Surrender (Lost Souls MC Book 2), page 3
The reality of how close I’d come to that felt like a noose tightening around my neck. I was no longer that girl, but the pain stuck with me. The memories and dreams of someone with a future laid out felt like they belonged to someone else. Someone that had died in that warehouse. My body had been rescued, but my mind never recovered.
The bus hissed and lurched as we started moving, but I kept my face buried in my sweatshirt. I could run, but I could never hide from my demons. Those would stay with me forever.
Kaivan
By the time I rolled into Atlanta, my ass was sore. It had been a while since I took that long a ride. Just another reminder that I was almost thirty. I tapped at my phone in the waterproof holder and made the image larger. The dot hadn’t moved for a few hours, and I zoomed in on the spot to get an accurate location. It was a motel, a good twenty minutes outside of downtown.
The time was eleven-eleven. She might be asleep or maybe paying off her ride. I quickly squashed that thought before it could take root and make me murderous.
Memorizing the directions, I took off and made it there faster than the map showed. I parked under a light near the office. The blinds were drawn, and a sign on the door said No Vacancy. This was a tough area, and I prayed that no one tried to steal my baby. If they did, I would put a piece of lead between someone’s eyes. I glanced up at the motel. Pulling my phone out, I zoomed in as close as possible and realized that she had to be walking outside or could walk through walls. All the doors faced the outside, so I hopped off the bike and began stalking my little dot to cut her off.
I still had no idea what the hell I was going to say to Raine. There really weren’t words to describe what had gone on between us or how to apologize for acting out of my mind.
“What the fuck?” I heard Raine’s distressed voice and grabbed the gun from the back of my jeans. “I said let go of me,” she snarled. I rounded the corner to see her pushed up against the soda machine by some guy wearing a dark hoodie. I couldn’t see his face, but I didn’t need to. I knew what he wanted from her. Money or sex, and sometimes both—it was always the same.
My lip lifted in a snarl. No one hurt Raine. No one but me, anyway.
She was quick and broke the jerk’s hold before rounding on him with a hard punch to the face. I smiled as she braced herself against the machine and kicked out with both feet. The guy grunted and stumbled back, almost landing on his ass. Raine glared at the guy, no one paying attention to the threat coming from the side.
“Bitch!”
“What the hell is wrong with the fucking male population?” She struck out and landed a couple more solid hits as he attempted to get close again. My heart soared with pride as the guy grabbed at his gut and narrowly missed the shot to his dick. That’s my Tink. Feisty to the core. “Can’t a girl just get a fucking drink without being harassed?”
“You fucking bitch!” The guy lunged at her, slamming her into the machine. She winced with the impact but snarled as she scratched at his face and kicked him in the gut.
“Fucking cunt,” the guy yelled as Rained continued to strike at him like a feral cat. This was really fucking hot, and there was no denying it as I adjusted myself that it turned me on. I wanted to see her kick his ass, but hoodie guy wrapped his hand around her throat and lifted his fist to strike her.
I growled like a dog as I stepped up beside him and shoved the gun into the side of his head hard enough that he tilted it to the side and froze. “No one touches what’s mine, but hit her and see what happens,” I said, keeping my voice low and threatening.
Raine’s eyes snapped to mine. Those beautiful blues looked worried—as worried as the guy at the end of my gun must look—but under that was shock.
“Let go of her now,” I ordered. His hand dropped, and he slowly lifted them both up. “If I didn’t already have an engagement tonight, I’d blow your fucking hand right off for touching her, so consider this your lucky night. Now turn toward the breezeway and run. Run like your ass is on fire before I change my mind and kill you anyway,” I said, shoving the guy’s head with the gun.
There was no hesitation as he turned toward the back of the motel and took off in a sprint through the gap separating the buildings, disappearing into the darkness. Dropping my gaze to Raine, her nostrils flared, and her eyes narrowed as she stared at me. She was pissed, and I was so here for it. God, I wanted her right there—looking at me just like that—up against the machine.
“What the hell are you doing here,” Raine asked and then hit the button on the vending machine. She’d obviously already paid, or they liked giving away free beverages, as the bottle tumbled before it was spat out the bottom. Whenever I saw a soda machine work, all I could think of was The Matrix. I was forever ruined.
“I thought it would be pretty obvious that I came to see you. I don’t make it a habit to wander around the seedy parts of Atlanta,” I said.
“Why not? I’m sure you skulk around other seedy places,” she quipped back as she bent over to grab her bottle.
“Ouch, you wound me,” I drawled, and she glared over her shoulder as she fought with the machine. I never understood why they made the slot so awkward to get your hand in. Raine’s ass was right in front of me, her hoodie riding up and showing off the string of her thong. Before I could stop myself, I reached out and grabbed her hip. My finger brushed against her bare skin, and all I could picture was ripping those jeans off her and fucking her just like that.
Spinning around, Raine smacked my hand, but all it did was encourage the fantasy playing out in my mind.
“Don’t touch me.” She glared, and I smiled.
Before I could get into more trouble, I stuffed the gun under my jacket to conceal it once more as Raine walked away.
“How the hell did you find me anyway,” she asked as I fell in step beside her.
Lifting a shoulder, I let it drop. “I have my ways.”
Banter should not make me this hot, but with each step she took, the harder I got.
“Go away, Kai, Snake, or whoever the hell you are tonight. I don’t want to speak to you. I just want to be left alone. It’s really not too much to ask.”
“I need to speak to you,” I said.
Right now, I wished everything was solved as easily as fucking it away. I knew it wasn’t possible, but shit, she was tempting. Like a top-shelf scotch, she had my mouth watering.
We reached the corner room, and she pulled out the key from her pocket and unlocked the door. Stepping inside, she quickly turned and tried to push the door closed. I knew she would try and slam the door in my face, so I got my boot in the way. She made a little snarling noise at me, her nose scrunching up as she stared down at the boot.
“Fuck! Why are you so fucking annoying? Can’t you just leave me alone?” She yelled and let go of the door, giving up. That was the question. Why couldn’t I leave her to live her life, whatever that entailed?
Stepping into the small room, I closed and locked the door behind me. The fuzzy television was on low, showing some old sitcom. Raine opened the soda and took a swig like it was something much stronger. My lip curled up, figuring she wished it was.
“I told you we need to talk,” I said.
She spun around, slammed the bottle down, and her hands balled into fists. “About what? How you decided to ruin my life? How I gave up the one piece of happiness that I’d finally managed to carve out for myself because you can’t stand to see me happy?”
“It’s not like that.” She glared at me, her head twisting slightly as one of her eyebrows raised. It was her you’re a fucking liar look. I’d seen it so many times when we were younger, but I didn’t remember it being so damn sexy. I was having trouble concentrating, and my emotions couldn’t keep up with the storm swiftly brewing inside of me. “I swear to you it’s not. I mean, it was, but it’s not anymore.”
I ran my hand through my hair as she stomped in my direction, and my muscles tensed. The closer she got, the more charged the room became between us. By the time she was standing in front of me, I was breathing hard as I tried my best to keep my hands to myself.
Raine pushed on my chest, and my back hit the door.
“Oh really? Then tell me what the hell it’s like, ‘cause the guy that busted into my bubble of happiness last night didn’t seem too concerned about what damage he caused. I’d say you got exactly what you wanted. Me on the run, scared to death of you all over again. Stripping me of all the hard work that I did to put myself back together again. I hate you, Kai.” Her voice held so much venom that the poison seeped into my body.
“Don’t say that. You don’t mean that,” I said, her words stopping my heart.
“I do. I hate you!” She swung for my face, and I grabbed her arm out of the air. But she was quick and landed a hard blow with her left fist that knocked my head to the side. Fuck she had a hook.
I saw her gearing up for another strike and snatched her wrist. Spinning us around, I pushed her back up against the door.
“Stop looking at me like that.” She struggled in my hold and wouldn’t look me in the eyes.
“Like what, Tink?”
“Please, this is me begging you to go away,” she said, her voice breaking.
“No, tell me what you see.” I felt the anger shifting to another level like a geyser getting ready to blow. Her body trembled, but it wasn’t from fear. It was the same powerful connection I’d always felt between us.
“Stop looking at me like I actually mean something to you.” Her eyes were as angry as I’d ever seen them and filled with tears.
All the layers of hurt, love, and memories piled onto me all at once, and my body mirrored hers, trembling while I held her. She pushed against my hold and growled, but that only made me want to lay her on the bed.
There was a good chance she was gonna bite my tongue off, but I didn’t care and dropped my lips to hers before she could spew any more hate.
Her lips were firm and wouldn’t grant me access. So I nipped at her bottom lip and sucked it into my mouth as I held her hands above her head. Even as she tried to twist her head away, I followed the movement.
“Please, Kai…” She got out, and I took advantage and deepened the kiss. The building energy in the room soared off the charts as she opened her mouth further to let me kiss her properly. It was our first real kiss since that fateful night years ago. Her lips were warm and so soft, but her mouth was hot, and I could taste the lingering sweetness of the soda. She felt perfect and exactly like I dreamed she would.
She stopped trying to fight me, and I let go of her hands to grip her hips. She was mine. She was made for me in every way, including our broken and damaged souls, which were twined together.
“I don’t hate you, Tink. I wanted to so badly, but I don’t hate you,” I mumbled against her lips and then attacked her mouth again as she touched my chest. I felt each of her fingers as they fanned out like she was tentative to touch me, but couldn’t resist.
She moaned as I explored what I’d wanted for so long. Years I’d craved and wanted her just like this, and then I ended up behind bars. I spent more years thinking she wanted to hurt me. In all that time, not once did I think she’d actually suffered. Why hadn’t I thought more about it? I’d assumed so much because it was the easy answer. I was no better than her. If I’d known someone had hurt her…I shuddered with the thought. I would’ve found and killed them before they had the chance to lock me up, and I never would’ve signed off on a plea deal.
The raw pain of what she’d experienced was in her eyes last night. I saw the same trauma I shared shining back at me. She was willing to die at my hand to end the agony we’d caused one another. I loved her more now than I ever thought was humanly possible. I was obsessed. There was no other way to put it. Raine Eastman had always been the one consuming thought in my mind, but now she’d taken over my soul.
Cupping her ass, I pulled her up my body. She didn’t fight me, wrapping her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck as she kissed me harder. “I’m sorry, Tink.” I shook my head. “I…I don’t know how to make up for what I did, but I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”
“I don’t know, Kai,” she said.
“Yes, you do. You’ve always been mine. From the first day, we met, I knew we were meant to be together.”
Breaking the kiss, she pulled back, and even though her eyes were still hostile, the edge was gone. Raine’s eyes searched my face, and I wished I knew what she was looking for.
“You have a terrible way of showing it,” she finally said, and I smiled. It felt like it had been forever since I smiled for real. “But, I’m not yours, at least not only yours,” she said, and my smile turned into a snarl. “Be pissed all you want, but I had a life before you decided to blow it up.”
“You can’t mean those two assholes?” Her eyebrow lifted as she quietly sassed me. I let go of her ass, and her feet dropped to the floor. “You’re serious? You want them?”
I backed away from her, needing to put space between us. I couldn’t think straight when she was close to me. Reaching the furthest part of the small room, I turned to face Raine.
“But you said you loved me.” I knew I sounded pitiful and was happy that none of the guys at the clubhouse could hear me. “In the letter you left for Avro. You said you still love me.”
Her eyes got big and then narrowed as she crossed her arms. “How exactly did you end up reading a letter I left for Avro? You better not have fucking hurt him.”
I rolled my eyes. “No, of course not, and I didn’t raid your house if that’s what you’re thinking. The guy came to me and ordered me to find you. It was really stupid of him. But pretty brave. I’ll give him that.” Raine rubbed her face and sighed.
“Of course he did,” Raine mumbled.
“How can you say you love me but want them and whatever you had going on?” I reached for my smokes and remembered I had already smoked the last one. Fuck, of all the times to be out.
“First, I know it’s a stretch for you, but don’t be an asshole,” Raine sniped, making my lip curl up. Her face went bright red as she continued to fume. “And don’t try to tell me that you haven’t had more than one girl at a time before, or am I reading you all wrong?”
I swallowed hard as images of group sex with sweetbutts flashed behind my eyes. I stuffed my hands into my pockets.
“That’s different.”
“Oh, I see,” Raine growled, and fuck, my body flushed hot. I could see the spark of anger and jealousy in her eyes, and my heart pounded hard for it. Why did she have this power over me? “Then please, by all means, explain to me how it’s different. I’m really fucking curious to hear that answer.”
I felt a trap coming. Licking my lips, I tried to find a way to back out of the pile of shit I was stepping in. Hopefully, there wasn’t one of Wilder’s landmines under it. “Cause….”
“Cause? Wow, I’m impressed with the overwhelming argument you pose. Good thing you didn’t decide to be a lawyer. Your clients would be fucked.”
My eyes narrowed into a glare, my neck cracking as I tilted it to the side. All I wanted to do was stomp across the room and force Raine to see I was the only one she wanted. Fuck those other two guys.
“Gimmie a second. I’m thinking how to word this.”
“Well, you’re doing a bang-up job so far. Go on. I’m waiting with bated breath.”
“Damn, you still have that fucking sass. You make me want to fuck you stupid, Tink. Watch that mouth. I’m hanging by a thread here,” I growled out, but it only made her angrier as her hands balled into fists. I didn’t know what the fuck had happened on her trip to Atlanta, but this was not the same Raine that left Miami. Maybe it was the air, but I had a feeling it had to do with me pushing her over her breaking point last night. No longer fearing death changed a person.
Before I did exactly what I wanted to do and didn’t get anything solved, I tried again.
“Fuck. It’s just different, okay. The sweetbutts or any other girl don’t mean anything to me. I fuck them and move on to the next. Doesn’t matter if it’s one or ten because there is nothing between us. They are there to be used, and that’s what I do. Fuck ‘em, use ‘em, leave ‘em, done.”
It was like the air was sucked out of the room as the glacial glare she gave me somehow turned more lethal. She looked so badass, and all I could think about was ripping her clothes off. My head was fucked.
Raine whipped the door open, and I stared out at the poorly lit parking lot. The scent of stale air, loneliness, and regret wafted in at me. If I stepped through that door, that was it. I knew in my heart that as surely as the door would close behind me, so would the opportunity to make this right. I couldn’t let that happen.
A mix of panic and rage burned in my gut. I didn’t even know who the rage was pointed toward anymore, which added to the internal confusion. The only thing I was clear on was that I couldn’t step one foot outside that door if I wanted Raine.
“You said you love him. How can you say you love him and me too? I don’t get it. At least tell me that. Tell me why these other guys are so important when we can finally be together. As fucked up of a situation as it is, Tink, I want you. I’ve never stopped wanting you,” I blurted out.
She slowly closed the door, and my heart rate slowed, but when she turned her head and looked at me, the pain in her eyes gripped my throat as surely as a hand would.
“You don’t get it, do you,” Raine asked, her voice soft. She let go of the handle, and I swallowed hard as she stepped toward me. “I’ve always loved you.”
She gripped her shirt in her hand over her heart, and I swear I felt it as if she was squeezing the pounding organ in my chest. “Even when I thought you hurt me in the worst way possible, I never stopped loving you and mourning you like you’d died because, to me, that’s what it was like. I’d stare at your photo and cry for hours, wondering why you did what you did, and I hated myself. I loathed every part of my being because I couldn’t stop loving the guy who looked at me like I meant something. You made me feel like I was worth seeing, and then….” She snapped her fingers. “Just like that, you tore me down.”
