Find Me, page 14
“The Goho province?”
“Yes, I need to speak with Lord Taiko.”
“If that’s the case, you don’t even know if you’ll be back.” She was upset, but he was going to leave, regardless. She knew him that much. Not wanting their last conversation to be a fight, she desperately clung onto the hem of his robe. “Why? Why are you going there? I thought we were going home.”
“The war has already begun. Hissing Blade is amassing his army, calling his lords, and I already told you that I can’t take that home. You want me to fight and I’m doing that, but I need you to listen to me, all right?”
Sourly and with pursed lips, she nodded. Of course he couldn’t take her into the territories of a hostile clan.
“Will you be traveling with Lord Isamu?” she asked.
“No, he must stay and organize his troops. The ashigaru take a long time to assemble… will you come and see me out? And please don’t cry, it’s a bad omen.”
But it was hard not to. The human soul growing inside her made her more emotional than she cared to be. “It must be a girl,” she whispered, wiping her face with her sleeve. “She has a flair for the dramatics.”
He smiled, kissed her, and she never wanted to let him go.
But he must, she understood. If he stayed here, the enemy would come sooner rather than later and most probably before their child was born. He had to leave so they had a shot, but she still cried.
“Come on, Ayame.” He squeezed her shoulder. “Come see your lord out. And don’t worry about Isamu. I’ve known him since we were both foolish youths. He will ride with me to the Ryu nest, and he’ll protect you in the meantime. If I could ask a favor, will you find the time to care for Sora? He’s not well.”
“Of course.” She rose. She had to. He was getting up to leave. “How do you know the Goho won’t just kill you?” she asked.
“If they want the Ryu, they need me. They can’t win without me. The deities witness they’ve been trying for a century.” Arrogance, her lord possessed it, and he was that much finer when he displayed it.
Ayame put on her outer robe, followed him out, and stood in the courtyard of brown stone walls as Lord Kyuzo mounted with a dozen Satsuma bujin—at least he wasn’t alone.
“Travel safe and return to us soon.” She bowed.
“Isamu, you will care for Lady Ayame?” Lord Kyuzo narrowed his eyes at Lord Isamu who’d come out with his sons.
“Like my jewel.” He grinned.
“Keep your jewel away from my woman lest you lose it, old fool.”
“Try to bring my men home this time.” Isamu lifted his chin at Lord Kyuzo. “Try not to die and return with good news, nee?”
The lords exchanged brief nods. Lord Kyuzo twisted in his saddle. He winked at Ayame, a wolfish grin splitting his face. But before she could respond, he turned and tapped his horse with his riding crop.
As she watched the men ride out through the gate, Puff came out and sat on the snow next to her. Despite claiming he wasn’t her friend, the fox always knew when to comfort her… albeit his own way.
“You’re ballooning, Ayame. It’s time to lay off the cake and share it around.”
She bent and petted Puff, a curious habit if one saw her, for he was being a spirit and not leaving paw prints on the snow.
“You’re some type of mystic, aren’t you?” Lord Isamu asked.
“No.” Ayame straightened.
“You must’ve enchanted Kyuzo. I’ve never seen him dilly dally so long with the same woman.”
“So long?” Ayame repeated. The large man in a blue robe had known her but half a moon. “My lord kept Mistress Naomi for ages, till her unfortunate demise.”
“Ah, Naomi, what a woman.” He longingly sighed. “Yes, but I’ve never known him to keep a single woman. Naomi was just his favorite, out of many. Just because she lived in his house didn’t mean she was the only one. He’s grown old, I suppose.” He tutted. “Time, that bastard dulls even the sharpest blade.”
As the lord and his sons and servants turned to go inside, Ayame watched the gates close. Panic bubbled as if she’d never see him again, and she resisted the urge to sprint to the door and bang on it to be led out.
“In your condition, you’ll only hinder him,” Puff said, as if he could see inside her head. “Had you not followed him to Sunlit City, he wouldn’t be in knee deep manure, remember that.”
“Oh, shush!” Ayame swatted at the phantom fox, her sleeve slapping the orange furred head. A rule with spirits: if one could see it, one could affect it. But how would that work with Sora now being blinded? She flicked a look up at his closed shutters.
Had I not been with him, the emperor would be alive, sure, but the prince would have killed my lord trying to end Sora. He would have died in Ikidomari. No one could have survived that.
She wouldn’t say such a thing out loud, for even walls had ears, but it was true. She was convinced. Then there was the other side of it: no one would have survived Hissing Blade, and now, without Blue Dragon, his powers had no limit. The realization made her shiver, so she picked up Puff and hugged him.
“We’ll get through this together,” she whispered.
“I’ve grown fond of your foolishness, I suppose. Besides, I’m very curious to see what kind of creature should come out of you.”
“It’s a child, Puff.”
“It’s a royal diviner, Ayame.”
“How do you mean?”
“You’re divine, he’s mortal, and that was how the first emperor was conceived. But your powers being sealed and him being… well, dead, might change that. We shall see what comes of it.”
“He’s not dead,” Ayame insisted.
“If I flip through the book of the living, would I find him?”
Then a new worry plagued Ayame. Instead of addressing it, because she couldn’t, she held the fox’s muzzle shut and strode toward the door.
“As if that would help, as if you see me speaking with my mouth. You’re a few lanterns short of a festival, Ayame.”
That was probably true, and so was this: she was famished and it was morning meal time.
fifteen
That Can’t Be
The days bled into one another, merging at the sound of the gong. Servants of the Satsuma performed the exact daily routine from rising to sleeping, and if Ayame stood in the hall at the same hour each day, she’d see the same servants repeating the same tasks—marionettes moving to the ring of the bell.
In the absence of excitement, her mind often wandered into the past and Reiji had been on it. She’d never spoken with Kyuzo-dono about her family, and she wanted to when he returned. Her lord understood the hearts of men. Perhaps he could help her unravel the mystery of her brother.
Curly dark locks like the coiled stems of a dandelion painted with charcoal, he had unruly hair. His eyes were completely black, as if someone had poked the ink out of the iris and it had bled into the whole eye. Instead of pulling the puppets with a spring, he used to animate them with dreams, an illusion of purpose, of existence, and have them dance on a tiny stage to amuse her. In hindsight, he had a cruel propensity, but she missed him because he was the first man she’d loved.
The other man she loved beat his son to death with a crop, but she still thought him kind. Perhaps the ying and yang, the duality of the dark and the light, existed within every man. Pondering these things, Ayame headed to the stables. She wanted to groom Noble—Kyuzo-dono’s stallion—and keep him company. He had left with Wraith’s gelding, probably because gelded horses were easier to manage and the trip was long, but that meant his stallion was cooped up in a tiny stall all day.
Not that different from the Ishii stables, the Satsuma one was a long wooden building with large doors left open in the calm weather, and there was snow on the sloping roof. The stableboy, a bright-eyed youth, was sitting on a pile of firewood and cleaning reins when Ayame approached and asked to borrow brushes.
He handed her a bucket of bristles but asked, “Are you not a woman?”
“I’m a priestess,” she said.
“But you’re with child.” He pointed at her swollen belly.
“Then why ask if I’m a woman?”
“Because you want to groom horses.”
This was going nowhere. She thanked him for the brushes and headed inside.
“Don’t touch the black one with red tassels. He bites!” the youth yelled at her back.
She was going to touch that one, precisely.
Inside, the stable had two rows of stalls and an aisle through the center. Ayame saw Sora with Noble right away, and her mind slipping for a moment, she bowed to him. Then, remembering why that was stupid, she walked to the end of the stall where the black stallion was, and cleared her throat to announce her arrival.
“You walk so loud, Lady Ayame,” Sora said. His back to her, he brushed the long black mane, stroking the horse’s neck as well. Noble let Sora pet him, as bad as the creature’s temper was.
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say. She hung her bucket of bristles from a hook on a pillar.
“No, I find it rather reassuring these days. I always know it’s you,” he said. “I hear you outside my door sometimes, but you never come in. Did you need to speak with me?” His voice was calm and even toned.
Sora’s midnight hair flowed down to his lower back. The length was longer than a bujin would keep. Ayame saw a white ribbon in his hair, which she assumed was for his locks, but as Sora turned, she realized he’d tied a silk sash over his eyes.
“I…” She deflated. “How is your health?”
“Well,” was what he said. “I’ve been meaning to speak with you, actually. Do you still have the fox?”
“Puff? Yeah, he’s around.”
“Will you call him? I wanted to try something.”
Ayame frowned, not liking the sound of it. “You won’t hurt him? He’s my friend.”
“No, of course not.”
“All right. I’ll put out some cakes and see if he comes around.” She held out her hand. “Do you need me to… How about we go back to the castle? I believe it’s lunch soon.”
“Sure.”
Remembering he couldn’t see the offered hand, Ayame gently touched him first, then looped her arm around his.
“How did you get there?” she asked.
“Asked a servant to guide me.”
“Oh.”
Then, whilst standing on kicked around hay and straw with seeped in odor of piss and manure, holding the hand of a man she didn’t quite know what to make of, Ayame felt the child move and gasped. It poked her from inside.
“Sora!” She took his hand and placed it where the little thing was moving. “Do you feel it?”
His mouth half opened with delight. “My brother kicks. How delightful that I shall no longer be alone.”
“You’re not alone.” She guided him toward the door.
Turning back to the stallion, Sora said, “Bye, Joy. I’ll be back tomorrow to care for you.”
Oh, that made sense why he’d been petting the horse. Joy was Wraith’s horse, and it wasn't black. Ayame’s heart sank a little, but she didn’t correct him. What did Satsuma stableboys know about Ishii horse names? She’d refer to Kyuzo-dono’s stallion as Joy from then on, and let Sora keep this last connection to the dream he had.
She strolled together with him, calling out obstacles in the way as well as commentating about the surroundings.
“A sour sentry, northeast,” Ayame whispered. “He looks as if he might smell bad. Better walk upwind from him.”
In trying to amuse Sora, she lifted her own sagging spirit and found a smile whilst looking at the brown stone walls, till he said, “I’m going to kill them all, you know?”
“Satsuma?” Ayame asked carefully. They were still some yards away from the main keep, but there were bujin and servants around.
“No, they’ve done nothing wrong. I mean the Ryu. It’s all their fault. It’s good Blue Dragon died. He was a clown. Coral Moon too, he was a coward. Everyone who let Hissing Blade become what he is, all the caricature lords and officials of Sunlit City, anyone who’d fight for him now, when I’m the emperor, I’m going to bleed them all. They’ll call me Red Sora because of the color I’ll paint the ocean with.”
“Well, you’re not the emperor yet.” She squeezed his hand to comfort him, to let him know she was there.
“But I will be. I’ll end the Ryu lineage once and for all. The claim of divinity ends with me. I’ll be the last emperor of Nara. Deities don’t belong in this world. The blind worship of them is profane. I wish I was a royal diviner so I can open the gates of hell right at the heart of heaven.” He sniggered. “Hissing Blade communes with the deities. People think he’s speaking to himself, but I could always hear the other voice. They made him what he is.”
“Deities have dark and light inside them, the same as humans,” Ayame said. “Not all gods are evil. Most are good, in fact.”
“If you’re good but allow evil to flourish, then how virtuous are you, really? Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. What are you then but blind, deaf, and mute?”
They reached the keep door and Ayame told him so, but before they entered, he continued, “You seem tense, Ayame. But don’t worry, I’d never hurt you. Honorable Father loves you and you helped him kill—”
“Hush, Sora.” Ayame put a finger on his lips. “We’re not home,” she whispered.
“That’s true.” He put his hand on her belly. “He’s asleep now, I suppose?”
“I guess.”
“It’s sad I’ll never see him.”
“I’ll tell you what he looks like.”
“Will you do that with others as well? I always wondered about Lady Teishi. I want you to describe her to me, should we ever meet her.”
“Sure.” She led him inside, helped him take off his sandals at the door and place them on the rack. “Which one is she?”
“Warlord Goho Taiko’s daughter. Father went to see her, I thought. Had he not told you?”
“I know he went to meet with the Goho,” she said, now guiding him to the dining hall just as the gong rang in the courtyard. “What’s this about Lady Teishi?” she couldn’t help asking.
“Ah, I guess you wouldn’t know because you’re unfamiliar with Ishii history, but Father was once betrothed to Lady Teishi. Many years ago, the emperor sought peace with the Goho and arranged for the union, but just like everything else Blue Dragon attempted, it was a failure.
“I was young, but remember Father being upset for moons over the broken engagement. Probably that’s why he’s never wed. I reckon he still cares for her. For years, she would write him passionate letters declaring affection… I’m curious as to what she looks like. She’s a famed beauty.”
“Oh.” Ayame shoved him into the dining hall. One thing hadn’t changed—Sora’s ability to be incredibly annoying without realizing it. “Maybe not so famous since I’ve never heard of her,” she said bitterly.
It’s fine, she told herself as she found Sora a seat and fluffed his cushion, but it wasn’t fine, and she silently frothed. Why wouldn’t he tell her?
For the rest of the day, Ayame grew petty and jealous and sat about with a deep frown.
“Who cares if she’s beautiful? Aesthetics is certainly not high on Lord Kyuzo’s priority. Look at yourself, for instance.”
They were in Ayame’s room, and she smacked the fox with a cushion.
“Beauty is on the inside.”
“In your instance, that’s probably true.”
Ayame thought he’d complimented her till the fox came and pressed his ear to her belly—he’d meant the child. Ever since he found out, he’d grown awfully curious. Convinced it was a girl, he eagerly waited for her.
“Why do you care, anyway?” she asked, snuffing out all the lanterns but one. She got up to close the shutters for the night.
“When you leave, she’ll stay. I’ve gotten into a bad habit of seeking company. I’m hoping I can befriend her.”
That was surprisingly honest coming from Puff. The logistics of rearing a mortal child eluded her. Immortal Court didn’t allow human souls to enter their realm… She’d be leaving a part of herself behind for Kyuzo-dono to keep. A pretentious thought perhaps, but she had three and a half years to before she had to make that decision. The oncoming war was a far more pressing issue.
Ayame imagined Kyuzo-dono returning wed to his betrothed. That would certainly help the alliance.
“Why make a sour face?”
“Nothing.”
Ayame blew out the last oil lantern and tried to sleep, but the baby rattled endlessly. She was having a fit as well.
It’s fine, Ayame rubbed her belly. Your father loves us. But he also needed the Goho and wasn’t that the truth?
Yelling in the courtyard woke Ayame. Puff, who’d been sleeping with his head on her stomach, sprung up as well. No time to feel around in the dark, she opened her door to let the dim light spill in from the hallway and slipped on her outer garment.
Servants of Enju didn’t dare breathe out loud on most days, but they were swarming the corridors and bunching by the open shutters to peer out. Puff cantering after her, Ayame headed to the winding stairs at the heart of the keep and found Sora clutching the handrail. The steps were steep, so Ayame called his name before taking his arm.
“What floor is this?” he asked.
“Third, Sora. Go out to the courtyard?”
“Please. Will you tell me what’s happening?”
“I don’t know. We shall see.” She felt a dummy for having said ‘see’ but he didn’t take offense and they hurried downstairs together.
Initially, Ayame had hoped Lord Kyuzo had returned, but the insistent barking of the hounds told her otherwise. The Satsuma hunting dogs were kept in their kennel and Ayame would never see them except for going to the stables—the kennel was on the way. But now, they were clearly in the courtyard, and something had riled them up. Hostiles, the growling and the snapping declared, but if so, how were they already inside?
“Yes, I need to speak with Lord Taiko.”
“If that’s the case, you don’t even know if you’ll be back.” She was upset, but he was going to leave, regardless. She knew him that much. Not wanting their last conversation to be a fight, she desperately clung onto the hem of his robe. “Why? Why are you going there? I thought we were going home.”
“The war has already begun. Hissing Blade is amassing his army, calling his lords, and I already told you that I can’t take that home. You want me to fight and I’m doing that, but I need you to listen to me, all right?”
Sourly and with pursed lips, she nodded. Of course he couldn’t take her into the territories of a hostile clan.
“Will you be traveling with Lord Isamu?” she asked.
“No, he must stay and organize his troops. The ashigaru take a long time to assemble… will you come and see me out? And please don’t cry, it’s a bad omen.”
But it was hard not to. The human soul growing inside her made her more emotional than she cared to be. “It must be a girl,” she whispered, wiping her face with her sleeve. “She has a flair for the dramatics.”
He smiled, kissed her, and she never wanted to let him go.
But he must, she understood. If he stayed here, the enemy would come sooner rather than later and most probably before their child was born. He had to leave so they had a shot, but she still cried.
“Come on, Ayame.” He squeezed her shoulder. “Come see your lord out. And don’t worry about Isamu. I’ve known him since we were both foolish youths. He will ride with me to the Ryu nest, and he’ll protect you in the meantime. If I could ask a favor, will you find the time to care for Sora? He’s not well.”
“Of course.” She rose. She had to. He was getting up to leave. “How do you know the Goho won’t just kill you?” she asked.
“If they want the Ryu, they need me. They can’t win without me. The deities witness they’ve been trying for a century.” Arrogance, her lord possessed it, and he was that much finer when he displayed it.
Ayame put on her outer robe, followed him out, and stood in the courtyard of brown stone walls as Lord Kyuzo mounted with a dozen Satsuma bujin—at least he wasn’t alone.
“Travel safe and return to us soon.” She bowed.
“Isamu, you will care for Lady Ayame?” Lord Kyuzo narrowed his eyes at Lord Isamu who’d come out with his sons.
“Like my jewel.” He grinned.
“Keep your jewel away from my woman lest you lose it, old fool.”
“Try to bring my men home this time.” Isamu lifted his chin at Lord Kyuzo. “Try not to die and return with good news, nee?”
The lords exchanged brief nods. Lord Kyuzo twisted in his saddle. He winked at Ayame, a wolfish grin splitting his face. But before she could respond, he turned and tapped his horse with his riding crop.
As she watched the men ride out through the gate, Puff came out and sat on the snow next to her. Despite claiming he wasn’t her friend, the fox always knew when to comfort her… albeit his own way.
“You’re ballooning, Ayame. It’s time to lay off the cake and share it around.”
She bent and petted Puff, a curious habit if one saw her, for he was being a spirit and not leaving paw prints on the snow.
“You’re some type of mystic, aren’t you?” Lord Isamu asked.
“No.” Ayame straightened.
“You must’ve enchanted Kyuzo. I’ve never seen him dilly dally so long with the same woman.”
“So long?” Ayame repeated. The large man in a blue robe had known her but half a moon. “My lord kept Mistress Naomi for ages, till her unfortunate demise.”
“Ah, Naomi, what a woman.” He longingly sighed. “Yes, but I’ve never known him to keep a single woman. Naomi was just his favorite, out of many. Just because she lived in his house didn’t mean she was the only one. He’s grown old, I suppose.” He tutted. “Time, that bastard dulls even the sharpest blade.”
As the lord and his sons and servants turned to go inside, Ayame watched the gates close. Panic bubbled as if she’d never see him again, and she resisted the urge to sprint to the door and bang on it to be led out.
“In your condition, you’ll only hinder him,” Puff said, as if he could see inside her head. “Had you not followed him to Sunlit City, he wouldn’t be in knee deep manure, remember that.”
“Oh, shush!” Ayame swatted at the phantom fox, her sleeve slapping the orange furred head. A rule with spirits: if one could see it, one could affect it. But how would that work with Sora now being blinded? She flicked a look up at his closed shutters.
Had I not been with him, the emperor would be alive, sure, but the prince would have killed my lord trying to end Sora. He would have died in Ikidomari. No one could have survived that.
She wouldn’t say such a thing out loud, for even walls had ears, but it was true. She was convinced. Then there was the other side of it: no one would have survived Hissing Blade, and now, without Blue Dragon, his powers had no limit. The realization made her shiver, so she picked up Puff and hugged him.
“We’ll get through this together,” she whispered.
“I’ve grown fond of your foolishness, I suppose. Besides, I’m very curious to see what kind of creature should come out of you.”
“It’s a child, Puff.”
“It’s a royal diviner, Ayame.”
“How do you mean?”
“You’re divine, he’s mortal, and that was how the first emperor was conceived. But your powers being sealed and him being… well, dead, might change that. We shall see what comes of it.”
“He’s not dead,” Ayame insisted.
“If I flip through the book of the living, would I find him?”
Then a new worry plagued Ayame. Instead of addressing it, because she couldn’t, she held the fox’s muzzle shut and strode toward the door.
“As if that would help, as if you see me speaking with my mouth. You’re a few lanterns short of a festival, Ayame.”
That was probably true, and so was this: she was famished and it was morning meal time.
fifteen
That Can’t Be
The days bled into one another, merging at the sound of the gong. Servants of the Satsuma performed the exact daily routine from rising to sleeping, and if Ayame stood in the hall at the same hour each day, she’d see the same servants repeating the same tasks—marionettes moving to the ring of the bell.
In the absence of excitement, her mind often wandered into the past and Reiji had been on it. She’d never spoken with Kyuzo-dono about her family, and she wanted to when he returned. Her lord understood the hearts of men. Perhaps he could help her unravel the mystery of her brother.
Curly dark locks like the coiled stems of a dandelion painted with charcoal, he had unruly hair. His eyes were completely black, as if someone had poked the ink out of the iris and it had bled into the whole eye. Instead of pulling the puppets with a spring, he used to animate them with dreams, an illusion of purpose, of existence, and have them dance on a tiny stage to amuse her. In hindsight, he had a cruel propensity, but she missed him because he was the first man she’d loved.
The other man she loved beat his son to death with a crop, but she still thought him kind. Perhaps the ying and yang, the duality of the dark and the light, existed within every man. Pondering these things, Ayame headed to the stables. She wanted to groom Noble—Kyuzo-dono’s stallion—and keep him company. He had left with Wraith’s gelding, probably because gelded horses were easier to manage and the trip was long, but that meant his stallion was cooped up in a tiny stall all day.
Not that different from the Ishii stables, the Satsuma one was a long wooden building with large doors left open in the calm weather, and there was snow on the sloping roof. The stableboy, a bright-eyed youth, was sitting on a pile of firewood and cleaning reins when Ayame approached and asked to borrow brushes.
He handed her a bucket of bristles but asked, “Are you not a woman?”
“I’m a priestess,” she said.
“But you’re with child.” He pointed at her swollen belly.
“Then why ask if I’m a woman?”
“Because you want to groom horses.”
This was going nowhere. She thanked him for the brushes and headed inside.
“Don’t touch the black one with red tassels. He bites!” the youth yelled at her back.
She was going to touch that one, precisely.
Inside, the stable had two rows of stalls and an aisle through the center. Ayame saw Sora with Noble right away, and her mind slipping for a moment, she bowed to him. Then, remembering why that was stupid, she walked to the end of the stall where the black stallion was, and cleared her throat to announce her arrival.
“You walk so loud, Lady Ayame,” Sora said. His back to her, he brushed the long black mane, stroking the horse’s neck as well. Noble let Sora pet him, as bad as the creature’s temper was.
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say. She hung her bucket of bristles from a hook on a pillar.
“No, I find it rather reassuring these days. I always know it’s you,” he said. “I hear you outside my door sometimes, but you never come in. Did you need to speak with me?” His voice was calm and even toned.
Sora’s midnight hair flowed down to his lower back. The length was longer than a bujin would keep. Ayame saw a white ribbon in his hair, which she assumed was for his locks, but as Sora turned, she realized he’d tied a silk sash over his eyes.
“I…” She deflated. “How is your health?”
“Well,” was what he said. “I’ve been meaning to speak with you, actually. Do you still have the fox?”
“Puff? Yeah, he’s around.”
“Will you call him? I wanted to try something.”
Ayame frowned, not liking the sound of it. “You won’t hurt him? He’s my friend.”
“No, of course not.”
“All right. I’ll put out some cakes and see if he comes around.” She held out her hand. “Do you need me to… How about we go back to the castle? I believe it’s lunch soon.”
“Sure.”
Remembering he couldn’t see the offered hand, Ayame gently touched him first, then looped her arm around his.
“How did you get there?” she asked.
“Asked a servant to guide me.”
“Oh.”
Then, whilst standing on kicked around hay and straw with seeped in odor of piss and manure, holding the hand of a man she didn’t quite know what to make of, Ayame felt the child move and gasped. It poked her from inside.
“Sora!” She took his hand and placed it where the little thing was moving. “Do you feel it?”
His mouth half opened with delight. “My brother kicks. How delightful that I shall no longer be alone.”
“You’re not alone.” She guided him toward the door.
Turning back to the stallion, Sora said, “Bye, Joy. I’ll be back tomorrow to care for you.”
Oh, that made sense why he’d been petting the horse. Joy was Wraith’s horse, and it wasn't black. Ayame’s heart sank a little, but she didn’t correct him. What did Satsuma stableboys know about Ishii horse names? She’d refer to Kyuzo-dono’s stallion as Joy from then on, and let Sora keep this last connection to the dream he had.
She strolled together with him, calling out obstacles in the way as well as commentating about the surroundings.
“A sour sentry, northeast,” Ayame whispered. “He looks as if he might smell bad. Better walk upwind from him.”
In trying to amuse Sora, she lifted her own sagging spirit and found a smile whilst looking at the brown stone walls, till he said, “I’m going to kill them all, you know?”
“Satsuma?” Ayame asked carefully. They were still some yards away from the main keep, but there were bujin and servants around.
“No, they’ve done nothing wrong. I mean the Ryu. It’s all their fault. It’s good Blue Dragon died. He was a clown. Coral Moon too, he was a coward. Everyone who let Hissing Blade become what he is, all the caricature lords and officials of Sunlit City, anyone who’d fight for him now, when I’m the emperor, I’m going to bleed them all. They’ll call me Red Sora because of the color I’ll paint the ocean with.”
“Well, you’re not the emperor yet.” She squeezed his hand to comfort him, to let him know she was there.
“But I will be. I’ll end the Ryu lineage once and for all. The claim of divinity ends with me. I’ll be the last emperor of Nara. Deities don’t belong in this world. The blind worship of them is profane. I wish I was a royal diviner so I can open the gates of hell right at the heart of heaven.” He sniggered. “Hissing Blade communes with the deities. People think he’s speaking to himself, but I could always hear the other voice. They made him what he is.”
“Deities have dark and light inside them, the same as humans,” Ayame said. “Not all gods are evil. Most are good, in fact.”
“If you’re good but allow evil to flourish, then how virtuous are you, really? Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. What are you then but blind, deaf, and mute?”
They reached the keep door and Ayame told him so, but before they entered, he continued, “You seem tense, Ayame. But don’t worry, I’d never hurt you. Honorable Father loves you and you helped him kill—”
“Hush, Sora.” Ayame put a finger on his lips. “We’re not home,” she whispered.
“That’s true.” He put his hand on her belly. “He’s asleep now, I suppose?”
“I guess.”
“It’s sad I’ll never see him.”
“I’ll tell you what he looks like.”
“Will you do that with others as well? I always wondered about Lady Teishi. I want you to describe her to me, should we ever meet her.”
“Sure.” She led him inside, helped him take off his sandals at the door and place them on the rack. “Which one is she?”
“Warlord Goho Taiko’s daughter. Father went to see her, I thought. Had he not told you?”
“I know he went to meet with the Goho,” she said, now guiding him to the dining hall just as the gong rang in the courtyard. “What’s this about Lady Teishi?” she couldn’t help asking.
“Ah, I guess you wouldn’t know because you’re unfamiliar with Ishii history, but Father was once betrothed to Lady Teishi. Many years ago, the emperor sought peace with the Goho and arranged for the union, but just like everything else Blue Dragon attempted, it was a failure.
“I was young, but remember Father being upset for moons over the broken engagement. Probably that’s why he’s never wed. I reckon he still cares for her. For years, she would write him passionate letters declaring affection… I’m curious as to what she looks like. She’s a famed beauty.”
“Oh.” Ayame shoved him into the dining hall. One thing hadn’t changed—Sora’s ability to be incredibly annoying without realizing it. “Maybe not so famous since I’ve never heard of her,” she said bitterly.
It’s fine, she told herself as she found Sora a seat and fluffed his cushion, but it wasn’t fine, and she silently frothed. Why wouldn’t he tell her?
For the rest of the day, Ayame grew petty and jealous and sat about with a deep frown.
“Who cares if she’s beautiful? Aesthetics is certainly not high on Lord Kyuzo’s priority. Look at yourself, for instance.”
They were in Ayame’s room, and she smacked the fox with a cushion.
“Beauty is on the inside.”
“In your instance, that’s probably true.”
Ayame thought he’d complimented her till the fox came and pressed his ear to her belly—he’d meant the child. Ever since he found out, he’d grown awfully curious. Convinced it was a girl, he eagerly waited for her.
“Why do you care, anyway?” she asked, snuffing out all the lanterns but one. She got up to close the shutters for the night.
“When you leave, she’ll stay. I’ve gotten into a bad habit of seeking company. I’m hoping I can befriend her.”
That was surprisingly honest coming from Puff. The logistics of rearing a mortal child eluded her. Immortal Court didn’t allow human souls to enter their realm… She’d be leaving a part of herself behind for Kyuzo-dono to keep. A pretentious thought perhaps, but she had three and a half years to before she had to make that decision. The oncoming war was a far more pressing issue.
Ayame imagined Kyuzo-dono returning wed to his betrothed. That would certainly help the alliance.
“Why make a sour face?”
“Nothing.”
Ayame blew out the last oil lantern and tried to sleep, but the baby rattled endlessly. She was having a fit as well.
It’s fine, Ayame rubbed her belly. Your father loves us. But he also needed the Goho and wasn’t that the truth?
Yelling in the courtyard woke Ayame. Puff, who’d been sleeping with his head on her stomach, sprung up as well. No time to feel around in the dark, she opened her door to let the dim light spill in from the hallway and slipped on her outer garment.
Servants of Enju didn’t dare breathe out loud on most days, but they were swarming the corridors and bunching by the open shutters to peer out. Puff cantering after her, Ayame headed to the winding stairs at the heart of the keep and found Sora clutching the handrail. The steps were steep, so Ayame called his name before taking his arm.
“What floor is this?” he asked.
“Third, Sora. Go out to the courtyard?”
“Please. Will you tell me what’s happening?”
“I don’t know. We shall see.” She felt a dummy for having said ‘see’ but he didn’t take offense and they hurried downstairs together.
Initially, Ayame had hoped Lord Kyuzo had returned, but the insistent barking of the hounds told her otherwise. The Satsuma hunting dogs were kept in their kennel and Ayame would never see them except for going to the stables—the kennel was on the way. But now, they were clearly in the courtyard, and something had riled them up. Hostiles, the growling and the snapping declared, but if so, how were they already inside?
