How to Navigate Life, page 27
Survival of the Fittest
“Survival of the fittest” is the phrase that people tend to associate with Darwin’s theory of evolution. And it fits with the pyramid rule of thumb—that “the best person wins.” Yet individual selection was just one small part of Darwin’s theory. He pointed out that groups that cooperate with one another win out over groups that strictly compete against one another.43 Think of prairie dogs using systems of predatory warning and elephants raising their young cooperatively.44 Thousands of honeybees cooperate in building their nest, collecting their food, and rearing their brood. Each member makes a valuable contribution to the brood.
Darwin’s theory applied to pyramids might predict that individuals climbing the pyramid may beat out other individual competitors, but a group of people who work as a team will rule the day. David Sloan Wilson put it this way: “Selfishness beats altruism within groups. Altruistic groups beat selfish groups.”45 Effective groups overcome individual self-interest to advance the well-being of the entire group; this is the great unlock of the human race. Humans haven’t advanced due to any special physical strength, speed, or the sharpness of their teeth. Whether it was hunter-gatherers, agrarian farmers, or the twentieth-century social state, humans have prevailed when we cooperated with one another.
The scientist William Muir provided a powerful illustration of pyramids.46 He created two groups of chickens and bred them to see which group could produce the most eggs. In the first group he selected the chickens who produced the most eggs and mated them with other super-successful chickens. He did this for several generations to create a group of superstar chickens. At the same time, he selected a group of run-of-the-mill chickens to compete against the superstars. Some of these average chickens were great producers; some barely produced any eggs at all. After seven generations, what happened?
The superstar chickens got crushed by the average chickens. Muir actually had to stop the experiment early because only three superstar chickens were still alive—the rest killed each other off in the effort to become the alpha chicken. The average chickens ultimately produced 160 percent more eggs than their superstar compatriots.
Muir attributed the average chicken’s overwhelming success to one thing—they didn’t care about the pecking order. Instead of a pyramid that fostered intra-group competition, theirs was an ecosystem where every chicken could contribute. A cooperative group defeated a group of selfish chickens.
It’s not only chickens who suffer from pecking orders. In pyramids, our worth is defined by our position in the pecking order. When humans obsess over where we stand, live, or work relative to others, resentment reigns and teamwork deteriorates. NFL and MLB teams with greater degrees of pay inequality (that is, members of the same team living on very different floors of the pyramid) perform worse on the field and lose more games.47 In factories with greater pay inequality, employees are less productive, and are more likely to miss work.48 Companies with greater pay inequity make poorer-quality consumer products.49 College professors who work at institutions with greater pay inequality are less productive, less likely to work together, and less satisfied with their jobs.50 The more organizations are structured as pyramids marked by inequity, the worse the morale of their members, the worse that organization performs.
The Glue
Sports journalist Sam Walker spent eleven years trying to find the secret ingredient that made the best teams thrive. He analyzed more than twelve hundred teams in thirty-seven different sports over the past 150 years.51 He then identified the top 0.1 percent of teams that had garnered the most success over time. Dynasties. His list included the 1960s Celtics, the 1990s US women’s soccer team, the New Zealand All Blacks rugby team, and the Cuban women’s volleyball team, among others. He was looking for evidence of any similarities across these uber-successful teams.
One common characteristic surfaced. Was it a “once-in-a-generation” talent? A collection of superhumans? The amount of time spent practicing? A legendary coach? Well, many of the teams in the study had these characteristics, but there was only one thing that every single great team had.
A captain who rallied the team.
Walker’s research found that the beginning of a successful run always coincided with a captain taking on team leadership, and the end of that run concluded with a captain vacating their role. This held true across all teams. What’s even more interesting is the type of captain who led the team. These captains were rarely the best players. They weren’t necessarily giving impassioned locker room speeches. It wasn’t their talents that made them effective, it was their character. These captains—including the likes of Yogi Berra, Tim Duncan, Bill Russell, and Carla Overbeck—all had three character qualities.
Unwavering commitment to the group’s purpose. They had what Walker describes as “extreme doggedness and focus on competition.” They would do anything needed, including testing the limits of the rules combined with aggressive play. They made clear that the team’s success was the most noble and supreme goal.
Glue that holds the team together. While they may have played loudly on the field, these captains were never the center of attention off the field. They led by example; they were willing to get their hands dirty and do the thankless jobs, and they motivated others with “passionate nonverbal displays.” When they communicated, they did so with understated, practical, and democratic communication styles. Not to put themselves at the center of the group, but to draw the members to the center.
Leadership aligned with personal purpose. These captains were not perfect. Sometimes they clashed with coaches, owners, and people outside the team. Yet they were respected for their courage in standing up for strong, personal convictions, especially to protect the team. So, while they were all about team outcomes, they were intentional about leading and playing in a way that aligned with their own clear sense of self.
In sum, creating harmonious ecosystems was at the heart of team success. These ecosystems were marked by collective individualism. The entire team valued what each individual brought to the table. And each player fully bought into what the team was trying to accomplish. Win-win relationships.
Harmonious ecosystems understand that helping members become their best selves is good for the community, too. After all, individuals make up the ecosystem. The ecosystem needs them to survive and thrive. Where a pyramid causes members to all dive for the biggest piece of pie, an ecosystem inspires members to contribute to making the pie bigger for all to enjoy.
Is Change Possible?
Can we really influence the water we swim in? As it turns out, fish can make a difference. Researchers have shown that fish contribute more nutrients to their marine ecosystem than any other source.52 The impact they make is enough to cause changes in the growth of the organisms they live with. We, too, can influence the waters we swim in with the daily choices we make about how we spend our time there.
Take a Temperature Check
There is a popular urban myth that if you put a frog in boiling water, it will jump right out. But if you put it in lukewarm water and slowly increase the temperature over time, the frog will stay put until it boils to death. Rising income inequality has heated the waters we swim in, slowly. Insidiously turning our world into a pyramid. If we want to change the waters we swim in, start with this temperature check:
What type of systems do you and your students live in?
Critically reflect on your high school, college, or organization. What’s its mission or purpose? In other words, why does it exist? Is there a shared mission that everyone in the organization would agree on? Stated purpose is not the same as lived purpose. What are the most important or tracked outcomes? What metrics are held in highest regard?
If the school’s ulterior motive is to get its students into as many prestigious universities as possible, you’ll see evidence of this in its structures, rules, processes, and people. GPAs will be a top indicator of success. Same with Advanced Placement courses. Students will feel pressured to take the hardest classes they can, not because they love to learn, but because it will strengthen their college applications. As will service and volunteer work. It’s important to do that, too, for the sake of looking good (rather than doing good). And even after working their fingers to the bone at great personal cost, they’re still likely to believe: I am not enough (there are people better than me). I have to be the best (I must try harder). Only the strong survive (there aren’t enough resources for everyone).
How do we change persistent outcomes like these? This process begins when leaders and members reflect honestly on whether their mission or purpose promotes pyramid thinking. Does the purpose or mission create:
Zero-sum attitudes and performance mindsets?
A sense of scarcity and artificial core values?
Comparison between members and an obsession with fixed games?
Inequity so that only an elite few benefit?
Does the purpose or mission cause people:
To constantly feel “not enough”?
To feel the need to be the best in everything?
To protect and fight for their share, since only the strongest survive?
If you answered yes to the questions above, chances are you’re stuck in a pyramid. Another sign of a pyramid is you have trouble articulating the organization’s purpose. Without a clearly defined shared mission, any organization’s goal defaults to fighting for the biggest slice of the pie, be it grades, college admissions, or market capitalization. Thankfully, there’s a simple first step toward changing organizational culture, one that you’re now fully aware of: purposeful reflection. Bring your community together and consider:
What do we value most as a community? What are we willing to sacrifice for?
What strengths do we want our members to use?
What skills do we want people to learn and master?
What needs are we trying to meet for ourselves, our community, and the world?
Redesigning pyramids starts by giving people the space to reflect on the organizational purpose and their own purpose. This simple and small act can have outsized results, especially in the world of work. When it comes down to it, people from all walks of life experience fulfillment at work and general well-being when their workplaces help them meet five needs: survival, contribution, mastery, connection with others, and purpose. “Decent” work meets these five needs.53 When people are given the autonomy to change and design their work so that it aligns better with their purpose, they experience improved well-being, work engagement, and performance. In contrast to a top-down approach that forces the same changes on everyone in an organization, the benefits of this bottom-up approach demonstrate the importance of giving workers the freedom to reflect on personally meaningful aspirations and skills. And when workers are given this freedom and choice to shape their work accordingly, it makes them more satisfied and more productive.54 And interventions at work aimed at building a sense of belonging and community improve well-being, job satisfaction, and organizational commitment while lowering absenteeism and turnover intent.55 The only way we can break down pyramids is by getting intentional about the ecosystems we want to inhabit.
To What End?
Once when Belle was in graduate school, her significant other, David, asked her what she wanted to do with her life. She answered, “To be a professor.” And to her surprise, he responded, “Your dreams are too small.” What was he talking about? As a first-generation doctoral student, she thought most would agree that she was shooting pretty high. She was baffled by this response, and has never forgotten it. Today she understands her humble (now) husband’s meaning so much better. His words were not a condemnation of professors. Nor a criticism that she wasn’t shooting high, or maximizing enough. He was asking, “So, you want to be a professor … but to what end?” His words were a charge to dream bigger. To set her sights on more than what she could be (an end destination), to the reason behind becoming a professor. Toward the more expansive calling that’s not fenced in by a particular role or job. What work was she longing to do? What contribution and change did she envision she could make by becoming a professor? This book on the work she and Tim are doing is about this bigger dream and purpose.
Dear friends, we wish the same for you. There is so much adventure that awaits you.
Conclusion
The soul [authentic self] grows by subtraction, not addition.
—HENRY DAVID THOREAU
Less Is More
Michelangelo’s David is considered one of the most beautiful sculptures in the history of art. The sculptor’s description of how he created the angel went something like this: I came across a big, ugly block of marble, and in it, I saw David. All I had to do was chip away the excess stone.
Like Michelangelo, all we have to do is chip away the excess stone—our insecurities, fears, biases, distractions—to set our authentic selves free. Good editors do the same with a rough draft. They see the essence of a beautiful story buried under authorial insecurities, fears, biases, and distractions, clearing them away to expose the story’s greater truths.
Once your authentic self comes into view, it becomes a powerful compass for navigating life. With greater ease and joy. We hope this book has inspired you to see your life, and the young people in it, with a fresh perspective. Use it to carve away what doesn’t serve you: the siren’s call of wealth, power, and prestige. An obsession with fixed games. A myopic, self-serving definition of achievement. The unattainable expectations of others. We live in a world that insists that the only way to succeed is through the power of more: do more, get more, be more. We are inundated with articles, podcasts, and books promising to tell us the exact things every person needs to do to be successful and happy. It’s always more. If you take away one lesson from this book, let it be this: you have everything you need. You don’t need more. You don’t have to bend yourself into a pretzel to fit someone else’s definition of success. You don’t have to be all things to all people.
But whatever you choose to be, let it be purposeful.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
As an authorship team, we deeply appreciate:
Our agent, Gail Ross. You’ve been our bridge from the ivory tower to Main Street. You’ve shown us how to translate scientific findings into language real people get so they can benefit from them. You’ve been our greatest champion and mentor, preparing us as first-time authors to present our ideas to the top publishers in NYC. Ultimately guiding us to the best—St. Martin’s Press. Making us able to take our work into the world.
Our dream editor, Elizabeth Beier. You are a muse, drawing out the creative artistry of your charges. Beyond your brilliance, you are just the loveliest human being. We scored the winning lottery ticket when you entered our lives. Thanks also to Laura Clark for bringing out the best in us during our first book pitch in NYC and taking a chance on us; Danielle Prielipp for expertly leading our marketing strategy; Gabrielle Gantz for your savvy in directing our publicity campaign; Soleil Paz, our talented jacket designer; Brigitte Dale and Hannah Phillips for shepherding the manuscript through the finest details of the editing process; and the rest of our gifted collaborators at St. Martin’s Press for your creativity, invaluable guidance, and support of us.
Our students (past and present). B. L.’s research assistants, mentees, and those in her classes at Boston College. And T. K.’s students from the Boys and Girls Club, Summer Search, Medford High School, and beyond. For anyone who wonders why we have this unwavering belief in the resilience and awesomeness of the next generation, they can just take one look at you. The sparks who keep society moving forward.
Our research and direct service collaborators and colleagues. This book would not have been possible without years of research and direct service to understand how people grow into agents of change and contribution in the world. And this research and service would not have been possible without people like Lauren Melkus—thank you for investing in us, and partnering so faithfully as we together create tools and curricula and cultivate purpose at Boston College. It’s been an immense privilege and joy to collaborate with such generous educators, researchers, philanthropists, and research participants throughout the decades, and your stories and legacies are sprinkled throughout this book.
I (B. L.) am so grateful to:
My family, for delighting in my journey. Chu-Yu, Catharine, Philip, and Ruth, for your selfless love. Eli, for cheering me on when I was first considering becoming a psychologist. David L., for cheering me on and up, period. Chach, for being my heart-shaped rock. Zoe and Toby, for being the radiant lights in my life—I love being your mom. You, along with Desiree, Evie, Marina, Connor, Ben, and Max, give me hope that the future is in good hands. Most of all, thank you David T.—you are simply my best human. You remind me how good God is.
My dearest friends and life mentors—you know who you are. Whether we are listening closely to one another, solving problems, talking one another off a ledge, praying, or celebrating life—we are for each other. You are my happy place. As is obvious from my research and this book, I think a lot about what makes good relationships good—you bring out the best in one another. And I learned a lot about this from you.
My coauthor, T.—working with you is so fun and interesting every day. You constantly amaze me with your out-of-the-box thinking. You are 75 percent Trailblazer and 75 percent Builder. They don’t add up to 100 percent because you’re so good at multitasking. Beyond these skills and strengths, it’s a gift to work with someone so honorable and trustworthy. You are the real deal.
