Finding Peace, page 6
As soon as I’m situated on the far side of the mattress, he covers me snuggly and then piles a few spare pillows along my exposed side.
“There. Maybe if you’re surrounded by pillows instead of lying in the middle of the big bed, you’ll feel more snuggly.”
He might be right. This could work. The pillows aren’t warm like my sisters’ bodies, but at least I don’t feel so exposed.
He sits on the bed, his hand landing on my thigh. “Do you miss them, kitten?”
I feel like he’s read my mind. “Sometimes,” I whisper. “I was very close to my oldest two sisters. We did everything together. And the little ones… I already feel like I’m missing out on their lives. I try to remind myself that I’ve done the right thing though and hope that one day they also find a way to leave. Maybe I’ll find them someday.”
“I’m sorry, Brea. It must be very hard to leave everything you ever knew behind and start a new life. I bet you’ve been lonely.”
I swallow, not wanting to cry. “Everyone here has been so kind to me, and Amy and Leah always invite me to join them when they play or swim or use the hot tub or even when they hike. That’s helped.”
“They are very sweet Little girls. I’m glad you’ve had them. I’ll do everything in my power to help you, kitten. You deserve to have the best life with every opportunity available to you.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
He leans over and kisses my forehead again. I like when he does that, and I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like for his lips to touch mine instead of my forehead. Hopefully one day he will grant that wish.
“Sleep, Little one. I’ll lock your door behind me. I know you never spend the entire night in your bed. I can hear you puttering around in here through the wall sometimes. Let’s see if these pillows help you stay in bed.”
My eyes widen. “Do I wake you up at night? I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “Not your fault. It’s not because you’re too loud, kitten. It’s just my Daddy radar.” He smiles. “My Daddy antenna pops up and swivels around when a Little is restless at night.”
I giggle. “You have an antenna? Does it come up out of your head?”
“Yep. And it’s very sensitive. Haven’t you heard it beeping through the walls?” he teases. “It starts making this little noise to alert me when you’re not in your bed.”
I giggle again. “That’s silly.”
He chuckles. “You don’t believe me?” He tips his head way down so I can see the top and then ruffles through his thick hair. “If you look closely, you might see where it pops up. That’s also how Daddies have eyes in the backs of their heads. It’s really the antenna.”
I’m smiling so big my cheeks are sore.
Finally, he leans over, kisses me yet again, on the temple this time, and then he shoves off the bed. “See you in the morning, Little one.”
My smile fades as he disappears. Something shifted in our relationship tonight. I hate it when I part from him every night, but tonight it’s worse. I wish he could lie down next to me. I bet I would sleep eight hours if he were alongside me. But I could never ask him to do that. It wouldn’t be appropriate.
And who am I kidding? I’ve never slept eight hours in a row in my life. There’s always been a younger sibling moving around, needing to pee, needing a drink, or simply whimpering in the night. And it was nearly always my shoulders the burden fell on to get up and help the younger ones.
I curl onto my side and squeeze my eyes closed as I think of my two closest sisters, Julie and Tricia. They must have their hands full without me. I hate that I left them without a word. I’m sure one of them found my note and read it before bringing it to my mother.
Are they mad at me? Maybe. I probably deserve their anger too, but I couldn’t tell them. Not a word. They live by the same standards I did. It would have put a huge burden on them to expect them to keep a secret. There are no secrets kept in that house.
Nope. It was better for them that they knew nothing and didn’t have to lie to my parents when they found the note.
I take a few deep breaths and shake my worries about my siblings to the back of my mind. I need sleep. I hope Niko’s plan will work. I already feel snuggly and warmer in this cocoon he’s built for me.
I’m thinking of him and smiling as I drift off to sleep.
Chapter 7
Brea
* * *
“Oh my gosh. I love love that dress,” Amy exclaims a week later when I step into the kitchen to help her prepare breakfast.
I’m grinning, and I twirl around a few times to show it off. It’s bright purple and pink and green and yellow. All the colors are in a swirly pattern on the material. I’ve got on bright purple leggings that match underneath. It’s soft cotton. So comfortable.
“Thank you. Niko helped me shop online.” That was an experience in and of itself. I’ve had very little exposure to computers in my life. My father owns one, but no one is allowed to use it but him. I’ve sometimes watched him type on it, but it’s not the same as doing so myself.
Niko immediately added computer lessons to my growing list of objectives. He showed me how to navigate through the stores and how to use the mouse, and then he patiently sat next to me while I scrolled through all sorts of clothing.
It took me a while to get the hang of how to use the mouse and what to click on and whether to click with the left or the right, but I caught on fast. At least that’s what Niko said. That’s what Niko always says when I’m learning something new. I don’t know if he’s just being kind or if I really am a quick learner.
The man is a saint. He never complained while I spent over an hour scouring through styles and colors until I finally settled on this purple dress with the leggings.
Niko chuckled. “Kitten, you need to choose several things. Not just one.”
It felt like Christmas and I was shaking as I picked out a new wardrobe. Not any Christmas I’ve ever experienced, but the sort I imagine other people do.
The most I ever got for Christmas was a plain gray dress that came from a thrift store and reached down to my calves. This is the first dress I’ve ever owned that was above my knees. I’d probably feel self-conscious if it weren’t for the leggings.
Amy steps closer and grins. “You have great taste. Those colors look perfect on you.”
I flush. Until this week, I wouldn’t say I had any fashion sense at all. I didn’t have a taste. I was just me, wearing whatever other people handed me. This is the first time I’ve picked out my own clothes. I’d never even owned something new until I arrived here. Most of what Leah gave me was new, but I still didn’t choose that original wardrobe.
There’s an extra bounce in my step as I help Amy get breakfast on the table and then clean up afterward. I head upstairs to put the guest rooms back in order for most of the morning, hurrying through my tasks because I want to find Niko and thank him for my pretty dress.
I can hear pounding in the basement, so I know he’s down there working, and I descend the stairs late in the morning, looking for him.
He’s in one of the unfinished rooms, and he happens to step out as I reach the bottom of the stairs. His face lights up. “Hey, kitten. Don’t you look pretty?”
“Thank you, Sir.” I grin and twirl around. I don’t even care if my actions are childish. Niko doesn’t care. No one else living here or visiting cares. In fact, it’s the norm. So if I want to spin around in a circle and show off my new dress like I’m five, who’s going to stop me or judge me?
When he reaches me, he carefully leans over and kisses my forehead, something I’m growing to look forward to and cherish. “I don’t want to touch you, kitten. I’m covered in sawdust and my hands are filthy.”
“That’s okay. I finished all my chores for the morning. Can I watch you work?” I bite my lip, uncertain he will honor my request. I’ve never bothered him while he’s working. I’m also aware that Craig and Foster have specifically told their Littles not to come down here and get in Niko’s way.
“Mmm. I guess. But only because I’m still working on the drywall. I don’t want you to know what the finished room is going to be used for.” He nods over his shoulder. “Come on. I’ll find a clean spot where you can sit. Watch where you step.”
I follow him, careful not to step on any nails or loose boards. There’s a folding chair and table in the corner of the room, and Niko points at it. “You can sit there.” He snags the huge piece of paper on the table and flips it over, flattening his palm on it.
I sit on the chair and fold my legs crisscross in front of me, tucking my new white tennis shoes under my knees.
His eyes are dancing with mirth when I meet his gaze. “Don’t peek at the blueprints, kitten.” He winks.
“What are blueprints?”
He pats the large paper. “The drawings of what the room will look like when it’s finished.” He taps my nose. “It’s a secret.”
I grin. I think I like his surprises. I can’t wait to find out what he’s planning.
“Don’t move from this chair, kitten. It’s not safe.”
“I won’t.”
He kisses my forehead again before returning to his work.
I’m mesmerized as I watch him. He’s wearing a blue T-shirt that stretches tight across his chest and his back. The sleeves are snug against his biceps too.
My gaze travels down to his lower half next. His jeans fit him perfectly, making his butt and thighs look spectacular. He’s the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen. Every time I look at him, I get tingly. Butterflies jump around in my belly.
When I’m not with him, I miss him. When I am with him, I feel calmer and happier. I have no experience with men at all, but I’m not ignorant. I know I have a giant crush on Niko. He’s dreamy. I don’t care that he’s twenty years older than me.
I’m pretty sure he feels the same way about me because he tells me every day several times how pleased he is with me. That could simply refer to my progress with my studies of course, but he lights up when he sees me in the same way I imagine I do.
Niko is definitely a Daddy through and through. He gives off the same vibes as Craig and Foster. He’s slowly been dominating me more each day too. He told me last night that he was planning to go full Daddy on me today.
I hardly slept from the anticipation, but I tried to keep from moving around much and I didn’t get out of bed after he tucked me in between my pillows. I didn’t want to wake him, plus I know he hates it when I don’t sleep well.
I’m mesmerized as I watch him. He’s so strong. His brows are often drawn together in concentration. I wish I could cup the sides of his face and kiss his forehead like he does mine. I’d like to ease those creases with my lips.
I’d like to kiss his mouth too. He hasn’t given me any indication he intends to take our relationship to that level yet. I think he’s holding back for my sake, but I kind of wish he wouldn’t.
I’m coming out of my shell more every day, but I’m not bold enough to ask Niko to kiss me. What if he turned me down? I’d be too embarrassed to look at him again.
The one and only time we discussed that kind of thing Niko insinuated he’s interested in me that way. But what if he changed his mind? I’m a lot of work. I have a billion issues. He might get tired of me soon. Tired of how ignorant I am about the world. It must be exhausting.
“Hey, kitten.”
I jerk my gaze up to find him strolling toward me. “Something wrong? You looked pretty happy sitting there for a while, but now your expression has become sad. You okay?”
I sit straighter, gripping my knees with my hands. “I’m fine.”
“You sure?” His brow furrows with concern as he lifts my chin with one finger. “If something’s bothering you, I want you to be able to talk to me.”
I shake my head, but my cheeks heat.
His brow flattens out and he chuckles. “I think my Little kitten is fibbing.”
More heat rises across my face and my bottom lip trembles. “Please don’t make me tell you, Sir. It’s embarrassing.”
He squats down in front of me, putting us at eye level, serious again. “Don’t worry, kitten. You don’t have to tell me everything that pops into your mind. You’re permitted to have your own private thoughts. I was just teasing you.”
“Okay.” I glance at the door. “I should probably go help Amy get lunch ready.”
“Sounds like a good idea. I’m going to head to my cabin and take a quick shower. I’m covered with sawdust. I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a few minutes. Okay?”
“Yes, Sir.” I slide off the chair and reach out to touch his beard, cupping his cheek. “I like this beard, Sir.”
He smiles. “Do you? I’m not sure about it yet. It’s getting longer than I usually let it grow. It gets hot when I’m working in the gym.”
“The gym?”
“Yep. I don’t actually do this sort of construction work all the time. When I’m in Seattle, I run a philanthropy, but I also help coach a few local football teams.”
“Football?” I didn’t know this.
He chuckles as he stands and leads me toward the door. “Until a few years ago, I was a professional football player.”
I gasp. “You were?”
“Yes. That’s how I met Foster. We played football together in college. Foster got injured and didn’t go on to make a career out of it, but I played for many years.”
“No wonder you’re so big and fit.” I look up and down his frame.
He laughs. “I’m also beat-up and sore most of the time.”
“Oh. That’s a bummer.”
He shrugs. “It’s part of playing sports. We get beat-up and spend the rest of our lives with sore joints and muscles. I didn’t do too bad. I retired before I ever suffered any severe injury. I was one of the lucky ones.”
I turn toward him before heading up the stairs. “My father always grumbled about professional sports. He said they make too much money and it wasn’t fair.” I slap my hand over my mouth after I speak. Why did I say that?
He chuckles again. “He’s not wrong, kitten. Professional sports players make a lot of money. It’s probably not fair. But I try to use my money to do good things in society now that I’m retired and I have the time.”
“Like your philanthropy?”
“Yes. Exactly.”
I haven’t asked him what his philanthropy is yet, but another thought bothers me. “Is helping me one of your good things?” My voice is soft. I’m not sure I want to hear the answer to my question. I need to learn to think before I speak.
Niko shakes his head. “No, kitten. Helping you is one of my greatest life’s pleasures. You’re not a project. You’re my Little girl. I sincerely hope you’ll grow to see me as your permanent Daddy and want to stay with me even when I’m done with this basement.”
My mouth falls open and I blink at him. My heart beats faster. I wasn’t sure he saw me that way. I’m both relieved and scared at the same time. Niko doesn’t live here. He lives in Seattle. Probably in a mansion.
I live here. This is my new home. I’m just finding myself. I can’t leave here when he’s done with this project. Is that what he wants?
I stare at him for a moment and then turn and run up the stairs. I’m panting by the time I reach the kitchen. I’m so stupid. Why didn’t it occur to me that this crush I have on Niko can’t last? He doesn’t live here. I do. He’s only here for a few more weeks.
I shut the door to the basement and lean against it, trying to catch my breath.
“You okay, Brea?”
I jerk my head up to find Amy watching me from the kitchen table. She has a handful of silverware. Duh. She’s getting everything ready for lunch. I should have been helping her instead of mooning over Niko in the basement.
“I’m so sorry.” I rush forward and grab the napkins, hurrying to put one at each spot at the table.
“Why are you sorry? Nothing to be sorry about. You’re not obligated to help me in the kitchen. I enjoy your company and I don’t mind teaching you how to cook, but you don’t have to break your back working here, Brea.”
I hustle around the table, shrugging her off, not meeting her gaze. “Oh yeah. I know. I just like to stay busy.”
She hasn’t moved an inch since I arrived even though I’m scurrying around her. I head for the platter of sliced tomatoes and onions next and take it to the table.
Amy clears her throat as she slowly adds the silverware to each place setting. “I know you’re a hard worker. We all do. You have nothing to prove to anyone here. You know that right?”
“Yeah, sure.” I grab the lunch meat next. It’s create-your-own-sandwich day, though I know Amy has also made an amazing broccoli cheese soup from scratch. It smells so good my mouth was watering all morning every time I came near the kitchen.
She keeps talking. “It’s okay if you want to spend some time with Niko. He’s a good guy. Foster wouldn’t have asked him to come here and help with the construction if he hadn’t been positive he was one of the best.”
“Yeah, he’s nice.” I’m not sure when I started saying yeah all the time, but it’s become part of my new vocabulary.
“Who’s nice?” Leah’s bubbly voice fills the room as she enters from the front of the house.
“Niko,” Amy informs her while my face turns ten shades of red.
“Yes, he is. Hey… Did he let you watch him working downstairs?”
I jerk my gaze to Leah to find her pouting dramatically, arms crossed. Thank God. For a second, I thought she was mad at me.
“That meanie. He won’t let either of us watch him work. You must be pretty special.” She breaks her pout to grin and wink at me.
“I’m not,” I argue. “Special, I mean. I’m not.”
Leah frowns. “Of course, you are. Why would you say that? I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s smitten.”
Amy is back at the island and she sets her elbows on the counter, her expression dreamy like she’s Sandra Dee and we’re on the set of Greece. I only know this because I watched the musical with Leah and Amy last week. “He definitely is.”
