asking what he wanted with her teal eyes.
“I need to apologize. For today, and for how I’ve been treating you. I want you to know that you can trust me to be a good Captain. I will stand by you and the choices you make from now on, and I don’t blame you for what happened today. And it isn’t fair that I rose to Hinlee’s defense when it happened to her and was annoyed with you.”
Larken was quiet, and he thought she would continue to ignore him for the rest of the night. But instead, she looked up at him and said, “I forgive you. As for the other stuff, Vallen wouldn’t have let me into your squad if he didn’t think you could be trusted.”
She rushed to catch back up with Hinlee, who locked elbows with her. Hinlee looked over her shoulder at him and whispered something in Larken’s ear. No doubt asking her if he had said something rude. Which he hadn’t, this time. And he was left to wonder again at what kind of woman Larken Hale was. She ordered cheap food, donated half of all her future tokens for the better of the squad, forgave him easily, and cried behind closed doors. Her actions didn’t scream Military Heiress, and she seemed more lonely than anything else. It would seem that crow would now be a frequent meal for him, and that made Soren want to kick something.
CHAPTER 9
Larken’s alarm went off and she groaned. Her eyes felt like they had sand in them, and she was in desperate need of water. She hated crying, and she hated that that pervert had gotten the better of her. Not only was she embarrassed, but she was ashamed of how she had shouted at Soren. He had apologized, but she was still a little worried that he would take her up on her offer and transfer her.
She had barely shut herself away in her room the day before when her communicator started going off. Accepting the video call from Vallen, she burst into tears before he could even ask what had happened. Larken had placed her hand over her mouth, trying to keep control over her emotions, but seeing his face, knowing that he was nearly two hundred miles away, was just too much. He had waited for her, not once breaking the silence, just looking at her with those dark eyes of his. Aside from Vallen, not many people had ever seen her cry, and she planned to keep it that way.
Larken sat up, her shoulder stiff. She needed a hot shower to loosen the muscle, but the alarm on her communicator went off again, telling her that there wasn’t enough time. She didn’t know how she was going to make it another three nights on that mattress. Larken rolled her shoulder and a sharp pinch had her holding her breath.
A knock sounded at her door, and from the other side, Loxly called, “You up, Little Bird?”
She couldn’t answer; she could barely see past the tears blurring her eyes.
“Little Bird?”
Larken forced her breath out of her mouth and sucked in more air.
“I’m coming in,” Loxly said before tentatively pushing the door open a crack. It was flung open the rest of the way when he saw her, and he rushed in. Kneeling in front of her, he asked, “What can I do? Do we need to go to the medic?”
Larken just grabbed his shoulder and forced him back a little. Leaning forward, she grabbed her right shoulder and pulled down. The loud pop brought sweet relief with it, and she shuddered a sigh.
“Are you okay?” Loxly asked, moving his hands to touch her, but then thinking better of it. His brown eyes were worried, reminding her of the hybrid puppies back at the Manor. He obviously wanted to comfort her but didn’t want to hurt her.
“I’m fine, just slept on it wrong.”
“You sure we don’t need to go to the medic?”
“Positive.” Loxly didn’t look convinced, so she added, “I’ll take a hot washcloth though.”
“On it!” He bounced up and left the room. It might not be the hot shower that she was hoping for, but it would help. She would just have to get up earlier from now on.
Larken used Loxly’s absence to quickly get dressed, the grey pants and black tank top the same style as the day before. She dumped her pajamas into the laundry chute and was lacing up her boots when Loxly knocked on her door again.
“Come in.”
Loxly walked in and handed her the rag. Larken pushed off the straps that rested atop her right shoulder and pressed the rag there. The rag burned a little, her skin cool from the temperature of the room, and goosebumps erupted across her flesh.
Trying to lighten the mood, Loxly raised an eyebrow and asked, “You change your mind and decide to tell me what you did to it?”
“Nope!” she said cheerily and stood up. Three rivulets ran from the rag down her shoulder blade and were caught by her shirt and bra strap. Already annoyed by the wet elastic, she tossed the rag into the laundry chute. Turning to Loxly, she beamed and asked, “So, what are we doing today?”
“I’m gonna give you a set of wings, Little Bird,” he answered with equal excitement.
The happy-go-lucky feeling that she had only moments ago vanished and was replaced with a sinking unease that had her wanting to crawl back into bed. “Umm, no thank you.”
Loxly threw his head back and laughed. “I figured that’s how you would feel, but the best way to get over your fear of ridin’ is to get back on the horse.”
“Are you sure we can’t just ride actual horses instead?”
“Now, Larken, have you ever heard of a bird that couldn’t fly?”
“Penguins.”
Loxly laughed lamely and rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess I set myself up for that one.”
“Yes, you did.”
“No matter,” he said, grabbing her elbow and leading her out of her room. “You still need to learn to pilot your own aircraft.”
“I really hate flying.”
Stopping in the common room, Loxly turned to face her. Reaching up and tentatively cupping her cheek, he looked into her eyes. “Can you trust me?”
Can I?
Was she even capable of trust after what her family had put her through? But she trusted Vallen, and he was the one who picked this squad for her. She might not know Loxly as well as she knew Vallen, but if he trusted Squad 19 to take care of her, who was she to disagree with him?
“Yes,” she finally answered.
“Good, because you haven’t experienced flyin’ until you get into an aircraft with me.” Loxly gestured at himself with his thumbs.
The two of them left the dorm, and Larken teased, “If I didn’t know you any better, Cadet Beau, I would say you were trying to get me alone.”
“Who says I’m not?” he tossed back with a wink.
Both laughing, they made their way to the same hangar that Larken had been in only days before. She hoped with her whole heart that she wasn’t expected to learn on that beast of an aircraft that had picked her and Vallen up. But when they walked through the door, instead of taking a right where a large group of soldiers were headed, Loxly led her to the left, away from the aircraft. Breathing a sigh of relief, Larken was able to laugh when Loxly poked her in the side and asked, “You didn’t think I was gonna let you practice on my baby, did you?”
“I won’t lie, I was afraid you were.”
“Nope, your first time will be in the Pumpkin.”
“The what?”
Loxly pointed, and three aircraft down, Larken saw something bright orange and shaped like a potato. She immediately understood where the name came from.
“It’s that color because if we’re in a horrible crash and our radios don’t work, it’ll be easy to find.”
The fear of crashing clawed its way back up Larken’s throat, and she stopped walking.
Loxly turned, realizing his mistake, and quickly said, “Not that we’re gonna crash. Don’t forget, I’ll be the co-pilot and will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.”
“Not helping,” she groaned and turned away from him, closing her eyes as she did so.
Placing a hand on her stomach, she mentally ran through the very first maneuver that Vallen had ever taught her. She did that every time she was about to have a panic attack, but this time, it wasn’t working. Focusing on her footwork and her breathing, she ran through it again and again in her mind. After the fifth time, her breathing leveled out and she was able to open her eyes.
Turning back to Loxly, she squared her shoulders and nodded. “Ready.”
“Great!” he said, but the excitement didn’t quite reach his eyes. He was still worried about her, but he was right; the only way to get through it was to get through it.
“After you,” she said.
Loxly turned and held an orange wristband she hadn’t noticed to a scanner. The two-seater aircraft beeped three times before the scanner flashed green, and a click sounded as the two doors unlatched. Loxly pushed the one he was next to up and held his hand out for her. “It’s a bit of a jump.”
“Everything always is for me,” she said jokingly, accepting his help and launching herself into the pilot’s seat. She secured her harness and pressed the button that would latch the aircraft door closed.
Loxly jogged around the front of the aircraft and hopped into his seat. He hit the button and secured his harness as the door closed. Pulling the strap to tighten it around his small waist, he turned to her and said, “Ready when you are.”
Larken wanted to say she would never be ready, but she swallowed the comment and nodded. She put her hands on what she assumed was the steering wheel. It looked like an old wagon wheel, but with the top and the bottom cut off. Looking over the controls, she felt her hands tighten.
“Do you have any idea what you’re doin’?”
“Not a clue,” she said without looking up.
Loxly laughed and unbuckled himself. Scooting to the edge of his seat, he leaned over and said, “Here.”
Larken watched as he pointed to a red button, saying, “This one starts and stops the engine.”
She hit it and the aircraft fired up, making her stomach flip.
“This one,” he pointed to a green button this time, “fires up the levitator.”
Larken hit that one as well. The aircraft jumped a little and started floating in the air. This was really happening; they were really going to let her try and fly this thing. She had never been more afraid for someone else’s well-being than she was for Loxly’s in that moment.
“Push up on the wheel to go forward, down to go back. Do you see that switch to the left?”
Larken looked and found a little silver switch sticking straight out. “Yeah.”
“Flip it up and push the wheel up when you want to ascend. Push it down when you need to descend.”
“And this one?” Larken asked, pointing at a matching switch to the right that was pointing all the way down.
Loxly flipped it up, and the space in the hangar around them lit up. “It’s the lights. Middle for dim, up for bright.” He turned the lights off, buckled himself back in, and said, “Let’s go.”
“Wait, that’s it?”
Loxly gave her that crooked smile of his and said, “This is a very basic model. Dependin’ on how you do today, I will either graduate you to somethin’ bigger or keep you at the basic med-craft level.”
“What do you fly?”
“Everythin’. Now, quit stallin’.”
Larken grumbled and started to slowly push the steering wheel up. The aircraft jerked more than she was expecting, and she screamed. Loxly just laughed and then told her to keep going. Trying again, she pushed the wheel up and got them moving. She kept the pace very slow, and she became annoyed when she saw Loxly’s knee bouncing out of the corner of her eye.
“Take a left up here.” Loxly pointed as he spoke. Larken turned the wheel a little, her fingers still clutching it tightly enough that her knuckles were white. Loxly grabbed the radio that was on the dash to his right and said, “Requestin’ flight for the Pumpkin.”
A woman’s staticky voice responded, “Squad and flyer?”
“Squad 19, flyer Hale.”
“Cleared for takeoff. Happy flying, Beau.”
“Thanks, Shelly.” Loxly set the radio back in its holder and started drumming his fingers on the dash.
“Do all the dispatchers know your voice, or is Shelly just special?” Larken teased.
“Aww, you jealous, Little Bird? Don’t be, you should know by now I’ve only got eyes for you.”
Larken barked a laugh, but her response was shut off by the door to the hangar opening. She gasped, and Loxly beamed at her. She had missed the view the last time, too afraid to look and still half-asleep. But now…now she could see the blue sky and the rolling hills. It was like a painting, and she wished she could sit there and stare at the view the rest of the day. Instead, Loxly cleared his throat, and she was forced to move.
A small, high-pitched sound emitted from the back of her throat without her permission as she pushed the aircraft out over the ledge and into the sky. Off in the distance, soldiers could be seen running through a training field, androids chasing after them. Loxly didn’t say anything, but she could hear the silent laughter rolling off of him in waves. Slowly, they moved, and still, his knee kept bouncing. She was about to open her mouth to tell him to knock it off, when he said, “We’re in the way. You need to move faster in case a larger aircraft needs to get in.”
Larken pushed up on the steering wheel a little more and they sped up the tiniest bit.
“More.”
Larken pushed a little more.
“More.”
Again, she pushed a little more.
“More.”
Irritated, she pushed the steering wheel as high as it would go. She hit the back of the seat with the force of the movement. Loxly grabbed onto the dash and hit the roof, whooping loudly. When she could no longer see the hangar door, she stopped, and her body jolted forward. Her hands were shaking, and she put them on her cheeks, trying to steady herself.
“That was great!”
Larken dropped her hands to her lap, turned on him, and hollered, “That was not great! I want to go back!”
His wide grin fell when he looked at her, and he pulled one of her shaking hands free. “Hey, you can do this.”
But the truth was, she couldn’t. Larken couldn’t remember ever being so afraid in her life. She closed her eyes, not daring to look out the window. Instead, she felt herself leaping, her fingers just brushing the handles she was supposed to grab, and then falling. Her shoulder throbbed and then the feeling changed, her stomach flipping like it did when they were catapulting to the ground.
Strong hands gripped her face, forcing her to open her eyes. “Larken, breathe.”
She gasped a breath, black spots dancing in front of her eyes as she did so. When had she stopped breathing? Was it before or after she had started falling? No, she wasn’t falling, she was safe with Loxly. He was here; he was keeping her safe.
After getting her breathing under control, Loxly raised a dark eyebrow and asked, “Are you ready to try again, or do we really need to go back?”
“I—” She looked down, her face hot. “I don’t like heights.”
“I’ve noticed. But I’ve also noticed that you don’t like special treatment. So, do you want to try again?”
She didn’t look up, she couldn’t, because then he would see it in her eyes. She wanted to go back. She wanted to have this one exception, this one time where she didn’t have to be treated like everyone else. But that wasn’t who she was.
