Defender: The Divine Courage Trilogy Book 1, page 21
“What happened?” she hissed.
“Loxly used Hinlee and Brecker as bait. We didn’t realize it until it was too late. It’s all on you now,” Soren said.
“Wait, what?”
“Don’t worry, Songbird,” Levi grumbled wryly, “we eliminated our targets. Go eliminate yours.”
“Sure, okay. Let me just find him first,” she snapped, making Levi chuckle.
Larken crept out from behind the tree and got as close to the ground as she could without crawling. She knew that the shine to her scales and her blonde hair would give her away no matter what she did, but if Loxly was up in a tree like Soren had thought, then maybe she could use a bush to block her, or something.
Everything was still and so quiet that she could hear each beat of her heart. The sun sat high in the sky, and sweat collected at her brow. Larken didn’t bother wiping it away and kept moving.
She entered a little clearing and debated back-stepping into the trees. Looking around, she noticed that the little bit of grass that was there had been mussed, and the dirt was kicked up. Taking a tentative step forward, she waited. When nothing happened, she took another. Slowly, she made her way in and then crouched down to examine the area. Reaching out, she lifted a few blades of grass to get a good look at a gouge in the ground that resembled a boot heel. She leaned in, and then there was a gunshot that had her pulling her hand back and screaming.
Her jumpsuit stiffened at the wrist, and she couldn’t move it no matter how hard she tried. She could still bend her elbow, but her left hand was completely useless. There was a rustle of leaves, and then a thud as Loxly landed on the ground in front of her. He held his shotgun close to his chest and had a wicked smile as he crooned, “Hello, Little Bird.”
Larken was up on her feet and running back through the trees faster than Loxly could grasp what was happening. Her throat went dry as she gasped in air to try and oxygenate her adrenaline-spiked limbs. She kept her left hand close to her chest, trying in vain to move her fingers. They were stuck, as if she was still reaching out for the blades of grass. She could wiggle her fingertips, but that was just because they were the only parts uncovered. That, and most of her thumb.
“Don’t fly away, Little Bird!” Loxly called after her. “The party’s just gettin’ started!”
Think, Larken, think! What can you do? What do you have that will work in your favor?
She ran through everything that Vallen had taught her about being in situations like this. It wasn’t the first time she had been cornered; Vallen had seen to it that she was able to live out the scenarios he had thought up, no matter how insane.
I need to get behind him somehow. It would be easier if he was still searching for me and didn’t know that I had become the predator instead.
Looking around, she only saw trees and bushes. There was also a drone or two, and she wondered suddenly if the others were watching her. That would make everything so much worse if her team had watched her walk into the same trap that they had and then lose. No, there had to be something. Larken looked around again. She still had one working hand and the use of her elbow.
“Where’d you go, Larken?”
She shivered. Loxly was having way too much fun. Larken dropped her gun into a bush as quietly as she could and grabbed a thick stick. Angling it, she slipped it through her fingers in her left hand and then ran for a low-hanging branch. She jumped, catching it with her hand and left forearm. Kicking her legs, Larken pulled herself up as quickly as she could, and then reached for the next branch up. She made it to the third one before Loxly appeared under her.
She watched him as he looked around, his finger resting on the trigger of his gun. Holding her breath, Larken pulled the stick from her hand and whipped it behind her. The grin that crossed his face as Loxly headed in that direction made her shiver. Larken waited until she could barely hear him before dropping out of the tree. The drop was more than what she expected, and she had to roll so she didn’t twist her ankles. Getting up, Larken hobbled to the bush, her right ankle not quite making it, and then fished her gun out. She pushed through the discomfort until the joint righted itself and quickly caught up to Loxly.
Larken decided not to wait this out and crept up behind him. Slipping her left arm around his neck, she pulled him down to her before he realized what was happening. Raising her gun to his temple, she pulled the trigger and felt as his gear locked up and he fell to the ground. The little drones that were around her opened their tops, and little blue flags popped out and spun. A robotic voice announced, “Team Feather wins.”
“Team Feather?” she laughed.
“Yeah,” Loxly said from the ground. “They randomize names for us based on who’s playing.”
It was only after the announcement that Larken regained the use of her left hand, and she clenched and relaxed it, sighing as she did. She would need to be more careful about getting shot, and what position her limbs were in. It would have been impossible to get away if he had hit her bent leg instead.
Loxly stood and pulled her into a hug. “Good game. Do you know the way back to your locker room?”
“Maybe?”
He laughed. “Come on, I’ll show you really quick.”
The two made their way back to where the rest of her team was waiting for her. Both Levi and Soren heckled Loxly about his dirty trick and then told him to get out of their locker room.
The rest of the day went on like that, and more often than not, Loxly and Larken were the final two. Every so often, she was the first one killed, but it was usually Hinlee that was taken out first. She had a great attitude about it though, joking about spending most of her time under aircraft, not charging in front of them.
They had stopped for lunch, like Soren promised, and Larken had eaten everything she could get her hands on. It was nothing fancy, just sandwiches, but they tasted wonderful and did their job. But, at the end of the day, Team Feather had beaten Team Gun 8 to 4. And, as great as Larken felt, she was just as sore. She couldn’t wait to get back to the dorm and take a hot shower.
Larken still sat on the couch and had pulled her legs up under her, slouching and letting her head fall to the side. She reached up with her left hand and pulled at the muscle in her shoulder. Soren, who was the only one in the common room left with her, was transfixed. Having gotten up to get a drink of water, he had come back to find her like that. He didn’t know if he should stare at the blonde curl that rested against her neck, having fallen from her bun, or the elegant slope of her throat. Her milky skin looked so soft, and he started when he realized that he was wondering what it felt like. Was it soft like her hands? Or her elbows, that he found himself grabbing more and more lately?
Needing to do something to release the tension that had settled between his shoulder blades, he sarcastically asked, “What? Need a massage?”
“Yeah, if you wouldn’t—” She looked over her shoulder at him and her cheeks turned pink at the sight of his dropped jaw. “Oh, you weren’t being serious.”
“N-no, I can help,” he said, thoroughly embarrassed.
The shy smile on her face did something weird to his stomach, and he knew that he would see this task through, no matter what. She let go of her shoulder and said, “I have some lotion that Jodi gave me sitting on my case, if you want to use that.”
“Whatever,” he grunted as he made his way to her room.
The sweet smell of grapefruit that always clung to her greeted him as he walked into her room. Soren looked to the weapons case and found the bottle sitting next to a photograph that he couldn’t help but pick up and look at. The smile that turned his lips was genuine as he took in her crossed eyes and the pink tongue that stuck out of her mouth. General Maxwell had her in a headlock, and she was pretending to die. It was that side of her, the silly one who dreamed of sunny days and sang about dandelion fluff and kisses, that he found himself needing to be closer to with each passing day.
Setting the picture down, he grabbed the lotion and left. Soren unceremoniously plopped onto the couch behind her, and she pulled the straps off her right shoulder. Heat crept up his neck at the flesh she exposed, but she didn’t seem fazed by it. But, then again, she was probably used to exposing her shoulder like this.
“You took your sweet time,” she teased. “You find anything interesting?”
“Just that picture of you and General Maxwell.”
He could hear the smile in her voice when she said, “That one’s my favorite.”
Soren uncapped the bottle and squeezed some of the lotion onto her shoulder. She shuddered and complained, “You’re supposed to warm it up with your hands first.”
“Don’t be such a baby,” he grunted, the smell of eucalyptus filling his mind and clearing his sinuses.
Tentatively, he reached to her and smeared the lotion across the top of her shoulder and the curve of her neck. She tilted her head to give him a better angle, and he applied a little more pressure. His hand slipped too easily against her skin, so he pushed into the muscle more. She sighed, almost too quiet for him to hear, but the sound made it difficult for him to swallow.
In an attempt to focus on something else, Soren asked, “Does it bother you a lot?”
“Honestly…” she murmured, “yes.”
Gripping her shoulder, he started working his thumb into the muscle, moving it in little circles, back and forth over the knot. His fingers tingled coolly as the lotion soaked into his skin as well as hers. Soren didn’t know what to say; he wasn’t expecting her to be so honest with him. Not that Larken was a liar, but she didn’t like feeling exposed. Something that he easily related to.
They were silent for a long time, and Larken said, “It was the day after my sixteenth birthday. Vallen was the only one who had remembered, and that was when he gave me my sword. The next morning, I had to do an obstacle course to show how much I improved over the year. I planned on doing the one that Vallen had selected for me.” She sighed. “Then my mother showed up.”
Soren was still, apart from his fingers that pushed into her shoulder. She never talked about her home life, let alone her mother. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing and have her stop talking. Partly because he wanted to know what had happened, partly because he wanted to be the one that she opened up to.
“Vallen told me not to run it, that I wasn’t ready. But I used to do anything to try and get her approval. And completing the highest-level course four years early would have done that.”
Soren knew that one. It was the final test for anyone hoping to achieve the title of General. There were impossible jumps, an unending supply of androids that would be released onto the course at any moment, and cages that fell on you that you could only escape by solving a puzzle in the given time limit. It was a course that he wouldn’t be able to do without serious training. And it was always televised. But he couldn’t remember ever seeing or hearing about Larken doing it.
“What happened?” he asked.
“I almost finished. I made it to the final jump, and that’s where I messed up. I don’t really remember what happened after I jumped. I know that I jumped wrong, trying to avoid a cage, but other than that…” Her face fell. “I remember my fingers grazing the handle and falling. I can remember the pain and Vallen punching someone to try and get to me. But the thing I remember the most was looking at the box where my mother was sitting and seeing her turn and walk away. Then…nothing.”
No wonder she hated talking about it. This was the most vulnerable, most exposed, Soren had ever seen her, and he had held her while she cried the day before. How was it that someone so talented, so concerned for others, was so neglected? Soren had a new understanding of her relationship with General Maxwell and how close they really were. The memory of seeing him labeled as her father surfaced in Soren’s mind.
“Larken…”
She grabbed her straps, and he pulled his hand away so she could cover herself. “It’s fine. I just don’t talk about it because I’m not proud of it. I was really reckless and let my emotions get the better of me. Vallen always tells me that it’s going to get me in trouble. But I guess I don’t learn because he has to keep reminding me.”
That wasn’t the only reason she didn’t talk about it, but he didn’t push it. Soren lifted his hand again and then closed it into a fist before he touched her. He couldn’t see her eyes; he didn’t know what would be too much.
“Do me a favor though? Don’t tell the others, I don’t want them to…”
Larken didn’t finish, but she didn’t have to. “I won’t.”
She turned to face him, her teal eyes so blue that he felt like he was suffocating. This sensation was new and terrifying, and he was startled to realize that this must be what drowning felt like. He needed to get up, to leave. But when he tried to stand, his legs wouldn’t move. Instead, his hand reached up and cupped her cheek. A soft smile tugged her lips, and she leaned into his hand.
“Thank you.”
His throat was dry, and he couldn’t swallow the strange lump that was there. Nodding, he could only sit there and stare at her. Larken’s little smile warmed, and that melted something in him that he didn’t know was frozen. He really needed to get up and leave. But it was Larken that pulled away.
Yawning into the back of her hand, she exhaled, “Sorry.” Dropping her hand, she shook herself and stood. “I need to get to bed, I’m exhausted. See you in the morning?”
Another nod.
“Alright then.” She made her way to the hall, but then stopped and turned. “And thank you. Not for listening, but for being someone I can trust and talk to.”
She turned and rushed away before he could say anything, but what he would have said, he didn’t know. Soren realized that his lips were parted, and he closed them. His legs were working again, so he pushed up off the couch and stood. He reached for the lotion that Larken had left behind on the coffee table and felt his lips twist into a small smile. She would get it back in the morning. Soren turned the lights off before he made his way to his own room and then set the lotion on his desk. They were all turning in early; the day had been exhausting, but worth it. He had heard the way Larken had laughed in the arena as she chased down a screaming Hinlee and a flirtatious Loxly.
Soren turned off his light, stripped down, and then fell into bed. He groaned as he sunk into the mattress and got comfortable. Closing his eyes, he waited for sleep to take him, but instead, he could only see Larken leaning into his hand, looking up, and smiling at him. His eyes shot open.
What is wrong with me?
Soren shook his head and tried again. Still, she was there. This time, thanking him and making him melt.
Opening his eyes, Soren instead stared at the black ceiling, deciding that was better than the alternative. He didn’t know why he kept seeing her, and he didn’t care. At least, he told himself that he didn’t. If Soren was honest, he would admit that she was all he could think about anymore and that it frustrated him that he couldn’t get her out of his mind. She was everywhere. Training with him, laughing with him and Loxly, eating in the seat next to him; she was always there. Just like how the smell of grapefruit was always under his nose. So, if it frustrated him so much, why did he reach up and touch her tonight? Why did he reach out for her? It couldn’t be because…
Was I…
Soren raised his hand up in front of his face, and then balled it in a fist and let it fall to the bed.
If she hadn’t pulled away, would I have kissed her?
The realization of what had really happened that night settled into his gut and made him want to get up and go to the gym. He couldn’t be falling for her, he couldn’t have feelings for her, he couldn’t…
Soren rolled onto his side, promising himself that he would be more distant with her. He could still be a good Captain to her, a good friend, but he couldn’t keep going down this road, because there was no saying what would happen to him if he did.
CHAPTER 21
Larken jolted out of bed, only this time, instead of it being a nightmare that woke her up, it was a disagreeable Captain leaning into her very, very, closely. Her face was hot, and she could feel the embarrassment swamping her as if it were sweat. She raised her hands to her head and started hitting it softly with her open palms.
“What is wrong with you?” she hissed at herself.
A knock sounded at her door, and Hinlee’s voice called, “You okay in there, Larken?”
“Totally fine!” she answered too quickly. Another wave of heat rolled over her, and she worried that everyone would pick up on how weird she felt.
Larken jumped out of bed and slapped her cheeks, giving herself a mental chastising. Soren wasn’t like Dominic, at all. So, more likely than not, he hadn’t meant anything about last night and probably wasn’t even thinking about it. He had comforted her, that was it, and she was making a bigger deal about it than she needed to. She would go out there, and he would be just as cold as ever. Yes, he had been kind to take her gunning the day before, and about the whole incident on Sunday, but she was willing to bet that he was back to his old, grumpy self that wouldn’t talk to her unless she spoke to him first.
Larken looked at her communicator, cleared away a message from Dominic, and pulled up her schedule. Her whole morning had been blocked off for medical training, and after lunch she had rec time, which was followed by her dorm shift. Thinking that she was getting off a little easy for the day, she pulled up her schedule for the rest of the week. She winced as she saw gym hour after gym hour, and there was even a shortened lunch on Thursday. Larken decided that she would make plans with Dominic that day. The less time she had to spend with him, the better, but he was starting to get pushy again. He had kept his promise about giving her space; it was her turn to actually act like she had forgiven him and not just say she had.
Larken got ready quickly, making sure to slip on her sword belt before she left her room, and then ran bodily into Soren.
He grunted a, “Watch it,” and then ignored her.
“Loxly used Hinlee and Brecker as bait. We didn’t realize it until it was too late. It’s all on you now,” Soren said.
“Wait, what?”
“Don’t worry, Songbird,” Levi grumbled wryly, “we eliminated our targets. Go eliminate yours.”
“Sure, okay. Let me just find him first,” she snapped, making Levi chuckle.
Larken crept out from behind the tree and got as close to the ground as she could without crawling. She knew that the shine to her scales and her blonde hair would give her away no matter what she did, but if Loxly was up in a tree like Soren had thought, then maybe she could use a bush to block her, or something.
Everything was still and so quiet that she could hear each beat of her heart. The sun sat high in the sky, and sweat collected at her brow. Larken didn’t bother wiping it away and kept moving.
She entered a little clearing and debated back-stepping into the trees. Looking around, she noticed that the little bit of grass that was there had been mussed, and the dirt was kicked up. Taking a tentative step forward, she waited. When nothing happened, she took another. Slowly, she made her way in and then crouched down to examine the area. Reaching out, she lifted a few blades of grass to get a good look at a gouge in the ground that resembled a boot heel. She leaned in, and then there was a gunshot that had her pulling her hand back and screaming.
Her jumpsuit stiffened at the wrist, and she couldn’t move it no matter how hard she tried. She could still bend her elbow, but her left hand was completely useless. There was a rustle of leaves, and then a thud as Loxly landed on the ground in front of her. He held his shotgun close to his chest and had a wicked smile as he crooned, “Hello, Little Bird.”
Larken was up on her feet and running back through the trees faster than Loxly could grasp what was happening. Her throat went dry as she gasped in air to try and oxygenate her adrenaline-spiked limbs. She kept her left hand close to her chest, trying in vain to move her fingers. They were stuck, as if she was still reaching out for the blades of grass. She could wiggle her fingertips, but that was just because they were the only parts uncovered. That, and most of her thumb.
“Don’t fly away, Little Bird!” Loxly called after her. “The party’s just gettin’ started!”
Think, Larken, think! What can you do? What do you have that will work in your favor?
She ran through everything that Vallen had taught her about being in situations like this. It wasn’t the first time she had been cornered; Vallen had seen to it that she was able to live out the scenarios he had thought up, no matter how insane.
I need to get behind him somehow. It would be easier if he was still searching for me and didn’t know that I had become the predator instead.
Looking around, she only saw trees and bushes. There was also a drone or two, and she wondered suddenly if the others were watching her. That would make everything so much worse if her team had watched her walk into the same trap that they had and then lose. No, there had to be something. Larken looked around again. She still had one working hand and the use of her elbow.
“Where’d you go, Larken?”
She shivered. Loxly was having way too much fun. Larken dropped her gun into a bush as quietly as she could and grabbed a thick stick. Angling it, she slipped it through her fingers in her left hand and then ran for a low-hanging branch. She jumped, catching it with her hand and left forearm. Kicking her legs, Larken pulled herself up as quickly as she could, and then reached for the next branch up. She made it to the third one before Loxly appeared under her.
She watched him as he looked around, his finger resting on the trigger of his gun. Holding her breath, Larken pulled the stick from her hand and whipped it behind her. The grin that crossed his face as Loxly headed in that direction made her shiver. Larken waited until she could barely hear him before dropping out of the tree. The drop was more than what she expected, and she had to roll so she didn’t twist her ankles. Getting up, Larken hobbled to the bush, her right ankle not quite making it, and then fished her gun out. She pushed through the discomfort until the joint righted itself and quickly caught up to Loxly.
Larken decided not to wait this out and crept up behind him. Slipping her left arm around his neck, she pulled him down to her before he realized what was happening. Raising her gun to his temple, she pulled the trigger and felt as his gear locked up and he fell to the ground. The little drones that were around her opened their tops, and little blue flags popped out and spun. A robotic voice announced, “Team Feather wins.”
“Team Feather?” she laughed.
“Yeah,” Loxly said from the ground. “They randomize names for us based on who’s playing.”
It was only after the announcement that Larken regained the use of her left hand, and she clenched and relaxed it, sighing as she did. She would need to be more careful about getting shot, and what position her limbs were in. It would have been impossible to get away if he had hit her bent leg instead.
Loxly stood and pulled her into a hug. “Good game. Do you know the way back to your locker room?”
“Maybe?”
He laughed. “Come on, I’ll show you really quick.”
The two made their way back to where the rest of her team was waiting for her. Both Levi and Soren heckled Loxly about his dirty trick and then told him to get out of their locker room.
The rest of the day went on like that, and more often than not, Loxly and Larken were the final two. Every so often, she was the first one killed, but it was usually Hinlee that was taken out first. She had a great attitude about it though, joking about spending most of her time under aircraft, not charging in front of them.
They had stopped for lunch, like Soren promised, and Larken had eaten everything she could get her hands on. It was nothing fancy, just sandwiches, but they tasted wonderful and did their job. But, at the end of the day, Team Feather had beaten Team Gun 8 to 4. And, as great as Larken felt, she was just as sore. She couldn’t wait to get back to the dorm and take a hot shower.
Larken still sat on the couch and had pulled her legs up under her, slouching and letting her head fall to the side. She reached up with her left hand and pulled at the muscle in her shoulder. Soren, who was the only one in the common room left with her, was transfixed. Having gotten up to get a drink of water, he had come back to find her like that. He didn’t know if he should stare at the blonde curl that rested against her neck, having fallen from her bun, or the elegant slope of her throat. Her milky skin looked so soft, and he started when he realized that he was wondering what it felt like. Was it soft like her hands? Or her elbows, that he found himself grabbing more and more lately?
Needing to do something to release the tension that had settled between his shoulder blades, he sarcastically asked, “What? Need a massage?”
“Yeah, if you wouldn’t—” She looked over her shoulder at him and her cheeks turned pink at the sight of his dropped jaw. “Oh, you weren’t being serious.”
“N-no, I can help,” he said, thoroughly embarrassed.
The shy smile on her face did something weird to his stomach, and he knew that he would see this task through, no matter what. She let go of her shoulder and said, “I have some lotion that Jodi gave me sitting on my case, if you want to use that.”
“Whatever,” he grunted as he made his way to her room.
The sweet smell of grapefruit that always clung to her greeted him as he walked into her room. Soren looked to the weapons case and found the bottle sitting next to a photograph that he couldn’t help but pick up and look at. The smile that turned his lips was genuine as he took in her crossed eyes and the pink tongue that stuck out of her mouth. General Maxwell had her in a headlock, and she was pretending to die. It was that side of her, the silly one who dreamed of sunny days and sang about dandelion fluff and kisses, that he found himself needing to be closer to with each passing day.
Setting the picture down, he grabbed the lotion and left. Soren unceremoniously plopped onto the couch behind her, and she pulled the straps off her right shoulder. Heat crept up his neck at the flesh she exposed, but she didn’t seem fazed by it. But, then again, she was probably used to exposing her shoulder like this.
“You took your sweet time,” she teased. “You find anything interesting?”
“Just that picture of you and General Maxwell.”
He could hear the smile in her voice when she said, “That one’s my favorite.”
Soren uncapped the bottle and squeezed some of the lotion onto her shoulder. She shuddered and complained, “You’re supposed to warm it up with your hands first.”
“Don’t be such a baby,” he grunted, the smell of eucalyptus filling his mind and clearing his sinuses.
Tentatively, he reached to her and smeared the lotion across the top of her shoulder and the curve of her neck. She tilted her head to give him a better angle, and he applied a little more pressure. His hand slipped too easily against her skin, so he pushed into the muscle more. She sighed, almost too quiet for him to hear, but the sound made it difficult for him to swallow.
In an attempt to focus on something else, Soren asked, “Does it bother you a lot?”
“Honestly…” she murmured, “yes.”
Gripping her shoulder, he started working his thumb into the muscle, moving it in little circles, back and forth over the knot. His fingers tingled coolly as the lotion soaked into his skin as well as hers. Soren didn’t know what to say; he wasn’t expecting her to be so honest with him. Not that Larken was a liar, but she didn’t like feeling exposed. Something that he easily related to.
They were silent for a long time, and Larken said, “It was the day after my sixteenth birthday. Vallen was the only one who had remembered, and that was when he gave me my sword. The next morning, I had to do an obstacle course to show how much I improved over the year. I planned on doing the one that Vallen had selected for me.” She sighed. “Then my mother showed up.”
Soren was still, apart from his fingers that pushed into her shoulder. She never talked about her home life, let alone her mother. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing and have her stop talking. Partly because he wanted to know what had happened, partly because he wanted to be the one that she opened up to.
“Vallen told me not to run it, that I wasn’t ready. But I used to do anything to try and get her approval. And completing the highest-level course four years early would have done that.”
Soren knew that one. It was the final test for anyone hoping to achieve the title of General. There were impossible jumps, an unending supply of androids that would be released onto the course at any moment, and cages that fell on you that you could only escape by solving a puzzle in the given time limit. It was a course that he wouldn’t be able to do without serious training. And it was always televised. But he couldn’t remember ever seeing or hearing about Larken doing it.
“What happened?” he asked.
“I almost finished. I made it to the final jump, and that’s where I messed up. I don’t really remember what happened after I jumped. I know that I jumped wrong, trying to avoid a cage, but other than that…” Her face fell. “I remember my fingers grazing the handle and falling. I can remember the pain and Vallen punching someone to try and get to me. But the thing I remember the most was looking at the box where my mother was sitting and seeing her turn and walk away. Then…nothing.”
No wonder she hated talking about it. This was the most vulnerable, most exposed, Soren had ever seen her, and he had held her while she cried the day before. How was it that someone so talented, so concerned for others, was so neglected? Soren had a new understanding of her relationship with General Maxwell and how close they really were. The memory of seeing him labeled as her father surfaced in Soren’s mind.
“Larken…”
She grabbed her straps, and he pulled his hand away so she could cover herself. “It’s fine. I just don’t talk about it because I’m not proud of it. I was really reckless and let my emotions get the better of me. Vallen always tells me that it’s going to get me in trouble. But I guess I don’t learn because he has to keep reminding me.”
That wasn’t the only reason she didn’t talk about it, but he didn’t push it. Soren lifted his hand again and then closed it into a fist before he touched her. He couldn’t see her eyes; he didn’t know what would be too much.
“Do me a favor though? Don’t tell the others, I don’t want them to…”
Larken didn’t finish, but she didn’t have to. “I won’t.”
She turned to face him, her teal eyes so blue that he felt like he was suffocating. This sensation was new and terrifying, and he was startled to realize that this must be what drowning felt like. He needed to get up, to leave. But when he tried to stand, his legs wouldn’t move. Instead, his hand reached up and cupped her cheek. A soft smile tugged her lips, and she leaned into his hand.
“Thank you.”
His throat was dry, and he couldn’t swallow the strange lump that was there. Nodding, he could only sit there and stare at her. Larken’s little smile warmed, and that melted something in him that he didn’t know was frozen. He really needed to get up and leave. But it was Larken that pulled away.
Yawning into the back of her hand, she exhaled, “Sorry.” Dropping her hand, she shook herself and stood. “I need to get to bed, I’m exhausted. See you in the morning?”
Another nod.
“Alright then.” She made her way to the hall, but then stopped and turned. “And thank you. Not for listening, but for being someone I can trust and talk to.”
She turned and rushed away before he could say anything, but what he would have said, he didn’t know. Soren realized that his lips were parted, and he closed them. His legs were working again, so he pushed up off the couch and stood. He reached for the lotion that Larken had left behind on the coffee table and felt his lips twist into a small smile. She would get it back in the morning. Soren turned the lights off before he made his way to his own room and then set the lotion on his desk. They were all turning in early; the day had been exhausting, but worth it. He had heard the way Larken had laughed in the arena as she chased down a screaming Hinlee and a flirtatious Loxly.
Soren turned off his light, stripped down, and then fell into bed. He groaned as he sunk into the mattress and got comfortable. Closing his eyes, he waited for sleep to take him, but instead, he could only see Larken leaning into his hand, looking up, and smiling at him. His eyes shot open.
What is wrong with me?
Soren shook his head and tried again. Still, she was there. This time, thanking him and making him melt.
Opening his eyes, Soren instead stared at the black ceiling, deciding that was better than the alternative. He didn’t know why he kept seeing her, and he didn’t care. At least, he told himself that he didn’t. If Soren was honest, he would admit that she was all he could think about anymore and that it frustrated him that he couldn’t get her out of his mind. She was everywhere. Training with him, laughing with him and Loxly, eating in the seat next to him; she was always there. Just like how the smell of grapefruit was always under his nose. So, if it frustrated him so much, why did he reach up and touch her tonight? Why did he reach out for her? It couldn’t be because…
Was I…
Soren raised his hand up in front of his face, and then balled it in a fist and let it fall to the bed.
If she hadn’t pulled away, would I have kissed her?
The realization of what had really happened that night settled into his gut and made him want to get up and go to the gym. He couldn’t be falling for her, he couldn’t have feelings for her, he couldn’t…
Soren rolled onto his side, promising himself that he would be more distant with her. He could still be a good Captain to her, a good friend, but he couldn’t keep going down this road, because there was no saying what would happen to him if he did.
CHAPTER 21
Larken jolted out of bed, only this time, instead of it being a nightmare that woke her up, it was a disagreeable Captain leaning into her very, very, closely. Her face was hot, and she could feel the embarrassment swamping her as if it were sweat. She raised her hands to her head and started hitting it softly with her open palms.
“What is wrong with you?” she hissed at herself.
A knock sounded at her door, and Hinlee’s voice called, “You okay in there, Larken?”
“Totally fine!” she answered too quickly. Another wave of heat rolled over her, and she worried that everyone would pick up on how weird she felt.
Larken jumped out of bed and slapped her cheeks, giving herself a mental chastising. Soren wasn’t like Dominic, at all. So, more likely than not, he hadn’t meant anything about last night and probably wasn’t even thinking about it. He had comforted her, that was it, and she was making a bigger deal about it than she needed to. She would go out there, and he would be just as cold as ever. Yes, he had been kind to take her gunning the day before, and about the whole incident on Sunday, but she was willing to bet that he was back to his old, grumpy self that wouldn’t talk to her unless she spoke to him first.
Larken looked at her communicator, cleared away a message from Dominic, and pulled up her schedule. Her whole morning had been blocked off for medical training, and after lunch she had rec time, which was followed by her dorm shift. Thinking that she was getting off a little easy for the day, she pulled up her schedule for the rest of the week. She winced as she saw gym hour after gym hour, and there was even a shortened lunch on Thursday. Larken decided that she would make plans with Dominic that day. The less time she had to spend with him, the better, but he was starting to get pushy again. He had kept his promise about giving her space; it was her turn to actually act like she had forgiven him and not just say she had.
Larken got ready quickly, making sure to slip on her sword belt before she left her room, and then ran bodily into Soren.
He grunted a, “Watch it,” and then ignored her.
