Game Ender, page 13
I used to be unapologetic about my body, my experience, my wants and needs. It’s been so long since I’ve even thought about sex, that now that I’m here, it’s like I’m v-card holder all over again.
I know that the penis goes into the vagina. I know what feels good, what feels great, and what feels fucking phenomenal. I know positions, actions, what hand goes where and that if you hook one leg he can go nice and deep.
But even knowing all of that, I can’t stop my mind from going into freak out mode.
What if it hurts? What if it’s like throwing a sausage down a state highway? What if something goes wrong, the condom breaks, the universe conspires against me and I get knocked up again? What if I’m just a convenient pussy with a pulse? What if he only lasts for three pumps and a dump?
Then I think back to the advice the girls gave me about just letting him know when I’m ready. Maybe not so much of Mia’s ‘touch his dick’ suggestion though. I might not take that direct of an approach.
Shit, what if I do ‘make a move’ and he rebuffs the offer. That would be more than embarrassing.
I’m trying to breathe through my self-imposed panic attack when a gentle knock comes from the closed door behind me. I go completely still, so much so I even stop breathing, a small part of me hoping he’ll suddenly forget that I’m hiding out in the bathroom.
“I can hear your brain working from out here, Amz.”
“I—” I squeak, clearing my throat, “I’m just getting ready for bed.”
“Amz, you forget how well I know you.”
“I’ll be out in a minute,” I reply, thankfully sounding more self-assured than I’m feeling.
The door handle rattles, the only warning I get before the stubborn, beautiful, fantasy man who’s turned me inside out, upside down, and back up again, is standing in the mirror behind me, his eyes soft as they meet mine.
“Stop thinking,” he says, his hands moving to frame my hips as he steps forward and brings his chest flush against my back. “Stop worrying.” He drops his mouth to my bare shoulder and grazes his lips along my skin and up to that magic money spot just below my ear. “We’re just going to sleep, nothing more. I just want to get into bed and literally sleep with you in my arms. Then, if Brody wakes up in the night, I’m here to help you out. It’ll give me peace of mind. Can you give me that, sweetness?”
Now I’m panicking for a different reason. Not because I’m going to be sharing a bed with Thomas. No, it’s more about the fact that he only wants to sleep. There’s no playful banter, no hooded eyes and dark heated looks in the mirror shining back at me. He literally wants to sleep.
How can a hot-blooded man like him not want to do anything?
I mean, I’m hot. I’m sexy. I’m ready to jump back on the horse but now I’m the pent up one and he is the one with self-control.
Is this some parallel universe or something?
My internal freak out is interrupted the moment Thomas links his fingers with mine and pulls me out of the bathroom, leading me toward the bed where he sits and pulls me down, forcing me to straddle his legs and put my knees on the mattress on either side of him.
He looks up at me, his expression one of soft amusement. “You’re adorable when you pout.”
“I’m not p—” His hands circle my waist making my breath catch.
“Don’t ever think I don’t want you, Amz. I’ve waited a long time for you but I want to do this right, and I want to make sure we’re both ready for what it will mean when I’m inside you for the first time.”
“I—” His fingers tense and I stop talking, loving the way his eyes crinkle when I do. I’ve noticed that they always do that when I do something he likes.
“Maybe you’re ready, maybe you’re not, but it needs to be perfect. I want it to be perfect because the one thing you might not know about my vow of abstinence is that I promised myself that the next woman I took to bed would also be the last one.” He lets that hang between us and I’m glad that he does because it kinda says it all.
I’m speechless. Absolutely fucking speechless. What does a woman say to that? I mean, my dating experience pre Brody was pretty epic but I never met someone like Thomas, someone so sure of themselves and what they want, who they want.
And he’s telling me that the last woman he’ll ever sleep with is me.
Me.
Well, heck. He can take all the time in the world then. I’ve got a vibrator, I can take care of business until he’s ready to take care of it for me.
“Yeah,” I whisper, unable to look away from this beautiful man laying it all out there for me.
“Good,” he replies back, just as quietly. He lifts his hands to my face and pulls my mouth down to his for a soul-feeding, heart exploding kiss that cements his words—his vow—in my mind, my body, and everywhere else that may have needed reminding.
Pulling back a touch, he brushes his lips against mine one more time then stays there to whisper, “I’ve locked up the house and turned everything off, so how about we get into bed and catch some sleep before the lord and master of the manor wakes up again.”
Belly flip, pussy quiver and heart thud, all at once.
There’s no way I’ll ever forget this moment or the life-changing whoosh I just experienced. Not on your life.
Not that I’d ever want to anyway.
“Just saying,” I add once we’re both settled underneath the covers, Thomas spooning me from behind. “I can totally take care of myself until you’re ready. Just thought you should know.”
The responding groan I hear from behind me makes up for all my neurotic ramblings earlier.
“Not helping, sweetness,” he says as the evidence of what I’m not helping makes its presence clear against my ass.
“Don’t worry, I won’t need your help. I’ve got everything I need in a perfect seven and a half inch pocket rocket in my drawer.”
“Keep it up and I’ll test out the theory, and sweetness?” he says, nipping my ear, his voice a low growl. “When I say test, I mean thoroughly.”
“Is that a threat or a promise?”
“It’s a goddamn guarantee.”
I never would wish Brody to be sick again, but I can’t say I’m not grateful for it since it served as the catalyst for me staying the night in Amy’s bed for the first time, in the same house as the two people who have come to be among the most important in my life.
Waking up with Amy in my arms for the first time, her body plastered to my side from chest to thigh is something I’ll never forget and in the month since then, has been repeated on a regular basis.
And although I’m over there a lot now, I still haven’t pushed her for anything more than making out on her couch, or her bed.
I don’t want to push her and I don’t want to make any mistakes when it comes to the physical side of our relationship because I meant what I said to her and Cade all those months ago: The next woman I have sex with will be the last. I know I want it to be Amy, but I think it’s now come to the point where I’ve built it up so much in my head about how our first time together will be, I’m not willing to take a chance of anything going wrong when we do get down to it.
However, it’s safe to say that I’ve been taking a hell of a lot of long showers in recent times and if I thought I jerked off a lot in the past year without having sex, knowing I’m close to having it and not wanting to blow it, my hand and my dick have had an intense monogamous relationship. Multiple times a day too.
Of all the things I’ve missed about sex, it’s the taste of a woman. It’s the smell of her, that tell-tale scent igniting my senses, making my mouth water in anticipation. Then that first lash of my tongue against her skin. A slow languid brush; an introduction, a tease, and a promise of all the good things destined to come.
When I get Amy naked and ready for me, I want all the time in the world to study, taste, touch, lick, sip and suck every damn inch of her before giving her everything that is me.
I’ve come to terms with my growing feelings for Amy as well as the strong bond forming between her son and me.
That’s not to say Amy and I haven’t progressed a little bit at least. There have been a few hot and heavy make out sessions on her couch that drew close to crossing the line but as if he knew what was happening, Brody always seems to have a knack of knowing the exact wrong time to wake up.
Lucky he’s cute and I love the little guy as if he was my own.
Today is going to be the turning point. The last thing on my list to tick off before I’m absolutely sure that I can trust myself to escalate festivities from solo efforts to mind-blowing sex.
Once I’ve introduced Amy and Brody to my mom and dad, then I’ll step up the planning for my first time with Amy. Just like the first date, I want everything to be perfect. I’ve already set some things in motion, the rest is just waiting for the right moment.
“Stop fidgeting, it’s going to be fine,” I say, reaching over the center console to grab Amy’s hand.
She turns my way, her gaze pinning me in place. “It’s a rite of passage for a woman to be nervous the first time she meets the parents of the man she’s . . . um . . .”
“Dating?”
“Yes, dating,” she huffs. She turns her hand over to tangle her fingers in mine, giving them a gentle squeeze. “I haven’t done the whole ‘meet the parents’ thing before. You’re gonna have to cut me a little bit of slack in the freak out department.”
“I have a whole new respect for what Daniel went through with Mac now,” I mutter under my breath. Her grip tenses and I know she heard me.
“I know how prone Mac is to freak outs. I’ve heard all about them from Dani and Zoe, and even from Mac herself. All women have moments where they have so many thoughts going through their head it can take a few moments to process them all at once.”
“Sweetness—”
“I know I’m a lot to take on and believe me when I say that I’m fully aware that I have baggage, but—”
Now it’s my turn to flex my fingers. “You don’t ever have to think of your son as baggage. He is just as important to me as you are, and that’s a fuck of a lot and it grows more and more every day.” Her breath catches but I power through it, knowing I can’t do anything except drive and talk right now. Doesn’t mean I can’t think about all the ways I wish I could calm her nerves right now though. Many, many ways I’ve thought about in great detail over the past few weeks.
“I care about you too,” she says softly, a sound that reverberates through my body straight down to my dick. “I’m just saying that I know this isn’t your normal ‘boy meets girl’ situation and I . . .” she pauses for a moment, “I really want your parents to like me.”
Thanking the Lord for all things holy, I have to slow down for a red light, giving me the chance to give her my full attention.
“Sweetness, my mother already loves you and she’s never even met you.”
“But how . . .” she stops and her eyes widen when the realization hits her.
“You’ve told her about me?”
“Yep, and Brody. A lot. I’m very close to my parents, I respect their opinions and I’m always turning to them for help and guidance. When I made the decision that I was going to act on my feelings for you, my mother was the first to warn me about everything that I had to be careful of. Mainly the fact that it wasn’t just the two of us in this relationship; it will always be the three of us. You, me, and Brody.”
“But—”
“And,” I say, stopping her with another squeeze, “and I love that about us. I knew that I wasn’t just getting to know you and spending time with you, I was also spending time with Brody, letting him get to know me, and what I have with him and what we have may be separate, but they are also very much connected.”
“Thomas . . .”
“And not once has it even entered my mind that Brody is baggage,” I finish.
“Um . . . the light’s green,” she says with a wry smile.
“Oh,” I say, turning back to face the road just as another car honks their horn behind us.
Taking off, I move forward, taking a right into my parents’ neighborhood.
“Suddenly I’m not feeling as nervous anymore.”
“Good,” I say gruffly.
She leans into my side so her mouth is right by my ear. “And if it were possible, I’d totally kiss you right now,” she whispers huskily.
I tighten my grip on the steering wheel and keep my eyes to the front, knowing exactly what my head, body—and especially my hard-on—would like to do with that comment.
It hasn’t been lost on me that Amy is ready to take the next step in our relationship, and I’m fully on board with that. I’m just . . . nervous. Totally unlike me. In business, I’m known to be ruthless. Direct and to the point, I don’t fuck around when it comes to making decisions or taking action.
With sex before Amy, I was the same. If I saw a woman I was interested in, I’d go for it, knowing full well that she could shoot me down but happy to take that risk regardless.
I know sex with Amy is going to be more than physical. And for a man like me who has never seen sex as anything other than a physical act, this is a big thing. Huge. Monumental. Life changing.
Something that sex never has been with me.
Something that I know will alter our relationship and life between us as soon as I’m inside her.
I’ll probably only last a minute though. I mean, it has been well over a year now and jerking off is all well and good, but nothing compares to the real thing.
My thoughts on the topic clear when I see my parents’ mailbox and turning into their driveway causes the atmosphere in the car to grow thick again as Amy moves back to sit ramrod straight in her seat, her eyes glued to the two story home in front of us.
“Shit, shit, damn,” Amy mutters, her breaths coming quicker now, all previous sexy murmurings in my ear all but forgotten.
“You’re gonna be fine. I’ve also got a surprise for you.”
“What?” she asks, her voice tight.
“Mom and Dad wanted to have a barbecue and I thought you’d be more comfortable if you had some familiar faces here so Abi and Cade are coming too.”
“Oh thank God,” she breathes, her shoulders slumping in relief. Her arm reaches around my shoulders and she moves closer, pulling me into a hug. Needing more, I slide my hand into her hair and pull her head back just enough so I can touch my lips to hers. Running my tongue along the seam of her mouth, she relaxes and lets me in, allowing me to deepen the kiss as my arm tightens around her chest, holding her to me.
A knock on the passenger window breaks the moment and we both turn our heads to come face to face with my grinning father.
“Oh my God,” Amy whispers, and all relaxation is gone. I cup her face, bringing her attention back to me, brushing my lips against hers and leaving them there.
“Remember what I said, they already love you.”
Her eyes search mine as if looking for any ounce of doubt, but there’s none to be found.
“Okay,” she whispers and my own body relaxes, letting go of tension I didn’t realize I was holding.
“Let’s go, I know Mom is dying to meet the woman who’s put a smile on her son’s face.”
She stills and I brace for freak out number two, but instead she just smiles brightly at me.
“We better get inside then. Can’t keep her waiting.”
With a nod to Dad, I step out of the car just as he opens the passenger door and pulls her in for a hug. “Well, aren’t you gorgeous. You caught yourself a good one here, son.”
“I think so,” I muse, leaning into the car to pull Brody’s car seat out, careful not to wake him up since he drifted off about ten minutes into the drive.
“I’m Albie. Thomas has been telling us about you for months now,” Dad tells Amy, leading her toward the front porch of the house with one arm around her shoulders.
“Oh really?” she asks, saying her first words since leaving the car but just hearing her sass make a welcome return has me breathing a sigh of relief.
“Dad, you wanna give me a chance here? I’m trying to impress her with my masculine charm and you’re kind of undercutting that.”
Amy looks over her shoulder at me and winks. “Don’t worry, baby, I promise to never question your manliness in public.”
“She’s going to keep you on your toes, son. Just like your mother does with me,” Dad says with a laugh just as he swings open their front door, coming face to face with my mom. “Speaking of my lovely wife. Amy, this is Edie.”
“Hi Edie, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Amy says, holding out her hand for Mom to shake. Mom being Mom looks down at the hand and shakes her head, tutting a few times before grabbing Amy’s arm and jerking her in for another hug.
Jeez, the parentals are laying it on thick today. Two hugs in less than a few minutes. I’ll have to keep Brody away from them for a little while. The poor guy will be lucky to spend a moment alone at this rate.
“Hi Mom, remember me? Your son?” I say, grinning when her eyes move over Amy’s shoulder to me.
“Hmmm, give me a minute. I seem to remember having a son once. He was dashingly handsome and loved wearing Captain Planet underwear right up until he left for college.”
“Nicely played, Mom,” I say with a chuckle, moving through the front door and grabbing Amy’s hand on the way through, before leading her into the family room.
“Captain Planet? I would’ve bet you were more of a Superman kind of guy,” she murmurs for my ears only. I grin and shake my head, my eyes meeting hers, not missing the depth of promise I see there.
I put Brody’s baby seat on the sofa, waiting until Amy takes a seat beside him before letting either of them go.
“Would you like a drink, dear?” Mom asks from the doorway. I turn around, opening my mouth saying, “I’ll get something, Mom,” just as Amy replies, “water or juice would be great, thank you, Mrs. Caldwell.”
Amy and I look at each other and snicker before looking to my mother. I shrug and smirk at her. “I guess old habits die hard. That was for Amy, wasn’t it?”
