The Seashell Promise: A Sapphic Romance, page 1
The Seashell Promise:
A Sapphic Romance
Bernd Gruner
Table of contents
PART 1: New Beginnings
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
PART 2: Morning Tide
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
PART 3: Eternal Sun
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
PART 4: Fireflies
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
PART 5: Ocean Sunset
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
PART 6: Can You Hear the Ocean?
PART 1: New Beginnings
Gooch's Beach was illuminated by the orange glow of the sunset, just as it was every evening. The tides, once wild and choppy in the afternoon, now crept up slowly onto the shore, dampening the sand beneath them. Back and forth the waves went, crashing gently onto quiet beach, now long deserted by the tourists who had crowded it earlier that hot summer afternoon.
Two pairs of footsteps walked lightly across the pale sand. Leila Sutherland and Mia Cunningham were familiar with this beach. For the past few summers, they would pass the warm days riding their bikes down from Kennebunk to the seashore. This evening was no different, except usually at this point, when the sun was rapidly descending and the ocean was lit orange, the two eleven-year-old girls were usually on their way home so as not to worry their mothers. Instead, they walked quietly, knowing this evening marked the end of their summer tradition permanently.
Neither Leila nor Mia knew what to say to each other. Since Mia had shared the news that she would be moving to Missouri where her father's family lived, Leila had not quite found the right words to say, and Mia, still recovering from her mother's death in the spring, had not quite found the words to share her grief of leaving her hometown. For the most part, the two had continued their normal summer traditions, pretending all was well, though both knew their time together was limited.
"So...you leave tomorrow," Leila said, finally gathering the courage to speak. All afternoon they had chatted as if nothing was wrong, but now that time was fading, they both seemed to be trying to make each word count.
"Yeah," Mia replied, continuing to walk in front of Leila. "All the boxes are packed. The moving truck comes tomorrow."
"Right," Leila murmured. "Will you miss Maine?"
Mia paused in her tracks, feeling the salty foam of the ocean come up and gently kiss her feet. She knew she would miss it more than words could describe, but the reality of the past few months had still not set in for her. She still thought she would find her mother at home after school, and she still seemed confident that her and her father's move to Missouri would feel only like a vacation.
"I think so," Mia said at last.
Will you miss me? was what Leila had wanted to ask, but she had spent too long already grieving the departure of her best friend. Rather than share her grief with Mia and make her feel even more guilty for leaving, she had found ways to convince herself this was for the best. After all, they were going to enter middle school in the fall, and maybe their friendship would have fallen apart naturally. Mia's father had not picked a better time to move.
"What kind of things will you do in Missouri?" Leila wondered. "I've never been."
"I don't really know yet," Mia answered. "My aunt and uncle and cousins will all be there. But I haven't visited since I was younger. I don't remember it being all that interesting. We mostly just sat around and went to church."
"What about your school?" Leila asked. "What's your school like?"
"I don't know yet either," said Mia.
"Maybe they'll have a drawing club you can join," Leila suggested. They had made an informal one at their elementary school, though they had been the only two members, and Leila had only helped form it so that way Mia could have a reason to draw during school. She had spent many hours watching Mia move her pencil back and forth on sheets of blank paper. Mia always made something beautiful in the end. Leila often stuck to her stick figures.
"I'll have to see," Mia said, her gaze fixated on the sun slowly dipping below the horizon.
"Mia?" Leila asked after a period of silence.
"Yes?" she asked, finally turning around to face Leila.
"Why do you have to leave?" she asked, even if she already knew the answer.
"Because Dad says there's nothing here for him anymore. Not since Mom died," Mia murmured. She hugged her arms to her body and stared out at the sea. "So I have to go with him. He hasn't been the same since Mom died. Maybe being with his own family will help."
She was doing it again, Leila realized, where Mia shoved her own emotions downward for the service of others. During their six years of friendship, there were only a few times Leila had seen Mia cry. Even when Mia's mother died earlier in the spring, she showed up to school a week later with a smile on her face, as if nothing had happened.
"I'm sure you'll enjoy it there," Leila said.
"I hope so," Mia replied. "Leila, will you write letters? I'll send you a letter from my new address once I get settled."
"Of course," Leila said without hesitation. "But only if you send me some drawings."
The corners of Mia's lips curled upward into a slight smile. "Okay. It's a deal," she said.
"Will you visit often?" Leila wondered.
"I don't know," Mia answered, her back turned to Leila once more. She began walking again.
Leila was trying to ignore the chalkiness in her throat and the tears beginning to sting her eyes. She turned her gaze to the ground, blinking them away, when her eyes fixated on a pale seashell buried in the sand. She knelt down and brushed away the remaining grains of sand. The cone-shaped shell was no larger than her palm, but when she held it up to her ear, she heard the crashing of waves and smiled.
"Then, take this," Leila said, picking up her pace to reach Mia.
Mia turned around, gazing down in confusion as Leila dropped the seashell into her palm.
"When you hold it to your ear, you can hear the ocean," Leila said. "So I hope...I hope if you ever feel homesick, you can do that and be reminded of here and your mom and...and me," she said quietly.
Mia held the shell up to hear and listened before shoving it into her shorts pocket.
"Thank you, Leila," she said. "You really are my best friend. I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you, too," Leila replied, her voice a bit gravelly from the tears she was holding back. Mia pulled her in for a hug, and as the sun fully vanished beneath the ocean waves, they hugged each other under the stars for a long time until they both reluctantly let go.
It was Mia who wanted to hold on forever, who wanted to continue listening to the waves crash upon the shore, but she needed to be strong, otherwise she would never gather the courage to leave. Mia pulled away from the hug first and smiled.
"Don't worry about me. I'm sure I'll have a good time in Missouri. Tell me all about how middle school is here," she told Leila, trying to wipe the frown off Leila's face.
"I will," Leila said. She turned, ready to head back to her bike, but Mia stood in place.
"Aren't you coming to get your bike? We need to go home," Leila said.
Home. The word sounded foreign to Mia now that she knew that her house was filled to the brim with cardboard boxes.
"I think I'll stay here a little longer. Don't worry. I'll go home in a few minutes," Mia promised.
Leila hesitated, but slowly nodded her head. She walked up to grab her bike and turned to stare at Mia one last time.
"Write to me. I'll see you," Leila said.
Mia waved to her in the darkness, then turned back to face the darkened sea. Neither were aware of just how long their separation would be.
Chapter 1
Leila Sutherland awoke like she did most days—being screamed at by her fat tabby cat Fuji for his breakfast. Despite the fact it was still early on a Saturday morning, Fuji was on a strict schedule, and Leila would be lying if she said she didn't find herself already tossing and turning.
"All right, I'm up," she grumbled. She shoved aside her bedsheets and quickly went to feed the young tabby in an attempt to silence his cries.
As Fuji devoured his breakfast at an unhealthy rate, Leila poured herself a morning cup of coffee and watched the sunlight stream into her apartment's spacious living room. She took a few small sips and grinned to herself as the beverage warmed her body. It seemed it would be another beautiful sum
Leila dressed for the day, finding that a lightweight blouse and a long-flowing skirt best fit the weather. She reached for the front strands of her long brown hair and tied them back with a pink clip. Afterwards, she gave some chin scratches to Fuji, who was now comfortably basking in the sunlit shards on her bed, and applied some sunscreen to her pale skin, never forgetting the time at the beach when she was eight and her skin had turned lobster red from a lack of it. She hadn't been able to wear any tight clothing for two weeks after that.
"Guard the house, Fuji," Leila said as she grabbed her apartment keys and headed toward the door.
Fuji apparently took this to mean to continue sleeping.
Leila could only roll her eyes and shout one last farewell to her silent companion before heading out.
Leila always enjoyed the drive down to the seashore. She knew the tourists were sometimes a bother, but she always enjoyed seeing families biking together and children running on the beach. Leila could not have imagined what her childhood would have looked like without the experiences of coastal Maine, and every day she made sure to never take for granted the sights and scenes of her hometown. Her four years away while at University of Maine had taught her that.
As Leila walked down the sidewalk, she glanced ahead, finding her two friends already seated at a round, metal table outside the burger joint they had decided on for lunch. They were easy to spot when her Ashlynn had the brightest red hair Leila had ever seen and Elena had the loudest laugh.
"Leila, how are you doing?!" Elena exclaimed as Leila took a seat at the table across from them.
Since high school, Ashlynn Curran and Elena Rodriguez had been some of Leila's closest friends. They'd kept up connections in college, and when all of them inevitably ended up returning to southeast Maine after graduation, their friendship had only strengthened.
"I'm doing well," Leila said. She strung her purse over the seat and leaned back in her chair, happy to feel the warm sun on her body. The waiter stopped by briefly to ask for their orders, and then the conversation picked up once more.
"How has the apartment been?" Ashlynn wondered. "Are you all settled now?"
"Just about," Leila replied. "I think I finally got everything out of the boxes last weekend. Although it's kind of embarrassing it took two months."
"Hey, kudos to you though. I can't wait to have my own place," Elena remarked. "It's nice my parents are letting me stay with them while I'm in nursing school, but I always inevitably end up at Eric's."
"You've basically lived at his place since junior year of high school though," Ashlynn teased. "You should just move in together already like Cole and I did."
"Well, you know how my parents are," Elena murmured as she took a sip of iced tea. "They're super Catholic, so living together before marriage is a no-no."
"You two are practically engaged!" Ashlynn countered.
Leila wrung her fingers together and stared out at sea in the distance. It had become habit that she zoned out when her friends spoke of their romantic partners these days. She hadn't meant to start doing it, but after seeing her friends in successful, years-long relationships, she had just automatically begun to do so, probably to save herself the painful reminder of her own romantic life.
"Leila, how was your date?" Ashlynn asked.
Leila quickly snapped out of her trance. She glanced down into her water glass and traced her finger in circles around the foggy rim.
"It wasn't great," Leila admitted. Once she would have felt discouraged admitting those words to her friends, but it rolled off the tongue easily these days.
"What was the issue this time?" Elena asked.
"Let me guess," Ashlynn interrupted. "Lives too far away, name sounds too similar to your mom's, or allergic to cats."
"I don't know. I just didn't feel a connection," Leila said with a sigh.
"Oh, forgot about that one," said Ashlynn
"What happened?" Elena asked.
"I don't know. She was really nice, but I think she likes me more than I like her. I can't really pinpoint it," Leila explained. "She was the one to ask me out on the date, so I decided to go, but maybe I should've declined."
"Well, that's too bad. I was hoping this one would work for you," Elena said. "But you shouldn't get discouraged, you know."
"Yeah, if I were gay, I'd date you," Ashlynn added.
"Gee, thanks," Leila murmured. She didn't need a pep talk from her friends to remind her of her bumpy romantic life. It had started rough to begin with, what with her not coming out until college, and even when she tried out dating a few months later, she could never manage to keep up a relationship past two dates. Leila had tried it all, taking months-long breaks from dating apps, trying set-ups, meeting people in-person, but nothing ever seemed to work out.
"I think the problem is you're too picky," Ashlynn suggested. "You're going to have met every lesbian in the state by this point."
"Yeah, yeah," Leila said, waving her hand. "I don't know. Maybe it's time to take another break."
"Hey, whatever suits you," Elena added. "Though I'm not really one to offer advice since Eric and I have dated since high school."
"I'm sure your lesbian soulmate is out there somewhere," Ashlynn reassured her. "You just have to concentrate real hard and sense her or something."
Leila giggled. "Thanks, you two. But don't worry about me. I'm not lonely. I have Fuji, and my job has been going well since the promotion so....so I think I'm still thriving," she said, even though she spoke the last few words with uncertainty.
The conversation diverted back to lighter topics once the waiter came by with their orders. Leila enjoyed conversing with her friends. Their meet-ups weren't as frequent with their work schedules, but she enjoyed the time they could all spend together. As she continued eating and chatting, she noticed a young man around her age making eye contact with her when she looked up. Leila quickly diverted her attention away, focusing on the conversation instead. However, when the bill arrived, she watched the young man rise from his table and come over to them.
"Sorry to interrupt your conversation," he told the three. His gaze then directly turned towards Leila. "I just wanted to tell you I think you're very beautiful. Could I possibly get your number?"
Leila felt warmth rising from her cheeks. She hoped he didn't see it as a sign of encouragement.
"Oh, um, I'm so sorry. I'm not attracted to men, actually," she said quietly.
"We can verify!" Ashlynn added.
"O-Oh, I'm sorry. Enjoy the rest of your meal," he said before quickly ducking away, looking equally embarrassed.
Leila let out a sigh.
"Damn, it happened again," said Ashlynn. "You'd be a hot commodity on the straight dating market."
"Unfortunately," Leila murmured.
"Hey, don't get down! A lot of people find you attractive, so I'm sure some sexy lesbian will too," Elena assured her.
With their lunch wrapping up shortly afterwards, Leila was left to her own devices again. Her family dinner wasn't until the evening, so she wondered how to fill her time. She settled on walking along the coastline down by the boating dock and beach. As the wind brushed against her hair and clothes, she glanced out at the ocean, wondering if perhaps something was wrong with her.
Do I dress too feminine for my sexuality? Am I just faking being a lesbian? Am I actually attracted to men?
Leila didn't like when the insecurities began to flood into her brain. She knew they were wrong, but those thoughts couldn't help but creep up when she thought too deeply about herself. In an attempt to halt the internalized homophobia sneaking into her mind, Leila decided to head home, hoping some playtime with Fuji and some T.V. would help her feel better. Thankfully, she felt it did.
That evening, Leila drove to her parents' house as she normally did once a week. It had been a tradition since her older brother, Gavin, had moved out, and now that she was living on her own as well, her parents were adamant that she come each week so that they could spend some quality time together as a family. Leila's friends seemed disgusted by this idea, but Leila didn't mind it much. Her childhood home held warm memories, and her parents had always been loving and kind to her when she knew some of her friends' hadn't at times.
