Cut Too Deep, page 27
“It’s fine.” Hadley breathed. Her desperation surprised her.
“It’s not fine for me.” Miller lifted himself from her body and stood.
Hadley sat up and tugged her skirt down, a sudden wave of humiliation washing over her. Miller knelt in front of her and took her hands. He brought them to his lips and tenderly kissed her knuckles.
“I don’t ever want to see a look of shame on your face again. I love that you came to see me. That you want me as much as I want you. If not our first time together, I would keep the door locked the rest of the afternoon and make love to you until the sun goes down. There were many mornings after I found you watching me, I sat at my desk imagining this very scenario.” He smirked wickedly. “And you thought you were the stalker.” Hadley smiled. “Go back to work. I have plans for you tonight.”
His promise sent heat to her inner thighs, warmth pooling below her waist. Hadley stood and planted a peck on his cheek as she smoothed her palm over the front of his slacks. Miller hissed a breath.
“I shall think of nothing else,” she teased.
“You might want to try.” Miller grinned playfully. “I hear your boss is kind of an ass.”
“He’ll get over it. I’m family now.”
She avoided eye contact with Renee on the way out, positive her flushed skin told Miller’s secretary exactly what they’d been up to in his office.
Her referral to herself as his family made Miller’s heart sing. With everything she’d been through, she was happy in his life. He marveled in how amazing that felt.
On the drive home from work, the anticipation in the car was palpable. They were finally going to consummate their love for one another. Although Hadley never had a healthy relationship to compare tonight to, she knew Miller would be a different kind of lover. He would be her only true lover, not a boy who took his turn with her and not a man who forced her. It had been nearly four years since her guardian last assaulted her. Her memories of those moments were sure to make an appearance. She released the thick onset of panic that began to set in before it choked her. Miller meant to nurture her, like the man in the poems he sent, not hurt her, depreciate her, or impose his will on her. Hadley trusted Miller would be more prepared to battle her past than she was if it should choose to threaten their moment together.
Their fingers were firmly intertwined as they rode the elevator in keen silence. Once at the door to his apartment, Miller pressed his body into hers until her back hit the wall. Their foreheads touched, covetously absorbing the certainty of what awaited them on the other side of the door.
“La mia bella ragazza. Lascia che ti mostri che io ti amerò per sempre. Lascia che il mio tocco essere l'unico che si ricorda. Il tuo cuore è al sicuro con me.” (My beautiful girl. Let me show you that I'll love you forever. Let my touch be the only you remember. Your heart is safe with me.)
Hadley didn’t understand a word of his ardent declaration, but her body responded with a soft ache between her thighs. She moaned, her head falling back with a light thud against the wall. Miller’s lips dropped faint kisses on the curve of her neck. He whispered sweet promises in Italian. She was ready to demand he take her against the wall in the hallway when he straightened and opened the door. She felt faint as she peeled herself from the wall, her weak legs barely carrying her inside. Miller took one of her wrists in his hand and pulled her toward the bedroom. He paused briefly before opening the door.
Vases of brilliant orange tiger lilies where placed around the room, their distinct scent reaching her senses. Hadley smiled. They were her favorite.
“How did you know?” she asked as they entered the bedroom.
“The first time we met in the park, I watched you studying them. I took a guess.”
Hadley felt flattered by his memory, desired and cherished. They’d been separated by circumstance, but they never truly forgot one another. From an old friendship spurred a new love, one that before Miller, Hadley had never been convinced she deserved. Miller made her believe she did.
“A good guess.” Hadley touched one of the petals, admiring their strength. “It’s the petals. I envy how they curl under themselves, completely wide open, and when you try to close them, they spring back, exposing their heart. I could never do that.”
“You opened up completely to me and exposed your heart.”
“There’s always a chance I’ll close back up.” Hadley turned to face the man she loved categorically, a hint of insecurity marring her features. “It’s part of who I am.”
Miller stepped close to her, closing the gap between them. Hadley smiled as he tucked her hair behind her ear.
“No, Love, it’s a part of who you were. There’s no chance you’ll close back up. I won’t let you.”
“You’re pretty confident.”
His gaze full of avid lust roamed up and down her body, putting an end to the conversation. Hadley shivered, but her insides were on fire.
“Turn around and take off your shoes.”
Hadley did as he said. Miller drew her into his warm embrace, her back to his front. He squeezed the tops of her shoulders before his hands slid down her arms, applying light pressure. Goosebumps sprinkled her flesh along the way. His fingers curled around her hip bones, tugging her closer. He groaned into her hair. Slowly, his hands moved to her lower back. Miller slid the zipper on her skirt down, watching the cream fabric descend to the floor and puddle at her feet.
“Step out.”
When she lifted her feet out of the skirt, his eyes traveled up the defined muscles of her dancer's legs. A guttural growl erupted in his throat when he caught a glimpse of the nude colored lace panties peeking out from the bottom of her blouse. He grabbed her waist and spun her around to face him.
Hadley saw the hunger in his eyes that matched her own. His hands disappeared under her blouse. Warmth caressed her breasts when his hands molded to each of them, kneading carefully. She closed her eyes, breathing in a deep reassuring breath. His hands moved under her arms, lingering on her ribs.
“Arms up,” Miller instructed softly.
She slowly lifted her arms above her head. Miller’s hands moved up her ribcage and arms, removing her blouse. He stepped back and admired the beautiful woman before him. She owned his heart. Her trembling displeased him. Miller frowned and pulled Hadley close. His hand held her jaw as he gazed into her soft brown depths. She held her breath.
“We can stop anytime.”
Miller’s unhurried attention calmed her, made her feel safe. Hadley slowly exhaled, then shook her head and held his hand close to her face. She maintained his gaze, unblinking, and whispered, “Don’t stop, please.”
Sex with Miller was about overcoming an insurmountable fear for love. Hadley didn’t want to waste a second contemplating the decision. She wanted to breathe him in and soak up the intensity of a moment she never thought she’d experience.
He grinned wickedly before spinning her back around. With his hands cupped around her waist, Miller slowly massaged circles with his thumbs on her lower back. He dug his thumbs in further, as though he could force his love into her skin. Then, he pushed them up her back along the ridge of her spine until he reached her neck, causing her head to fall forward with a soft moan. He brushed her hair off her back and rubbed her shoulders before sinking the tips of his fingers into her skin again and dragging them to her bra clasp. A shiver rolled through Hadley. She inhaled a ragged breath of air.
Miller released her bra and pushed it down her arms, kissing her shoulders. Then he dropped to his knees behind her. Hadley glanced down over her shoulder nervously as his fingers curled over the top of her panties. He slid them ever so slowly down her legs, his gaze drinking in every inch of smooth skin along the way. She lifted one leg, then the other, and he tossed her panties to the side. Miller palmed the sides of her glorious ass in his hands, pressing delicate kisses along the small of her back. His hands moved to her inner thighs and down to her knees. He stood and instructed Hadley to lay down on the bed on her back.
Hadley propped herself up on her forearms to watch Miller undress. He was far too anxious and turned on to undress himself as slowly as he had her. Within seconds, Miller stood before her in all his naked glory. Her eyes traveled over his body with heated concentration. She licked her lips. Miller was masculinity in its rawest form. A God-like figure from another time, broad and defined, every inch of him solid muscle. Blessed in his endowment and confidently so, he held no trace of embarrassment in his nakedness.
Miller climbed her frame and covered her body with his. His palms pressed flat against the mattress on both sides of her head.
“I found you, Love.” He stared at Hadley intently, speaking with conviction. “You are my other half, and now I am whole.”
Hadley felt the same. She lifted her head, sealing their lips together. He lowered his arms and returned her kiss with hot-blooded intensity. Their union culminated his efforts to convince Hadley she deserved love. Months of careful tenderness and honesty, a care Miller had taken to reach a place with her where she trusted him with her heart and her body.
Their breaths grew heavier, fierce with passion as the kiss they shared made them both ravenous for more. Miller held her thigh, his lips trailing kisses along her collarbone to her shoulder.
Tears sprang free from her eyes, not from painful memories, but the joy of being with him in the most intimate of ways without questioning the decision and without a trace of shame. Hadley craved his touch since the first time she saw him, and the patience Miller had showed her to wait until her readiness became unquestionable was overwhelmingly emotional. Their hands were everywhere, followed closely by their lips. When his fingers pushed inside her, testing her, Hadley arched from the bed and cried out his name in wild pleasure.
Miller groaned loudly. “I want you, Hadley.”
“Yes,” she cried.
Miller rolled off of her long enough to retrieve a condom from the night stand and roll it onto himself. Hadley kept her eyes on him the entire time, her body alive and yearning for him to return. And when he did, his brown eyes sparkled as he hovered above her.
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” Hadley uttered breathless, the anticipation more than she could bear.
Miller leaned down and kissed her zealously, as if to claim her. When he entered her, he knew beyond words how much he loved her—that he would give his life for her. She shattered his expectations of love. He felt the sharp ache in his chest when he touched Hadley before, but being inside of her was beyond any measure of love Miller had ever felt for anyone.
Their bodies moved rhythmically, and as they climbed towards release, both were lost to the raw passion of their lovemaking. They came rushing down together. Their emotions spiraling much like they always had, only now, the crash was met with an overpowering ecstasy that left them both clinging to each other in blissful satisfaction. Hadley felt a mighty sense of security in his arms, their love proof that regardless of the abuse she’d suffered, she was still capable of enjoying a consensual sexual experience with the man she loved without the humiliation of who she used to be.
The new lovers cuddled in bed, their legs tangled together, sated by a newly found blessedness.
Miller turned to his love and propped up on his elbow. He drew circles on her stomach with his finger, her mind a million miles away. He feared the unwelcomed demons of her past had reared their ugly heads while they’d made love. His heart ached, questioning if things had happened too soon after all.
Miller smoothed the crease between her eyebrows. “Where’d you go, Love?”
He hadn’t mentioned his conversation with Vito. Curiosity had been nudging Hadley most of the afternoon. She didn’t know what they elected to do about her former guardian, but she had other plans.
“What did you and Vito decide?”
Miller was almost relieved with her thoughts. The alternative was much harder to stomach.
“The less you know, the better.”
Her brow creased again. “I don’t want you to do anything.”
Miller sighed and rolled to his back, his arm draped over his forehead. “I have too. He has to pay for what he did to you.”
“He will, but I want to file formal charges.”
“He’ll drag you through the mud and make you relive all of it. I don’t want that for you.”
Hadley sat up, hugging the covers close to her chest and gazed down at her lover. His protectiveness made him vulnerable. She didn’t want to hurt Miller, but this decision, she needed to make herself.
“Thank you. I know you want to protect my heart, but I will happily sit in court and share my story for the pure satisfaction of seeing shame on his face.”
Miller’s features hardened.
“That animal feels no shame.”
“His career will be ruined, his marriage over. There will be shame.”
“I doubt that, and I don’t know how you can have any faith in the justice system after what you’ve been through.”
She inhaled a deep breath.
“I have to. It’s more than shaming him. I’ve never felt like I was capable of turning him in, and now I do. I never thought anyone would believe me, and now I don’t care if they do. I feel a sense of responsibility to anyone who’s ever lived with my memories as their own. How many others are there like me? Hundreds? Thousands? Innocent girls who live in secret, afraid no one will ever love them, convinced they're filthy trash, terrified of their own shadow. More who are afraid to speak for fear no one will believe them. How can I live with myself if he hurts another young girl when I’m ready to speak, but instead I cower and hide anyway?”
Miller sat up and kissed her cheek.
“Trust me, whatever Vito has planned, that scum will never lay a finger on another person.”
Hadley smiled.
“I love that Vito thinks of me as family, and if to ease his own conscience, wants to defend me, but I need to do this. What about other little kids who are molested and raped by trusted members of their community? People they’re supposed to be safe with? I want to use him, like he used me, to show others that they too can fight back, that they have value in this world, and that they don’t have to hide.”
The possibilities made Miller frown.
“It won’t be easy on you.”
“I don’t expect it will. I have to do this. These people in positions of power, who think they can get away with such hideous crimes, need to know they can’t. People in society need a reminder not to overlook the signs of abuse they see every day. And, I need this to truly heal and close the door on my past.”
He stared at his brown-eyed beauty in complete awe. He never admired nor respected anyone more than her. Hadley may be the strongest person he’d ever known.
“If you’re sure.”
Hadley pressed her lips together and paused before she spoke, her insecurities not far away.
“Are you worried about the press? We can spend some time apart after I report it if it will help.”
“You crazy, crazy girl, so strong, yet still so full of doubt.” Miller gripped her chin and turned her face toward his. “I would never let you go through this alone, and I’ve told you before, I don’t give a fuck about publicity. My concerns lie in your well-being.”
She touched his cheek, feeling apologetic.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to doubt you. It will be difficult, but I’ll get through it.”
Miller held the back of her head and kissed her forehead.
“Then I fully support you, but if the system fails you, La Famiglia will not.”
As much as Miller wanted to roll on top of Hadley and take her again, he decided against it. Instead he went with the gentlemanly thing to do and brought her close. She cuddled into his side, her head on his chest. Within minutes, his love fell asleep in his arms.
Miller woke before Hadley and went to the kitchen to make coffee. He called Vito, telling him not to pursue Hadley’s former guardian. Vito was as disappointed as Miller that the man wouldn’t be forced to suffer as tremendously as Hadley had, but agreed to let it go, for now.
He thought about waking her, but assumed the emotions of the last few days were taking a toll on her physically and she needed the rest. He’d already phoned Paul to let him know she wouldn’t be in.
His housekeeper had left while he was in Thailand after her mother in Venezuela became ill. Miller was delighted she would be back next week, and more so when he tried to find things in his kitchen to make breakfast.
Hadley sauntered into the kitchen moments later in his t-shirt. He liked that a lot.
“Good morning, Love.”
“Good, morning.” She rubbed her eyes. “I’m late for work and my boss is an ass.”
“I called in for you.”
“You did?” She couldn’t complain. Her body was drained. “Thank you.”
Hadley sat on a stool at the island. Miller filled her in on his conversation with Vito while throwing together two breakfast sandwiches with prosciutto and cheese. He added some fruit to their plates and sat down next to her.
He leaned over, kissed her on the cheek, and whispered, “Best night of my life.”
Hadley flushed, feeling bashful. “Me, too,” she admitted, popping a grape into her mouth.
Over breakfast she told him about Don McAllister and how she planned on calling him to out her former guardian. Miller agreed it was a good idea and would rearrange some of his afternoon appointments to stay with her.
While clearing the dishes, Miller remembered he wanted to invite her somewhere before everything happened.
“I have a charity polo match this weekend at Meadowbrook. I would very much like it if you’d accompany me.”
“You play polo?”
Hadley thought it was an old English sport played more by royals than New Yorkers.
“It’s the game of kings.” His head tilted. “Does that surprise you?”
She bowed mockingly. “I guess it does, Your Majesty.”
Miller shook his head and ignored her joke even though she was adorable.
