Oleander, page 6
While brushing her teeth, she stared at herself in the mirror. She hadn’t seen herself in a mirror in over a year. She barely recognized the woman staring back at her. She looked paler than she remembered. Her hair was longer; the ringlets clumped because she hadn’t combed her hair after she’d washed it earlier. Her eyes were sunken blue orbs that looked sad.
Would she ever feel happiness again? It was hard to imagine right now. Maybe she would. Or maybe she wouldn’t be able to pull herself back together.
She rinsed, added her toothbrush to the holder where Jagger’s sat, and met her gaze again. “You can do this. You’re alive. You’re strong. You can’t let them win. They did not break you.”
The pep talk made her feel better. At least, that’s what she told herself.
What was going through Jagger’s mind? She wasn’t sure how he saw her. Probably as a broken little girl who needed to be coddled and protected. He would be right about that to a certain extent.
But there was more. He watched her constantly, even when he didn’t think she noticed. His brow was furrowed most of the time. He was concerned, but she thought it was more.
When he touched her, it was so damn tender. When he held her gaze, didn’t he communicate something more than just an FBI agent doing his job?
Maybe she was making this shit up because he was so attractive and sexy and kind. Perhaps she just wanted him to be interested in her as more than a battered woman he’d rescued from hell.
Attraction probably hadn’t even entered his mind. And why the hell would she be thinking anything about any human she encountered? It made no sense. Maybe there was some sort of syndrome for women who fell in love with their rescuers.
Love? Good grief.
She turned from the mirror and left the room.
Jagger’s back was to her. He was leaning over the bed, arranging pillows. His ass was even better in the cotton sweats. His torso was broader, too. She hadn’t thought about a man like she’d been thinking about him in so long. Far more than a year. She’d been single and uninterested and had a blindfold on when it came to men long before she’d been abducted.
“I don’t even know if I can sleep on a bed, Jagger,” she informed him, rubbing her arms. She hadn’t changed clothes either, but she didn’t care. This was the first time she’d had clothes on in a year. They were comfortable, and she was warm—also, a first.
She glanced at the floor where he’d tossed a few pillows and a blanket. Even the floor pallet looked like a luxury.
He pulled the covers back on the bed and patted it. “I bet you’ll get comfortable. Climb in.”
She wrapped her arms around her middle again and stared at him. There was no way she was taking his bed. She also didn’t want to be that far away from him.
He groaned. “Don’t look at me like that. Get in, honey. Please.”
She stepped closer and touched the mattress. It was so soft like a cloud.
Jagger suddenly swooped down, swept her off the floor, and deposited her on the bed. “You don’t want to change?”
She shook her head. “I want to be warm.”
He pulled the covers up to her chin. “You’re going to burn up in that sweater.”
“I won’t.” She didn’t want to argue with him about the sleeping arrangements anymore because she didn’t want to annoy him. “Thank you,” she said as she turned onto her side and curled into a ball.
She let the covers come halfway over her face. She couldn’t remember when she’d last been this comfortable. The tension she’d had in her neck for the past year was easing. She was still scared, but for the first time in forever, she might be able to sleep without panicking.
Jagger turned out all the lights.
She gasped and lifted her head. “Can you…” She could only see his silhouette across the room.
“Too dark?”
“It’s fine.” She didn’t want to be a pain in the ass about the lights either. He was doing so much for her. She needed to be more accommodating.
He turned on the bathroom light and closed the door halfway. “How’s that?”
She relaxed back onto the mattress. “Thank you,” she whispered again.
He lowered onto the floor next to her, and the room went silent.
Silence, she was used to. She hadn’t been alone while she’d been in captivity because she’d nearly always been with the five other women, but they hadn’t been permitted to talk to each other, and none of them had been willing to risk even whispering most of the time.
The basement in Master J’s house had been dank, cold, and scary. Concrete. Unfinished. She shuddered as she remembered how she’d slept every night for that year.
The past month had been similar but different. She’d still been in a basement. There had still been cameras. But she’d been alone. The solitary confinement had been excruciating, especially because the man who’d put her there had provided her with little information.
All she’d known most of that time was that he was not her buyer. His job was to hold on to her until her buyer arrived. Both of them would be watching her at all times through the cameras.
The rules hadn’t changed. She wasn’t permitted to touch herself more than absolutely necessary. She wasn’t given clothes, but the man never complained that she spent most of the past month huddled under the blanket.
The biggest difference had been that he hadn’t restrained her at night. She shuddered at the memory. There was almost nothing worse than having your arms and legs secured to the corners of a cot every night. It was enough to drive a person mad. It had damn near broken her.
She scooted to the very edge of the bed so she could see Jagger. She needed to be able to see him at the very least. He was her safety net. When she settled on the edge of the mattress, she looked down at him and found him also watching her.
After a few seconds, he lifted a hand toward her. She wiggled one out from under the edge of the covers and stretched it down to clasp onto his.
“Close your eyes, honey. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here. No one can get in here.”
She tried. She should be tired. But every time she closed her eyes, she panicked. The backs of her eyelids were scary. She couldn’t relax. She was afraid she would wake up and find out all of this had been a dream.
The only way to be sure that didn’t happen was by touching Jagger. She’d be able to relax if she could just touch him. Not just his hand. More of him.
Without a word, she slid off the side of the bed, landing on soft feet next to his waist.
He watched her.
Holding her breath, she eased alongside him, curled against his body, and set her cheek on his chest. She didn’t breathe again until he wrapped his arm around her and held her close.
“Too soft in the bed,” she whispered as if that would explain her need to come down to the floor.
“It’s okay,” he whispered back, kissing the top of her head. “Sleep.”
She finally closed her eyes, content with the feel of his heart beating under her cheek.
When she opened them a few moments later, light was streaming in the room. She was also no longer on the floor. She was on the bed. But Jagger’s strong arm was still around her. His hand was clasping both of hers against her chest, not in a restraining way but in a comforting way.
He was spooned behind her, her back against his front. A feeling of peace overwhelmed her, sending shivers down her body.
Jagger must not have been asleep. He squeezed her hands and kissed her neck. “You slept,” he whispered.
“How did you move me without me noticing?” she whispered back.
“Carefully,” he chuckled, the vibrations shaking her body. “You were clinging to me with a death grip. As long as I didn’t break that connection, you stayed asleep. The floor was killing my back.” His breath was gentle against her ear.
He’d kissed her. Twice. Not on the lips, but still. What did it mean to him? It meant the world to her.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
She stiffened. “No. Don’t move. Please.” She probably should be hungry, but she didn’t want to move.
“I’m breaking so many rules, Kally.”
She licked her lips. “I won’t tell.”
“You don’t have to. My boss knows. Damon knows. I didn’t hide my feelings well last night.” He hugged her tighter. “I shouldn’t be touching you.”
“I like it.”
“That doesn’t make it right. You’ve been through hell. I’m taking advantage of you.”
“You’re not. Not if I want it.”
“You can’t know what you want, honey.”
“I know I want you to keep calling me honey and Kally. I know you make me feel safe. I know I can’t stay with you forever, but please let me for a little while.”
He stiffened slightly.
“Please…” Fear suddenly consumed her. What if he let Diane take her to a safe house? “I’ll be good. I promise. I won’t argue with you. I can even cook and clean and—”
He growled, cutting her off. He also rolled her to her back and stared down at her. “Stop.”
She bit her lip, trying not to cry.
His brow furrowed. “I don’t want you to be good. You need to be you. You need to argue with me if you don’t agree about something. The only thing that makes me feel like I’m not doing more harm than good here is that you’re feisty. It tells me they didn’t entirely break you. And you’re not cooking or cleaning. You’re not my housekeeper, and you’re certainly not a slave. Understood?”
She nodded, though she wasn’t entirely sure what he meant. She just wanted to be agreeable. If she could just be…good…maybe he would let her stay for a while. The thought of being separated from him was too much to bear.
He lowered his voice and held her gaze. “I don’t want you to focus on cooking, cleaning, or trying to earn your keep somehow. I want you to focus on getting emotionally healthy. That’s going to take time. If you want to do something for me, I have a challenge for you.”
She nodded eagerly.
He surprised her by sliding off the side of the bed, then tugging her along with him. He scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bathroom.
Her heart was racing as he deposited her on her feet. He cupped her face. “I want you to take a bath or a shower. Get dressed. Comb your hair. Whatever else you would ordinarily do in a bathroom in the morning. I’m going to go downstairs and cook breakfast. When you’re ready, join me so I can feed you.”
Her breath hitched. “Can’t you stay here with me?”
He shook his head. “I can’t be with you every second, Kally. I can be close. I won’t leave the house. If you’re worried about someone getting to you, I promise that’s not going to happen inside this house. Three men are outside guarding us. The alarm is set.”
She glanced around. She really wanted to be able to stay in this room alone. “Maybe I could take a shower later instead.”
His hands slid to her biceps. “How about if you try doing it now? If you panic, come get me. I bet you can do this, though. My boss will lose her shit when she finds out we slept together. Her head will explode if she thinks I showered with you.”
“You don’t have to shower with me. You could stand in the doorway while I do it,” she suggested. Why was the idea of him leaving the room so overwhelming?
“Nope. I’m going to leave the room. I’m going to shut the door. Why don’t you lock it? You’ll feel safer with it locked.”
She lifted her hands and grabbed the front of his T-shirt. “Please don’t tell Diane you slept with me.”
His brow furrowed while he held her gaze. “We’ll see. I’m not in the habit of lying to my boss. I won’t go out of my way to tell her, but if she asks directly, I won’t lie.”
Kally sighed. “She’ll make me stay somewhere else.”
“Nope. She doesn’t have that kind of power.”
She frowned. “She said last night—”
He interrupted her, shaking his head. “You’re not going anywhere. I’ll handle it.”
“She could fire you.”
He shrugged. “So be it.”
Kally gasped. “You can’t lose your job over me.”
Jagger chuckled. “Which is it, Kally? You want me to stay in the room while you get naked, or do you want me to keep my hands to myself so I don’t lose my job?”
He was joking, she thought. Sort of. “Both?”
He kissed her forehead, released her, and took a step back. In fact, he backed all the way to the door. Grabbing the frame, he spoke again. “Kally, I’m going to be blunt with you. You’re a gorgeous, sexy woman. I’d have to be blind not to be attracted to you. It’s irrational, and I’m sure I’m out of my head letting you stay with me, but I can’t seem to make good choices where you’re concerned. I can’t stand the idea of you being somewhere else, trusting someone else to protect you. It makes my chest tighten. So, I’m not going anywhere unless and until you’re ready to walk away. However, that doesn’t mean I’m so out of my mind that I would touch you inappropriately, and seeing you naked tests my willpower. So, please. Take your shower. Put on another bulky sweater, and try not to look cute.” He grinned.
She thought she might have smiled. “I’ll do my best.”
When he stepped out and shut the door, she remained rooted to the spot. She tried to remember everything he’d said in that little speech, but it was a lot to take in.
At least he seemed to be attracted to her, so that was a point in her favor. He was also being a gentleman, and that endeared her to him even more. Though she found herself wishing he would be a bit less gentlemanly.
Since she’d never felt that way before, she wasn’t sure she should trust it. She wasn’t stupid. She knew she was vulnerable and desperate. Was she grasping at the first man to show her kindness in her adult life? Maybe. But was that a bad thing?
Deciding on another hot bath, she turned on the water to fill the tub and removed her clothes. As it filled, she stepped into the luxurious bath and leaned back as the water rose over her.
She closed her eyes and ran a hand up her stomach and between her breasts. When her forearm grazed her nipple, she flinched, jerking her eyes open to look around and make sure no one had caught her.
Her heart raced as she reminded herself no one was in the room. There were no cameras. No one was going to punish her for the accidental touch.
In fact, no one was going to know. Her breath hitched when she intentionally dragged her fingers over both breasts. She glanced at the door next, wishing she’d locked it now. But she hadn’t, and she certainly didn’t want to get caught touching herself if Jagger returned to check on her.
On the flip side, there was no way he would walk into this bathroom unless the house was on fire. He’d made that clear. And besides, why should she be embarrassed by touching herself? It wasn’t against the law. It had simply been against Master J’s rules. Rules meant to keep all the girls pure for their buyers.
The reminder made her feel a bit sick to her stomach. Kally hadn’t been the sort of person who’d masturbated even before she’d been abducted. It hadn’t seemed like a hardship to continue not masturbating when she’d arrived in hell. At least until that fucking piece of shit had started touching her inappropriately, training her body to respond to his unwanted touch.
Kally gasped as she realized the water had gotten too high in the tub while she’d been inside her head. She rushed to turn it off and let a bit of it out before it started sloshing over the side.
She grabbed a washcloth and the body soap and quickly washed her body. Her hair had dangled in the water and gotten wet too, but it didn’t need to be rewashed this morning. After ducking under the water to completely wet it, she put conditioner on it. It was going to take a while to comb through the curls. An extra dose of conditioner wouldn’t hurt.
When she was done, she turned on the jets and leaned back. It truly was luxurious. She’d never had a tub like this in her life. She’d rarely taken a bath. In most places she’d lived, the tub hadn’t been clean enough to touch with more than her feet or even flip-flops.
Being in the tub felt nicer this morning. She wasn’t as anxious as last night. She could relax more. She closed her eyes again. That didn’t make her panic as much, either. For a long time, she’d hated closing her eyes. Horror awaited her behind her lids.
This time, she thought she might have smiled. The soap she’d used was Jagger’s, so it smelled like him. Instead of picturing horrifying things she’d endured or expected to endure in the future, she found herself picturing the man who’d come to her rescue last night.
He hadn’t been the first person to enter the house. The police had come in before him. They’d knocked several times before ringing the doorbell while Kally had hovered in the corner of that library, frozen, unable to respond.
She’d been afraid they might leave, but she hadn’t been able to move, so she’d screamed as loud as she could. That had worked. The police had busted the door down and rushed into the house.
It had taken seconds for them to find her and the dead body in front of her. She’d been surprised when they hadn’t immediately arrested her. Now that she thought back on the situation, it seemed more logical. After all, she’d been naked and had probably looked crazed. Her hair hadn’t been combed or washed in several days. It had been hanging in her face, covered in blood. She’d been cowering in that corner.
Of course, they hadn’t arrested her. She’d looked like a victim. She was a victim. When they’d asked her name, she’d told them it was Oleander. She’d been shocked when they’d seemed to recognize that name and known her story.
Everyone had jumped into action. More cops. More hovering. More questions. But she hadn’t answered because she’d been too stunned. All she’d been able to think was, Why aren’t they arresting me?
And then Jagger had arrived. He’d squatted down to her level. He’d known who she was. He’d been sympathetic and kind and called her honey. And now, she was lusting after him.
She could picture him with several different expressions even after one night. Brooding. Angry. Frustrated. Determined. Empathetic. Even lustful. He’d definitely looked at her as if he’d wanted to devour her a few times. It didn’t matter if she’d made that up in her head or not.
