Drop the Pink Elephant, page 1
Table of Contents
What the papers say …
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
About the Author
World’s Top Ten Pink Elephants
Foreword
Introduction
Section One - Dump the Baggage and Create Clarity
Chapter 1 - Drop the Pink Elephant
Summary
Chapter 2 - Every Picture Tells a Story
Summary
Section Two - Be Principled in What You Say
Chapter 3 - Staying on the Louisiana Highway
Summary
Chapter 4 - Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word
Regret, Reason and Remedy
Summary
Chapter 5 - Tell the Unpalatable Truth, Rather than the ‘White Lie’
Summary
Chapter 6 - Thank You and Well Done
Summary
Chapter 7 - Who Looks Stupid When You Criticize in Public?
Avoid sarcasm (or had you managed to work that out for yourself?)
Summary
Section Three - Positively Assert Yourself
Chapter 8 - Flush Out the Watering Down Words
Yes, no and I don’t know
Summary
Chapter 9 - Talk Positively About Yourself
Be positive and proactive, especially with bad news
Assuming versus checking
Summary
Section Four - Think of the Audience
Chapter 10 - It’s All Relative
Put it into perspective
Summary
Chapter 11 - Email and Text - Bullets or Boomerangs?
The Queen’s English
Summary
Chapter 12 - Three Little Questions
What do I want to say?
Who am I speaking to?
So how should I put it?
Summary
Section Five - Create Deeper Understanding
Chapter 13 - Listen First to Understand
Pay attention to the percentages - 55, 38 and 7
Summary
Chapter 14 - Powerful Words
Summary
Chapter 15 - Think, Talk, Act … Then Tell the World
Summary
Appendix - What Do Your Words Say About You?
Index
End User License Agreement
What the papers say …
‘What a great book. I would have no hesitation in recommending this book to anyone.
‘This book is a must-read for anybody in a client/customer-facing position. I think anyone who talks to other people could benefit from reading it.’
MARKETING Magazine
‘If your DNA’s short on charisma, here’s a guide to charm heaven. Learn how to captivate your listeners and speak so people understand you better. An easy read with perky drawings and bullet point summaries. ’
HER WORLD Magazine
‘McFarlan’s method for revolutionising communication … is as relevant to how we relate to family and friends as it is to how to get the best from a workforce.’
THE HERALD
‘Even if you normally steer clear of self-help books, do try the very funny and perceptive Drop the Pink Elephant by Scottish television presenter Bill McFarlan.’
CALEDONIA
‘It is very rare that anything that is good for you is also fun … This book, however, is enormously pleasurable to read and the words of wisdom sink in without a murmur.’
CITY TO CITIES
‘… it goes on to tackle every aspect of personal communication in a crisp, entertaining style. Plain English supporters will be particularly interested in chapters dealing with jargon (especially unfamiliar abbreviations) and grammar.’
PLAIN ENGLISH Magazine
‘This is a fascinating must-read.’
GLASGOW EVENING TIMES
© Bill McFarlan 2003, 2004
The right of Bill McFarlan to be identified as the author of this book has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise, except under the terms of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, 90 Tottenham Court Road, London W1T 4LP, UK, without the permission in writing of the Publisher. Requests to the Publisher should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons Ltd, The Atrium, Southern Gate, Chichester, West Sussex PO19 8SQ, UK, or e-mailed to permreq@wiley.co.uk, or faxed to (+44) 1243 770571.
Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed as trademarks. All brand names and product names used in this book are trade names, service marks, trademarks or registered trademarks of their respective owners. The Publisher is not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book.
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Dedication
This book is dedicated to:
My dad and late mum, whose love and security taught me realistic optimism.
My wife Caroline, whose loving encouragement has guided me through triumph and setback alike for four decades.
My children Victoria, Emma and Andrew, whose tolerance of my Pink Elephant obsession is a credit to each of them.
May they – and everyone who reads this – benefit from sharing that obsession.
And to Johanna MacVicar, whose courage and optimism in the face of illness and adversity extended her short life, gave new hope to others and gave new life to two dozen strangers. Literally.
And special thanks to Caroline and Victoria for their incisive proof-reading of this book to ensure it follows my principles on punctuation, grammar and clarity.
Thanks also to John Moseley and the entire Wiley-Capstone team for their belief in this book and the opportunity they have created to share my principles with the world.
About the Author
Bill McFarlan is a journalist, broadcaster and Executive Chairman of Pink Elephant Communications – one of Europe’s leading communications training companies.
He established The Broadcasting Business in 1989 — and celebrated 25 years of helping individuals and businesses build great presentations and conduct positive media interviews by creating Pink Elephant Communications with his son Andrew in 2014.
Over 28 years, he’s led several thousand courses and seminars in Britain, across Europe, In the USA, Canada, Caribbean, Australia and Africa.
He’s a regular speaker at conferences and passionate advocate of confidence-building techniques.
Bill’s journalism career began in local newspapers in the late 70s…moving through three years as a radio presenter then 22 as a TV presenter.
He anchored Reporting Scotland, Breakfast News, Sportscene and World’s Strongest Man in 10 years with the BBC.
Outside training and broadcasting, he’s an Executive National Vice President with Arbonne International, owning a successful worldwide skincare and nutrition business with his wife Caroline, whom he married in 1981.
They have three grown-up children – and four grandchildren – all of who live near them in Glasgow, Scotland.
To enquire about how the techniques in this book can be delivered to you or your organisation, contact Pink Elephant Communications on 0141 427 2545 or at www.pinkelephantcomms.com.
World’s Top Ten Pink Elephants
Simply remove the word in bold letters to reveal the picture each phrase creates.
‘I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms Lewinsky.’
US President Bill Clinton in January 1998 on his relationship with the White House intern. Ten months later he apologized for misleading the American people with what he said
‘I did not rape Ulrika. I would never rape anyone.’ Well-known UK TV presenter, whose denials were quickly followed by further allegations from numerous women
‘There can be no whitewash at the White House.’ US President Richard Nixon, who relinquished the presidency because of … a whitewash at the White House
‘Telling my story was never about money.’ Paul Burrell, former butler to Princess Diana, who sold his story to the Daily Mirror for a reported £300,000
‘This is not a war on Islam.’ Tony Blair on the War on … Terrorism
‘I must state once and for all that I am not (Prince) Harry’s father.’
James Hewitt on that growing resemblance between Princess Diana’s younger son and her former lover
‘I’m not thick. I’m not a bimbo. And I’m not a tart.’ Big Brother 2001 runner-up Helen Adams on herself. The a
‘I don’t do drugs. I don’t drink and drive and I don’t have five kids to three different women.’
Former Scotland captain Colin Hendry, accused only of elbowing an opponent
‘Read my lips. No new taxes.’ US President George Bush … before he increased taxes
‘It did not happen. Gennifer Flowers’ story is not true.’ Bill Clinton again, who later admitted under oath that he did in fact have sex with Ms Flowers
Foreword
I’ve worked in TV almost all my working life and first met Bill when he joined the Breakfast News presentation team in 1991. It was clear back then that he analysed every word, every tone and every twitch of his own performance … and that of his interviewees and colleagues.
I saw why when I joined him in presenting some communication skills courses. The insight he offered into what each participant said … and what they meant … was tremendous. And after adopting his rules, each person showed a remarkable improvement in their ability to get their message across. Drop the Pink Elephant captures those rules and puts them in a bottle for anybody wanting to make more impact in their lives by really connecting with other people. It’s essential reading for everybody interested in creating a deeper understanding with their colleagues, clients, family and friends.
Eamonn Holmes, GMTV Presenter
Introduction
We agonize over the words to choose in an important letter. Devising a report can give us writer’s block. Even writing a postcard can concentrate our mind on choosing our words carefully.
But in conversations, words can come gushing out of our mouths with hardly a thought for the impact they’ll have on their audience. We spend so much more time speaking to people than writing to them, yet we seldom give enough thought to the consequences of our choice of words.
This book sets out to change all that.
Drop the Pink Elephant draws its conclusions from what I’ve learned about communication in over a quarter of a century working in the media. It’s based on my career in journalism, which started in local newspapers as a cub reporter and took me through radio into television, presenting news and sports programmes for the BBC, Sky Sports and Independent Television.
That taught me to write - and to talk and behave on camera - with the reaction of the audience considered in everything I did. From that experience, I set up a media consultancy that has advised many of Britain’s leading companies on how to handle the communication of new orders, product launches, industrial action, plant closures - and, tragically, even deaths.
That is all very well. We are naturally inclined to watch what we say in formal communication. But so much of our communication at work and at play is informal. And it is here that the cracks begin to appear.
So I’ve had to struggle like everybody else with my human frailties that constantly test what I’ve learned - to establish whether I talk a good game through my work, or actually live it. From the many occasions on which I’ve got it horribly wrong - and there are many, as you’ll see - I gladly share my experience. That’s taught me, on reflection, where it went wrong and how to fix it. Applying the lessons will help you to avoid such pain.
Much of what I suggest is simple common sense. But most of us learn common sense from suffering from the nonsense of a bad experience. So the simple rules I’m suggesting will, if applied, help you through many a tricky situation with clients, colleagues, family and friends.
And while changing our behaviour is a slow and often painful experience - although essential if we are to grow as human beings - changing the way we talk to people is instantly achievable and highly rewarding. Indeed, it’s a first necessary step to changing behaviour.
Each chapter covers a different area of improving the way you communicate, but all are related. For instance, being positive in your language leads to eliminating negatives and the baggage we bring into our conversation. Removing words that water down your message - words like ‘hopefully’, ‘reasonably’ and ‘quite’, ‘I’ll try’ or ‘I’ll do my best’ - increases the commitment of the message.
Choosing the right word at the right moment every time is impossible. But applying the simple rules of this book is easy. If there’s one golden rule it’s this: make sure you engage your brain before opening your mouth.
But it’s like learning to drive a car. First, learn the theory of the Highway Code to understand the rules of the road. Next, put the rules into practice. This is, of course, where things go wrong.
Why? Almost certainly because the Highway Code was abandoned for a moment. As with driving, you will have bumps and scrapes when putting these rules into practice, often caused by the thoughtlessness of somebody else.
But be patient! And practise the rules at every opportunity. Practise them in job interviews, client meetings, over family dinners, with friends and colleagues. Use them at work, in the pub and at home. Apply them in the company of anyone and everyone with whom you interact. The more often you apply these rules, the more often you’ll communicate effectively. It will become as automatic as brushing your teeth. In fact, treat this book as your mental floss.
And, above all, have fun enhancing your communication skills. You’ll soon notice how others struggle to compete with your new-found talent. You will discover a new ‘you’. Subtle. Persuasive. Engaging. Confident. And you will relish every opportunity to try out your new skills.
Section One
Dump the Baggage and Create Clarity
Chapter 1
Drop the Pink Elephant
‘I did not have sexual relations with that woman,
Ms Lewinsky.’
US President Bill Clinton, January 1998
