Hastings, page 26
I think watching the way I ran the demands of the tour, while keeping up with things at the office, helped my dad finally view me more through the lens of a businesswoman and less like his little girl playing dress-up.
It’s been fulfilling to feel more like an equal, like I belong in this arena. That I’m not here just because of who my father is.
“Welcome to the big leagues, baby girl.” My dad wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pressing a kiss against the side of my head after that first joint meeting with Alyssa. My chest filled with pride as he walked away. I finally felt seen, like my seat at the table actually mattered.
But it has been nonstop. And if I’m being honest, it’s finally starting to catch up to me.
I was given additional bands to reimage and revamp at the label. In this industry, image is everything. Your fans need to feel connected to you and like each individual matters.
Crafting the relationship between the artist and the fan and doing so in a way that feels authentic is not just a recommendation, it’s a necessity to stay relevant.
Between those bands, getting Alyssa started, and keeping the boys’ momentum from the tour going, it has had me spread thin. It’s running me ragged, but also feeling more alive than I’ve ever been.
Sarah would have loved it. All of it.
I think that’s what has kept me going. Owing it to her to see this through. Chase this down ’til the end. Until I’ve accomplished everything we said we would.
Business relationships have left little time for personal relationships. Which has left little time for me and Jaxon.
Me and Jaxon.
How to describe things with Jaxon…
Being home has certainly presented challenges in that area. We basically have zero time together other than when I meet with him and the guys for band-related things. Though even that has been few and far between recently as most of their time is in the recording studio, and most of mine is bouncing back and forth between bands and office requirements. So much is handled via email or text right now.
We’ve lost that uncomplicated ease from the tour that made us so good. Being back in Tennessee, back in the real world, we both jumped headfirst back into business mode and well – things have not been easy.
Complicated.
It has all been a bit complicated.
I miss him. I miss us. I miss the way we fit together so seamlessly on the tour. On the road, being with him felt like breathing. It was natural – instinctual. We didn’t have to force anything or try too hard. There was no thinking involved. We just were. We just fit. We lived for the moment, enjoying the way it all blended together so organically. I miss that. I miss him. I miss all of it.
I pulled up to my condo as the sun was setting and noticed a particularly handsome shaggy blond sitting on the step by the front door. Jaxon. I forgot to text Jaxon. We were supposed to grab dinner.
The list of missed dinners was starting to pile up. One of us always getting caught up or stuck in something we couldn’t get out of. Or, like today, being so dog tired, it just slipped my mind.
I opened the garage door and pulled my car into the oversized one-car garage. Inside, I laid my head on the steering wheel. Taking a breath in, I wondered how long he had been sitting there waiting on me. I lifted my head and took the elastic off my wrist, taking a moment to pull my hair back and out of my face.
I dragged myself out of my car, mentally and physically exhausted. Life currently was a lot. But it was everything. I was chasing my dream.
I shut the garage door and made my way to the front door to let Jaxon in. He stood and turned around at the sound of the door opening.
“Hey,” I said, leaning against the door frame.
He had his hands in his pockets. “Hey.”
We stood and took each other in for a moment.
“I’m sorry,” I started at the same time he said, “Can I come in,” each pausing to let out a tired laugh. His days have been long too. A fact that only added to the guilt I was feeling as it was never fun waiting around on someone.
Though he looked more ready to curl up and pass out rather than angry with me.
I stepped back to let him in. “I’m sorry. I got caught up digging into the fine print of a contract and everything slipped my mind.”
He pulled me into him and kissed me in response.
“Jaxon…”
“Uh-uh,” he uttered, more like a sound than actual words against my mouth.
I knew we needed to talk about the way it’d been lately. The crazy, relentless, busyness of it all. The long list of missed texts, dinners, and conversations.
Him kissing me the way that he was kissing me, with his hands pressed into my skin the way that they were, made it difficult to remember exactly why that was. I gave into the sensation of him, one of us reaching over to close the door before we began climbing the stairs to the second floor.
Despite it all, my body craved him in a particular sort of way. Craved the unique cocktail that was Jaxon Hastings. The electricity I felt when he was near me, touching me, made everything else fade away.
When he looked at me with that hungry look in his eye, like he wanted to devour me, I didn’t stand a chance. It made everything go fuzzy and flooded me with a raw need to be consumed by him. A need to be kissed by him, touched by him, until there wasn’t an inch of me left that hadn’t been marked by him in some way.
Several steps up and my back hit the wall on the stairs, my breathing heavy as his lips traveled along my neck, both of our fingers busily undoing buttons and removing layers. We peeled off the wall and made it almost to the top before a foot caught. We went down seemingly in slow motion. Arms going out and bracing for the inevitable blow, my backside taking most the impact.
I hardly noticed.
His lips were traveling down my torso causing my breaths to grow ragged in anticipation.
He shoved my skirt up around my waist, then yanked down the thin barrier that stood in his way. He ran his hands up the middle of my thighs, pressing them apart while he settled in front of me. My fingers tangled in his hair as he placed a kiss on the inside of my thigh.
His grip on me tightened, and then he buried himself in my center, finding that rhythm that had my head falling back. A moan escaped my lips, and he became more ravenous in response. Swirling his tongue until my body coiled up, begging to break free.
I ground my hips into him, my grip tightening in his hair, causing his own groan of pleasure to sound from his lips. The small vibration giving me what I needed to let go. I cried out as I tumbled over the edge, his name spilling from my lips in ragged breaths. His determined movements only stopping when I pushed against him forcefully.
He made quick work of his pants. Then he was over me, holding himself up with an arm while lining himself up with my entrance. He pushed inside of me in one thrust, my body ready for him.
He made love to me, crashing into me again and again while our eyes were locked onto each other’s, letting the action replace all the unsaid words between us. It was rough, and desperate, and needy. Both of us clinging onto each other; my fingers digging down his arms as we moved. We got lost in the feeling, lost in us, lost in the way we felt without all the complications taking the front and center.
He grabbed onto my thigh, running his hand up to cup my backside, pulling me against him as he thrust into me, finding his own release.
I cried out his name, feeling him exactly where I needed to to find my own reprieve as my eyes clamped shut, unable to stay open. He clung onto me, not stopping until I was able to open my eyes again. Steadying my breathing, I came down from the high he ignites within my body.
He collapsed onto me, and I held him close. My hands working their way through his hair as I focused on his breaths. He placed a kiss on my collarbone and then my neck. He brushed his lips across my cheek, and I placed a gentle kiss on his jaw.
We traded these delicate exchanges, slowly coming up to sitting. He pulled me into him, and I savored the feeling of just being held in his arms.
We stood up from the stairs. Our hands fitting together, fingers intertwining.
Our feet padded across the floor as he led us down the hall and into my room. We crawled into the covers, his arms engulfing me as we snuggled into the warmth. My eyes grew heavy, and I gave into the darkness pulling me under, allowing myself to fall into a deep sleep in the comfort of his arms.
Movement beside me roused me from my sleep the following morning. Jaxon shifted as his eyes opened. A smile growing on his face when his eyes met mine.
He was handsome. Devastatingly so.
I smiled back at him, running a hand through his hair as I took him in. I loved it, the way it felt tangling my fingers in it, and watching his eyes sparkle under my touch.
“Jaxon,” I began.
He pulled me into him, silencing me with a kiss. With zero concerns for morning breath. I guess living in close quarters on a bus, for as long as we did, changes things.
He shifted and I turned, pressing my back into his chest. He wrapped his arm around me and nuzzled into my neck.
“We need to talk,” I whispered. Afraid to say it out loud, afraid of what it might change.
“About what?” His warm breath on my neck releasing shivers where it touched.
“Dinner. Me missing dinner,” I explained.
“You were busy. Work is crazy right now.” He offered the explanation as my excuse.
“Me forgetting about the dinner,” I reiterated.
“You were busy,” he said again.
“Jaxon, I totally forgot. It slipped my mind.”
“And I forgot about lunch last week.”
“Your recording session went long.”
“Still forgot.”
“Why is this…”
“Cambri.” I felt the excuse he was about to make.
“Okay fine. How about the dinner you missed?” I asked.
He chuckled. Chuckled – like it was nothing. Like he didn’t feel the thread beginning to unravel.
“Is that what this is about? Me missing dinner? Rehearsal ran late that night. You know I would never choose to skip out on you.” He placed a kiss on the base of my head.
I turned in his arms and let my eyes find his. “No. I’m not mad that you missed dinner, or the text, or anything else because you’re chasing your dream. You should be chasing your dream. It’s your dream.” He shot an eyebrow up. I let out a sigh. “This all feels complicated. That’s the point. I’m not mad about who missed what. We are both busy. Our schedules are pulling us in so many different directions. It all just feels so…”
“Complicated,” he filled in.
I gave a nod. “Yes.”
His shoulder raised. “So, it’s complicated. Hell, everything right now is complicated. Finding time to eat a sandwich is complicated. But this,” he gestured between us, “the rest I feel when we can take five minutes to slow down together. This isn’t complicated. This is a fucking lifeline.”
I nodded, absorbing the conviction in his words, studying his eyes and the truth behind them. For now, maybe that’s all I needed. All that we needed, five minutes to rest in each other.
The alarm on my cell phone went off, breaking the mirage of the reassuring silence that passed between us. I rolled over and turned it off, sitting up and placing my feet on the floor.
I looked around and then remembered that most of our clothes were on the stairs. I stood up, taking the comforter with me as I made my way to the shower.
“Boo,” he complained as I walked away. I felt the gentle tug against the comforter, and I turned back to look at him, a smile forming at the sight of his pout. I dropped the comforter just past my shoulders and his eyes lit up.
I rolled my eyes. “You are such a man.” I walked away letting the comforter fall to the floor.
“You say that like it is a bad thing,” he called after me.
He met me in the bathroom, pulling his jeans up and over his hips, not bothering to button them. I spit toothpaste into the sink, while the fogging mirror indicated that the shower was ready.
My eyes naturally gravitated toward his gaping pants. The way his happy trail spilled out and gave way to his bare chest. He was yummy. And yes, I was aware of how that sounded, but it was the honest to God truth and there was literally no other word to describe him like this. The way his jeans hung low, unbuttoned, teasing everything that was unseen, was yummy. Every. Last. Inch of him.
I placed my toothbrush in the holder and watched as he picked up the one that he kept here and squirted toothpaste onto it.
After the tour, we each had a toothbrush that just showed up at the other’s place. Along with a few other miscellaneous items of comfort such as an old pair of sweatpants, extra undies, etc.
It’s something that just happened once we started finding ourselves crashing at each other’s house after a late night at the office. You quickly learn that having a few personal items on hand is a simple luxury that you appreciate when you don’t make it back to your house in order to see the other one after a long day.
I crossed my arms and leaned against the bathroom counter, standing quietly while he brushed his teeth. Jaxon Hastings found a way to make even the simplest action sexy.
The way his arm flexed while he ran his toothbrush back and forth across his teeth. The way his other hand made an effort to tame his bed head. Not that his bed head even needed taming. Honestly, even that worked for him.
He oozed male primal sexiness.
He spit out his toothpaste and placed his toothbrush next to mine, then placed a hand on either side of me, trapping me between his arms. “Your shower’s ready.”
“Care to join?”
He answered by sliding his jeans down and stepping out of them. I bit down on my lip.
“After you.” He stood back and gestured with his hand. He followed me inside, hiding away in the warmth that waited in the small enclosure.
“You headed into the office or are you meeting with clients in the studio today?” he asked me as we dressed.
“Both,” I supplied. “I’m gonna check in at Norwood Records this morning to get a few things done. I have a meeting at 10:45, and then I’m off to the studio. Alyssa and Wyatt Logan have overlapping studio times. So, I’ll probably be there for the remainder of the afternoon once I arrive.”
He nodded, running his fingers over the scruff on his chin.
“What about you? What’s your day look like?”
Crossing his arms, he shrugged. “Studios are booked, and my PR rep is busy with other clients. We may rehearse a few new songs, but other than that today is fairly light.”
I deflated. “It feels like our light days never line up,” I whined more than I intended to, but I couldn’t help it. Not having more than the late nights we could steal together was really starting to get to me.
“I’m sorry.” I clamped my eyes shut for a second before meeting his eyes. Forcing myself to sound more like an adult and less like a whiny teenager. “I’m just tired and I miss you.” I shrugged. “I miss us.”
He pulled me into him and rested his chin on the top of my head.
“I know.” He held me in his arms, and I focused on the inhale from his chest. “One day this will all calm down, and I’m going to whisk you away to somewhere warm and tropical. Where clothes will be optional, but certainly not encouraged.” He peered back and gave me a devilish grin. “Right now, we are both just getting started so our time is being demanded at crazy levels. I know it’s hard and exhausting.” He ran his hand down my back. “But this won’t last forever. Just today,” he finished.
“Just today,” I repeated back against his chest.
“For the record.” He looked down at me, causing me to peer up into his eyes. “I miss you too.”
I melted. Blame it on the exhaustion and relentless demand of my schedule, but my eyes filled with tears. I blinked them away, resting my head on his chest, and took a deep breath.
“You’re going to be late, Ms. Norwood.” He ran a hand down my back.
“I know.” But I didn’t care. The pace of it all was starting to feel overwhelming and I found myself wanting to push pause for a moment. Just long enough to catch my breath and stay here with him like this.
I peeled myself away from him and smoothed my hair into place with my hands. He watched me silently as I did.
“Want to try for dinner again tonight since your day is light? I should be able to sneak away since both of my studio bookings are earlier afternoon.”
He shoved his hands in his jean pockets. “Let’s leave it at I’ll see you when I see you. Then no one is missing a dinner,” he suggested.
I gave him a tight-lipped smile as I nodded once. “Yeah. Absolutely,” I let out as I felt a crushing weight in my chest at his words. “I’ll see you when I see you.”
I walked away before he could see the tears resurface in my eyes. I really needed to get more sleep. It was not like me to be this emotional.
I took a deep breath to steady myself as I made my way to the kitchen to grab a banana before descending the stairs to my garage.
I heard him following after me. Once I grabbed my things and was more in control of my emotions, I turned around. I forced a grin onto my face. “I’ll – see you when I see you.”
Tonight, tomorrow, a week from now. I hated that phrase. The nights we stole were already spreading further apart. It felt like leaving it like this was signing a death warrant to this love affair we had. Leaving him with that phrase felt like we were pulling that loose thread further apart. Unraveling what little remained that held us together in the first place.
He shoved his hands into his jean pockets. “Have a great day, Cambri.”
“You too.”
I turned and walked down the stairs that lead to my garage as I shook my head. “You too?” What the hell? I made it to the door that opened to the garage, grabbed the door handle, and then turned and faced the stairs. I thought briefly about stomping back up them and over to him. Informing him that I was not fine with leaving things at, “I’ll see you when I see you.” Insisting that we talk about how it feels like we’re falling apart. That we find a way to fix it before we completely shatter. Slowly. Piece by piece. I wanted to pound on his chest and demand for him to explain why this wasn’t killing him the way it felt like it was killing me.
