Oleander, page 8
Jagger’s breath hitched. “You’re free now. You survived. You got yourself out without any help from anyone. It will take some time for you to heal emotionally, but you will.”
She jerked free of him and rose from the couch to stand. She was shaking as she put some distance between them and stared at him. “Jagger, that’s a pretty picture and all, but I’ll never be the woman I was before I was abducted.”
Chapter Eight
“Kally…”
She shook her head, feeling a bit hysterical now. “No. You don’t get it. I’ll never be whole. I’ll never be able to walk out the door and do normal things other people do. I don’t even want to go near a door. I don’t even like windows. I’ve been through things that changed me. I can’t be fixed. And I’ll make peace with that. What I want is to help you find out who did this and stop them from abducting other innocent girls and selling them into sex slavery.”
Jagger stayed in his seat. He nodded. “I’ll do everything in my power, honey. But—”
She shook her head. “There are no buts. I spent a year of my life in a fucking basement, eating just enough to keep me alive. Food with no taste. No seasonings. No flavor. I spent my days going through a series of required positions until I could do all of them in my sleep. Naked.” She screamed that last word.
She was pretty sure she was spitting as she shouted. For some reason, she couldn’t stop herself from continuing. It was like everything bubbled up inside her, and it needed to get out. She needed him to understand how fucking broken she was.
“Master J wasn’t the only man around us. We had trainers. We spent hours kneeling, standing in different positions, and lying prone. It was cold and damp in that fucking basement. The trainers laughed at us. They liked it when we had goosebumps because it kept our nipples hard.”
Jagger looked like he was holding his breath. He didn’t interrupt her.
“Do you know how many hours those slimy men made me hold my legs open so they could stare at my fucking cunt?” She shuddered.
Jagger’s jaw tensed.
“They waxed me too. They tied me down and waxed my pussy every few weeks so it would always be bare and exposed. They liked to make us stand still while they teased our nipples with everything from feathers to their gross hands. I wanted to vomit every time one of them touched me.”
Her hands were fisted so tightly at her sides that her blunt nails dug into her palms. She welcomed the pain.
“And the nights were worse. Can you believe that?”
He swallowed. He knew. He knew all of this. He’d heard it from Marigold. Gemma.
She didn’t care. She kept going. “We had cots with thin mattresses. They restrained us at night. Ankles and wrists. Spread open. Exposed. They draped a scratchy blanket over us, and we didn’t dare move an inch because the only thing worse than that fucking itchy blanket was shivering all night in the cold. Do you know why we had to sleep restrained and spread eagle? Do you?” She leaned forward.
Jagger’s hands were fisted at his sides, too. He looked like he might jump up and single-handedly kill all those men. If only he knew who they were.
She didn’t stop. “Because we needed to learn to control ourselves,” she screamed. “We weren’t permitted to masturbate. If we so much as scratched an itch, we were punished. The reason they strapped us to the cots at night was so they could fucking sleep without having to guard us. As if anyone could possibly feel the urge to fucking masturbate under such conditions.”
Kally took a deep breath, her body trembling as if she were back in that basement still. She took a step back and crossed her arms. “I’ll never be able to close my eyes without going back there. I can see the smirks on their smarmy faces. They’re burned into the backs of my eyelids. I doubt I’ll ever be fully warm again. Wearing clothes feels funny. I can’t imagine putting shoes on.”
So far, she’d worn only the things Gemma had brought her. Gemma had understood better than anyone what she would need and what types of clothing wouldn’t make her panic. There had been tennis shoes in the pile, but Kally hadn’t put them on yet—just socks.
“Finish school? Ha. I’ll be lucky if I can step outside without a panic attack.” She glanced at the door. She wasn’t kidding. She hadn’t considered that fact until now, but the thought of being in public made her skin crawl.
The look on Jagger’s face was one of compassion. That was the only way she could describe it. And bless him for not trying to tell her he could fix things. He knew better than to promise the impossible.
She stared at him and figured, fuck it. She might as well continue to purge her thoughts. It wasn’t like it could hurt anything. Her world could not be worse. “Do you know what’s the craziest thing of all, Jagger?”
He licked his lips. “What, honey?”
“Since you walked in that house last night and squatted in front of me, I’ve actually spent an irrationally large cumulative chunk of time thinking about what it might be like to have sex. With you. I’ve never had thoughts like that before. I’ve rarely met a man decent enough to ponder him even touching me, let alone seeing me naked. Even though part of me doesn’t want to have anything to do with men ever in my life, another part of me is so drawn to you that I wish you’d just carry me to your room, strip me naked, and fuck me so I’d know what it felt like. I bet if I lost myself in your eyes and your touch, I could forget those assholes for five minutes. It would be heaven on earth. Granted, I’d have to come back to earth and face my fucked-up life afterward, but at least I wouldn’t still be a virgin. I’d know. I’d be part of the secret club of women who’ve had a cock inside them.”
She couldn’t believe she’d said all that, and she immediately turned away from him and wandered toward the attached kitchen. If she were a normal human being, she’d step closer to the windows and look out at the view of his amazing backyard. She hadn’t noticed it until now.
But she wasn’t normal. She was too fucked up to get close to a window. What if someone was watching? What if they stormed the house and took her? She didn’t actually care if they shot her through the glass and killed her. That would be preferable to being dragged bodily to a waiting airplane and delivered to the man who’d purchased her.
Jagger’s hands landed on her shoulders.
She flinched for a moment and then leaned into him. He was so solid, emotionally and physically.
“Thank you for sharing that with me,” he said softly.
She chuckled. “Which part? The part where you had to endure listening to how badly I’ve been abused or the part where some strange fucked-up girl has fantasies about you fucking her.”
He wrapped an arm around her and held her against him. “I will listen to anything you want to tell me, honey, and I’m glad you feel like you can share. Both the good and the bad. You are not fucked-up. You’ve been through a lot. Horrific things. You’re going to need counseling to work through your experiences. You might even want to see the same counselor Gemma goes to. Dr. Carol Langston. She’s been a godsend for Gemma. She’s a therapist with the FBI.”
At the moment, Kally couldn’t imagine repeating all of that to another person, but she might feel differently someday. Plus, that doctor would already know most of the story from Gemma. That could be nice.
“As for you having fantasies about having sex with me, I have a few things to say.”
She stiffened.
“Not bad things. Don’t panic. Just things to think about. One, you are precious, sexy, smart, gorgeous, and so fucking strong. If by some chance I ever get the opportunity to call you mine, I’ll be the luckiest man on earth. I knew that in my soul as soon as I met you. You bring me to my knees. I haven’t made a solid rational decision since I met you. Two, I don’t mean to sound patronizing, but you can’t make life-altering decisions right now. You’re still reeling from a year of hell. It would be selfish of me to take something precious from you before you’re emotionally ready to consent. And three…”
Kally’s breath hitched when his mouth came closer to her ear. “I will never fuck you. Not in a million years. I would make sweet, sweet love to you until you scream my name over and over, but it would never be violent or forced.”
Her knees nearly gave out. It was a good thing he was holding her upright. Her mind was reeling from his words. The combination of his warm breath, his soft tone, and his caring words made her feel an actual genuine arousal for the first time in her life.
She’d been aroused before, many times in the past year, but always by force. Being restrained and sometimes blindfolded while strangers groped her until she grew wet was humiliating and mortifying. It was worse when they laughed.
No one had ever penetrated her. That part of her had been saved for her buyer. But they’d tried to train her body to react to the slightest touch to her nipples or clit. She wasn’t even sure if she would ever want someone to touch her like that again.
Except for some reason, she found herself craving exactly that from the man currently holding her together. Would she be able to endure his touch in reality? She wasn’t sure. She might actually kick him in the balls and run and hide.
He rocked her body back and forth, never letting go. After a few minutes, he gave her another squeeze. “I need to ask you more questions, honey. Can you tell me more? I know it’s the last thing you want to do, but time is of the essence. There are four more women out there somewhere. The FBI would like to find them.”
“I’ll do whatever I can,” she responded.
“Can you tell me more about your abduction itself?” He turned the two of them toward one of the armchairs.
It surprised her, and she panicked for a moment, thinking he intended for her to sit somewhere else, but as soon as he dropped into the chair, he tugged her forward and silently encouraged her to sit on his lap.
Relief flooded her. She couldn’t explain why she liked him touching her, but she did. She felt grounded when she was close to him, even more so when he held her.
He threaded their fingers together and brought their combined hands to his cheek to rub her knuckles against his cleanly shaved skin. At some point, he’d taken a shower and shaved. She assumed he must have done so in another bathroom in the house while she’d been in the tub.
She leaned her head on his shoulder and took a deep breath, letting herself go back to that time a year ago. “I was naïve and careless and stupid.”
“Kally… You were twenty-one and trusting. You cannot blame yourself for the actions of others.”
She shrugged. If he only knew how many nights she’d stared at the ceiling, shivering, reminding herself of her mistakes, of what she’d done wrong. She couldn’t blame herself for the fact that men had taken her, but she could blame herself for not seeing it coming and taking precautions. It would have helped if she’d never taken that job in a sleazy bar dancing for even sleazier men.
Jagger rubbed her fingers with his thumb. He didn’t rush her.
“I think I know who actually kidnapped me even though I never saw them again.”
Jagger leaned around to meet her gaze. “That would be helpful. Do you think you could still identify them?”
“If it’s who I think it was, yes. I’ve never been able to get their images out of my mind.”
He gave her a squeeze. “Tell me what happened.”
“So, I was working at night, obviously, and taking classes during the day. I had saved up for a computer so I could do everything online. It was a lot. I wasn’t getting much sleep, but I was doing it. There were these two men who started coming into the club. They came every night. I felt like they watched me closer than some of the other girls. They sat up front and slipped me a lot of money. They also hung around between my shifts, tried to buy me drinks, and engaged me in conversation. They weren’t much different from other men at the club, except they were persistent.”
“How long did this go on?”
“A few weeks. My semester ended, and I was looking forward to recouping some sleep. I got off late one night, went back to the house I was living in, and dropped into bed. No one else was home.”
“You were renting a room, right?”
“Yes. There were three other girls living there.”
“Would any of them know something?”
Kally shrugged. “I doubt it. I didn’t spend much time with them. They mostly teased me for being a Goody Two-shoes and stopped asking me if I wanted to go out with them after a while. I’m pretty sure no one was home when I was taken.”
“Did any of them work at the same club as you?”
She sighed. “No. That would be convenient.”
“Okay. Go on.”
“When I woke up, I was bound and gagged and being tossed over Master J’s shoulder. He was hauling me into the house I would live in for the next year. It was dark outside, and I was groggy, so I didn’t have the presence of mind to pay attention to my surroundings.”
“That’s okay. We know where you were now.”
Kally nodded. “Right.” She drew in another breath. “Master J carried me downstairs to the basement and dropped me onto the concrete floor. Two of the other trainers were there. They laughed while I squirmed around in a panic. There was nothing I could do. The only clothing on me was the T-shirt and panties I’d worn to bed.”
Kally’s heart rate increased as she forced herself to relive that night. It wasn’t something she wanted to do often, but she did want to make sure the authorities had every detail possible if it would help them catch these men.
“Master J must have had a long conversation with my abductors because he started telling the trainers how naïve and stupid I was.”
“What kinds of things?” Jagger asked. He didn’t flinch, and he never stopped rubbing Kally’s fingers, or her arm, or her thigh. Soothing. Comforting. Encouraging.
“He knew a lot of stuff about where I worked. He knew that I walked home alone every night when I got off. He knew that I didn’t drink or accept offers to go out after work. He also knew the other dancers used to give me shit for being a virgin.”
That made Jagger flinch.
Kally shrugged. “They weren’t mean about it. It’s not as if I told anyone I was a virgin. They just assumed I was since I never accepted any offers to go out with men, not the men at the club or men they tried to set me up with. One day a few days before I was taken, two of the ladies came into the dressing room after my set and told me they knew someone who would pay a pretty penny for my virginity. I blew them off and told them I wasn’t interested. No matter how tempting anyone’s offer was, I was never willing to cross that line. I wasn’t a prostitute. I kept telling myself I was a good dancer. People liked to watch me. They paid money for it. But I wasn’t a hooker.”
Jagger hugged her closer. “Take a deep breath, honey.”
Kally hadn’t realized she’d gotten so agitated as she’d told the story. She was stiff. She took several breaths and let them out slowly.
Jagger rubbed her back. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” She just wanted to finish this part so she didn’t have to explain it again. “When I came out of the dressing room a few minutes later, those two men were in the hallway. They stared at me, paying closer attention than usual. I rolled my eyes and told them to get over themselves. It wasn’t going to happen. And then I left.”
“Do you think they followed you?”
“I know they did. They followed me the next night, too. And two nights after that, I woke up in Denver. Even though I didn’t even know I was in Denver until last night.”
“Okay.” Jagger smoothed a lock of her hair back from her forehead. “That’s enough for now. Do you think you can describe those two men to the police?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll get a sketch artist to come to the house.”
Kally stiffened again. More strangers. More questions. More stress. Although, it was necessary. She knew she needed to do this. Tell everything she could remember. Every detail might help.
Chapter Nine
Jagger rubbed his temples as he leaned against the window in the kitchen. He knew Diane was just doing her job, but sometimes, she was too intense. She’d asked Kally the same questions over and over. The same questions Jagger had already asked her and put in his report that morning. And all this after a lengthy session with the sketch artist who left there a while ago with two incredibly detailed sketches.
There was no reason to drag Kally through the saga again. Kally looked ready to drop from exhaustion, but she never complained. She sat at the kitchen table with her heels on the seat in front of her, hugging her knees to her chest. Sometimes, she rocked forward and backward. She glanced at the windows a lot as if she expected someone to shoot through the glass and kidnap her from the kitchen.
Jagger couldn’t blame her. More than one man was definitely pissed that she’d slipped through their fingers. Not to mention the fact that they knew exactly where she was. Her seller had made that clear when he’d changed the information on the chip to indicate Jagger was her buyer.
He ran a hand over his face again as Diane leaned back in her seat, rattling off facts. “It’s unfortunate there was never a missing person report,” she muttered.
Jagger shoved off the glass and came to the table. He set his palms flat on the glass surface between Kally and Diane and looked at Diane. Glared at her. He didn’t like her tone of voice. It was accusatory.
She lifted her hands, eyes wide. “I’m just talking to myself.”
“I’ll walk you to the door.”
She needed to leave. Kally was long past done. Jagger knew Kally was holding her shit together so Diane wouldn’t decide she needed to be moved to a psych ward. If there was one thing Jagger had learned about Kalinda in the past eighteen hours, it was that she was strong and smart as a whip.
But she had a breaking point. Everyone did. Diane was pushing Kally to hers.
