The End of Refuge, page 19
Wanda sat amongst the school aged children and they all played a game of I-spy while they waited. Time dragged on. Avery looked up at the clock as it ticked to 10:25. The first group had left only ten minutes ago. Paul spied something green. “That’s not fair. Everyone is wearing green scrubs!” a little girl said.
“I spy something orange.”
“That’s not purple, that’s blue.”
“I want my sleeping bag!”
Avery glanced at Paul, who was grabbing his cartoon turtle bag away from another child. 10:55. Avery wondered if Paul would be able to take the sleeping bag with him out of here. The children got sick of their game, and Wanda encouraged them to sing a song together instead. After a few songs, the kids got stuck on 99 bottles of beer and sang that song until other people shouted at them to please stop. Now it was 11:32. Avery wondered when his group would get to go. To keep everything moving quickly, Officer Monroe would probably come back to get the next group as soon as the first were boarded onto Submarine Savior, and they would wait outside the pressure lock until the sub returned. If Monroe wasn’t back yet, that meant the first group hadn’t boarded yet. What could be causing the delay?
He sat there going over a mental checklist of every reason he could think up that would delay Submarine Savior. At 11:55 he glanced through the windows on the doors and saw Monroe approaching the center. He was escorting the first group back to the center. They all came back in and took seats. Monroe left the center, going back up the hall towards the entrance.
Wanda leaned towards one of the parents holding her baby to ask, “What happened? Why did you all come back?”
The woman sat while rocking her sleeping baby, but turned in her chair towards Wanda to answer her question. “Nothing was happening. The sub wasn’t there yet. They figured they’d let us come back to eat lunch and would send for us when the sub is there and ready. All the little ones were getting restless just sitting in the hall.”
“Okay, thank you,” Wanda said, and relayed the message to the children and Avery, even though most of them already overheard.
The officers started distributing the sack lunches and everyone ate lunch as they continued waiting. A little later, the officers then went around collecting any trash. By 1:00, everyone was restless, so the officers started taking groups of people down the halls to stretch their legs and use the restrooms. Once everyone had taken a break, the officers decided at 3:00 to go ahead and do another head count to make sure no one had gotten lost in the last few hours.
Finally at 7:30, Captain Clark came into the center, asked the kitchen staff to go ahead to the kitchen and start preparing dinner for everyone. They would have dinner at 8:00, and then everyone should return to the center for further instructions.
Avery knew it would be bad news. He had known all along there would only be bad news. After dinner, everyone was sitting with their friends and family instead of in the evacuation groups. Avery and Wanda sat next to each other, and since they had exhausted all small talk throughout the day, they sat in silence and just waited for Clark’s briefing which would begin soon.
As Captain Clark walked to the front of the center, everyone remained completely silent. Wanda tucked her hand in Avery’s and he squeezed her hand back, afraid of letting go. It was so quiet, no one dared to cough, rustle, or do anything that would make noise. Clark’s head was bowed. He lifted his eyes up to look at everyone. Avery felt like there was nothing in the vast room except for him, Clark, and Wanda’s hand clenched in his own.
Captain Clark addressed them in his usual loud clear voice, even though he would have been heard even at a whisper. “Operation Submarine Savior had a time window today of between twelve hundred and twenty hundred hours. That time has now passed. We do not know yet why the operation was unsuccessful. Since communication between here and the navy is limited, we will have to wait until the navy's regular shipment delivery time tomorrow morning to receive any more information. I will hold another briefing here tomorrow at ten. Until then, everyone please return to your bunks for the night and report to normal work detail for tomorrow morning. Thank you.” As Clark walked off, the stunned silence continued.
Avery returned to his bunk not noticing Wanda following behind him. She sat with him and Paul on Paul’s bed with the cartoon turtle sleeping bag on their laps. The three hugged each other tightly, comforting each other on their loss of freedom.
19
Avery woke up with Paul curled up next to him, the two huddled under the cartoon turtle sleeping bag. He was able to get up without waking Paul and wandered into the living area. Even though it was early, not even seven, Wanda was already awake and standing in the kitchen.
“Did you spend the night here?” Avery asked, not really surprised that she was still in his bunk.
Wanda removed two mugs from a cabinet and poured fresh coffee into them before responding, “You and Paul knocked out and there wasn’t any more room for me in Paul’s little room. I was going to go back to my bunk but didn’t want to leave and find it empty and spend the night alone. I knew I wasn’t going to get much sleep anyway.”
Avery accepted the mug Wanda handed him and they sat on the living area sofa. “You didn’t sleep?” he asked.
“No,” she said. “I hope you don’t mind, I went in your room and found a copy of Lord of the Flies and spent the night reading that.”
He tried to think if there was anything personal in his room he wouldn’t want Wanda to find and after a moment decided there was not. “That’s fine,” he said.
“I’ve read it before,” she said, “and it probably wasn’t a good choice considering the circumstances.” She ran her hand over the fabric of the sofa feeling the texture of the blue fabric. Even though it had only a year of use, it looked like it had been here underground since the cold war. If the sofa had already been underground for half a century, how long could they expect to be here?
Avery’s light blue eyes were watering, but as he stared intently at his coffee, they seemed to dry up. Just because the initial evacuation day didn’t go well didn’t exclusively mean they were all stuck here forever. Although, his gut had been right that Submarine Savior wouldn’t work for whatever reason, and right now his gut was telling him they would be here for a long time.
“Have you read it yet?” Wanda’s voiced interrupted his thoughts.
“Huh? Oh, Lord of the Flies? No. I picked it up from one of the commodity shipments. I have been too busy to read it yet.”
“You should. It’s good.”
“OK, I will.”
They both stared at their mugs of coffee for a while.
Wanda broke the silence again, saying, “Maybe you were right. Maybe we should accept that we’re here for the long haul.”
“Yes.” Avery felt too shaky to share how he felt, afraid he might break down again. He felt safe around Wanda since they had grown close, but didn’t want to melt down this early in the morning. Let him at least finish his coffee first.
“Life as I knew it ended before we even came down here,” Wanda said.
Avery looked up surprised. “What do you mean?”
“My fiancé left me shortly before Christmas. We had planned on getting married in the spring. He was a physicist and got a job offer in Los Alamos. He decided to take it. I was able to find a teaching job nearby in Santa Fe, but it wasn’t as nice as my last faculty position. Still, I took the offer and put in my notice at my last job. What I didn’t know was that he had a sweetheart in Los Alamos. He thought I wouldn’t go through with the whole wedding thing. We were just a summer fling to him, and he continued having me around because it was convenient for him, I guess. He was always traveling to New Mexico without me, so I feel like I should have figured it out.” She set her mug on the coffee table and covered her face with her hands for a moment before continuing.
“I found the ring in his sock drawer. It had been his mother’s engagement ring. I was so excited, I didn’t even wait for him to propose. I just showed him I found the ring and exclaimed ‘yes’. I didn’t know there was another woman and the ring was meant for her. He was too much of a coward to tell me it wasn’t for me, so he just kind of went with it. Lied that we would get married. He let me plan most of the wedding. I had already sent out invites to my half of the guest list.
“He was going to meet my parents for the first time during the holiday break. I bought him a plane ticket and everything. My parents couldn’t wait to meet their future son-in-law. The morning of our flight, he just… disappeared. He left a note explaining the ring was for his longtime girlfriend in his hometown, and that although he liked me, he was in love with her. I tried to call him, but his cell had been disconnected. I flew to Dallas to see my folks by myself next to an empty seat. My mom was almost as upset as I was. It was a pretty gloomy Christmas.
“Watching Paul was the only thing keeping me sane when the bombs hit. Otherwise, I felt like my life was already over.”
“Wow,” Avery said. “Why did you wait so long to tell me?”
“It’s embarrassing. I’m still upset that we’re stuck down here, but I’m also relieved that I don’t have to return yet to the life of a woman who left her career just to get dumped before her wedding.”
“So, if you’re relieved that we’re still stuck down here, why didn’t you sleep?” Avery asked.
“It’s not all or nothing, Avery,” she said, giving him a weak smile. “I want to stay and I want out.”
Avery sighed. “I can’t imagine anyone wanting to dump you.”
“Thanks Avery, that was a really nice thing to say.” She gave him a tight hug. “You’re going to melt some lucky girl’s heart one day.”
“Thanks.”
Paul wandered into the living area wearing the same casual scrubs that everyone now wore. His normal pajamas were finally too small on his rapidly growing frame.
“Good morning, mister,” Wanda called to him.
“Morning,” Paul mumbled. He also did not seem surprised to find Wanda in their bunk. He walked straight to the kitchen and took a bowl off a shelf and poured some cereal into it. From the fridge, he took out the pitcher of milk made from powder. Avery hated the way instant milk tasted, but Scott always insisted it tasted fine if it was cold enough. Paul only used it for his cereal in the morning and poured himself a generous portion into his bowl. Grabbing a spoon, he sat at the little four seat table and wordlessly ate his breakfast, crunching loudly.
A voice came booming from the hall through the emergency PA system. “Attention. There will be a mandatory briefing this morning at ten in the center. There will be a mandatory briefing at ten in the center. Thank you.”
Wanda glanced up at the clock before saying, “Guess I better go to my bunk and get ready.” She deposited her mug on the counter next to the sink and went to the door to leave.
“See you at the briefing,” Avery called out before she closed the door behind her.
“Do I have to go to the briefing?” Paul asked between loud crunches of cereal.
“Yes, buddy, we all do. Why don’t you take the bathroom first?”
“Sure,” Paul said. He immediately slammed his spoon down on the table and left the rest of his breakfast there as he dashed to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Avery picked up the unfinished bowl of cereal and thought about finishing it himself, but after one smell of the powdered milk, he decided against it. Instead, he dumped the contents of the bowl into the trash before going to his room to change.
Although gloom was the predominant feeling in the center, there was a healthy amount of optimism as well. The purpose of the briefing was to let all the residents know the details of why the evacuation didn’t occur. Perhaps bad weather had delayed the aircraft carrier which housed Submarine Savior. There couldn’t be many people who knew how to operate the special sub, so maybe the driver was sick. Avery overheard lots of other innocuous theories on why the evacuation was simply delayed, and today’s mandatory meeting would be the actual evacuation. Yet again, Avery had that feeling in the pit of his stomach, the one that meant they would not be getting good news today.
Captain Clark walked slowly to the front of the room, a ritual they were all used to after a year in Refuge. He looked as if he hadn’t slept or shaved, even though his uniform was still pristine and pressed. He stood at the podium, staring down at his notes, waiting to begin the briefing, even though everyone was already here and anxiously waiting for news.
He began slowly. “Yesterday, the aircraft carrier USS Wasp stopped right above the current location of Subterranean Shelter 14, Refuge. From there, Submarine Savior was lowered into the Atlantic. The two-person crew, Officer Aidan Greene, and Officer Jorge Ortiz, submerged to a test depth of about 500 meters. Everything was all clear for them to continue on the mission, so they continued their decent further down. Then…” Captain Clark paused, his face twisting. He wiped a hand over his face and steadied himself with both hands gripping the podium before he continued. “Then, at a depth of around 650 meters, the hull gave out, and Submarine Savior got crushed. The two Officers Green and Ortiz went down with the ship.”
There was a collective gasp as everyone took in the news. “There will be a formal investigation into what happened with Submarine Savior. The United States Navy expect to have more information for us by the end of the month.” With that, Clark left the podium and walked out of the center.
A moment later, Officer Monroe approached the podium to end the briefing. “Let’s have a moment of silence for the officers Greene and Ortiz.” Everyone sat in awkward silence, grieving for the loss of both officers and Refuge’s future. After a minute, Monroe continued, “Thank you, everyone, for attending. You are dismissed.”
All the kids were playing a tournament of card games, ever resilient even after the initial news on Submarine Savior. Paul insisted on using his original deck of Uno cards, even though they had received other board games in one of the shipments.
Scott and Linda sat together in one of the center sofas with their faces turned down, each brooding on their own. Heather and John sat on the sofa across them. Avery had only met John a couple times but could understand how he had so quickly captured Heather. He was tall, dark, and handsome, but also had the talent of making anyone feel special when he talked with them one on one.
Wanda had excused herself as soon as the briefing finished to try and get some sleep back at her bunk. Linda instructed her which pills in their medicine cabinet could help her achieve a nice rest if she decided she needed some chemical help.
“You okay, Avery?” John asked. Heather curled herself almost into a ball, and John had his strong arm draped around her.
“I had a feeling the sub wouldn’t work,” Avery confessed.
“You look awfully pale. You need a pick me up?” he asked.
“I’m fine,” Avery answered, staring at the floor.
“Linda, maybe you have something that could help?” John asked.
“Huh?” Linda said, responding after hearing her name, although she hadn’t caught any of the previous conversation.
“Yeah, didn’t you say we got a huge shipment of psych meds last week?” Heather added.
“Oh, yeah,” Linda said. “Why?”
“Maybe you have something for our friend Avery, here?” John said.
Linda glanced at Avery, taking him in. “Yeah, okay.” She got up and said, “Come with me.” Avery followed Linda through the main hall towards the residences, then to the right towards the bunks. Avery could smell the fragrance of Linda’s long blond hair trailing behind her, and just taking in her wonderful smell helped lighten his mood.
She led him into her small bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet revealing several little bottles of pills. Linda grabbed one of the bottles, checked the label quickly, then shook out two pills and handed them to Avery. “I’ll get you some water,” she said as she left Avery behind in the bathroom. He peeked into the shower stall to see what soap Linda used that made her smell so nice. It looked like they had the same collection of soap and shampoo as he had in his own bathroom.
Avery came out to the living room and Linda met him there with a tall glass of water. He swallowed the pills and drank a sip. “Thank you,” he said.
“You should sit down while you wait for those to kick in,” she said. Avery took a seat on the sofa while Linda disappeared back into the bathroom, reemerging with assorted pills which she popped in her mouth before taking a sip of Avery’s water and returning the glass to the table next to him. She sat down in an armchair, waiting for her own drugs to kick in.
After a few minutes, Avery started to feel better. Maybe not good, but he didn’t care. Linda relaxed into her chair and let her head fall back, gazing at the ceiling. He was going to ask her what she gave him, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.
Linda looked so beautiful, sitting there with her vibrant green eyes glazing over, letting her cares slowly wash away. Her breathing slowed as she enjoyed her high. It all made sense now to Avery, why Linda wasn’t a real nurse. The hints at her drug use and her fully stocked medicine cabinet. He couldn’t recall now if she said she flunked out of nursing school or got kicked out. The result was the same; she got to play pretend at nurse in Refuge and self-medicate.
Avery would do the same. He would study, pretend to get a degree and become a pretend engineer. He could work with Scott, who also didn’t finish school, but got to do something that felt important. Everything at Refuge made a calm sort of sense. It was all pretence, getting through each day with their phony jobs, fake money system, and improvised family unit, and that was okay. A pretend life was still a life, and Avery could get used to it.
